Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

EvilEagle said:
My first plane was a 150, and was all I could handle when I was 15. We all start somewhere and I still have a lot of fun in my Glasair!

Airplanes are cool... ALL airplanes! :D
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Ah. You restoreth my faith!
 
IFR training flight over southeast Texas on an early morning in an aircraft I had had radio problems with before - so was a little paranoid...

After 15 minutes of complete radio silence..

Me: Houston Center, Cessna 1234 Radio Check.
Houston Center: Cessna 1234 loud and clear.
Me: loud and clear, Cessna 1234
Long Pause.
Houston Center: Pretty quiet today.
Me: Yep, we noticed that.
Houston Center: Well, if ya'll don't mind, I'm going back to sleep.
Me: Sorry to wake you Center.
 
jhflyboy said:
IFR training flight over southeast Texas on an early morning in an aircraft I had had radio problems with before - so was a little paranoid...

After 15 minutes of complete radio silence..

Me: Houston Center, Cessna 1234 Radio Check.
Houston Center: Cessna 1234 loud and clear.
Me: loud and clear, Cessna 1234
Long Pause.
Houston Center: Pretty quiet today.
Me: Yep, we noticed that.
Houston Center: Well, if ya'll don't mind, I'm going back to sleep.
Me: Sorry to wake you Center.
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I don't get it.
 
roncachamp said:
I don't get it.
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Well, center made a comment joking about going back to sleep which would imply he was sleeping prior to the radio check.

Some would find humor in that scenario, hence posting it in "funniest thing you've heard on the radio" thread.
 
kevin47881 said:
Well, center made a comment joking about going back to sleep which would imply he was sleeping prior to the radio check.

Some would find humor in that scenario, hence posting it in "funniest thing you've heard on the radio" thread.
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Oh, I see. The poster assumed the controller was joking about going back to sleep.
 
Flight from Dallas to Bartow FL somewhere after New Orleans:

Center: Baron 322KS revised clearance advise when you can copy.
322KS go ahead.
Center: 322KS cleared direct HEVVN.
322KS: say again!
Center: are you able to fly direct HEVVN?
322KS: Yes, but would you mind telling my Ex, she'd never believe it!

Best,

Dave
 
Dave Siciliano said:
Flight from Dallas to Bartow FL somewhere after New Orleans:

Center: Baron 322KS revised clearance advise when you can copy.
322KS go ahead.
Center: 322KS cleared direct HEVVN.
322KS: say again!
Center: are you able to fly direct HEVVN?
322KS: Yes, but would you mind telling my Ex, she'd never believe it!

Best,

Dave
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:rofl:

As always, Dave, a class act.
 
EWR Ground: "Airline 123, runway 22R at intersection Whiskey, taxi Bravo, Juliet, Sierra, at Yankee follow the third RJ after the second 7-3, then on Romeo monitor the tower 118.3. Good night."
767 pilot: "Bravo, Juliet, Sierra, something I didn't understand, good night!"
 
In regards to the story of the kid in JFK tower I heard this on EWR tower last week:

Tower: "Continental 123, runway 4R, clear to land."
Continental: "Uhh, we just took off; we don't want to land for a couple more hours."
Tower: "Ahh, sorry, lets try Continental 213, 4R, clear to land. Continental 123 sorry I got you mixed up, you can call departure.

We need to get an eight year old up here to straighten all this out."
 
I heard Eagle give a PA announcement for their arrival yesterday...

Ladies and gentalmen thank you for flying with us today. We do ask that you remain seated until we arrive at the gate and have come to a complete stop. We appreciate you flying with us and hope you have a great rest of the day.


Me: Sounds great, now just tell the cabin

Tower: Its the little red button Eagle Flight 1140:lol:
 
Yesterday, flying in Pitt Bravo...

PIT APP: "24286, slow mover ahead of you, at your 1 o'clock, also at three thousand, southbound, type unknown."

ME: "Slower than us?"

PIT APP: "Must be..."

ME: "Well, that's a first.. we'll keep an eye out for that traffic!"

I expected the Fuji or Met Life blimp, but never saw a thing....
 
dmccormack said:
Yesterday, flying in Pitt Bravo...

PIT APP: "24286, slow mover ahead of you, at your 1 o'clock, also at three thousand, southbound, type unknown."

ME: "Slower than us?"

PIT APP: "Must be..."

ME: "Well, that's a first.. we'll keep an eye out for that traffic!"

