Currently I am limited to "Flight attendants prepare for takeoff".
There will come a glorious day upon which you will assume command of the PA. When that happens, do not keep in mind any of the rant that follows.
Many pilots just don’t seem to think before keying a mic. Be the exception.
Riding as a passenger gives us an opportunity to observe what works and what doesn’t, and how PAs from the pilots correlate to those made by customer service and FAs.
We (the entire industry) talk too much, so in general, the less said, the better.
Delays merit a brief update every 15-30 minutes. What, why, and how long. This includes lengthy pauses during taxi, and holding or extensive vectors for sequencing.
It’s tough to read the room from the flight deck, so orate deliberately and with care. Go for a calm, ingratiating tone and measured cadence.
Use simple, plain language, and avoid
plane language. Instead of “ATC,” use “air traffic control.” If we tell our audience that “the APU is deferred,” we’ve lost them. Most people know the definition and common usage of the word edict, but very few know what an EDCT is.
A few of many things to avoid (AKA pet peeves):
“We are currently climbing through xxxxx (no one cares) to our initial cruise altitude of yyyyy (no one cares).”
Destination weather: those who care already know about the weather, and no one can do anything about it anyway. But if you feel that you must play the role of weatherman, use very general terms like cloudy, windy, sunny, rainy etc. The rest of the known universe uses metric units, so temps should be given (if given at all) in F and C. And with respect to previous posts by Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe and Half Fast, only an idiot keys the mic and recites the ATIS.
Turbulence—just call it what it is: turbulence. Unlike the destination wx, this is something pax won’t know about and they appreciate a heads-up when it’s expected somewhere along the route.
“Sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.” No. Just no. It was clever and reassuring 70 years ago, but now it’s the tiredest cliche in aviation.
Gratuitous use of the word
do, as in “We
do ask that you remain seated.” Is this how people talk at home? “Harold, I
do ask that you put the seat down after you urinate.”
The redundantly repetitive restatement: “We will be arriving into gate B9. Once again, we will be arriving into gate B9.” Hey, we got it the first time. And why are we always arriving
into somewhere? We won’t arrive
into ORD, we will arrive
at ORD. Better yet, we will arrive.
Hmmm…did I mention that we talk too much? Rant switch OFF.
