Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

denverpilot said:
The joke is funny, but real in my family. One person in my family found out their SO was cheating on them, when the two lovers (who also happened to be ex-es) ended up both in the ER at the hospital together after an automobile accident, in the same car...

Kinda ended the marriage real quick after finding hubby in the hospital bed next to his ex, after public safety folks called and said he had been in a car wreck.

Probably all for the better, having met the twit.
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There was a plane crash 10-15 years ago, I think it was in the Bahamas. A Cessna 310 with 3 couples on board did a fly by over the beach on the way out and crashed, no survivors. All three men were married and luckily none of their wives were hurt. :eek::eek:
 
N747JB said:
There was a plane crash 10-15 years ago, I think it was in the Bahamas. A Cessna 310 with 3 couples on board did a fly by over the beach on the way out and crashed, no survivors. All three men were married and luckily none of their wives were hurt. :eek::eek:
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Uh oh. A guy in a T-34 (private plane) took off for home in FL did a roll right after liftoff and crashed in Troy AL, killing him and his female passenger, not his wife. Private airshow at Wiley Sander's place there.
 
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mscard88 said:
Uh oh. A guy in a T-34 (private plane) took off for home in FL did a roll right after liftoff and crashed in Troy AL, killing him and his female passenger, not his wife. Private airshow at Wiley Sander's place there.
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At least he didn't have to explain who she was to his wife! :rolleyes:
 
That stuff happens:

Morgan Freeman was busted up badly in a car accident, with someone other than his wife. Although I think he was going through a divorce at the time.

A former Arkansas Razorbacks head football coach was in a motorcycle accident, with someone other than his wife.
 
Matthew said:
A former Arkansas Razorbacks head football coach was in a motorcycle accident, with someone other than his wife.
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Wasn't an accident. The chick he had with him was a guy's gf, ran them off the road, and beat the hell out of Petrino. That's right.
 
Is an airplane considered a romance machine? Didn't know! Have often flown with unrelated females in right seat, but my wife always knew I was. Must be more cautious.

Oh. Wait. I have nothing to worry about.
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
Is an airplane considered a romance machine? Didn't know! Have often flown with unrelated females in right seat, but my wife always knew I was. Must be more cautious.

Oh. Wait. I have nothing to worry about.
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I have done the same thing, just not for a weekend in the islands! :eek:
 
I have had 4 car accidents in my life. All 4 times I was sitting still and hit. All 4 times there was an injured woman. (the drivers of the other vehicle)
 
This thread isn't what it once was,, thanks moderators.
It should be it's own forum like Hangar talk, etc.

Then the Mods would shut these post down fast enough.
 
PaulS said:
I thought the same thing, why don't I get the joke?
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mscard88 said:
I don't get it either. What am I missing? :confused:
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Hahaha sheesh. I was kidding that his post sounded like he was saying women are fragile and often hurt when they run into him in automobiles.

Tom-D said:
This thread isn't what it once was,, thanks moderators.
It should be it's own forum like Hangar talk, etc.

Then the Mods would shut these post down fast enough.
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Now THAT is funny. Tom, your ability to be subtle is impressive!

I'll just leave this here...

7ef3fff0af7373f9562721d66899392f.jpg
 
mscard88 said:
Sensitivity Training


1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.




2. My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25 and her name is Heather.



3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.



4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."



5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.



6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"



7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."



8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.



9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway."



10. If you get an email entitled, "Nude Photo of Hillary Clinton", don't open it, it contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.
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Laughing so hard my wife is mad at me and my head hurts. LSHMWIMAMAMHH
 
Had to share this:
Today the first whole day in office, Trump got more fat women walking than Obama did in 8 years.

Some will not believe this is not funny.
 
Facebook reports that the ratio of cat videos to political posts was almost back to normal on Saturday, while lots of grumpy people were outside "protesting".

The head cat video analyst for Facebook says, "Our predictions are as weather continues to warm in the spring and more people go outside, these numbers will continue to improve. We are striving to return our cat video levels to normal for our loyal customer base. We were caught off guard by the sheer numbers of bitchy users interested in politics, but we have an ample supply of cat videos available, once they go do something else all day."

Facebook's spokesman also showed optimism that they may even see improved numbers on Sunday as metrosexual dads who were stuck inside with the kids venture out for Starbucks, if they remembered to do the laundry so they have some skinny jeans to wear. "The numbers are too preliminary on that, we'll just have to wait and see."

Facebook also reiterated that they do not expect any restatement of quarterly earnings due to this "political ******** anomaly" in their predominantly cat video based business model.
 
denverpilot said:
Hahaha sheesh. I was kidding that his post sounded like he was saying women are fragile and often hurt when they run into him in automobiles.
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I thought the joke was hilarious. You must have missed it. It was in the wording. He said "women" "drivers" and "accidents" in one sentence. We all know those are never accidents! :D
 
Why I like retirement

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement,attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
 
mscard88 said:
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All the years I spent as a diver, when I was on bottom and in the pitch dark, my brain would always play the Jackie scenes from smokey and dat sumbitch bandit! Even now when I am welding I still have those wonderful lines from the movie playing in my head. It was always just the Buford T. Justice lines, they are absolute classics.
 
Acrodustertoo said:
All the years I spent as a diver, when I was on bottom and in the pitch dark, my brain would always play the Jackie scenes from smokey and dat sumbitch bandit! Even now when I am w
elding I still have those wonderful lines from the movie playing in my head. It was always just the Buford T. Justice lines, they are absolute classics.
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I drooled over Sally Fields myself. :D
 
10 McDonalds in the area, most likely all own by the same person. What's the world coming to! McRib Lovers Matter man!

Actually, pathetic. Chick needs to get a ****ing life. Boo ****ing hoo!
 
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