Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

jspilot said:
The jumper post got me thinking of the funniest call sign I've heard. One time flying, I heard a jump plane call up approach with the call sign, " Jumper Dumper xxx". I laughed at that one.

Funniest thing a controller ever said to me was when I was training. Some of you youtube fans may know the video of a really bad day at JFK where the controller gets very aggravated at all the planes on the ground because they got out of sequence. The video ends with the controller saying, "you guys should come up here one day and see this show, you'd never believe it." Anyway, that controller works at KISP now where I fly out of. He's a great controller and talks so incredibly fast and uses a lot of conversation to keep everyone aware of what's going on. One day, late in the afternoon I'm taxing out to do touch and go's in the pattern and he's on ground control.

Me: " skyhawk xxxx with information bravo request touch and go's in the pattern."

Controller: in a very sarcastic tone "Of course you do."
then let's out a deep exhale and gives me my taxi instructions.

I laughed because i could just tell he was giving us a hard time just for the sake of it.

I really laughed when, as soon as we called the tower, he was also working that frequency. He could not have been nicer or more accommodating during our trips around the pattern!
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I love him and have heard that as an audio intro done for videos by a CFI but in looking back I can't find it. Do you have a link, I love that guy's accent.
 
FO to Captain: Look at the group of turtles over there to the right of the runway.

Captain: Herd.

FO: What?

Captain: Herd. A Herd of turtles.

FO: Of course I've heard of turtles. There's a nice looking group of them right over there.

Captain: [face-palm]
 
Aeric said:
10+ minutes of the funniest stuff ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BMDkwfkXv0
Love it, "you can't, you can't do that".
:rofl::rofl:
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Yup that's it. He definitely has an unmistakable tone and style. When he's working and I'm flying I always make sure I'm on my game on the radio. Don't want to get him mad- might get the same smack down as some of the pilots got on that clip!
 
On my long solo X-C while flying into Hartford-Brainard (HFD):

Me: Tower, we're on a 2 mile left base for 20.

Tower: Clear to land, 20.

I turn final and see nothing but white X's on all the runways. It looks like an airport, but pretty run down. There's a few seconds of complete confusion before:

Tower: It looks like you're lined up with the closed airport. We're on the west side of the river. Return to pattern altitude and advise when you have us in sight.

Me: You're right, this is the closed airport.

Tower: Don't worry about it, happens all the time.
 
OMG that linked to this flirty controller (listen to the other pilots compliain they don't get as much attention):

 
MassPilot said:
On my long solo X-C while flying into Hartford-Brainard (HFD):

Me: Tower, we're on a 2 mile left base for 20.

Tower: Clear to land, 20.

I turn final and see nothing but white X's on all the runways. It looks like an airport, but pretty run down. There's a few seconds of complete confusion before:

Tower: It looks like you're lined up with the closed airport. We're on the west side of the river. Return to pattern altitude and advise when you have us in sight.

Me: You're right, this is the closed airport.

Tower: Don't worry about it, happens all the time.
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That reminds me of my long cross country as a student. I had this huge problem (still do) with never having airports in sight. Since I didn't want to bust airspace, I stayed up high above the delta on the sectional. When I finally had the airport in sight, I told flight following and they let me go and told me to contact tower. After that it went something like this:

Me: Chico tower, Cessna 24498 (etc)

Them: What's your altitude?

Me: (said my altitude)

Them: told me I was cleared to land on a runway

Me: Student Pilot, first solo cross country, Was that right or left traffic for one three left?

Them: Whatever you want.

Me: I asked permission to come down to TPA, head out and come back on a 45 for the downwind for one three left

Them: Whatever you like.


So then I finally landed, and before / during the flare they were already giving me taxi instructions. I had not even cleared the runway or dialed in Ground freq. When I finally cleared the runway, I asked them to repeat everything.

Them: See that big tower in front of you?

Me: Yes.

Them: head towards it, then make a right.

Me: OK, I can do that.

(Them: totally laughing)


I fly out of an untowered airport and had very little experience up to that point with towered airports. My CFI would "babysit" me when in training so I never really got confident on the radios. If I didn't say something he would talk to tower instead of me.
 
MassPilot said:
I love Boston John. He's famous around here.
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I heard that one female pilot towards the end call him "love of my life" to start the call rather than "Boston Tower." That other girl said "can we just stay with you all the way to the gate?" OMG who is this dude?
 
Not funny, but related.
Several days ago I had just turned on my handheld to listen to my local tower.
Tower: Cessnaxxx, do you have time for a question?

