I should have words, but I don't...

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by denverpilot, Sep 3, 2017.

  1. Everskyward

    Everskyward Administrator Management Council Member PoA Supporter

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    Deepest condolences to you and Karen.
     
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  2. asicer

    asicer Cleared for Takeoff

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    Aw man, sorry to hear. My deepest condolences and I hope things only get better from here on out.
     
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  3. Kritchlow

    Kritchlow En-Route

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    Nate, I feel terrible. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know what it's like, as I have been there.
     
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  4. Cap'n Jack

    Cap'n Jack Final Approach

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    Sorry for your loss.
     
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  5. Skyrys62

    Skyrys62 Line Up and Wait

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    Hope and prayers to you all Nate.
     
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  6. gkainz

    gkainz Final Approach PoA Supporter

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    Nate - just got back to "connected" yesterday and saw the FB post. Our condolences to you and Karen and your family for losses.
     
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  7. steingar

    steingar Touchdown! Greaser!

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    I have a really weird take on suicide. It turns out our cells are genetically programmed to do exactly that. The process is called apoptosis, and it involves a set of specialized factors that turn the suicide into an orderly process such that it doesn't unduly affect the cells around it. Cells do this if they're damaged beyond repair, though many are programmed to do it as part of there life cycle. In your immune system there is a set of cells call T cells that reproduce rapidly to help fight infection. When the fight is done they undergo apoptosis.

    Seems to me what's good for the cells is good for the organism. Where I have qualms is what we might consider "damaged beyond repair". Someone going through a rough patch doesn't work, it'll get better. Someone suffering a painful disease certainly does. Depression has always been a tricky one for me to think about. In a way, a central part of the organism is badly broken and will never recover. In another, there are good days and bad, it will get better. I think what settled it for me was simple anecdotal evidence, most folks who attempt suicide but survive are glad they did and don't reattempt. So perhaps those that attempt due to depression are not so "damaged". It'll get better.

    Of course, deepest condolences to Nate and Karen, that kind of news really does stink no matter how it comes about.
     
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  8. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Sorry to hear this. Hope the family pulls through okay.
     
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  9. Timbeck2

    Timbeck2 En-Route

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    I don't have words either Nate, others have summed it up well.
     
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  10. Cajun_Flyer

    Cajun_Flyer Pattern Altitude

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    I'm so sorry about your brother in law and great Uncle. A tragic weekend for your family. :(
     
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  11. Palmpilot

    Palmpilot Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

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    Words fail me too at times like this, but in any case, I am so sorry for your losses.
     
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  12. BigBadLou

    BigBadLou En-Route

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    Sorry to hear.
    Cherchez la femme. :(
     
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  13. denverpilot

    denverpilot Taxi to Parking

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    Appreciate the kind words, everyone.

    Over the last few days a laundry list of difficult circumstances have come to light that piled on to the already difficult circumstances of the divorce, already mentioned. Obviously with legal and other things just getting started I can't share, but they really ran the gamut from personal to professional and had to be quite terrifying. The confusion and "why" started to be more clear.

    Sadly, they all probably were survivable in their own way, but none of it would have been easy. Any one of them was very difficult news to someone all by themselves, but together, they really must have felt like a very dark path.

    In a sad way, it helps explain it more.

    If I can share more later, I might. But it's probably sufficient to say he probably felt like his entire world was falling apart. We all wish he would have asked for help, but we all also know he was the personality type who never would.
     
  14. steingar

    steingar Touchdown! Greaser!

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    It is always tragic when folks use a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Condolences to you and yours.
     
  15. jsstevens

    jsstevens En-Route PoA Supporter

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    So sorry for your loss. There really are no words.
     
  16. Tantalum

    Tantalum Cleared for Takeoff

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    Sorry man, that's very tough, I can only imagine. Condolences
     
  17. GlennAB1

    GlennAB1 En-Route

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    That's terrible, my condolences.
     
  18. denverpilot

    denverpilot Taxi to Parking

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    We went to visit a close family friend and her family who has decided to stop cancer treatment and accept hospice care at home, last night. She has only a few days left in this world. We know the family probably as well as anyone on the planet outside of our own families.

    The amazing/interesting/doesn't feel like a coincidence part ... when we arrived at their home, a pastor we haven't truly seen or talked to in over 20 years, who also helped with our pre-marriage counseling back then before moving on to a new pastorship at another church, was there.

    He lost his son to suicide a number of years ago.

    After holding our friend's hand and hugs for the entire family a few of us stepped aside and were able to discuss all three losses, quietly.

    We realized later, driving home, what an interesting moment that must have been for our pastor friend. Here he's doing a visitation for a family of a church he hasn't worked at in two decades and in walks two "kids" he helped get their marriage off on the right foot 22-23 years ago. After talking with our dying friend and her family, we then turn to him and hug him and tell him we had heard of his loss many years ago and we understand. More than anyone else could possibly understand. And he could say the same to us. And us to him.

    We joked on the way home how interesting that must have been for him. Last time he saw us we were essentially little kids. Then we walk in at what probably felt like a "typical" visitation of a dying former parishioner and family, and here we come, me with white hair and beard, to give him a special hug for him and his loss of his son.

    No one else visited last night.

    Whether you believe or don't, we have all had those moments where you know something was "meant to be". Last night was one of those moments for us. I suspect it was for everyone present. We couldn't have planned that if we tried.
     
