Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

Discussion in 'Flight Following' started by Teller1900, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. Teller1900

    Teller1900 En-Route

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    Flying the route from LGA-LEB the other day, heard this with BOS Center after a Cherokee pilot (rather sheepishly) called up and asked for flight following and a vector over or around Bruswick airspace (good airspace to avoid).

    BOS: Roger, have your request. Climb and maintain 4,500, I'll have a hand off for you in a minute.

    Long pause.

    BOS: Cherokee XXX, did you copy Boston?

    Short pause.

    BOS: I said climb to it, not squawk it!
     
  2. poadeleted20

    poadeleted20 Deleted

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    Good thing BOS didn't tell him to climb to seven thousand five hundred.
     
  3. mikea

    mikea Touchdown! Greaser!

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    I was lines up at the runway flying Young Eagles at Meigs. Ahead of me was Butch is his 150 painted in Air Force motif. He was cleared. I waited to call for takeoff because I can overtake a 150 at 50% throttle with 2 notches of flaps.

    "Cherokee xxn, you're cleared for takeoff."
    (Remember I hadn't called as ready.)
    I figure I WILL use flaps...
    I ack: Cherokee cleared for takeoff.
    TWR figures out why I was waiting.
    "Cherokee, Caution. Wake Turbulence for the departing Air Force jet..."
     
  4. jesse

    jesse Administrator Management Council Member

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    Sidnaw traffic, Cherokee two-two-one-two-romeo is 10 miles to the southeast. Any traffic in the area, please advise.

    The guy sounded like a total idiot.
     
  5. ScottM

    ScottM Taxi to Parking

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    Did he keep that at 3CK? I think I saw it if he did.
     
  6. tonycondon

    tonycondon Gastons CRO (Chief Dinner Reservation Officer)

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    Kent: Any Doctors in the area please advise

    Dr. Bill: Yea what do you want?
     
  7. mikea

    mikea Touchdown! Greaser!

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    I think he's based at Schaumburg.
     
  8. Steve

    Steve En-Route

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    Heard a lot of one liners over the years, but the funniest thing I recall is a SWA FO giving a full pre-landing cabin briefing over 121.5 ...
     
  9. SkyHog

    SkyHog Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Funniest thing I've heard? Probably ATC giving me altitude clearances in SoCal, uncontrolled airspace.

    "Mooney 6229U, you are cleared to 7500" or something.

    Also, right up there, was anything said by Sioux City ATC.
     
  10. flyingcheesehead

    flyingcheesehead Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Actually, I just heard one the other night that cracked me up:

    Chicago Center: "Northwest 1234, upon reaching flight level 370, you're cleared direct Detroit Metro airport."
    Northwest 1234: "Holy crap! There IS a Santa Claus!" :rofl:
     
  11. t0r0nad0

    t0r0nad0 Pattern Altitude

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    That's a good one, Kent!
     
  12. flyingcheesehead

    flyingcheesehead Touchdown! Greaser!

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    You forgot what preceded the above:

    Steve: "There's a Bonanza on downwind who's not on the radio."

    Not only did Dr. Bill answer, but Bruce was on short final with Lance too. I think every doctor present heard it. :D
     
  13. Teller1900

    Teller1900 En-Route

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    Another good one I heard from a friend of mine out in SoCal:

    He was listening on the radio as his student was up for his first solo. First landing was decent, second a little scarey, but the third, he said, was a work of art. As soon as the kid taxied clear the tower controler (who knew it was a first solo) said "Clean up on aisle 31...that guy just greesed all over it!"
     
  14. maddog52

    maddog52 Line Up and Wait

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    From DEN center after numerous request for deviations for weather.

    "Doom 93 flight, you are cleared to wonder aimlessly about the western skies. Advise when direct the entry point"
     
  15. kevin47881

    kevin47881 Final Approach

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    Cessna 123: Nashville Approach, Cessna 123 heavy 15 south landing with Alpha.

    Approach: Cessna 123 heavy?

