Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve time travelers here”!





A time traveler walks into a bar.
 
4 Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
 
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bflynn said:
The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve time travelers here”!

A time traveler walks into a bar.
Click to expand...
Reminds me of one of my favorite sci-fi book series.

upload_2020-3-14_12-33-8.jpeg
 
Just a technical correction. Quarantine is French. But it's only quarantine if it's from the quarantino region of France. Otherwise, it's sparkling isolation.
 
An oldie but goody ... just in case there's a rare person here who's never heard it before..

A 90 year-old man goes to his regular doc for his yearly checkup. The doc compliments him on his remarkable good health and condition and asks him if there have been any significant changes in his life over the past year, and the elderly man breaks out in a huge smile and says, "Well, Doc, I found a woman who absolutely adores me who is 23 years old, and I married her last week!" The doc replies, "Well, sir, congratulations.. I'm very happy for you. I must warn you, though, that, with people your age, sex can be dangerous and even fatal, so please be careful." The old guy replies, "Thanks for the warning, Doc, but hey... if she dies, she dies!"

And...

A different 90 year old guy, in much poorer health and pretty frail, was walking in sub-zero weather, coat drawn up around his chin, hat smashed down over his brow, teetering around a bad section of downtown shivering. A "working girl" approached him and said, "Hey, old-timer, how about some super sex?"
He broke into a smile and gratefully said, "Oh, honey, that'd be great... I'll take the soup!"
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
when you run out of toilet paper and have to use baby wipes...

Click to expand...

That reminds me...

A bunny (no pancake) is in the woods doing his business when a bear comes up next to him and starts doing the same.

To break the ice with the very nervous bunny, the bear says "Don't worry, I won't eat you. But I have to ask, doesn't it bother you getting dingleberries all stuck to your fur?"

The bunny breathes a sigh of relief and answers, "No, nothing sticks to my shiny coat at all!"

So, the bear picks up the bunny and wipes his a$$ with him!
 
Let'sgoflying! said:
Q: How many people does it take to change a light bulb in a Facebook group?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.

Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.

49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)

19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.

11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.

24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs

44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.

12 to post F.

8 to ask what F means.

7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.

3 to say "can't share"

2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"

36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.

15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.

6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"

4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".

13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.

50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.

5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.

1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
Click to expand...

Isn’t that true for POA? Just change the question to how to enter pattern in “pilot controlled” field
 
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