Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Capt. Geoffrey Thorpe said:
You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

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Now that my Beech is airworthy again, I need to get some summer blend so I can resume spraying, but The Office tells me they’re out and the concentrate is on backorder. I think folks have been spraying a bunch over Iran and Gaza.
 
MauleSkinner said:
I went to the grocery store, and they now have a special parking area for pickups. Not for sedans, SUVs, or minivans. Just pickups. :cool:
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More and more restaurants do too now and those spots are super convenient to the entry. I'm considering getting an F-150 just because of that.
 

Lucas electrics jokes​


Found this while browsing so I 'borrowed' it

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

* Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

* Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

* The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.

* The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

* Lucas dip-switch positions: LOW and BLOW

* The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

* "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

* If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

* Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

* It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to
repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much
resistance.

* Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover
and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at
night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter
which one you use, nothing happens!"

* Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and
began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they
offered which didn't suck.

* Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Lucas engineering guy
that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the
wires longer.

* Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

* Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

* How to make AIDS disappear? Give it a Lucas parts number.

* Recently, Lucas won out over Bosch to supply the electrical for
the new Volkswagens. So, now the cars from the Black Forest will come
with electrics supplied by the Lord of Darkness -- how appropriate!

* Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
 
Crashnburn said:

Lucas electrics jokes​


Found this while browsing so I 'borrowed' it

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

* Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

* Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

* The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.

* The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

* Lucas dip-switch positions: LOW and BLOW

* The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

* "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

* If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

* Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

* It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to
repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much
resistance.

* Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover
and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at
night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter
which one you use, nothing happens!"

* Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and
began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they
offered which didn't suck.

* Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Lucas engineering guy
that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the
wires longer.

* Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

* Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

* How to make AIDS disappear? Give it a Lucas parts number.

* Recently, Lucas won out over Bosch to supply the electrical for
the new Volkswagens. So, now the cars from the Black Forest will come
with electrics supplied by the Lord of Darkness -- how appropriate!

* Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
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Why do the British drink warm beer? Lucas made their refrigerators.
 
Today I learned that in the old west tcowboys used to attach lanterns to the horse's saddles when they rode at night so they could stay on the trail. It was one of the earliest forms of saddle light navigation.
 
MauleSkinner said:
Noting the time and date of the above post, and estimating the likelihood of inebriation.

Liked it anyway.
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You would be wrong. I haven't had any alcohol in almost a month. Been on the go too much. I just really like horrible jokes.

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

Wiped
 
JOhnH said:
Lol. It really does. Are you sure they are of the same dog?

That second pic looks amazingly like a caricature of the wife of a good friend of mine.
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I don't think it's the same dog but the better question is ... are you saying your friend's wife looks like a dog? :rofl:
 
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