I expected the Fuji or Met Life blimp, but never saw a thing....
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Bad news. Our blimp (Fuji) was damaged a few years ago and is no longer in service.
 
AuntPeggy said:
Bad news. Our blimp (Fuji) was damaged a few years ago and is no longer in service.
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I hate to hear that it was damaged. I used to hate seeing it on the way home from my work in Stamford on my drive to Orange. Knowing it was only going 30 mph and it was still getting to Bridgeport before me. :mad2:

Should have taken the train.
 
Got a new one today! I took one of our local air traffic controllers for a demo ride in the DA40. He asked to do the radios, and I figured he knew what he was doing ;)... Anyway, his cohorts knew it was him, and shortly after takeoff...

"Madison Departure, Diamond Star 569DS, 1400 for 2500."

"Diamond 9DS, Madison Departure, radar contact... Now are you gonna need vectors to the northwest practice area, or do you think you can find it on your own?" :rofl:
 

Pronunciation can be important:

Gulfstream 1234A: "Green Bay Approach, Gulfstream 1234A, 16,500
descending 14,000, request direct 'limbo' for the visual runway 24."

(The FAF for the RNAV RWY 24 approach at KGRB is LMMBO, it's
about three miles northeast of Lambeau Field, the home of the NFL's
flagship franchise, the Green Bay Packers.)

Green Bay Approach: "Gulfstream 1234A, Green Bay Approach,
descend at pilot's discretion maintain three thousand, Green Bay
altimeter 29.92. Please examine the other RNAV approaches to
see if you can spot a trend with the naming of the FAFs, then
restate your request."

(The other FAFs are FRZZN, TNDRA, and FAVRE.)

Pause.

Gulfstream 1234A: "Green Bay Approach, Gulfstream 1234A, request
direct 'lambo' for the visual runway 24."

Green Bay Approach: "Gulfstream 1234A, proceed direct 'lambo',
report the field in sight."
 
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I flying out of COS many moons ago on Thanksgiving day. I goofed off next to the mountains and around the area for a while. Departure said I was the only thing in the air for a bazillion miles.
I finally went back to the airport for an hour or so of touch and go's. No one was flying other than me and I said I was just out having fun so the controller changed me to the parallel runway then to the diagonal then back to the parallels. It was great fun. At one point I took off on 35L went straight to base for on 17L then climbed off that to make a left teardrop turn to land on 12 then straight to downwind to 35R and on the games went. Departure was apparently enjoying the show on radar. I landed on all 3 runways in both directions.

The controller was giving me random runways to keep things entertaining. I was pretty much center of the airport between the runways:
Me: "Ok where am I landing now?"
Them: "Cessna 1234A cleared to land, um, um, 17R 17L 35R 35L 12 31, they're all clear, just pull the throttle when you're ready and pick one."
We: :rofl::devil: carb heat idle :goofy:

Paved runways are uninteresting and BORING however that day it was quite fun.
 
At work I listen to the CTAF for KHDN (Hayden/Yampa Valley - an uncontrolled field that in the winter gets 737-757 traffic bringing in skiiers). The other day a Continental 737 called in :

"Hayden Traffic Continental 737 right downwind for 10, full stop, Hayden"

I desperately wanted to key the mike on my handheld and ask

"What no touch and goes today?"
 
This was a few years ago at SJT, I was just coming on freq with ground/tower ready to taxi and caught this.

Cessna 9WV: "Tower, 9WV, short of 18, ready."
Tower: "9WV, hold short, landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: "Tower, what is the traffic spacing? We can be out of here in a heartbeat."
Tower: "9WV, traffic is inbound on a 3 mile right base, T37. Hold short for landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: "Aww come on, I can be clear of your airspace before he's on final!"
Tower: (definitely sounding a little peeved now) "9WV, HOLD SHORT for landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: (in distinctive slow Texas drawl) "Tower, 9WV is holding short at 18. We would like to order a medium-sized regular crust pepperoni with anchovies, it looks like we're gonna be here for a while."
Tower: "9WV, I have a telephone number for you to call when you land, advise when ready to copy."
 
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airguy said:
This was a few years ago at SJT, I was just coming on freq with ground/tower ready to taxi and caught this.

