Funniest thing you've heard on the radio?

[Teller1900]

Flying the route from LGA-LEB the other day, heard this with BOS Center after a Cherokee pilot (rather sheepishly) called up and asked for flight following and a vector over or around Bruswick airspace (good airspace to avoid).

BOS: Roger, have your request. Climb and maintain 4,500, I'll have a hand off for you in a minute.

Long pause.

BOS: Cherokee XXX, did you copy Boston?

Short pause.

BOS: I said climb to it, not squawk it!

 

[poadeleted20]

Good thing BOS didn't tell him to climb to seven thousand five hundred.

 

[mikea]

I was lines up at the runway flying Young Eagles at Meigs. Ahead of me was Butch is his 150 painted in Air Force motif. He was cleared. I waited to call for takeoff because I can overtake a 150 at 50% throttle with 2 notches of flaps.

"Cherokee xxn, you're cleared for takeoff."
(Remember I hadn't called as ready.)
I figure I WILL use flaps...
I ack: Cherokee cleared for takeoff.
TWR figures out why I was waiting.
"Cherokee, Caution. Wake Turbulence for the departing Air Force jet..."

 

[jesse]

Sidnaw traffic, Cherokee two-two-one-two-romeo is 10 miles to the southeast. Any traffic in the area, please advise.

The guy sounded like a total idiot.

 

[ScottM]

I was lines up at the runway flying Young Eagles at Meigs. Ahead of me was Butch is his 150 painted in Air Force motif.

Did he keep that at 3CK? I think I saw it if he did.

 

[tonycondon]

Sidnaw traffic, Cherokee two-two-one-two-romeo is 10 miles to the southeast. Any traffic in the area, please advise.

The guy sounded like a total idiot.

Kent: Any Doctors in the area please advise

Dr. Bill: Yea what do you want?

 

[mikea]

Did he keep that at 3CK? I think I saw it if he did.

I think he's based at Schaumburg.

 

[Steve]

Heard a lot of one liners over the years, but the funniest thing I recall is a SWA FO giving a full pre-landing cabin briefing over 121.5 ...

 

[SkyHog]

Funniest thing I've heard? Probably ATC giving me altitude clearances in SoCal, uncontrolled airspace.

"Mooney 6229U, you are cleared to 7500" or something.

Also, right up there, was anything said by Sioux City ATC.

 

[flyingcheesehead]

Actually, I just heard one the other night that cracked me up:

Chicago Center: "Northwest 1234, upon reaching flight level 370, you're cleared direct Detroit Metro airport."
Northwest 1234: "Holy crap! There IS a Santa Claus!"

 

[t0r0nad0]

That's a good one, Kent!

 

[flyingcheesehead]

Kent: Any Doctors in the area please advise

Dr. Bill: Yea what do you want?

You forgot what preceded the above:

Steve: "There's a Bonanza on downwind who's not on the radio."

Not only did Dr. Bill answer, but Bruce was on short final with Lance too. I think every doctor present heard it.

 

[Teller1900]

Another good one I heard from a friend of mine out in SoCal:

He was listening on the radio as his student was up for his first solo. First landing was decent, second a little scarey, but the third, he said, was a work of art. As soon as the kid taxied clear the tower controler (who knew it was a first solo) said "Clean up on aisle 31...that guy just greesed all over it!"

 

[maddog52]

From DEN center after numerous request for deviations for weather.

"Doom 93 flight, you are cleared to wonder aimlessly about the western skies. Advise when direct the entry point"

 

[kevin47881]

Cessna 123: Nashville Approach, Cessna 123 heavy 15 south landing with Alpha.

Approach: Cessna 123 heavy?

Southwest flight: Is there a fat pilot in that Cessna?

No joke, heard it about 2 years ago when flying out of BNA.
​

 

[Dr. Bill]

Kent: Any Doctors in the area please advise

Dr. Bill: Yea what do you want?

Oops! Coke in the keyboard; C-o-k-e IN the keyboard!

Thanks for the flashback-chuckle!

 

[Teller1900]

Cessna 123: Nashville Approach, Cessna 123 heavy 15 south landing with Alpha.

Approach: Cessna 123 heavy?

