Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

Discussion in 'Flight Following' started by Teller1900, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. Threefingeredjack

    Threefingeredjack En-Route

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    IFR is the best bang for the buck aviation mag out there. If you're not reading it you are missing some great insightful writing and essential information.

    (I am not associated with IFR other than as an avid reader and fan)
     
  2. HerrGruyere

    HerrGruyere Line Up and Wait

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    Two things yesterday. This one at a towered airport:

    Pilot: Charlottesville traffic, [tail number] taking off runway 3, Charlottesville traffic.

    Tower: Uh, okay, I guess you are cleared for takeoff, [tail number].


    This one over Potomac Approach:

    Pilot: Potomac approach, this is [tail number]. We haven't heard from you in a while. Just making sure you're following us.

    Potomac: Affirmative we still have you with us.

    Literally a minute and a half later...

    Pilot: Potomac approach, this is [tail number]. We haven't heard from you in a while. Just making sure you're following us.

    Potomac: ...Yes.
     
  3. TangoWhiskey

    TangoWhiskey Touchdown! Greaser!

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    I'd ALMOST agree with you... but somebody gave me a gift subscription to Smithsonian's Air & Space, and I've been a subscriber since.
     
  4. DavidWhite

    DavidWhite Final Approach

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    I brought the tower controllers at San Marcos cake one day for putting up with my handheld radio in the Piper Cub - when I was taking off they said "We'll have all this cake polished off by the time you get back!"
     
  5. Matthew

    Matthew Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Speaking of cake...

    Not really funny, but I was getting ready for takeoff, had switched to tower, and caught the plane ahead of me, just after he'd taken off. The plane was headed to the next airport over for a BBQ lunch and was double checking on what to bring back. Even controllers gotta eat.
     
  6. cleared4theoption

    cleared4theoption Pre-takeoff checklist

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    We B Smokin at K81?
     
  7. Matthew

    Matthew Touchdown! Greaser!

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    yep..
     
  8. cleared4theoption

    cleared4theoption Pre-takeoff checklist

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    From KC originally, have heard all about the place...but sadly, never been there...someday:yesnod:
     
  9. Matthew

    Matthew Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Well, some locals are meating there on Sat. Come on out.
     
  10. cleared4theoption

    cleared4theoption Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Would love to...but sadly I am living in Atlanta currently
     
  11. kclimie

    kclimie Pre-Flight

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    While doing touch-and-goes with my CFI at KMGJ two weeks ago:

    Me (just after a 'go' of the T+G): Orange County, blue-and-white Cessna upwind runway 21, Orange County.

    Unknown nearby traffic: Uh, Cessna that just called out, what's "upwind" mean?

    My CFI and I look at each other. :skeptical:

    My CFI: It's the take off leg of the pattern. Is it by any chance time for your BFR?
     
  12. Immelmann

    Immelmann Filing Flight Plan

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    pilot: xxx radio, can we get a practice DF steer?
    xxxradio: negative
    pilot: uh how bout one of them real ones.
     
  13. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Now offering reverse discounts.
    I gotta remember that next time I leave KDTO for KSEP and BBQ at the Hard8. After getting taxi clearance, ask if they want brisket or pulled pork.
     
  14. Matthew

    Matthew Touchdown! Greaser!

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    They will certainly expedite your landing clearance on the way back: "Lifeflight 1 please extend downwind. Aircraft declaring emergency, standby. Glider 123, go around. Warrior 123 cleared to land any runway."
     
  15. TangoWhiskey

    TangoWhiskey Touchdown! Greaser!

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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    Great idea!
     
  16. bigblockz8

    bigblockz8 Pre-takeoff checklist

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    "Frederick Traffic Cessna xxx is on downwind for 23 to land with the citation in sight, frederick. I'm sorry Greg but once we land I'll taxi back, gotta take a mad crap! This damn jet needs to hurry up! Don't add flaps yet, we have to pass him first before turning."

    "Cessna xxx I think your mike is stuck..."

    "Uhh copy."

    My CFI got heckled as he came out of the bathroom after landing. The other CFI's all had puns. "Has the s**t hit the fan err I mean prop?"
     
  17. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Funny. Reminds me of the M*A*S*H episode where Hawkeye engineers a takeout order from Adam's Ribs to be sent to the 4077th.

    "Warrior 123, you forgot the sauce last time. Extend your downwind and well call your base."

    After I pass Gainesville, KGLE, "uhhh, Denton Tower, can I turn yet?"

    "No, but if you can make the field at McGehee's and bring us some catfish, we'll let you come home."

