Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

gismo said:
Might just be that he has a KX155 with the same problem mine used to have before I finally got it fixed. Seems that every once in a while the standby<-> active button would bounce and switch you right back to the frequency you were on before hitting the button. As a result there were several times when I dialed in the new freq, hit the button, watched the display change, and then ended up transmitting on the wrong frequency. Of course that doesn't explain the confusion over the destination.
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I fly with a KX155 that'll sometimes do the exact same thing. How much was the fix?
 
gismo said:
Might just be that he has a KX155 with the same problem mine used to have before I finally got it fixed. Seems that every once in a while the standby<-> active button would bounce and switch you right back to the frequency you were on before hitting the button. As a result there were several times when I dialed in the new freq, hit the button, watched the display change, and then ended up transmitting on the wrong frequency. Of course that doesn't explain the confusion over the destination.
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I'm going to have to use that excuse now. ;)
 
A few days ago at PWK.

ATC: Cessna 1234 Cleared for taxi back to runway 16
Cessna 1234: Uh, actually requesting taxi back to ramp (in nervous voice)
ATC: Roger that, taxi to ramp via kilo echo cross 24 bravo. Do you require assistance?
Cessna 1234: Uh, No. I passed apparently.
ATC: Oh, well congrats then I guess.
 
Me (picking up clearance after takeoff): Approach, Sundowner xx83 through 1000 for 5000.

Approach: Skyhawk xx83, squawk 4614.

Me: Sundowner xx83 squawking 4164.

Approach: Skyhawk xx83 radar contact, proceed direct TRISS.

Me: xx83 direct TRISS. And we're a Beechcraft Sundowner.

Approach: And your climb rate shows it.
 
ATC: Culligan 9502 I'm tired of seeing you struggle to FL180 just go ahead and level off there at 16 and I'll show that as your final!

Me: Awwwwwe, I was finally getting it up too :rolleyes:


ATC: Colgan 00000 contact departure on 119.7
Me: Schlooooooooong
 
Approach (Young girls voice with man in background coaching): Southwest 523 cleared (direct Fort Wayne) direct Fort Wayne and then (Goshen arrival) Goshen Arrival to Chicago.

Southwest pilot: Direct Fort Wayne, Goshen Arrival to Midway. Say, you're a lot better than those controllers in Chicago....
 
wsuffa said:
Approach (Young girls voice with man in background coaching): Southwest 523 cleared (direct Fort Wayne) direct Fort Wayne and then (Goshen arrival) Goshen Arrival to Chicago.

Southwest pilot: Direct Fort Wayne, Goshen Arrival to Midway. Say, you're a lot better than those controllers in Chicago....
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Not to fret, their clearance will be amended just to the east of the Chi-TRACON airspace. I often get a similiar clearance and it turns into something altogether different as I get close to Chicago.
 
wsuffa said:
Approach (Young girls voice with man in background coaching): Southwest 523 cleared (direct Fort Wayne) direct Fort Wayne and then (Goshen arrival) Goshen Arrival to Chicago.

Southwest pilot: Direct Fort Wayne, Goshen Arrival to Midway. Say, you're a lot better than those controllers in Chicago....
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:rofl:
 
ZDV: Cutlass Three Zero Romeo, state your aircraft's max gross takeoff weight.

Me flying a Cessna 172RG N5330R: Standby.

(Wonder why Center wants this in the middle of the night between KGLD and KFTG... I give him the number after double-checking it in the POH...)

ZDV: Aww, that doesn't help at all. I thought you were a different type of Cutlass.

(Unkey. I'm baffled into not responding other than...)

30R: Uhh, ok. 3 0 Romeo.

(pause...)

ZDV: Thanks anyway. Me and another controller have a bet on how many pounds of aircraft we'll work tonight.
 
denverpilot said:
ZDV: Cutlass Three Zero Romeo, state your aircraft's max gross takeoff weight.

Me flying a Cessna 172RG N5330R: Standby.

(Wonder why Center wants this in the middle of the night between KGLD and KFTG... I give him the number after double-checking it in the POH...)