Southwest flight: Is there a fat pilot in that Cessna?

No joke, heard it about 2 years ago when flying out of BNA.
​

PHX Approach: Good evening American 123 Heavy...are you a heavy tonight?

American: Actually we're not, technically, but we probably should be...have you ever seen our flight attendents?

PHX: Ya, my ex-wife used to be one. That's why I just went to that before I asked!


Gotta love flying over the desert in the middle of the night...bored pilots and controlers are funny.

 

[gprellwitz]

See also this thread over on the Red board... http://forums.aopa.org/showthread.php?t=12368
It's a hoot!

 

[mikea]

Cessna 123: Nashville Approach, Cessna 123 heavy 15 south landing with Alpha.

Approach: Cessna 123 heavy?

Southwest flight: Is there a fat pilot in that Cessna?

No joke, heard it about 2 years ago when flying out of BNA.
​

Don' cha know? I have a Cherokee heavy. A Cessna heavy is a 182.

 

[astanley]

From my ex CFI. This was one for the record books...

Citation XXX: Albany approach, we're having a problem with our GPWS on board. Could you provide vectors into the nearest terrain, so we can diagnose?

Albany Approach: Negative Citation XXX, unable, proceed direct ALB.

<Some regional airline>: Albany approach, our TCAS doesn't appear to be working. Could you vector us into the Citation?

I don't remember if the TCAS/GPWS is backwards or not (heck, this is nearly 8 year old information), but it was hilarious when it came across the radio...

Cheers,

-Andrew

 

[Earthroamer]

Over Alamosa, CO.

Denver Center: Bonanza XXX how do you hear center?
silence...

Denver Center: Citation 285CC (me) can you try Bonanza XXX on XXX.XX?

Me: Bonanza XXX can you hear Citation 285CC?
Bonanza: No Sorry I cant.

After laughing I got him on the correct center frequency.

 

[Dave Siciliano]

Each morning on the way out to the A.O. in the Cav, a lot of folks would come on 243.0 to test guard (our helos could monitor in the background). Because it supposedly congested the frequency each morning, someone upstairs banned all the test calls.

Soooooo, some enterprising fella that could never be found would come up everyday around sunrise with: Baak Baak Baak Baak....CHICKEN MAN!!

At least we knew we could receive on guard when we heard that.

Best,

Dave

 

[GMascelli]

Cessna: uh...um...Dover approach there is a really big plane climbing towards me ....am I ok here ?
Dover Approach: The really big plane has you in sight continue on course.
Dover Approach: Archer 679er (Me) traffic is a reallly big plane at your 12 o clock caution wake turbulence, they will pass by your 3 o clock at 3500.
Me: (laughing)..Dover approach I have the reeeeally big plane in sight, 679er

Dover approach had me flying north between the runway and the downwind leg that has the C5's over the Delaware Bay.

The wife and I could not stop laughing.....that guy in the cessna must have puckered when he saw that C5 climbing out towards him.

 

[t0r0nad0]

I know a guy who used to fly King Airs for a charter outfit at KSGR who would key the mic and do his best Chewbacca impression when the frequency was slow.

 

[akomara1]

cullman unicom: kingair xxx what are you gonna need fuel?
king air: negative were comming in for a trade a plane and your girlfirends phone number

 

[ErikU]

There is an army air base not too far away that is never used, has no based aircraft, but is class D with a tower. I have been told that the trainees work in that tower.

One day I wanted to transition..

me: gray tower Bonanza 5894S 8 miles south request transition northbound at 2000.

twr: (in the voice of the teenager working at krusty burger in the simpsons) umm.. transfer who.. to.. umm.. what?

me: Bonanza 5894S is 6.5 miles south request transition northbound at 2000

twr: you want to go 6.5 miles south?

me: negative, Bonanza 5894S IS 6.5 south request transition your airspace northbound at 2000

twr: ok, umm, continue 6.5 miles south

me: (talking very slowly) ok, I am now 6 miles south of the airport, I would like to fly through your airspace northbound at 2000ft and am requesting permission to continue

long pause...

twr: ok, transaction approved

At this point I figured I had done all I could and continued. We got a good laugh out of the final "transaction approved".