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGehee_Catfish_Restaurant_Airport
     
  18. SCCutler

    SCCutler Administrator Management Council Member

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    Sad.

    Unless McGehee's reopened? :confused:
     
  19. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Now offering reverse discounts.
    Don't know about the runway, but some folks on Yelp have posted some recent reviews.
     
  20. TangoWhiskey

    TangoWhiskey Touchdown! Greaser!

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    T40 is no longer listed as a current airport; Oklahoma's online airport guide lists it, but with a 2009 date and a caveat to "check FAA NOTAMS and Airport Facility Directory for current information."

    I regret that I delayed going there and won't have the opportunity to fly in.
     
  21. Meanee

    Meanee Line Up and Wait

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    Will add myself, I guess.

    About a year back, doing Touch and Go's at Class C with instructor

    TWR: Cherokee 12345, cleared for the option, runway XX
    Me: Tower, my option is touch and go
    CFI: (looks at me with a "WTF" face)
     
  22. Matthew

    Matthew Touchdown! Greaser!

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    I got that same look from my CFI when I announced I was on "left final".
     
  23. rainsux

    rainsux Line Up and Wait

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    > "left final".

    Do you fly for the Yankee Air Force? I was really struggling with their B-25
    one day, when they kept reporting "left of the airport," "right of the airport." I
    mistakenly tried suggesting that east:west would be more informative, but
    was spanked over the air for not knowing left from right.

    >> cleared for the option

    As a student pilot, it YOUR responsibility to step-up ... and take the fat one.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2012
  24. steingar

    steingar Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Between here and there, I heard Chewbacca on 121.5. I then heard someone else say "Chewbacca, you're on guard".
     
  25. Captain

    Captain Final Approach

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    The other day our No. 1 radio was acting up so we switched to No. 2 for ATC comms. Well, using muscle memory the FO set up No. 2 for the arrival. I noticed when I saw him dialling the Stby freq on comm 2. So now we lost all our freqs. On the radio we were talking to ATC on we now have ATIS and the FBO freq.

    I dial up 121.5 and say, "Denver Center, Call Sign on guard, Location at FL 380, we need a frequency"

    Someone keyed up and said, "You're on guard"

    No kidding and thanks guard nazi.

    Someone came
     
  26. N5922S

    N5922S Line Up and Wait

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    My CFII, who was an excellent instructor and now flys 757s for a major airline, had a somewhat high voice way back then. The controllers at KDAL seemed to enjoy calling him "M'AAM". Made me feel bad.
     
  27. kimberlyanne546

    kimberlyanne546 Final Approach

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    I think I already said so in this thread or another one, but a female ground controller called me sir, after I exited the runway and switched to her frequency on the taxiway, and then apologized later, it was so funny she was on "auto pilot" and not used to talking to girls.
     
  28. jpower

    jpower Cleared for Takeoff

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    Reviving an almost year old thread...with something may not be the funniest thing I've heard on the radio, but it made me remember this thread. Hopefully there have been more funnies in the last year.

    I landed at Bradley BDL today just for grins, and a Georgian flight (Air Canada regional affiliate operating Beech 1900s) was cleared for takeoff as I was holding short. When tower told him to contact departure, tower said "Georgian 1234, contact departure, EH?" with a huuuge emphasis on the "eh". Georgian was clearly not amused...he kinda grumbled back an acknowledgement. I got a good chuckle out of it :).
     
  29. stratobee

    stratobee Cleared for Takeoff

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    This happened to me just today:

    LA Center: Squawk 4666.
    Me: Hey, that sounds a bit menacing. But will squawk 4666, N****.

    After a pause:

    LA Center: I can give you another squawk if you prefer, sir.
    Me: It's fine, I'm an atheist.
    LA Center: Haha. Radar contact.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2013
  30. Jeanie

    Jeanie Pattern Altitude

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    When my husband and I were returning to Texas from Mississippi we were handed of to Dallas Ft worth approach and one of the first transmissions I heard was: BIG GUY 123 15,000 Howdy
    And I thought well, that's an unusual way to check in
    but then I heard "howdy" several more times and realized that it's an intersection on an arrival route.
     
  31. Comanche flyer

    Comanche flyer Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Jasper traffic cessna xxx on 6 Mille final runway 36 for touch and go.
     
  32. ChrisK

    ChrisK En-Route

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    Was shoring up my landings tonight while sharing the pattern with someone who insisted he was on left final.

    Eight times.

    Left final.

    I really wanted to call right final, but I was afraid of what he'd do.
     