Cessna 9WV: "Tower, 9WV, short of 18, ready."
Tower: "9WV, hold short, landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: "Tower, what is the traffic spacing? We can be out of here in a heartbeat."
Tower: "9WV, traffic is inbound on a 3 mile right base, T37. Hold short for landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: "Aww come on, I can be clear of your airspace before he's on final!"
Tower: (definitely sounding a little peeved now) "9WV, HOLD SHORT for landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: (in distinctive slow Texas drawl) "Tower, 9WV is holding short at 18. We would like to order a medium-sized regular crust pepperoni with anchovies, it looks like we're gonna be here for a while."
Tower: "9WV, I have a telephone number for you to call when you land, advise when ready to copy."
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~~~~~ AND I BET IT WASN'T THE LOCAL PIZZA HUT
 
airguy said:
This was a few years ago at SJT, I was just coming on freq with ground/tower ready to taxi and caught this.

Cessna 9WV: "Tower, 9WV, short of 18, ready."
Tower: "9WV, hold short, landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: "Tower, what is the traffic spacing? We can be out of here in a heartbeat."
Tower: "9WV, traffic is inbound on a 3 mile right base, T37. Hold short for landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: "Aww come on, I can be clear of your airspace before he's on final!"
Tower: (definitely sounding a little peeved now) "9WV, HOLD SHORT for landing traffic."
Cessna 9WV: (in distinctive slow Texas drawl) "Tower, 9WV is holding short at 18. We would like to order a medium-sized regular crust pepperoni with anchovies, it looks like we're gonna be here for a while."
Tower: "9WV, I have a telephone number for you to call when you land, advise when ready to copy."
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And what would that conversation be about? Did he break a FAR or something???
 
Jaybird180 said:
And what would that conversation be about? Did he break a FAR or something???
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it's probably the cell number to the tower so they can yell at each other on the phone where other people won't be listening

that's my guess anyway
 
roncachamp said:
Pronunciation can be important:

Gulfstream 1234A: "Green Bay Approach, Gulfstream 1234A, 16,500
descending 14,000, request direct 'limbo' for the visual runway 24."

(The FAF for the RNAV RWY 24 approach at KGRB is LMMBO, it's
about three miles northeast of Lambeau Field, the home of the NFL's
flagship franchise, the Green Bay Packers.)

Green Bay Approach: "Gulfstream 1234A, Green Bay Approach,
descend at pilot's discretion maintain three thousand, Green Bay
altimeter 29.92. Please examine the other RNAV approaches to
see if you can spot a trend with the naming of the FAFs, then
restate your request."

(The other IAFs are FRZZN, TNDRA, and FAVRE.)

Pause.

Gulfstream 1234A: "Green Bay Approach, Gulfstream 1234A, request
direct 'lambo' for the visual runway 24."

Green Bay Approach: "Gulfstream 1234A, proceed direct 'lambo',
report the field in sight."
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I'd have NEVER figured that out. Don't watch football, or even think about it. Had to do a quick search to understand it. Funny.

Ryan
 
RyanShort1 said:
I'd have NEVER figured that out. Don't watch football, or even think about it. Had to do a quick search to understand it. Funny.

Ryan
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There are definitely some interesting procedures/intersections out there. The one I love was the 'I tawt I taw a puddy tat' one - I can't seem to remember recall, but I think it was either a STAR or Instrument approach somewhere in the Northeast where all of the fixes combine to give the classic Tweety bird phrase.
 
Fearless Tower said:
There are definitely some interesting procedures/intersections out there. The one I love was the 'I tawt I taw a puddy tat' one - I can't seem to remember recall, but I think it was either a STAR or Instrument approach somewhere in the Northeast where all of the fixes combine to give the classic Tweety bird phrase.
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Ah, the RNAV (GPS) RWY 16 into Pease (PSM).

And the missed approach procedure goes with it!

http://204.108.4.16/d-tpp/1101/00678R16.PDF
 
SATAN?? It seems to me they coulda named it SYLVSTR...

that's a good one- I imagine the folks flying that approach smile the while
 
Jeanie said:
SATAN?? It seems to me they coulda named it SYLVSTR...

that's a good one- I imagine the folks flying that approach smile the while
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SATAN is the big bulldog in some looney toones cartoons. One of their minor charachters.

SYLVSTR is 6 letters.. too long.
 
Heard yesterday while flying home from Kentucky. Not sure if I'd categorize it as funny. Probably more scary.

N7400W: Memphis, n7400w has mauldin in sight and has weather.

ZME: 00w, you're fight plan indicates dexter as your destination.

00w: um, oh yeah.

ZME: 00w report Dexter in sight.

(later)

00w: Memphis, 00w has dexter in sight.