    Southwest flight: Is there a fat pilot in that Cessna?

    No joke, heard it about 2 years ago when flying out of BNA.
     
  16. Dr. Bill

    Dr. Bill Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Oops! Coke in the keyboard; C-o-k-e IN the keyboard!

    Thanks for the flashback-chuckle!:yes:
     
  17. Teller1900

    Teller1900 En-Route

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    PHX Approach: Good evening American 123 Heavy...are you a heavy tonight?

    American: Actually we're not, technically, but we probably should be...have you ever seen our flight attendents?

    PHX: Ya, my ex-wife used to be one. That's why I just went to that before I asked!


    Gotta love flying over the desert in the middle of the night...bored pilots and controlers are funny.
     
  18. gprellwitz

    gprellwitz Touchdown! Greaser!

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  19. mikea

    mikea Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Don' cha know? I have a Cherokee heavy. A Cessna heavy is a 182.
     
  20. astanley

    astanley En-Route

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    From my ex CFI. This was one for the record books...

    Citation XXX: Albany approach, we're having a problem with our GPWS on board. Could you provide vectors into the nearest terrain, so we can diagnose?

    Albany Approach: Negative Citation XXX, unable, proceed direct ALB.

    <Some regional airline>: Albany approach, our TCAS doesn't appear to be working. Could you vector us into the Citation?

    I don't remember if the TCAS/GPWS is backwards or not (heck, this is nearly 8 year old information), but it was hilarious when it came across the radio...

    Cheers,

    -Andrew
     
  21. Earthroamer

    Earthroamer Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Over Alamosa, CO.

    Denver Center: Bonanza XXX how do you hear center?
    silence...

    Denver Center: Citation 285CC (me) can you try Bonanza XXX on XXX.XX?

    Me: Bonanza XXX can you hear Citation 285CC?
    Bonanza: No Sorry I cant.

    After laughing I got him on the correct center frequency.
     
  22. Dave Siciliano

    Dave Siciliano Final Approach

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    Each morning on the way out to the A.O. in the Cav, a lot of folks would come on 243.0 to test guard (our helos could monitor in the background). Because it supposedly congested the frequency each morning, someone upstairs banned all the test calls.

    Soooooo, some enterprising fella that could never be found would come up everyday around sunrise with: Baak Baak Baak Baak....CHICKEN MAN!!

    At least we knew we could receive on guard when we heard that.

    Best,

    Dave
     
  23. GMascelli

    GMascelli En-Route

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    Cessna: uh...um...Dover approach there is a really big plane climbing towards me ....am I ok here ? :hairraise:
    Dover Approach: The really big plane has you in sight continue on course.
    Dover Approach: Archer 679er (Me) traffic is a reallly big plane at your 12 o clock caution wake turbulence, they will pass by your 3 o clock at 3500.
    Me: (laughing)..Dover approach I have the reeeeally big plane in sight, 679er :rofl:

    Dover approach had me flying north between the runway and the downwind leg that has the C5's over the Delaware Bay.

    The wife and I could not stop laughing.....that guy in the cessna must have puckered when he saw that C5 climbing out towards him.
     

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  24. t0r0nad0

    t0r0nad0 Pattern Altitude

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    I know a guy who used to fly King Airs for a charter outfit at KSGR who would key the mic and do his best Chewbacca impression when the frequency was slow.
     
  25. akomara1

    akomara1 Filing Flight Plan

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    cullman unicom: kingair xxx what are you gonna need fuel?
    king air: negative were comming in for a trade a plane and your girlfirends phone number
     
  26. ErikU

    ErikU Pre-takeoff checklist

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    There is an army air base not too far away that is never used, has no based aircraft, but is class D with a tower. I have been told that the trainees work in that tower.

