Inheritance etiquette PSA

GoFly said:
My mom is insisting that I take her old piano. I love to play, but that thing would sound better if it was dropped from a 4th story balcony.
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Pianos, China, and Grandfather clocks were status symbols of upward mobility in the ‘50’s and 60’s. There’s a lot of generational sentiment there. Also, high end appliances like Kirby vacuum cleaners.

That stuff is near-priceless to people who came of age during that period.
 
Kyleb- Oh yeah, mom thinks this piano sounds like Steinway. And oh my at the different China patterns
 
kyleb said:
Pianos, China, and Grandfather clocks were status symbols of upward mobility in the ‘50’s and 60’s. There’s a lot of generational sentiment there. Also, high end appliances like Kirby vacuum cleaners.

That stuff is near-priceless to people who came of age during that period.
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My dad died late in 1989, and my mother gave all of us some cash. I used mine to buy a grandfather clock in his honor, and think of him when I wind it on Sunday mornings. Alas, neither of our children have any interest in the clock after we're gone, even though both of them have good memories of their grandfather.
 
GoFly said:
My mom is insisting that I take her old piano. I love to play, but that thing would sound better if it was dropped from a 4th story balcony.
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kyleb said:
Pianos, China, and Grandfather clocks were status symbols of upward mobility in the ‘50’s and 60’s. There’s a lot of generational sentiment there. Also, high end appliances like Kirby vacuum cleaners.

That stuff is near-priceless to people who came of age during that period.
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my mom recently asked me if I wanted her silverware set. I was like what would I do with that, I already have that stuff? I kinda saw the disappointment in her face, not necessarily that I wouldn't take it, but that it meant something to her. I decided at that moment I'd take any damn thing they wanted me to have and worry about what I'd do with it later. but man these discussions are getting harder and harder to have.
 
eman- That approach works too, just take the stuff and say thank you. They don’t have to know what happened to it later
 
eman1200 said:
my mom recently asked me if I wanted her silverware set. I was like what would I do with that, I already have that stuff? I kinda saw the disappointment in her face, not necessarily that I wouldn't take it, but that it meant something to her. I decided at that moment I'd take any damn thing they wanted me to have and worry about what I'd do with it later. but man these discussions are getting harder and harder to have.
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Yep. We have my Dad's dead wife's hummels. He is happy to see them when he visits, but it would be weird to have around his house and his new wife. They will "exit stage right" whenever he dies.
 
We have my Dad's grandfather clock, which has run and not run for periods of years at a time. We don't need a grandfather clock, but Dad built this one in 1976 from a kit. Solid cherry, with a custom made stained glass door with our family's initial in it. My late sister had the smaller grandmother clock he made as a warm-up for this one. The movement in this one is pretty well worn, but still running (for now).

Funny story: When our youngest grandchile was old enough to ask what it was, we explained that it was a clock. He gave us a puzzled look and asked, "Where's the mouse?" My wife sewed one from felt scraps, and it now sits on the clock, next to the dial. I suspect that little gray felt mouse will be there as long as the clock still exists.
 
GoFly said:
My mom is insisting that I take her old piano. I love to play, but that thing would sound better if it was dropped from a 4th story balcony.
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It could certainly be fixed... unless it's one of those spinet pianos or, even worse, the 66 note spinets.

well, even a spinet can be fixed. Not worth it, but it can be fixed.

The 66 note spinets don't even deserve an honorable death.
 
Nah, it’s an 88 key upright, but it’s just not a well made one. Never has held a tune well, and doesn’t have a good tone. A Viking funeral would suit it
 
My grandparents had an old upright in the original house on their homestead...a piano, but no indoor plumbing.

In the '60s, they had a modern house moved onto the property, and turned the old house into a chicken coop. Piano and all.

Jump forward about 40 years, and one of my cousins rescued the piano and refurbished it....

Ron Wanttaja
 
eman1200 said:
my mom recently asked me if I wanted her silverware set. I was like what would I do with that, I already have that stuff?
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We have two or three sets of silver and some <supposedly> valuable china. We've never used it. SWMBO has some level of attachment to it, otherwise I'd sell the lot of it in a heartbeat.
 
GoFly said:
Nah, it’s an 88 key upright, but it’s just not a well made one. Never has held a tune well, and doesn’t have a good tone. A Viking funeral would suit it
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just a note (no pun) of caution: before destroying a piano, loosen the tension on the strings (200+ tuning pins). A string breaking isn't likely to cause damage to bystanders, but it can.
 
Thanks for that. Don’t know what we will do with it
 
Piperonica- I have a son who is a USAF fighter pilot, I’ll have to ask him if the squadron needs a victim
 
My sister-in-law inherited a load of money and a very high value home from her uncle. His kids and grandkids got a few thousand each because they were absolute wankers, doing just what the OP brought up.

My brother is horrible with money, but at least she is keeping their spending in check. They still live in the house they bought before the inheritance. She let him buy a 20 year old wakeboard boat, and he has a blank check to repair and maintain it, so that keeps him happy enough.
 
