Hit me with your best aviation joke

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by Chrisgoesflying, Jan 18, 2019.

  1. Chrisgoesflying

    Chrisgoesflying Filing Flight Plan

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    I'm a not very funny person for the most part but love a good laugh. Tell (well, write) me your best aviation jokes.

    Full disclosure: I will steal your jokes and tell them in the local hanger... Maybe I'll share credit with you... Maybe not... We'll see.
     
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  2. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    The original "I don't know it all" of aviation.
    It was reported that a small two seater airplane crashed in a cemetery near the Texas A&M campus located in College Station, Texas, early this morning. So far, the Aggie fire department has recovered 300 bodies and they’re still digging. Further developments will be posted.
     
  3. eman1200

    eman1200 Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

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    High wing.
     
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  4. Ravioli

    Ravioli Final Approach PoA Supporter

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    Short ones
    What makes an airplane fly? Money
    What happens if your engine quits? You land.

    Long one (can make it about a different School, Sports fans, etc)
    Two Gastonians were on a commercial flight to Hawaii. About an hour into it the captain came on and said "we've lost our #4 engine. We still have 3 fine engines but this will add 1 hour to our flight." Everybody groaned a bit, but what can be done?

    Then about and hour off the west coast the pilot came on again, "Well folks, we just lost #1 engine. We still have 2 fine engines, but we'll reach Hawaii 3 hours later than expected." More groans.

    Passing Midway Island they hear, "Well folks, we just lost the #2 engine. We'll still make it with 1 engine, but it will be 6 hours more than expected"

    The one Gastonian looks to his friend. "If that last engine quits we will be up here all night!"
     
  5. flyingron

    flyingron Touchdown! Greaser!

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  6. SkyDog58

    SkyDog58 Ejection Handle Pulled PoA Supporter

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    Old dog w/o new tricks
    Airplanes without a pilot side cockpit door.
     
  7. timwinters

    timwinters Ejection Handle Pulled PoA Supporter

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    What's the difference between a Mooney and a porcupine?

    A porcupine's little pricks are on the outside!
     
  8. Half Fast

    Half Fast En-Route

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    Q. What's the difference between a scud running pilot and a University (sic) of Georgia alum?

    A. The pilot ducks fogs.
     
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  9. FlySince9

    FlySince9 En-Route

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  10. Unit74

    Unit74 Ejection Handle Pulled

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    According to the FAA, where do all PA28s go shortly after departing the airport?





    The scene of the accident.
     
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  11. Stingray Don

    Stingray Don Pattern Altitude

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. painless

    painless Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Two Ohio State fans were flying into an airport. Pilot looks out and says, “looks like we’ve got a pretty short runway here. Give me 1/4 flaps. Copilot drops in 1/4 flaps. Closer in, pilot says, “that runway is a short one. Give me half flaps”. Copilot notches in 1/2 flaps. Just about at threshold, pilot exclaims, “man. This is a really short runway. Gimme 3/4 flaps.” Copilot dials it in. Right over threshold the pilot yells out, I need full flaps, NOW!!!” Copilot quickly dumps in all the flaps, airplane shudders and pancakes onto the runway.

    As the dust is settling and the two pilots are getting their wits back together, the pilot says, “Man! That has got to be the shortest runway I’ve ever landed on!”

    Copilot says, “Yeah, but look how wide it is!”

    Rimshot.
     
  13. SoonerAviator

    SoonerAviator En-Route PoA Supporter

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    Joke: @Chrisgoesflying starts a thread about jokes before using search function :)
     
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  14. SkyDog58

    SkyDog58 Ejection Handle Pulled PoA Supporter

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    Old dog w/o new tricks
  15. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    The original "I don't know it all" of aviation.
    The original "As The Propeller Turns" episodes
    @SixPapaCharlie ... your videos are good. But the original written material was genius and a chance to include the various personalities that make up PoA... Can we see a revival of ATPT? Please????
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2019
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  16. JOhnH

    JOhnH Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

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    Well, to be fair, that joke thread is awfully long, and most of them are not aviation related like he asked for.
     
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  17. eman1200

    eman1200 Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

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    hey, it was good enough for Chuck


    chucknorris2.jpg
     
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  18. Stingray Don

    Stingray Don Pattern Altitude

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  19. SoonerAviator

    SoonerAviator En-Route PoA Supporter

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    What kind of pilot are you? Everything is aviation-related if you try hard enough!
     
  20. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking PoA Supporter

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  21. Ravioli

    Ravioli Final Approach PoA Supporter

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    ^^^ that aren't right.
     
  22. kayoh190

    kayoh190 Pattern Altitude PoA Supporter

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    An oldie:

    Mother & daughter are on a plane. Daughter asks mother, "Mommy, if big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The mother stumbled and didn't have an answer for that one so she desperately looks around and replies, "I don't know sweetie, why don't you go ask that nice flight attendant, I'm sure she'll have an answer."

    So the little girl goes up the the flight attendant and asks, "If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    Immediately the flight attendant is suspicious, "Did your mother tell you to come over here and ask me that?"... "Yep", answers the little girl.

    So the flight attendant thinks on it for a few seconds then kneels down to the daughters level.

    "You go over there and you tell your mother it's because Southwest always pulls out on time."
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2019
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  23. wanttaja

    wanttaja En-Route

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    Airplanes with ANY doors....
    [​IMG]
    Ron Wanttaja
     
  24. wanttaja

    wanttaja En-Route

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    Three young co-pilots are in the bar one evening when an old grizzled captain walks in. They start kidding the man about his age.

