Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

denverpilot said:
Just wait...
418a1041588730d1d2a6d815c59eec88.jpg
Click to expand...



Bumper sticker on Air Force 1, I presume?
 
I know a guy who was stopped for speeding in his Porsche. The cop told him he was doing 76 in a 65. My friend said "no, absolutely not! I was doing at least 80." He still got the ticket after a little laugh.
 
I got home and my wife met me at the door. She looked pretty stressed. She said "I was real worried about you, the radio said there was a wrong way driver on the Loop 101. Did you see it?"

I replied " One wrong way driver? Hell, there were at least 50 of them. I'm lucky to be alive!"
 
Lena got hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. Before the day was out, she got fired…her supervisor came in and found her sewing a a small sack with two balls between the dolls’ legs.

“Lena! What are you doing??!?”
“I’m just doing what you told me to do.”
“What do you mean?” The supervisor asked.
“You told me to give each doll two test tickles.”

saracelica said:
I'll see myself out
Click to expand...
Likewise.
 
Half Fast said:
View attachment 99318
Click to expand...

That literally happened to my mother, I was in the car. The cop pulled her and she complained that although she admitted she was exceeding the limit, she was still a lot slower than all the other cars. The cop said, “I know, that’s why I could catch you.”
 
Rushie said:
The cop said, “I know, that’s why I could catch you.”
Click to expand...

My dad told the story of running along with a group of cars and coming over the hill to see the police sitting with the radar out the window. As they all went by the officer pulled out and came in behind my dad and put the lights on.

When he inquired of the officer why he stopped him out of all the other cars that were going with him at the same speed the officer said, "I seen your brakes lights when you tapped the brakes. You know you are guilty!"
 
Daleandee said:
My dad told the story of running along with a group of cars and coming over the hill to see the police sitting with the radar out the window. As they all went by the officer pulled out and came in behind my dad and put the lights on.

When he inquired of the officer why he stopped him out of all the other cars that were going with him at the same speed the officer said, "I seen your brakes lights when you tapped the brakes. You know you are guilty!"
Click to expand...



Amateur.

Slow by downshifting and using the parking brake. No brake lights.
 
Half Fast said:
Amateur.

Slow by downshifting and using the parking brake. No brake lights.
Click to expand...

He was driving an old Chevy 350 with an automatic. I'm certain his response was due to the startle factor. But he learned from his experience and I did too ... :D
 
Back when the national speed limit was 55, I was in west Texas on I-20, probably running around 75 mph. I was the last car in a group of 6 when we passed a highway patrol car checking speed.

We went over a short hill before the officer could get turned around. I put my foot into it and passed two of the cars ahead of me, then fell back in line. The highway patrolman pulled over the last car in the group as the rest of us never even slowed down.
 
My brother was on Ronald Reagan Parkway outside of Atlanta a few years ago, doing about 80 in the right lane, just following traffic. He had had a few recent experiences where the car in front of him slammed on their breaks almost causing my brother to rear-end them. He learned not to follow too closely. When the cop pulled him over he asked why he was singled out when everyone was speeding. The cop said everyone else was too close together and he couldn't tell exactly which car he was measuring, but since my brother had left that gap, it was easy to tell it was him. He got a ticket.
 
Zeldman said:
Back when the national speed limit was 55, I was in west Texas on I-20, probably running around 75 mph. I was the last car in a group of 6 when we passed a highway patrol car checking speed.

We went over a short hill before the officer could get turned around. I put my foot into it and passed two of the cars ahead of me, then fell back in line. The highway patrolman pulled over the last car in the group as the rest of us never even slowed down.
Click to expand...
I got a ticket going through Santa Maria, CA years ago. I later learned it was a notorious stretch of road for speeding tickets. It actually got in the news and there was some Judicial stuff going on with that CHP office, battalion or whatever they are called. I was in the right lane just going with the flow. I told the cop that, I’m was just keeping the pace with the long line of traffic. He wasn’t quite as funny as the guy with @rushies mom in post # 9617 above. What he said was yeah, but you were at the end of the line.
 
Zeldman said:
Back when the national speed limit was 55, I was in west Texas on I-20, probably running around 75 mph. I was the last car in a group of 6 when we passed a highway patrol car checking speed.

We went over a short hill before the officer could get turned around. I put my foot into it and passed two of the cars ahead of me, then fell back in line. The highway patrolman pulled over the last car in the group as the rest of us never even slowed down.
Click to expand...
During college, drove from Aggieland out to San Angelo to see family. Along way coming into a small town, I got pulled over by a sheriff deputy for speeding.

i was about to protest that that I was well under the speed limit when I passed him when his partner pulled in behind us in a beat up old Chevy farm truck that I remembered going by at 80MPH plus.

Fair play and I took me lumps and paid the fine.
 
Daleandee said:
My dad told the story of running along with a group of cars and coming over the hill to see the police sitting with the radar out the window. As they all went by the officer pulled out and came in behind my dad and put the lights on.

When he inquired of the officer why he stopped him out of all the other cars that were going with him at the same speed the officer said, "I seen your brakes lights when you tapped the brakes. You know you are guilty!"
Click to expand...

"Officer, I tapped my brakes because the car in front of me massively downshifted. They nearly caused an accident and you're harassing me? "
 
bflynn said:
"Officer, I tapped my brakes because the car in front of me massively downshifted. They nearly caused an accident and you're harassing me? "
Click to expand...

The officer would likely say, "well he's gone and you're here and I'm giving someone a ticket so you get to take one for the team!"
 
I gave up trying to talk my way out of traffic tickets a long time ago.
 
Palmpilot said:
I gave up trying to talk my way out of traffic tickets a long time ago.
Click to expand...

*There's the story of a friend that I was riding with that got stopped and was trying to talk his way out of a ticket. The more the officer refused the louder my friend got until the officer finally reached in the window and slapped the snot out of him. I was laughing as the officer walked around to my side and motioned for me to put down the window. When I did he reached in and slapped me too!

I was furious and asked him what he thought he was doing. He told me he was making my wish come true. I asked him what he meant by that. He said, "I know that once you boys got down the road you was gonna say, "I wish he woulda slapped me like that!" :dunno:

*OK ... I admit it ... this story is totally made up for the purposes of a good laugh! ;)
 
Back when it was new, I drove an '88 Bronco past an unmarked car at the crest of a hill at 92 in a 55. It had a 351, C6 (3 speed), and that was as fast as it would go, with the pedal stuck to the floor, the way it was geared. He was behind a bridge pillar, and I saw him as I was beside him, when the radar detector also went off. I hit the brakes before I was sure what his car was.

His first words were "I don't know how fast you were going when you went by me, but I clocked you at 67." I just said "ok." Didn't try to talk my way out of that ticket.
 
Back when the national speed limit was 55 I entered the interstate behind a small string of cars as I was on the way to work. Behind me on the on-ramp came a state trooper so nobody was going to exceed 55! The highway had hills such that I figured I could quickly leap-frog one car, pull back into line while being out of sight of the trooper. This worked and soon the trooper was far behind out of sight. Congratulating myself, I was preparing to exit where I needed to go when all of a sudden the trooper was right on my rear bumper with lights going. Naturally I pulled over and he walked up to my open window and said that he knew EXACTLY what I had been doing and just wanted to let me know that he was on to me! No ticket, but lesson learned!!
 
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE


1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.


2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.


3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.


4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.


5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.


7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."


8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.


9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".


10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.


11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.


12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.


13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!".
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top