Long pause...

Tower: Cessnaxxx, do you have time for a question?

Cessnaxxx: Go ahead.

Tower: Sir, I suggest that you become familiar with the phrases Hold Short, Line Up And Wait, and Cleared For Takeoff. You can find them in the AIM.

Cessnaxxx: Will do that, sir.

Ouch...
 
Aeric said:
Not funny, but related.
Several days ago I had just turned on my handheld to listen to my local tower.
Tower: Cessnaxxx, do you have time for a question?

Long pause...

Tower: Cessnaxxx, do you have time for a question?

Cessnaxxx: Go ahead.

Tower: Sir, I suggest that you become familiar with the phrases Hold Short, Line Up And Wait, and Cleared For Takeoff. You can find them in the AIM.

Cessnaxxx: Will do that, sir.

Ouch...
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What did you do now?
 
MAKG1 said:
What's wrong with that? You don't have to land at an airport. You might want to do a low approach or a touch'n'go. You'll be inbound for both of those.

A very frequently heard alternative is "inbound for the option."
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I'll grant you the low approach. The T&G, not so much.
Still, don't really need the inbound.
 
JoeSelch said:
I'll grant you the low approach. The T&G, not so much.
Still, don't really need the inbound.
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True, the "inbound" is redundant.

But a touch'n'go (or stop'n'go or the "option") would be handled differently from a landing. With a T&G in a busy aerodrome, you would expect to get instructions for afterward, that you wouldn't get for a landing.

For instance "#1 cleared for touch'n'go on XX. Make right traffic afterward, extend crosswind to the bridge."

Note that landing clearance in a busy pattern may be given on short final.
 
Skip Miller said:
FO to Captain: Look at the group of turtles over there to the right of the runway.

Captain: Herd.

FO: What?

Captain: Herd. A Herd of turtles.

FO: Of course I've heard of turtles. There's a nice looking group of them right over there.

Captain: [face-palm]
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Their names wouldn't be Lou and Bud, would they?
 
MAKG1 said:
True, the "inbound" is redundant.

But a touch'n'go (or stop'n'go or the "option") would be handled differently from a landing. With a T&G in a busy aerodrome, you would expect to get instructions for afterward, that you wouldn't get for a landing.

For instance "#1 cleared for touch'n'go on XX. Make right traffic afterward, extend crosswind to the bridge."

Note that landing clearance in a busy pattern may be given on short final.
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They're all landings.
I think I'd classify your "landing" as a "full stop."

Regardless, I still think "inbound for landing" is funny.
 
JoeSelch said:
They're all landings.
I think I'd classify your "landing" as a "full stop."

Regardless, I still think "inbound for landing" is funny.
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I was taught "inbound for landing" and use it. What's a good alternative on the initial call-up to the tower? I'd like to give more than just a position report.
 
MassPilot said:
I was taught "inbound for landing" and use it. What's a good alternative on the initial call-up to the tower? I'd like to give more than just a position report.
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"Madison Approach, Mooney 97ST, Lake Koshkonong at 6500, landing with Oscar." The inbound part is redundant if you say "landing."
 
flyingcheesehead said:
"Madison Approach, Mooney 97ST, Lake Koshkonong at 6500, landing with Oscar." The inbound part is redundant if you say "landing."
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That's my exact phraseology if I intend to land. How do request touch-and-goes, though? I usually muddle something like 'inbound for touch-and-goes' or 'inbound for pattern work'.
 
"Executive tower Skyhawk 12345 10 miles northeast with Echo. Requesting touch and go and stay in the pattern."
 
jsstevens said:
"Executive tower Skyhawk 12345 10 miles northeast with Echo. Requesting touch and go and stay in the pattern."
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or just request multiple touch and goes (unless yer a habitual bouncer - then ya better clarify that you wish to remain in the pattern :D )
 
One afternoon in Clearwater FL we were spinning up in response to the SAR alarm, as we brought the radios up on Marine Ch. 16 we heard the duty Radioman in the RCC going down the SAR question list. This asks several questions such as vessel position, nature of distress, souls on board, description of vessel etc. It serves to garner info and allow time to get a DF fix on the craft calling. At the end the RM asked the Captain if he had anything to add that would help us locate them:

"Yeah, as near as we can tell we're the only boat on fire out here."
 
Sac Arrow said:
Or even "Napa Tower, Arrow 123SA ten miles to the north with Papa" works.
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I'd still say "landing with Papa" at the end of that. Otherwise, how do they know you want to land vs. just fly through their airspace?

