Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Charlie Golf said:
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Our volunteer fire department hosts Santa every year. The guy who plays Santa is a local who has been doing it for 50 years and knows every kid & family in the area. He has a real long white beard, a real big belly, and I sat on his knee when I was a kid.

He blew my 6 year old's mind this year when he asked him how we were liking our new house. When John asked, "how did you know that?!", Santa replied, "I'm Santa....I know lots of things about you....I know your Dad takes you flying in his airplane... and I know how you treat your sisters. " the kid's jaw was on the floor. It was awesome.
 
Jim K said:
Our volunteer fire department hosts Santa every year. The guy who plays Santa is a local who has been doing it for 50 years and knows every kid & family in the area. He has a real long white beard, a real big belly, and I sat on his knee when I was a kid.

He blew my 6 year old's mind this year when he asked him how we were liking our new house. When John asked, "how did you know that?!", Santa replied, "I'm Santa....I know lots of things about you....I know your Dad takes you flying in his airplane... and I know how you treat your sisters. " the kid's jaw was on the floor. It was awesome.
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Thus begins a lifetime of self-examination, and looking over his shoulder to see who is watching ;)
 
I choked on a carrot this morning, and all I could think of was, "I'll bet a doughnut wouldn't have done this to me."

Nothing spoils a good story more than the arrival of an eyewitness. (Mark Twain)

It only takes one slow-walking person in the grocery store to destroy the illusion that I'm a nice person.

It turns out that when asked who your favorite child is, you're supposed to pick out one of your own. I know that now.

It's fine to eat a test grape in the produce section, but you take one bite of rotisserie chicken and it's all, "Sir, you need to leave!"

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row, now.

If you dropped something when you were younger, you just picked it up.
When you're older and you drop something, you stare at it for just a bit contemplating if you actually need it anymore.

I like to make lists. I also like to leave them lying on the kitchen counter, and then guess what's on the list when I am at the store.

Ask your doctor if a drug with 32 pages of side effects is bad for you.

I relabeled all of the jars in my wife's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

I just read a book about marriage that says treat your wife like you treated her on your first date. So tonight after dinner I'm dropping her off at her parent's house.

The best way to get back on your feet is to miss two car payments.

I love bacon. Sometimes I eat it twice a day. It takes my mind off the terrible chest pains I keep getting.

Driver: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it. When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

I asked a supermarket employee where they kept the canned peaches. He said, "I'll see," & walked away. I asked another & he also said, "I'll see," & walked away. In the end, I gave up & found them myself, in Aisle C.

I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two (2) places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I put our scale in the bathroom corner & that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

When I was a kid, I used to watch the ‘Wizard of Oz’ & wonder how someone could talk if they didn't have a brain. Then I got Facebook.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror & think, "That can't be accurate!"

I want to be 14 again & ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation with "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

A guy walks into a lumberyard & asks for some 2x4s. The clerk asks, "How long do you need them?" The guy answers, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

I just burned 1,200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven.

Who knew that the hardest thing about being an adult is figuring out what to fix for dinner and doing it every single night for the rest of your life until you die?

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings.

Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
It's fine to eat a test grape in the produce section, but you take one bite of rotisserie chicken and it's all, "Sir, you need to leave!"
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Last turkey season I shot 2 turkeys. Now they won't let me back into Safeway.

Seems I scared the %$^& outta folks in the frozen food aisle...
 
Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
If you dropped something when you were younger, you just picked it up.
When you're older and you drop something, you stare at it for just a bit contemplating if you actually need it anymore.
Click to expand...


Then you consider whether there’s anything else you need to do while you’re down there.
 
The Orange Bowl proved historic as Georgia broke its own record for the biggest blowout in bowl history. No. 6 Georgia made a resounding statement for its excellence during the 2023 season with a 63-3 drubbing of No. 5 Florida State in the Orange Bowl. The 60-point margin is now the biggest in bowl game history.
www.cbssports.com

Georgia vs. Florida State score: Bulldogs obliterate Seminoles to boast biggest blowout in bowl game history

The Orange Bowl proved historic as Georgia broke its own record for the biggest blowout in bowl history
www.cbssports.com www.cbssports.com
 
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