ZDV: Aww, that doesn't help at all. I thought you were a different type of Cutlass.

(Unkey. I'm baffled into not responding other than...)

30R: Uhh, ok. 3 0 Romeo.

(pause...)

ZDV: Thanks anyway. Me and another controller have a bet on how many pounds of aircraft we'll work tonight.
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Vought F7U Cutlass

741px-F7UCutlass.jpg
 
I fly out of MYF in the San Diego area and occasionally the tower controllers experience a little difficulty with the VFR traffic.

One day recently a VFR pilot was transiting through the Class D and Tower was repeatedly trying to advise him that he was approaching the San Diego Class B. After several attempts to get him to change course, MYF tower finally quick issues this -

"I show you entering the San Diego Class B now - Frequency change approved!'

Doh!
 
I'm paraphrasing a little bit since it's from memory, but this is pretty close:

Cessna: "Travis Approach, Cessna 01W, 20 miles north of Travis, request following"
Travis Appch: goes through assigning squawk code and all that stuff.

Later

Travis Appch: "Cessna 01W, state intentions"
Cessna: "Travis Approach, Cessna 01W, inbound to Concord at 3000"

Travis Appch: "Cessna 01W, switch to Travis Arrivals, xxx.xx"
Cessna: hesitating... then in a surprised voice "Um... OK, Cessna 01W"

Cessna: obviously out of his depth..."Travis Arrivals, Cessna 01W, ah, just got transferred to you... ah, student pilot"
Travis Arrvls: "Cessna 01W... [slows down] ok. Look ahead of you"

Cessna: "Looking, 01W"
Travis Arrvls: "now look to your 3 oclock and 8 oclock"
Cessna: "01W. Umm..." (audible gulp)
Travis Arrvls: "Nice, aren't they? now, may I suggest, let me see, maintain 2900 and change heading to 120?"
Cessna: "01W, changing heading to 120 and maintaining 2900"

about 30 seconds later

Cessna: "I think I'm good. That would have been some wake turbulence, wouldn't it?"
Travis Arrvls: "Yes. May now change heading towards Concord"

Cessna: "Uh, thank you so very much sir, 01W". It was at that point that I finally breathed again, after an "almost ran" with several C17's practicing over Travis on my first solo cross-country flight.
 
Oh, and another one.

Cessna: "Oakland Tower, Cessna 01W, 10 miles north of Oakland, incoming for pattern work, student pilot"
OAK: "Cessna 01W, say altitude"
Cessna: "Oakland Tower, Cessna 01W, we're at, ah, three thousand two hundred"

several seconds

OAK, irate voice: "Cessna 01W, radar contact, TWO miles north of Oakland... do you have an instructor on board?"
Me: "Ah, yes"
OAK: "Get in the pattern and tell him to get on the mike"

It was only then that I realize my instructor was laughing his ass off in the right seat. He got berated by tower, but had his fun for the day.

(I had never been to OAK before and it was relatively early on in my training so I wasn't really clear on where I was in relation to the airport, and when my instructor said it was probably time to contact the tower, I just assumed we were 10m out because that's what I had been taught to do)
 
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Returning from my second student solo cross country. Been a few weeks, but it went something like this:

Me: Dayton Radio, Diamond 107CL
DAY Radio: N107CL, Dayton Radio.
Me: 107CL has the field in sight and would like to close flight plan.
DAY: 107CL, Closing your flight plan, [gives altimeter,etc]. 107CL, is this your first cross country.
Me: no, my second, why? 107CL
DAY: You sound very professional on the radio, you're doing a great job.
Me: Thanks alot. I appreciate it, have a good evening. 107CL.
...
...
Me: Blue Ash traffic, Diamond 107CL, 10 miles north east of the field, inbound for landing on 24. Blue Ash.
DAY: You're still on DAY radio. [laughter in background]
Me: Dayton Radio, you jinxed me!! 107CL
DAY: I know, thats what we just said here! [More laughter]
Me: good night, 107CL
...
 