Didn't follow the thread, just found it now.
So you have have heard this story from others.
Dad's wife dies (actually she was euthanized in Canada) [and it was absolutely the right thing]
Anyway, her kids are wondering where their share of the inheritance was, within days of her death (she left it all to Dad, he spouse - as many do).
That ain't good enuff, soon lawyers are sending letters and he has to hire an atty, send responses, send notarized copies of will, statement of assets & liabilities etc.. Angry letters to my sister who is Dad's POA (he was having health problems too)
Then Dad dies and the same thing happens; lawyers, letters, sister's mental deterioration due to the constant need to document everything, respond to everyone. (she was then the manager of Dad's estate - um, executrix). Other side of new family are unbelievable. Sister has to turn off phone and email at night and weekends because 8-5 of that is enough. Quit her job in order to tend to all the time this required. This was not a large estate by any means either!
And the remuneration for being executrix was less than fast food wages.
 
DaleB said:
We have my Dad's grandfather clock, which has run and not run for periods of years at a time. We don't need a grandfather clock, but Dad built this one in 1976 from a kit. Solid cherry, with a custom made stained glass door with our family's initial in it. My late sister had the smaller grandmother clock he made as a warm-up for this one. The movement in this one is pretty well worn, but still running (for now).
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Similar story here. When Dad retired in the early 80's, he built a grandfather clock from a kit as his retirement project. It's beautiful. We've now moved it cross-country twice, and I only hope (but am far from sure) that my son will want it some day.

No damage during either move, but somehow on the first move they lost the pendulum. The movement was long discontinued, no replacement available, so the clock sat idle for years until my wife surprised me one Christmas having found a local clock wizard who could custom make a pendulum timed appropriately to the clock. So it's back in operation!
 
DaleB said:
We have my Dad's grandfather clock, which has run and not run for periods of years at a time
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I love my grandfather clock. I probably have a dozen other clocks that are wind-up and chime... mantel clocks, wall clocks, etc. Even a cuckoo clock and two anniversary clocks as well as a ship's clock from a Chinese junk. I do have the grandfather clock serviced every other year or so.

As I am about to turn 80 and my kids have no interest, I am thinking of starting to try to sell almost all of them.
 
Gilbert Buettner said:
I do have the grandfather clock serviced every other year or so.
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I had this one serviced by the ONE GUY that I could find locally who did that sort of thing. It ran for a couple of weeks after, then quit again. It would run for anywhere from 10 to 40 minutes at a time, then stop. I gave up on it; those movements, I am told, are good for about 30 years tops. Than a few years later we moved it into the living room, on carpet - a no-no for a grandfather clock like this. Now it runs. I have to tweak the pendulum bob a few times a year as the temperature and humidity changes, but it stays pretty well in time.

I could have the movement completely overhauled and bushings put in... for about the cost of a new movement. Maybe that will be my post-retirement, post-airplane project.
 
DaleB said:
I had this one serviced by the ONE GUY that I could find locally who did that sort of thing. It ran for a couple of weeks after, then quit again. It would run for anywhere from 10 to 40 minutes at a time, then stop. I gave up on it; those movements, I am told, are good for about 30 years tops. Than a few years later we moved it into the living room, on carpet - a no-no for a grandfather clock like this. Now it runs. I have to tweak the pendulum bob a few times a year as the temperature and humidity changes, but it stays pretty well in time.

I could have the movement completely overhauled and bushings put in... for about the cost of a new movement. Maybe that will be my post-retirement, post-airplane project.
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I was lucky to find a clock repair guy who is very good and very reasonable on his charges. These folks are getting scarce. I've been in more than one house with a grandfather clock sitting there dormant, and I wonder if they tried to have it serviced or just thought it would go on forever.

When my grandparents were married in 1904, they received a mantel clock as a gift. I had it tuned up about 20 years ago and it runs perfectly with a beautiful chime. That is one I don't want to part with, and hope one of my children will appreciate when the time comes.
 
Gilbert Buettner said:
When my grandparents were married in 1904, they received a mantel clock as a gift. I had it tuned up about 20 years ago and it runs perfectly with a beautiful chime. That is one I don't want to part with, and hope one of my children will appreciate when the time comes.
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I have one that my great-grandmother received as a wedding gift. I need to have it repaired. It quit a few years ago but I still have it sitting on our mantel
 
DFH65 said:
The item that drives me crazy is pictures. I somehow managed to get all of the pictures from both sides of the family. We have some nice old albums you know the kind with the little paper corners to hold the pictures. Except nobody ever labeled them. The only person still alive who has been around long enough is my 80+ year old aunt and she has been blind since birth.
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Definitely an issue... But I think we're not far off at all from AI tech that will be able to look at genealogy and pics and determine with reasonable accuracy who is in a photo. Where and when the photo was taken might come even sooner.