  33. dukeblue219

    dukeblue219 Line Up and Wait

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    I just remembered one I wrote down about a month ago. Now I can't remember which leg it was on, but might have been St. Louis -- Minneapolis. Something along the lines of:

    "Center, Beer Can 123, with request"
    "Uhh... aircraft calling repeat call sign and say request"
    "Beer Can 123 is {Location} requesting flight following to {destination}"
    "Ok... uhh... standby and say call sign slowly"
    "Roger, it's Beeeer Cannnnn 123"
    "Beer can?"
    "Yeah, like a can of beer."
    "Well that's a new one. Squawk 1234."
     
  34. DesertNomad

    DesertNomad Cleared for Takeoff

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    A fellow student pilot at my school relayed this from KRNO where we both trained:

    F-18: Navy xxxx requesting maximum performance takeoff.

    Tower: Clear for takeoff 16L, maximum performance takeoff approved.

    The F-18 proceeds to take off with full afterburners, point the nose straight vertical and disappear into the stratosphere.

    C172 w/Student and CFI in the run-up area, having watched the F-18:

    Skyhawk Nxxxxx ready for takeoff 16L and we'd like a maximum performance takeoff as well.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2013
  35. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    At least he didn't say, "Take off, you hoser!"

    I miss Bob and Doug McKenzie....

    (still chuckle when I remember the time when I picked up the phone during a bad winter storm and it was Spike Cutler doing the "Coo loo coo coo, coo coo coo coo" theme :lol: )
     
  36. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Heard this one from one of the Tower Controllers here at KDTO.

    For those that don't know, KDTO is an "intenstive" training field with US Aviation training a large number of professional pilot students from China and other Asian countries.

    (as you read this, try to apply a bad Chinese accent to the student in the story)

    One day, one of the Chinese students, returning from his first long solo XC in a C150, calls up tower, and not unusual, forgets to announce where he is...


    Chinese Student: "Uhhh....Den-tohn Tah-wha, Cessna 1234, dekwahr emergency."

    KDTO Tower: "Cessna 1234. Understand you have emergency, say position and altitude."​

    (silence)

    KDTO Tower: "Cessna 1234. Understand you have emergency, say position and altitude."​

    (delay, then)

    Chinese Student: "....Den-tohn Tah-wha, Cessna 1234, Seex Miles, I weesh dekwahr emergency."​

    (Now the controller is starting to get ready to kick everyone out of the class-D space, but still doesn't know where the Cessna is.)

    KDTO Tower: "Cessna 1234. I Understand you have emergency, and you're six miles out. Where are you in relation to the airport? Are you east, west, north south of the field?"

    Chinese Student: "....Den-tohn Tah-wha, Cessna 1234, Sowwy, I cannot hear you. Windscreen gone, it vewy loud and windy in here..."


    Fortunately, they get him and the C150 on the ground safely and uneventfully, minus the windscreen that had cleanly departed the aircraft.

    But "vewy loud and whindee in here" will ever be a part of my aviation history.
     
  37. Threefingeredjack

    Threefingeredjack En-Route

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    This is sort of aviation related although it was from a marine radio.

    One night while sitting alert at CGAS Barbers Point we heard a vessel contact Honolulu RCC reporting a fire aboard their vessel, a 110 ft tug with two barges in tow. The watchstander in RCC cane right back with the standard emergency questions which provide essential information to the responders and keep the target vessel talking enough to get a DF fix on their position. ( This was in the dark ages before GPS ) The skipper patiently answered the vessel name, home port, estimated position, number of souls on board, color of vessel etc. Then the final question: "Is there any other information you would like to pass Captain??"

    "Yes. As near as I can tell we are the only tug on fire out here, we should be easy to find." :rofl: :rofl:

    About that time our SAR alert siren went off.
     
  38. nauga

    nauga Pattern Altitude

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    While getting a checkout in a small, nimble taildragger in a moderate crosswind we had a T&G that got a little sporty and gave me a very good look at the right side of the runway before getting airborne.

    Me: "Tower, we're going to make this next one a full stop."
    Tower: "Yeah, we thought you might."

    Nauga,
    and his backward shopping cart
     
  39. dmspilot

    dmspilot En-Route

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    That's funny because at the airport I got my PPL at, one of the decorations in the FBO building was a model biplane made out of beer cans, like this one:

    [​IMG]

    I took my friend flying one day, and when he saw the model, he said, "I used to think you flew that kind of plane." My instructor was nearby, overheard and quipped, "you thought he flew a beer can?"

    I guess at least one pilot really has flown a beer can!
     
  40. denverpilot

    denverpilot Taxi to Parking

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    Wait a sec... Spike's a Bob and Doug fan?!

    "No use in steering now, eh?"