I saw the tail number before the S/N and jumped!

I usually give Lunken my first position report for Blue Ash.:mad2:
darthnomster said:
Returning from my second student solo cross country. Been a few weeks, but it went something like this:

Me: Dayton Radio, Diamond 107CL
DAY Radio: N107CL, Dayton Radio.
Me: 107CL has the field in sight and would like to close flight plan.
DAY: 107CL, Closing your flight plan, [gives altimeter,etc]. 107CL, is this your first cross country.
Me: no, my second, why? 107CL
DAY: You sound very professional on the radio, you're doing a great job.
Me: Thanks alot. I appreciate it, have a good evening. 107CL.
...
...
Me: Blue Ash traffic, Diamond 107CL, 10 miles north east of the field, inbound for landing on 24. Blue Ash.
DAY: You're still on DAY radio. [laughter in background]
Me: Dayton Radio, you jinxed me!! 107CL
DAY: I know, thats what we just said here! [More laughter]
Me: good night, 107CL
...
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Everskyward said:
A few months ago I heard an airline pilot give a PA which started off with, "It's a beautiful day in southern Saskatchewan!"

He went on to point out some little towns to the left and right of the airplane which I had never heard of, just like he was pointing out the Grand Canyon or something. If people have not seen southern Saskatchewan it looks a little like northern North Dakota.

After his pretty lengthy PA someone came on the frequency and said, "That brought a tear to my eye..."
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I flew to Saskatoon in February, it is a pretty bland flight.
 
This week:

Me: Good morning Norwood Ground, Company 109, info Oscar for Toronto City.

OWD: Good morning, 109, OWD Ground. Full route clearance, you ready?

Me: Yessir, ready to copy.

OWD: Company 109 is cleared to the Toronto City Centre airport via, on departure fly runway heading, radar vectors Hiland, Manchester, Syracuse, Buffalo, Victor 36 to Li..uh..ly...hm. I'm going to spell it, I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. Victor 36 to Lima India November November Golf, direct. Climb and maintain...(etc, etc)

Me: First part of read-back...direct BUF, victor 36...I know this one because I used to be based in New York...to LINNG, climb maintain...(etc, etc)

OWD: Company 109, very good, read back correct, advise ready to taxi.

After about 10 minutes of fighting with the FMS:

Me: Umm...OWD Ground, Company 109.

OWD: 109, go ahead.

Me: I got you on the last one, you got me on the first one. What's Hiland?

OWD: HA! I know that one because I live under it! HYLND, hotel yankee lima november delta.

Me: With a Y it suddenly works. I'm with ya now, sir, thanks. Talk to you in a few minutes.

OWD: NOPE! I'm done, my beer and I will see you from under HYLND. Enjoy Canada!
 
A couple weeks ago at OLM a C-140 was departing rwy 26 as a B-1900 was preparing to depart on rwy 17.

Tower: B-1900 xxx cleared for departure runway 17. Caution, wake turbulance from the Cessna 140 departing runway 26.

Yeah, sure, you betcha. :D
 
Heard while in the pattern for KAFW (Alliance Fort Worth) on Sunday morning, from a Diamond DA40 taxiing back for departure after a full stop landing on the longer runway 16L, with an instructor and student on board:

Diamond 8CS (instructor): "Alliance Tower, on this next takeoff I'll be simulating an engine failure for my student, and we'd like to just land straight ahead."

Tower: "8CS, roger. Understand you will not be departing the runway environment?"

Diamond 8CS (instructor): "Well, if he does it correctly, we won't be!"
 
I got a kick on Sunday afternoon listening on the CTAF to another airport about 30 miles away, "Atchison traffic - Jumpers away!!!" and in the background I could hear "WOOOOOO!!!"
 
Matthew said:
I got a kick on Sunday afternoon listening on the CTAF to another airport about 30 miles away, "Atchison traffic - Jumpers away!!!" and in the background I could hear "WOOOOOO!!!"
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Not uncommon around here. You can often hear several young ladies screaming as the call is made. A few months ago: " Watsonville traffic, Skydive 79X, screeeeaming jumpers away!"
 