 

[CJones]

There is an army air base not too far away that is never used, has no based aircraft, but is class D with a tower. I have been told that the trainees work in that tower.

One day I wanted to transition..

me: gray tower Bonanza 5894S 8 miles south request transition northbound at 2000.

twr: (in the voice of the teenager working at krusty burger in the simpsons) umm.. transfer who.. to.. umm.. what?

me: Bonanza 5894S is 6.5 miles south request transition northbound at 2000

twr: you want to go 6.5 miles south?

me: negative, Bonanza 5894S IS 6.5 south request transition your airspace northbound at 2000

twr: ok, umm, continue 6.5 miles south

me: (talking very slowly) ok, I am now 6 miles south of the airport, I would like to fly through your airspace northbound at 2000ft and am requesting permission to continue

long pause...

twr: ok, transaction approved

At this point I figured I had done all I could and continued. We got a good laugh out of the final "transaction approved".

But did you get the receipt for the transaction?? I think airspace transactions are tax deductible.

 

[AWACSEng]

Only if they are business related.

 

[Ghery]

I'm going to have to make a point of going over to Ft. Lewis and transiting Gray's D space just for chuckles and grins one of these days. Not like they're a long way from OLM.

 

[flyingron]

I still remember my first solo, I dumped the instructor out on the ramp and went out to do my three landings. Shortly after takeoff on the first, the tower (who must have noted the ejection of the instructor) called me and asked if it didn't fly better without that fat guy in the right seat.

 

[supercub185]

About 20 years ago an old time pilot was giving me a ride into a tower airport so i could ferry a maule back to maine.He was almost deaf after flying old bush planes for 50 years.About 15 miles out he called the tower for instructions.They replied,he could'nt hear em.He called back and said what's that you say?.They gave him instructions again,his reply what's that you say? This went on about 10 times.Finally the tower came back and said Land,Land,Land ,Just Land.

 

[KennyFlys]

I listen to JFK Tower quite a bit with internet access in the car. It's my own perverted form of entertainment.

The other day, I heard the controller give instructions to one aircraft, an MD-80 I believe. He called off a few taxiways and then remain with him as they continue to taxi to the gate.

The pilot responds, "Uhh, we're on short final."

I'm guessing that's NOT the time the pilot wants to be dealing with other instructions other than the words, "Go around."

Another I heard recently but not sure where... As a plane was climbing out, the controller asked him what altitude he was using. The pilot responded with, "About 65 degrees."

 

[bkreager]

As I'm being vectored onto the ILS at Sioux City, IA:
SUX App: Skylane 96C, uh, what's your airspeed?
Me: Uh, 150.
SUX App: hehe, uh, you're following a Saab on an 8 mile final, reduce airspeed to 120.
Me: haha, ok, skylane 96C will slow down to 120.

 

[HPNPilot1200]

This one's from my dad...happened last week.

Citation 123: "New York Center, Citation 123 climbing 9,100 for 17,000." (Over Caldwell area)

New York Center: "Citation 123, New York Center, climb and maintain Flight Level 400."

Citation 123: "Up to Flight Level 400, Citation 123. Is this New York Center?"

New York Center: "Affirm, New York Center."

Citation 123: "Just checkin', we never get direct climbs to Flight Level 400."

New York Center: "This is the NEW New York Center."

Citation 123: "In that case, Citation 123 request direct Wichita."

New York Center: "Citation 123, this is the OLD New York Center, unable."

 

[ScottM]

This just happened to me this past Saturday heading up to 6Y9.

Me (N8116B ) Greend Bay Approaach, Cherokee 8116B, 30 miles south, 4500, request advisory to six yankee niner

GB APP: Ah Nov. 8616B, squawk 3502 and say again callisign

Me: 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: 8161B?

Me Negative 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App 81661b?

Me: Negative 8 1 1 6 Bravo, I say again 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: 8611B?

Me: Negative Eight One Sixteen Bravo, 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: 816B?

Me: Close enough

Some one else: He is saying 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: Ok 8116B Radar contact 25 miles south altimeter 30.14


Sometime later as I am leaving his airspace

GB App: Sorry about the confusion, I must have had brain lock

Me: It happens to the best of us, thanks and good day.