So, don't shred 'em just yet. ;)
 
flyingcheesehead said:
Definitely an issue... But I think we're not far off at all from AI tech that will be able to look at genealogy and pics and determine with reasonable accuracy who is in a photo. ...
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careful. There are some that might not want to know about the, ahem, parentage (questionable parentage, red-headed child if you know what I mean)
 
Bob Noel said:
There are some that might not want to know about the, ahem, parentage (questionable parentage, red-headed child if you know what I mean)
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The school my parents went to had a brief fling with STEM in the 90s. But, as they tell the story, there were some "issue-issues" in Biology. So, science and math were phased out because those subjects are empirical and raise troubling questions.
 
flyingcheesehead said:
Definitely an issue... But I think we're not far off at all from AI tech that will be able to look at genealogy and pics and determine with reasonable accuracy who is in a photo. Where and when the photo was taken might come even sooner.

So, don't shred 'em just yet. ;)
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When my grandmother died (104) we all met at a local restaurant for lunch after the funeral. It was in a Chicago suburb (Steger), and one of those kind of places with old local photos lining the walls along the hallways. One of my uncles pulled me over to point out a couple of pictures. There was a photo of some kids on the soccer team from a local grade school. I think they were 4th or 5th graders and all first or second generation German immigrants. My uncle pointed to one of the kids and said, “That’s your grandpa.” He left school after 6th grade because he needed a job, so that was almost like his graduation picture. Then we went around the corner and looked at another picture. This was a photo of the inside of a general store. Two gentlemen were leaning against the counter, both wearing aprons. One guy was holding a long butcher knife and his apron looked all bloodstained. My uncle told me those were my grandfather’s older brothers and that my grandfather was probably working in the back of the store when that photo was made. That was the family store for a very long time. I always wondered where the restaurant got those pictures, maybe from a local historical society or library archives.
 
DaleB said:
…a few years later we moved it into the living room, on carpet - a no-no for a grandfather clock like this. Now it runs.
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My grandma had a clock that came from the schoolhouse where she taught. It was one of those “put my name in it, please, Grandma?” items. I could only get it to run on an east-west wall, never on a north-south wall. :dunno:
 
My mom had an old upright piano. A few piano experts looked up the serial number and determined it was made in 1860. Neither my sister or myself wanted it. Mainly because it weighs in at approximately 37,482 pounds. Ok slight exaggeration, but it is HEAVY, making it a real pain to move.

I finally talked my mom into selling it. She did not want it to leave the family, but I told her just because it has been in the family for generations doesn't mean it has to stay in the family.
 
Zeldman said:
My mom had an old upright piano. A few piano experts looked up the serial number and determined it was made in 1860. Neither my sister or myself wanted it. Mainly because it weighs in at approximately 37,482 pounds. Ok slight exaggeration, but it is HEAVY, making it a real pain to move.

I finally talked my mom into selling it. She did not want it to leave the family, but I told her just because it has been in the family for generations doesn't mean it has to stay in the family.
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It's actually pretty easy to move even the old clunky upright pianos... the key is to know how.
 
Zeldman said:
My mom had an old upright piano. A few piano experts looked up the serial number and determined it was made in 1860. Neither my sister or myself wanted it. Mainly because it weighs in at approximately 37,482 pounds. Ok slight exaggeration, but it is HEAVY, making it a real pain to move.
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I have a coffee table that I got in Mexico that I absolutely love. It's made from railroad ties and rails, and is about the same weight as your piano. It took eight guys to get it out of our house down south. Then I had to use the loader on the tractor to get it into the house at the farm. I have a feeling it will not be a cherished heirloom...
 
Last year we bought and renovated a condo in Colorado. We were working with a local interior designer to manage the project since we were doing it long distance. Something very bad happened in my family, so we asked them to finish without us. That included ordering a few pieces of furniture. Our furniture there is very light, simple mid century style wood stuff from West Elm.

Fast forward a few months and the delivery truck shows up with a dresser for our bedroom. I showed the delivery guy the path up, which includes a narrow staircase up to the 2nd floor. About a half hour later they still had not brought it up, so I went down to check.

The delivery guys are standing there debating how to get it up the stairs. I asked what the problem is. Very heavy, they said. How heavy? Almost one thousand pounds!

The idiot assistant designer had ordered a double width dresser with an inch thick marble slab top.

I declined to accept delivery. The truck crew was overjoyed.
 
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When my mom passed away, I was named her 'personal representative'. My brother and I were the only ones named in her will. 50/50 split. He and I went through her belongings and each took what we wanted and give the rest to charity. The financial part was easy. We split that 50/50 after we had donated what she wanted to the charities she named in her will. He still thanks me for taking on the 'personal representative' responsibility. We get along great.
 
Zeldman said:
Hire somebody that knows how.?? :lol:
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yup

some movers know how to, some movers will completely dork up.

One way to find a mover that knows how to move a piano is to ask your local piano tuner or "local" piano store who they use.
 
Zeldman said:
My mom had an old upright piano. A few piano experts looked up the serial number and determined it was made in 1860. Neither my sister or myself wanted it. Mainly because it weighs in at approximately 37,482 pounds. Ok slight exaggeration, but it is HEAVY, making it a real pain to move.

I finally talked my mom into selling it. She did not want it to leave the family, but I told her just because it has been in the family for generations doesn't mean it has to stay in the family.
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We’ve got a friend who has a concert grand in her house. She wants to be buried in it.
 
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