Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by Let'sgoflying!, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. Let'sgoflying!

    Let'sgoflying! Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    18,462
    Location:
    west Texas
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Dave Taylor
    positivenote.jpeg

    valid (or not) message
     
  2. Charlie Golf

    Charlie Golf Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2020
    Messages:
    399
    Location:
    Western MA
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    CGB
  3. Half Fast

    Half Fast Final Approach

    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Messages:
    6,206
    Location:
    Central Florida
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Half Fast
    When Insults Had Class . . .




    These glorious insults are from an era " before" the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.




    A member of Parliament to Disraeli:"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

    "That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."




    "He had delusions of adequacy "

    -Walter Kerr




    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

    - Winston Churchill




    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

    -Clarence Darrow




    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

    -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)




    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

    -Moses Hadas




    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

    -Mark Twain




    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

    -Oscar Wilde




    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
    -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
    -Winston Churchill, in response




    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

    -Stephen Bishop




    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

    -John Bright




    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

    -Irvin S. Cobb




    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."

    -Samuel Johnson




    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

    - Paul Keating




    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

    -Charles, Count Talleyrand




    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

    -Forrest Tucker




    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

    -Mark Twain




    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

    -Mae West




    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

    -Oscar Wilde




    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."

    -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)




    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

    -Billy Wilder




    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."

    -Groucho Marx
     
  4. MuseChaser

    MuseChaser Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2019
    Messages:
    2,039
    Location:
    Central NYS
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    MuseChaser
    Wish I could "like" that thrice. Oh, for the times when wit trumped shocking vulgarity...
     
    LB 408A, SoonerAviator and Half Fast like this.
  5. Zeldman

    Zeldman Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    13,700
    Location:
    high desert NM
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Billy
    Problem is nowadays most folk would not understand they are being insulted.
     
  6. Matthew

    Matthew Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    17,211
    Location:
    kojc, kixd, k34
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Matthew
    Oh, my. Quick witted insults always remind me of:

    Mark Gastineau in the NY Jets locker room decides to punk a female reporter. He drops his towel and shakes what he’s got at her. He says, “What do you think of THIS?” She say, “It looks like a penis...only smaller.”
     
    A1Topgun and Palmpilot like this.
  7. Let'sgoflying!

    Let'sgoflying! Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    18,462
    Location:
    west Texas
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Dave Taylor
  8. bflynn

    bflynn Final Approach

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2012
    Messages:
    6,929
    Location:
    KRDU
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Brian Flynn
    Hamburgers are second degree vegetarian. The cow ate no meat.
     
  9. Let'sgoflying!

    Let'sgoflying! Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    18,462
    Location:
    west Texas
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Dave Taylor
  10. Half Fast

    Half Fast Final Approach

    Joined:
    May 7, 2016
    Messages:
    6,206
    Location:
    Central Florida
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Half Fast

    My favorite Churchill quote:

    Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
    Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.
     
    MuseChaser, Zeldman and Palmpilot like this.
  11. Hawker800

    Hawker800 Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    1,042
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Daniel
  12. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  13. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  14. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  15. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  16. Tom-D

    Tom-D Taxi to Parking

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2005
    Messages:
    34,736
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Tom-D
    hair in my soup
     

    Attached Files:

    Hawker800 likes this.
  17. Hawker800

    Hawker800 Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    1,042
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Daniel
  18. Palmpilot

    Palmpilot Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2007
    Messages:
    18,656
    Location:
    PUDBY
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Richard Palm
    Wait, I think I see the outlines of Amelia Earhart's plane in that photo!
     
    Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe likes this.
  19. Bob Noel

    Bob Noel Touchdown! Greaser!

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2008
    Messages:
    15,738
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Bob Noel
    good catch
     
  20. A Martin

    A Martin Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2020
    Messages:
    175
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    A Martin
    .

    Lady Astor approached Winston Churchill at a party

    Lady Astor ... shame on you Sir Winston ... you are drunk in public.

    Churchill ... Yes , but tomorrow I shall be sober , and you will still be ugly .

    .
     
    flyingcheesehead and Swampfox201 like this.
  21. A Martin

    A Martin Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2020
    Messages:
    175
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    A Martin
    .