"Aircraft with the emergency, do you need a straight in to 28?"

"Please, but don't make that a requirement"


"Say again, you were garbled"

"That's because I just Puked in my O2 mask"
 
The jumpers away thing...l heard a pilot act like he went out with them... Awayyyyyyyyyy.... As he trailed off his voice. ZDV chuckled at his joke.
 
Around here it's very common for the younger controllers to respond to my "good day" after getting handed off to another facility or sector with a very enthusiastic "seeeyaa!" Makes me smile every time.
 
The jumper post got me thinking of the funniest call sign I've heard. One time flying, I heard a jump plane call up approach with the call sign, " Jumper Dumper xxx". I laughed at that one.

Funniest thing a controller ever said to me was when I was training. Some of you youtube fans may know the video of a really bad day at JFK where the controller gets very aggravated at all the planes on the ground because they got out of sequence. The video ends with the controller saying, "you guys should come up here one day and see this show, you'd never believe it." Anyway, that controller works at KISP now where I fly out of. He's a great controller and talks so incredibly fast and uses a lot of conversation to keep everyone aware of what's going on. One day, late in the afternoon I'm taxing out to do touch and go's in the pattern and he's on ground control.

Me: " skyhawk xxxx with information bravo request touch and go's in the pattern."

Controller: in a very sarcastic tone "Of course you do."
then let's out a deep exhale and gives me my taxi instructions.

I laughed because i could just tell he was giving us a hard time just for the sake of it.

I really laughed when, as soon as we called the tower, he was also working that frequency. He could not have been nicer or more accommodating during our trips around the pattern!
 
Not something I heard on the radio, but a funny thing I heard from a controller so I figure it's close enough.

I was on a tour of PVD TRACON/tower with about 10 other pilots/students from my airport. Someone in our group asked the tower controller if it inconveniences him when we come puttering in with our Skyhawks (this is a Class C airport). The controller laughs and says, "Not at all. In fact I want each and every one of you to go out right now, find an airplane, and come here to do touch-and-go's for the next hour."

He wasn't being sarcastic. Their budget and staffing level is based on the amount of traffic. He also seemed pretty bored and probably wished he had more to do. I thought it was funny.
 
Going into to KTKI (McKinney, TX) to pick up a friend for a lunch run, I had just tuned to Tower and hear, "Cessna 1234 enter right downwind for RWY17, you're #2 behind the Decathalon, clear to land. Oh, and be aware of the cow 400 yards from the end of the runway."

Ummmm..... cow?

Me after getting a bit closer, "McKinney Tower, Cherokee 5678, over Aero Country, 2500, inbound to land, have Charlie."

"Cherokee 678, report 4 miles, enter pattern on right downwind for runway one seven."

"Report 4 miles, enter pattern right downwind for one seven. Cherokee 678. I heard you warn the Cessna about a cow. Are the flying pigs off on a cross country to another airport and it's Bessie's turn in the pattern?"

Tower is laughing now: "Actually we got a dead one north of the runway and the buzzards are starting to arrive."
 
AggieMike88 said:
Going into to KTKI (McKinney, TX) to pick up a friend for a lunch run, I had just tuned to Tower and hear, "Cessna 1234 enter right downwind for RWY17, you're #2 behind the Decathalon, clear to land. Oh, and be aware of the cow 400 yards from the end of the runway."

Ummmm..... cow?

Me after getting a bit closer, "McKinney Tower, Cherokee 5678, over Aero Country, 2500, inbound to land, have Charlie."

"Cherokee 678, report 4 miles, enter pattern on right downwind for runway one seven."

"Report 4 miles, enter pattern right downwind for one seven. Cherokee 678. I heard you warn the Cessna about a cow. Are the flying pigs off on a cross country to another airport and it's Bessie's turn in the pattern?"

Tower is laughing now: "Actually we got a dead one north of the runway and the buzzards are starting to arrive."
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I work oilfield engineering, and was making a site visit to look at a gas compressor being started up on a new location, and was given the following directions to location...