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  19. RJM62

    RJM62 Touchdown! Greaser! PoA Supporter

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    I'm sorry for all you've been though. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

    Rich
     
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  20. Sluggo63

    Sluggo63 Line Up and Wait

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    I just read this thread... my deepest condolences.
     
  21. AdamZ

    AdamZ Administrator Management Council Member

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    Ugh Nate. I'm very sorry to hear of your families loss. Please accept my sympathies!
     
  22. Norman

    Norman En-Route

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    Nate,

    I have held my tongue but can empathize. November 30 2000 changed my life forever. I left for work thinking all was well and returned home that afternoon to find my wife of thirty years dead from an overdose of Prozac. I could at that point see no reason for her to do so and to this day still have problems dealing with it. I stilloften wonder why she took that course. I'm not a psychologist by any stretch of imagination, just an ordinary guy who came hoe thinking all was well only to find her dead on the bathroom floor from an overdose.

    Not asking for sympathy, just remembering something I went through that day.It was not an easy day for me. I came home from work to find the love of my life had taken her own life.

    It is not easy to go through but I sincerely hope you and Karen will get over it. It took me a long time to get over the loss of a woman I loved and was a VIP in my mind.

    Hang tough is all I can ask of you. Stuff beyond your control hurts.

    Just my two cents worth. Been through that. November 30, 2000 was the worst day of my life.
     
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  23. denverpilot

    denverpilot Taxi to Parking

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    I completely understand. Thanks.
     
  24. denverpilot

    denverpilot Taxi to Parking

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    Well if anyone besides us is keeping score, we're up to four deaths in two weeks around here as of tonight.

    Karen's brother, my great uncle, a very close family friend, and now an old ham radio buddy as of tonight.

    We're kinda "done" with getting phone calls that people died now, but if you were thinking about croaking, just jump on the bandwagon now while we're used to it. Sheesh.

    Just in chronological order, not order of death...

    Funeral number 1 is tomorrow.
    Funeral number 2 is Saturday.
    Funeral number 3 is the 23rd.
    And I don't yet know when funeral number 4 is.

    We do appreciate all the condolences we've received and all the support of wonderful friends like y'all, but ... that's enough for a while...

    The call about the old ham radio friend came in while we were at dinner after loading my trailer full of business location number 2 of my brother in law's business. Business location 1 stuff is already taking up 1/3 of my wife's side of the garage (the two car side). The estate... well, it's a mess. It'll end up negative. Every new piece of information there that we find, is bad.

    I get in the diesel to head home and there is a voice mail waiting from my friend's sister. Sigh. Talked to her for about 20 minutes and forwarded the info to the three ham radio clubs I know he was associated with.

    He had a bad heart and had a valve replaced a while back. Sounds like his wife (a Doc) thinks the valve gave out or got infected and eaten up -- unknown. She tried to resuscitate him until the paramedics arrived and they tried until the ER. He just dropped. No pain. 56 years old.

    RIP NA3J SK SK SK DE WY0X

    Rest In Peace, John.
     
  25. Skyrys62

    Skyrys62 Line Up and Wait

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    Holy crap dude. That's not fair for anyone to have to go through.
    You must have an enormous heart to hold all of that sadness.

    Just remember when you fly, maybe you'll be a little closer to them.
     
  26. denverpilot

    denverpilot Taxi to Parking

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    I've been avoiding flying. Distracted pilot accident waiting to happen. For sure. Heck, I can't even follow the magenta line in my cars correctly all the time right now.

    Probably no larger than any other grinch's heart... hahaha... but seriously had a little "life prep" for deaths in my past. Knew two great-grandparents as well as all grandparents before they all passed and that was quite a while ago. Lost an Aunt in her 40s to cancer, lost dad at 61 to a stroke...

    So... practice I guess. Sounds weird but being the last and only kid with the last name, you know it's pretty likely everybody's gonna croak and you'll be it. Wife took my last name too, so whichever of us goes last, the name dies with us.

    As the old German husband of the family friend said when we stopped by their family vigil, and I told him he seemed to be holding up well...

    "I have my moments."

    He's also deeply religious and I "have my moments" on that, too. ;)

    As long as I don't forget to renew my airport gate card somewhere in all of this mess, life will be good again. :)

    We (the airplane co-owners) decided to buy ourselves a Garmin 650 and 345 for Christmas (well, that's how far the shop is booked out anyway, mid December) so that should be fun to play with... and at least I know if I'm buying, I'm not just getting coal in my stocking for Christmas like usual. Ha.

    It'll be nice to get back to flying and finishing the CFI and CFII stuff as soon as this all settles down a bit. But first, an oil change, then flying, then annual, then avionics shop.

    It'll be 2018 next week at this rate... it goes fast. Don't blink. Anyone could wake up tomorrow to a world that's very different than yesterday.

    Did I mention my homeowners insurance quote went up $600/yr? Hehehe. The little crap and "real life" never stops... guess I'll be "enjoying" some insurance shopping for my birthday this year. That's the month I usually do it anyway, if it needs doing.

    Routines, even annoying ones, are fairly comforting in strange times.
     
  27. Zeldman

    Zeldman Final Approach

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    I am still around and kicking, not planning on passing anytime soon. But I do have a lot of life style changes coming.
     
  28. danhagan

    danhagan Cleared for Takeoff

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    In 20/20 hindsight, often you note things that might have been a clue that weren't obvious prior. Don't beat yourselves up ... it's horrible when it happens, but not many telegraph the event.
     
  29. wayne

    wayne Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Damn, that's a rough weekend. Condolences for your losses.