(he's cleared to descend, cancels IFR, etc...then, and you saw this one coming)

00w: dexter traffic, blah,blah,blah,blah

ZME: 00w, you're still on ZME.

00w: sorry

I understand that it's been a long winter and a cold wet spring and a lot of folks are still rusty but....

Woooooaaaaaaah....
 
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A few months ago I heard an airline pilot give a PA which started off with, "It's a beautiful day in southern Saskatchewan!"

He went on to point out some little towns to the left and right of the airplane which I had never heard of, just like he was pointing out the Grand Canyon or something. If people have not seen southern Saskatchewan it looks a little like northern North Dakota.

After his pretty lengthy PA someone came on the frequency and said, "That brought a tear to my eye..."
 
I was doing touch n goes about a week ago at New Braunfels, I was the only other plane in the pattern, until a citation came along

Tower: Skyhawk 61f clear for the option 17
Me: clear for the option 17
Citation: NB tower citation 11-victor-Sierra-Lima at Delta holding short 13 ready for takeoff
Tower: Citation Victor Sierra Lima cross 13 and clear for takeoff 17
(I was about 50 feet above te runway at this point)
Tower: 61F expedite your left crosswind
Me: ENGINE ROOM GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT
Citation: Clear takeoff 17, on the lookout for John Wayne and his submarine.
 
timwinters said:
Heard yesterday while flying home from Kentucky. Not sure if I'd categorize it as funny. Probably more scary.

N7400W: Memphis, n7400w has mauldin in sight and has weather.

ZME: 00w, you're fight plan indicates dexter as your destination.

00w: um, oh yeah.

ZME: 00w report Dexter in sight.

(later)

00w: Memphis, 00w has dexter in sight.

(he's cleared to descend, cancels IFR, etc...then, and you saw this one coming)

00w: dexter traffic, blah,blah,blah,blah

ZME: 00w, you're still on ZME.

00w: sorry

I understand that it's been a long winter and a cold wet spring and a lot of folks are still rusty but....

Woooooaaaaaaah....
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Might just be that he has a KX155 with the same problem mine used to have before I finally got it fixed. Seems that every once in a while the standby<-> active button would bounce and switch you right back to the frequency you were on before hitting the button. As a result there were several times when I dialed in the new freq, hit the button, watched the display change, and then ended up transmitting on the wrong frequency. Of course that doesn't explain the confusion over the destination.
 
Me: ENGINE ROOM GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT
Citation: Clear takeoff 17, on the lookout for John Wayne and his submarine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ I thought of Scotty on Start Trek
 
Jeanie said:
Me: ENGINE ROOM GIVE ME ALL YOU GOT
Citation: Clear takeoff 17, on the lookout for John Wayne and his submarine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ I thought of Scotty on Start Trek
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Operation Pacific. It's a great movie. The enitre quote goes something like "Engine room give me all you got! Ramming speed!"

But I didn't think ramming speed would be appreciated
 
Everskyward said:
A few months ago I heard an airline pilot give a PA which started off with, "It's a beautiful day in southern Saskatchewan!"

He went on to point out some little towns to the left and right of the airplane which I had never heard of, just like he was pointing out the Grand Canyon or something. If people have not seen southern Saskatchewan it looks a little like northern North Dakota.

After his pretty lengthy PA someone came on the frequency and said, "That brought a tear to my eye..."
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We were cruising with Oakland Center (ZOA) the other day and heard something similar.

Southwest: Oakland, can Southwest ### keep 340 as a final?
ZOA: Sure, Southwest ###, maintain FL340, I'll show that as your final.
SWA: Thanks.
.... short pause ....
Well folks, we've reached our final cruising altitude for the day. Here at 34,000 feet we have a pretty nice tailwind. Looks like it should be smooth rides ahead for our two hour fifteen minute flight. The flight attendants will be...

..... short silence ...

Random Pilot 1: Can I have a soda?
Pilot 2: You have a good PA voice.
Pilot 3: Coffee, black, for me!

ZOA: Geezz, you guys are brutal! You know you've all done the same thing.

Random Pilot1: No! Never!
Pilot 4: Not today we didn't.
Pilot 3: When's my coffee coming?
 
I like listening to the air to air coms of the local F16's here at a local base. Several years ago they were heading out west to do some ACM when one of the birds got several fire lights then the master lit up. He declared and was heading back with one of the others keeping an eye on him. He was cleared straight in. On final he told the other pilot, "If I die, tell my mom I started off with clean undies!". The guy sounded cool and calm through the whole thing.
 
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