.... highways routings etc .... " and turn left at the dead cow through the cattle guard next to the great big cactus in the bar ditch".

Me - "Dead cow? Is that a road sign or cafe or something?"

Them - "No, it's a dead cow, it's fresh from this morning, one of our pumpers hit it, gonna cost us a ****load."
 
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airguy said:
I work oilfield engineering, and was making a site visit to look at a gas compressor being started up on a new location, and was given the following directions to location...

.... highways routings etc .... " and turn left at the dead cow through the cattle guard next to the great big cactus in the bar ditch".

Me - "Dead cow? Is that a road sign or cafe or something?"

Them - "No, it's a dead cow, it's fresh from this morning, one of our pumpers hit it, gonna cost us a ****load."
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You're new, aren't you?
 
onwards said:
It was only then that I realize my instructor was laughing his ass off in the right seat. He got berated by tower, but had his fun for the day.
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You busted Class B with an instructor on board, directly in line with normal takeoffs from SFO, and it was limited to being "berated by Tower?" OAK Class C ceiling is <3000 two miles north of the field. SFO Class B is directly above.
 
AggieMike88 said:
Going into to KTKI (McKinney, TX) to pick up a friend for a lunch run, I had just tuned to Tower and hear, "Cessna 1234 enter right downwind for RWY17, you're #2 behind the Decathalon, clear to land. Oh, and be aware of the cow 400 yards from the end of the runway."
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Me (right after landing): Palo Alto Ground, Cessna 739ZL taxi to parking, row P. Be advised, there are three Canada geese on the parallel.

PAO Ground: We tried to divert them, but they didn't comply. Taxi to parking, right turn K.
 
I was doing touch and goes with my primary CFI at a class-D when the tower cleared us to land and said, "Be aware of turle on the runway." It wasn't just a little box turtle, it was a big ass snapper, working his way across the runway. On short final, my CFI keyed the mic and said, "Turtle in sight." Then said to me, "That's one phrase I never expected to say."
 
Matthew said:
I was doing touch and goes with my primary CFI at a class-D when the tower cleared us to land and said, "Be aware of turle on the runway." It wasn't just a little box turtle, it was a big ass snapper, working his way across the runway. On short final, my CFI keyed the mic and said, "Turtle in sight." Then said to me, "That's one phrase I never expected to say."
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Like the JFK turtle invasion. Hilarious.

 
N123: Buffalo Approach, N123 with you, 10 miles west of Jamestown VOR.
Appr: N123, radar contact, but I show you 10 miles east of the Jamestown VOR.
N123: That's pretty close for me!
 
MAKG1 said:
You busted Class B with an instructor on board, directly in line with normal takeoffs from SFO, and it was limited to being "berated by Tower?" OAK Class C ceiling is <3000 two miles north of the field. SFO Class B is directly above.
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Pretty much!

Of course, in retrospect much time later after being much more advanced in my training, I realized just how brazen my CFI really was that day. But it's part of what makes it so funny... the measured tone OAK tower adopted that day when they told him to get on the mike and the precise yet controlled fashion in which he was subsequently told off took a whole new meaning.
 
Me to Nantucket Ground (while parked at Nantucket) one week after a flight to Martha's Vineyard: "Vineyard Ground, Skyhawk XXX at the FBO with Hotel, ready to taxi for departure to the northwest".

Nantucket Ground: "Skyhawk XXX, we're the other island. You're on Nantucket. Make the right on Echo, cross 15, taxi to 24."

I made it to 24 and called the tower with, "Vineyard, uhhh, Nantucket Tower, Skyhawk XXX holding short of 24, ready for departure to the northwest."

My passenger wouldn't let me live it down.
 
JoeSelch said:
Overheard on many a tower frequency ... "Inbound to land" :p
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What's wrong with that? You don't have to land at an airport. You might want to do a low approach or a touch'n'go. You'll be inbound for both of those.

A very frequently heard alternative is "inbound for the option."
 
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