    "Hey, Captain...when was the last time you made love?"

    The captain squints his eyes, looks up for a moment, and says, "1957."

    The youngsters start laughing. "Geeze, Captain, that's a long time!"

    The captain looks confused for a moment, then glances at his watch. "Well, it's only 2215 now...."

    Ron Wanttaja
     
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  25. midlifeflyer

    midlifeflyer Final Approach

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    Sam and Edna go to the state fair. There is a guy selling rides in a helicopter for $50 per person. Sam turns to Edna and says, "I've always wanted a helicopter ride!" Edna's response, "Sam, we can't afford it. We are not rich people. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

    They come back the following year. The pilot and his helicopter is there again. Sam again tells Edna he wants to take a ride. Edna's answer is the same. "No, Sam. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks."

    Ten years go by. Same fair. Same pilot with his helicopter. Same conversation every year. "Fifty bucks is fifty bucks." But this time Sam won't be dissuaded. "Edna," he says, I'm 80 years old. I don't know how much time I have left. If I don't take that ride now, I might never be able to." The pilot, overhearing them, says, "I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up. If you are quiet the entire ride, it will be free. But if either of you calls out, I'll charge you." Finally, Edna agrees, and up they go.

    The pilot decides to give them a heck of a ride. Steep turns, turns, climbs and descents on the edge or aerobatics. Nothing. Not a peep out of either Sam or Edna. Complete silence. Landing, he says, "I'm really impressed. I tried everything. though for sure you'd start yelling."

    Sam replies, "Well, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but, you know. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
     
  26. Salty

    Salty En-Route PoA Supporter

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    The jokes on you. I can fly from the right seat.
     
  27. nauga

    nauga Pattern Altitude PoA Supporter

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    Airplanes with a right seat.

    Nauga,
    in tandem
     
  28. Shepherd

    Shepherd En-Route

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    A pilot walks into a bar and says "The drinks are on me."
     
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  29. Stingray Don

    Stingray Don Pattern Altitude

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  30. NoBShere

    NoBShere Pre-Flight

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    What's the difference between a pilot and god?

    God knows he's not a pilot. Ha

    You can replace "pilot" with "POA member"
     
  31. redhandle

    redhandle Filing Flight Plan

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  32. BigBadLou

    BigBadLou Final Approach

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    Nah, that won't fly.

    I doubt this thread will get off the ground.
     
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  33. Hank S

    Hank S En-Route

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    You bet! Down South, with the Cabin Heat turned on. :happydance:
     
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  34. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    The original "I don't know it all" of aviation.
    @AggieMike88, @SixPapaCharlie, and @SCCutler were walking to Spike's hangar on a blustery day to go get some BBQ at Hard 8 in Stephenville.

    Bryan looks over at Spikrpe and comments, "Windy, ain't it?"

    Spike replies, "No, it's Thursday."
     
  35. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    The original "I don't know it all" of aviation.
    Pierre and Boudreaux was flying Cajun Airlines to da Mardi Gras. Boudreaux was flying da plane, and Pierre was in da back foolin wit da cargo equipment an stuff. Da plane hit some turbulence an started bouncin' around an Boudreaux, he got knock unconscious. Den da plane start driftin'. Pierre come run up to da front an Boudreaux was sprawl out all over da steerin' wheel.

    Well, Pierre don't know nuttin' bout flying an he start to get panicky. He grab da microphone and holla, "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun Air Line 70210. Boudreaux, him knock unconscious an I don't know nuttin' about flying dis plane!"

    "Dis is da control tower," someone answer. "Don you worry about nuttin'. We gonna splain how you land dis plane, step by step, ah gar-own-tee! Jus leave anything to us. Fus, how high you are, an whas you position?"

    Pierre thought a minute, den say, “I'm five foot ten an'm all da way to da front of da plane"

    "No! No!" answer da tower, "What you altitude an where you located?"

    Pierre say, "Man, rat now ah got a po attitude, an ah'm from Thibodeaux, Laweezeeanna."

    "No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice, "Ah needs to know how many feet you got off da groun an how you plane in relation to da airport"

    Pierre, he start to panic by dis time. He say, "Countin Boudreaux's feets an mine together, we got fo feet off da groun an I don believe dis plane related to you airport"

    A long pause ------ de silence was deafanin. "We needs to know who you next of kin"---
     
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  36. jsstevens

    jsstevens En-Route PoA Supporter

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    To borrow some context...

    Pierre and Boudreaux were getting ready to depart in Cajun Airlines float plane. The electric self-commencer (aka starter) didn't work and so Boudreaux proceeded to hand prop the plane. The engine caught first flip, hooked Boudreaux's suspenders and whipped him off the ground, around and around for about six passes, then flipped him onto the dock in a heap. Pierre ran up and said "Spoke to me! Spoke to me!" to which Boudreaux replied "I done passed you six times and you ain't spoke to me yet!"
     
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  37. Half Fast

    Half Fast En-Route

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  38. eman1200

    eman1200 Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

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    ^^^ D'OH!
     
  39. luvflyin

    luvflyin Final Approach

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    Who dat?
     
  40. flyingron

    flyingron Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Scott Kirby, president of United Airlines.