    One day I wanted to transition..

    me: gray tower Bonanza 5894S 8 miles south request transition northbound at 2000.

    twr: (in the voice of the teenager working at krusty burger in the simpsons) umm.. transfer who.. to.. umm.. what?

    me: Bonanza 5894S is 6.5 miles south request transition northbound at 2000

    twr: you want to go 6.5 miles south?

    me: negative, Bonanza 5894S IS 6.5 south request transition your airspace northbound at 2000

    twr: ok, umm, continue 6.5 miles south

    me: (talking very slowly) ok, I am now 6 miles south of the airport, I would like to fly through your airspace northbound at 2000ft and am requesting permission to continue

    long pause...

    twr: ok, transaction approved

    At this point I figured I had done all I could and continued. We got a good laugh out of the final "transaction approved".
     
  27. CJones

    CJones En-Route

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    But did you get the receipt for the transaction?? I think airspace transactions are tax deductible. :D
     
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  28. AWACSEng

    AWACSEng Cleared for Takeoff

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    Only if they are business related.
     
  29. Ghery

    Ghery Final Approach

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    I'm going to have to make a point of going over to Ft. Lewis and transiting Gray's D space just for chuckles and grins one of these days. Not like they're a long way from OLM. :D
     
  30. flyingron

    flyingron Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

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    I still remember my first solo, I dumped the instructor out on the ramp and went out to do my three landings. Shortly after takeoff on the first, the tower (who must have noted the ejection of the instructor) called me and asked if it didn't fly better without that fat guy in the right seat.
     
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  31. supercub185

    supercub185 Pre-Flight

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    About 20 years ago an old time pilot was giving me a ride into a tower airport so i could ferry a maule back to maine.He was almost deaf after flying old bush planes for 50 years.About 15 miles out he called the tower for instructions.They replied,he could'nt hear em.He called back and said what's that you say?.They gave him instructions again,his reply what's that you say? This went on about 10 times.Finally the tower came back and said Land,Land,Land ,Just Land.
     
  32. KennyFlys

    KennyFlys Guest

    I listen to JFK Tower quite a bit with internet access in the car. It's my own perverted form of entertainment.

    The other day, I heard the controller give instructions to one aircraft, an MD-80 I believe. He called off a few taxiways and then remain with him as they continue to taxi to the gate.

    The pilot responds, "Uhh, we're on short final."

    I'm guessing that's NOT the time the pilot wants to be dealing with other instructions other than the words, "Go around."

    Another I heard recently but not sure where... As a plane was climbing out, the controller asked him what altitude he was using. The pilot responded with, "About 65 degrees."
     
  33. bkreager

    bkreager Pre-takeoff checklist

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    As I'm being vectored onto the ILS at Sioux City, IA:
    SUX App: Skylane 96C, uh, what's your airspeed?
    Me: Uh, 150.
    SUX App: hehe, uh, you're following a Saab on an 8 mile final, reduce airspeed to 120.
    Me: haha, ok, skylane 96C will slow down to 120.
     
  34. HPNPilot1200

    HPNPilot1200 En-Route

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    This one's from my dad...happened last week.

    Citation 123: "New York Center, Citation 123 climbing 9,100 for 17,000." (Over Caldwell area)

    New York Center: "Citation 123, New York Center, climb and maintain Flight Level 400."

    Citation 123: "Up to Flight Level 400, Citation 123. Is this New York Center?"

    New York Center: "Affirm, New York Center."

    Citation 123: "Just checkin', we never get direct climbs to Flight Level 400."

    New York Center: "This is the NEW New York Center."

    Citation 123: "In that case, Citation 123 request direct Wichita."

    New York Center: "Citation 123, this is the OLD New York Center, unable."
     
  35. ScottM

    ScottM Taxi to Parking

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    This just happened to me this past Saturday heading up to 6Y9.

    Me (N8116B ) Greend Bay Approaach, Cherokee 8116B, 30 miles south, 4500, request advisory to six yankee niner

    GB APP: Ah Nov. 8616B, squawk 3502 and say again callisign

    Me: 8 1 1 6 Bravo

    GB App: 8161B?

    Me Negative 8 1 1 6 Bravo

    GB App 81661b?

    Me: Negative 8 1 1 6 Bravo, I say again 8 1 1 6 Bravo

    GB App: 8611B?