The altitude is important on a callup to a radar facility, they need to verify your mode C squawk is correct.
 
flyingcheesehead said:
I'd still say "landing with Papa" at the end of that. Otherwise, how do they know you want to land vs. just fly through their airspace?

The altitude is important on a callup to a radar facility, they need to verify your mode C squawk is correct.
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Usually a transit request has "transit" to some direction in it and you wouldn't typically get or report ATIS if you didn't intend to land. I've never had or heard any confusion omitting the "landing" portion on initial callup.

I do sometimes fly to a towered non-class D airport that has no ATIS. I do report "landing" and altitude when I go there.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Or even "Napa Tower, Arrow 123SA ten miles to the north with Papa" works.
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And will be followed by "Arrow 3SA, Napa Tower, say request."

Local procedures do vary, but it's a bit risky to presume one would only contact Tower for a full-stop landing. How does Tower know you're not just transiting the airspace? It's Class D; you do have to be in contact.
 
MAKG1 said:
And will be followed by "Arrow 3SA, Napa Tower, say request."

Local procedures do vary, but it's a bit risky to presume one would only contact Tower for a full-stop landing. How does Tower know you're not just transiting the airspace? It's Class D; you do have to be in contact.
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I understand what you're saying, since you only have to be in contact with the tower/ATC to enter, you very well could just be transitioning. Point well taken. But if you report ATIS, it's a pretty good assumption you intend on landing.
 
I always like "Easton Tower, Tecnam XXXXX, 8 East with Echo, full stop." It's short and sweet, and the controller knows exactly what I want. If you want to do touch and gos, modify that to "...with Echo, touch and goes." Works really well for me.
 
Funny later but not at the time;

Heard while on FF with CLT

"Mayday Mayday Mayday skyhawk xxx has lost power and descending through 7000 feet"
"Skyhawk xxx, roger, descent approved, maintain VFR"


He glided to a safe landing at Concord.
 
I fly out of the same airport as MAKG and, I believe it's just a local thing, but saying "landing" on the initial call up will get you a "clear to land" and a "contact ground on the parallel." The runway isn't that long, so a lot of pattern work is done with a stop and taxi back via the parallel taxiway -- and so if you want to stay in the pattern, you request call up and "request the option," which means either a touch-and-go, or once you land, they'll automatically clear you to taxi back to the runway each time, and will automatically clear you for takeoff in right closed traffic as you approach the runway hold line. They'll do this for as many landings+taxi backs as you want without any further calls needed from you on the ground (just a read back of the "runway X, Number Y following Z clear for the option" from the air) until you advise termination and you'll stay with the tower the whole time. Never seen this at any other airport.
 
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BayAreaFlyer said:
They'll do this for as many landings+taxi backs as you want without any further calls needed from you on the ground (just a read back of the "runway X, Number Y following Z clear for the option" from the air) until you advise termination and you'll stay with the tower the whole time. Never seen this at any other airport.
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That's how it is at Groton, CT (KGON). I always have the ground frequency plugged into the radio but never seem to use it. One day he'll say "switch to ground" and I won't have it ready. Murphy's Law.

Funniest thing I've heard over the radio, aside from myself calling out the wrong runway numbers is my instructor and I were doing landings, tuned into the CTAF and this guy keys the mic and speaks incredibly quickly, with an accent and all we caught was "jumpers below 5000", the rest was completely untellable. It was quite funny as we continued to mock him over our intercom. On his second announcement we finally heard the airport name, but the rest was really really hard to understand.

Second one was early in my training I was in the pattern and making positional announcements and one of the pilots going to Block Island says "Islander 1234 crossing three two - one four on Alpha with landing traffic in sight." Except he had his tail to me, there was no way he could have seen me. Maybe not funny, but amusing.
 
The other day I was heading up north, and monitoring Guard on COM2.

Idjjiot: "Does anyone on guard have the score of the soccer tournament?"

Nxxxx: "Guard is for critical communication only"

Idjiot: "you Americans have no idea how important soccer is"

Nyyyy: "Stay off guard"

Idjiot: "No, really, does anyone have the score of the match?"

This is paraphrased, and it actually went on for longer than that. :eek:
 
numl0ck said:

That's how it is at Groton, CT (KGON). I always have the ground frequency plugged into the radio but never seem to use it. One day he'll say "switch to ground" and I won't have it ready. Murphy's Law.
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I've landed at KGON five times in the last year, and I've gotten a "monitor ground" four of those times. The fifth was around 8 pm and they kept me on the tower frequency.
 
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