 

[sbonek]

..snip...

Sometime later as I am leaving his airspace

GB App: Sorry about the confusion, I must have had brain lock

Me: It happens to the best of us, thanks and good day.

nice... I heard and had a similiar situation a few months back. Somebody else was VFR and trying to get FF from either Dayton or Indy Apch, and they were giving him the squawk code, and he just couldn't get it. I think they went back and forth 3 or 4 times trying to get the correct code. I had a nice chuckle, and wouldn't you know it, a few minutes later, I got handed off and they had me change codes, and then I messed mine up. It was similiar to your 8116, it was like 6116 and I was hearing 6161. Ooops...

Of course if I would have used all of the tools I had, specifically the Play button on the audio panel of the G1000, I wouldn't have had to have ATC repeat it a few times....

 

[Kelvin]

Roanoke Approach: Cessna xxxx squawk 4564

Awkward silence

Roanoke Approach: Cessna xxxx squawk 4564

Still the awkward silence

Roanoke Approach: Earth calling to Cessna xxxx Come in please

Cessna xxxx: Hello? (in the most perfect indian accent)

Roanoke Approach: Earth calling to Cessna xxxx squawk 4564

Cessna xxxx: Hello? OK 4564

After hearing this I could not resist...

Me: Skyhawk xx13S to Earth I have the field in sight

Roanoke Approach: Chuckling...Earth....Skyhawk xx13S switch to tower 127.650

 

[Teller1900]

Heard a great one today...

It's been hard IMC all up and down the North eastern seaboard...tops at FL400+ with approaches down to minimums ("lights in sight, continue" was our battle cry today). The weather started deteriorating around 7am, with areas of extreme precip and turbulence all over by 8am. People were deviating all over the sky, and no one was on their assigned route, so Approach and Center freqs were busy. Portland Approach was vectoring an Air Force KC-135 (PAC-2 Heavy) to an airport.

Approach: PAC-2 Heavy, Portland, good morning; decend and maintain 4000 feet, heading 2-4-0, vectors for the ILS. Current weather is Lima, showing: wind 110 at 17...

Pause.

PAC-2, sounded confused: PAC-2 rog. Umm. What was that wind again?

Approach, with laughter in the background: 110 at...wait...ummm...that's the time, never mind. Wind 040 at 4, turn left heading 1-0-0.

I hate reading METARs too, but wow...

 

[Capflyer]

I had a funny one a couple of months ago with Lansing Approach (Michigan).

An aircraft where inbound to KLAN and was instructed to go Left Downwind for rwy XX and contact tower on xxx.xx.

Aircraft: Lansing Approach, roger, left downwind for rwy XX.

Aircraft a couple of minutes later: Lansing approach, could you give us directions to the airport?

Approach: It's right in front of you. You are almost right over it. It's the place with all the flashing lights and airplanes parked all over the ground.

Aircraft: Roger, we'll look for it.

Approach: Don't look to long or you'll miss it.

Aircraft: Lansing approach, we think we see the airport now. I plane just took off from there, correct?

Approach: You bet! That was UPS, it's big as a brick building. How can you miss that?? Contact tower on xxx.xx

Approach to us: Skylane XX, traffic at 2 o'clock, should be no factor.

Me: Roger, I've got the building in sight.

Approach started laughing loud.

 

[Laurie]

This just happened to me this past Saturday heading up to 6Y9.

Me (N8116B ) Greend Bay Approaach, Cherokee 8116B, 30 miles south, 4500, request advisory to six yankee niner

GB APP: Ah Nov. 8616B, squawk 3502 and say again callisign

Me: 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: 8161B?

Me Negative 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App 81661b?

Me: Negative 8 1 1 6 Bravo, I say again 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: 8611B?

Me: Negative Eight One Sixteen Bravo, 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: 816B?

Me: Close enough

Some one else: He is saying 8 1 1 6 Bravo

GB App: Ok 8116B Radar contact 25 miles south altimeter 30.14


Sometime later as I am leaving his airspace

GB App: Sorry about the confusion, I must have had brain lock

Me: It happens to the best of us, thanks and good day.

I had similar experiences regularly when I was flying Cessna 7666Q.