    A government inspector was sent to the local hospital to make sure it was operating efficiently.

    He noticed a nurse collecting the plastic center out of the empty bandage rolls and asked why .... she replied .... we save them and return them to Johnson and Johnson and for every 10 empties they give us 1 new roll of bandages free.

    Why do you color the plaster casts on children ??? .... she replied .... we charge the parents $1 , the food coloring only costs 10 cents , and the children love it.

    Why do you save the foreskins when you do a circumcision ??? ... she replied .... we mail them to the government and once a year , right about this time , they send us a complete prick.

    .
     
    Hawker800 likes this.
  22. A Martin

    A Martin Pre-takeoff checklist

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2020
    Messages:
    175
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    A Martin
    .

    A young Arab passes away and is excited to get to paradise where he is met by the gatekeeper

    GATEKEEPER ..... welcome to paradise , we have 3 sections -Jews -Christians -Muslims so choose the one you want
    ARAB ................ my Imam promised me 72 virgins would be waiting for me in paradise , so take me to them please
    GATEKEEPER .... are you sure ?? ... it is not what you are expecting .... virgins are hard to find
    ARAB ......... never mind the small details , I want my 72 virgins and the feast that was promised to me
    GATEKEEPER .... very well , but you will not be able to change your mind afterwards.
    ARAB ............. I will take my chances , I am too hungry and too horny to care about details
    GATEKEEPER ..... very well , follow me

    The ARAB is surprised when the GATEKEEPER unlocks the entrance to the Catholic section ..... he is led into a large building with multiple doors and above one door is a sign .... BANQUET HALL for FEASTING VIRGINS

    ARAB ..... OK ..... it is fine with me if it is in the Christian section .... open the door and let me in please.

    The Gatekeeper unlocks the door , the Arab steps in ... and finds the room is full of Elderly Roman Catholic Nuns feasting on Roast Pork

    .
     
  23. Hawker800

    Hawker800 Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    1,042
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Daniel
  24. denverpilot

    denverpilot Tied Down PoA Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2009
    Messages:
    55,363
    Location:
    Denver, CO
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    DenverPilot
    From an IT group. Now I want someone to actually make it. LOL

    [​IMG]
     
  25. Hawker800

    Hawker800 Cleared for Takeoff

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    1,042
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Daniel
  26. Pilawt

    Pilawt Final Approach

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2005
    Messages:
    8,395
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Pilawt
    The former senator was from Searchlight NV. They coulda just named 1L3 for him instead.
     
  27. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  28. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  29. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  30. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  31. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  32. CharlieD3

    CharlieD3 Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2019
    Messages:
    2,164
    Location:
    Tennessee
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    CharlieD3
    Fords, Chevys, Maseratis, what have you... As long as it's green![​IMG]
     
  33. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
    hell-froze-over.jpg
     
    RyanB and IK04 like this.
  34. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  35. A1Topgun

    A1Topgun Line Up and Wait

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2015
    Messages:
    869
    Location:
    Central Maine
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ron
  36. RyanB

    RyanB Administrator Management Council Member PoA Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2010
    Messages:
    13,165
    Location:
    Chattanooga, TN
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Ryan
  37. MuseChaser

    MuseChaser Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2019
    Messages:
    2,039
    Location:
    Central NYS
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    MuseChaser
    As a future pilot, he must learn to judge the flare. Makes sense.
     
    A1Topgun likes this.
  38. Lycosaurus

    Lycosaurus Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2012
    Messages:
    1,647
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Meme Curator
  39. CharlieD3

    CharlieD3 Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2019
    Messages:
    2,164
    Location:
    Tennessee
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    CharlieD3
    We know how to avoid controlled spaces...[​IMG]
     
  40. RussR

    RussR Pattern Altitude

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,118
    Location:
    Oklahoma City, OK
    Display Name:

    Display name:
    Russ
    I'll be honest, it took me a couple of tries to figure out that the brown rectangle was supposed to be a door, and that confused me a bit - have you ever seen a door with the doorknob in the center? I thought he was walking by a window shutter or something.