    Me: Negative Eight One Sixteen Bravo, 8 1 1 6 Bravo

    GB App: 816B?

    Me: Close enough

    Some one else: He is saying 8 1 1 6 Bravo

    GB App: Ok 8116B Radar contact 25 miles south altimeter 30.14


    Sometime later as I am leaving his airspace

    GB App: Sorry about the confusion, I must have had brain lock

    Me: It happens to the best of us, thanks and good day.
     
  36. sbonek

    sbonek Pre-takeoff checklist

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    nice... I heard and had a similiar situation a few months back. Somebody else was VFR and trying to get FF from either Dayton or Indy Apch, and they were giving him the squawk code, and he just couldn't get it. I think they went back and forth 3 or 4 times trying to get the correct code. I had a nice chuckle, and wouldn't you know it, a few minutes later, I got handed off and they had me change codes, and then I messed mine up. It was similiar to your 8116, it was like 6116 and I was hearing 6161. Ooops...

    Of course if I would have used all of the tools I had, specifically the Play button on the audio panel of the G1000, I wouldn't have had to have ATC repeat it a few times.... :(
     
  37. Kelvin

    Kelvin En-Route

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    Roanoke Approach: Cessna xxxx squawk 4564

    Awkward silence

    Roanoke Approach: Cessna xxxx squawk 4564

    Still the awkward silence

    Roanoke Approach: Earth calling to Cessna xxxx Come in please

    Cessna xxxx: Hello? (in the most perfect indian accent)

    Roanoke Approach: Earth calling to Cessna xxxx squawk 4564

    Cessna xxxx: Hello? OK 4564

    After hearing this I could not resist...

    Me: Skyhawk xx13S to Earth I have the field in sight

    Roanoke Approach: Chuckling...Earth....Skyhawk xx13S switch to tower 127.650
     
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  38. Teller1900

    Teller1900 En-Route

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    Heard a great one today...

    It's been hard IMC all up and down the North eastern seaboard...tops at FL400+ with approaches down to minimums ("lights in sight, continue" was our battle cry today). The weather started deteriorating around 7am, with areas of extreme precip and turbulence all over by 8am. People were deviating all over the sky, and no one was on their assigned route, so Approach and Center freqs were busy. Portland Approach was vectoring an Air Force KC-135 (PAC-2 Heavy) to an airport.

    Approach: PAC-2 Heavy, Portland, good morning; decend and maintain 4000 feet, heading 2-4-0, vectors for the ILS. Current weather is Lima, showing: wind 110 at 17...

    Pause.

    PAC-2, sounded confused: PAC-2 rog. Umm. What was that wind again?

    Approach, with laughter in the background: 110 at...wait...ummm...that's the time, never mind. Wind 040 at 4, turn left heading 1-0-0.

    I hate reading METARs too, but wow...
     
  39. Capflyer

    Capflyer Pre-takeoff checklist

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    I had a funny one a couple of months ago with Lansing Approach (Michigan).

    An aircraft where inbound to KLAN and was instructed to go Left Downwind for rwy XX and contact tower on xxx.xx.

    Aircraft: Lansing Approach, roger, left downwind for rwy XX.

    Aircraft a couple of minutes later: Lansing approach, could you give us directions to the airport?

    Approach: It's right in front of you. You are almost right over it. It's the place with all the flashing lights and airplanes parked all over the ground.

    Aircraft: Roger, we'll look for it.

    Approach: Don't look to long or you'll miss it.

    Aircraft: Lansing approach, we think we see the airport now. I plane just took off from there, correct?

    Approach: You bet! That was UPS, it's big as a brick building. How can you miss that?? Contact tower on xxx.xx

    Approach to us: Skylane XX, traffic at 2 o'clock, should be no factor.

    Me: Roger, I've got the building in sight.

    Approach started laughing loud.
     
  40. Laurie

    Laurie Pre-takeoff checklist

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    I had similar experiences regularly when I was flying Cessna 7666Q.