Funny things you have heard on the radio

Joshuajayg

Joshuajayg

Line Up and Wait
Joined
Sep 1, 2015
Messages
907
Location
'Merica
Display Name
Display name:
Joshua
Has this been started anywhere?

What are some things you have heard on the radio that made you laugh?
 
The thread title made me laugh. Never hit my head on the radio. Prop, wing, struts yes. Radio no. :D
 
Look for a column called "Short Final" on Avweb.com. There's about a million of them. Along with many repeats....

-Skip
 
N3368K said:
The thread title made me laugh. Never hit my head on the radio. Prop, wing, struts yes. Radio no. :D
Click to expand...
Autocorrect will be the end of this world.

Skip,
I'm looking for originals. Among all the people on this forum, there have got to be some good ones. There are endless hours of listening to the radio done everyday by people on the internets.
 
February-21-2012-13-34-34-drunk.jpg

stolen from somewhere on the internet
 
I called in a 30 mile left base for 17 last weekend (also stolen from somewhere on the internet, can't recall where ;) )....I knew the instructor that was in the pattern at wilgrove, he got a kick out of it, after he said "HOW many miles??!!"
 
Heard this exchange:

"Buffalo approach, N123, 10 miles east of Jamestown VOR, 3 thousand 500, inbound for landing."
"N123, Buffalo Approach, altitude confirmed, but I show you 10 miles WEST of the Jamestown VOR."
"Buffalo approach, N123, that's pretty close for me!"
 
Three days ago a guy called "10 miles out." I almost made a comment but someone else was quicker than me and asked, "which direction is 'out?'"
 
I didn't hear it but I said it. I once asked to be cleared for two landings because I had bounced on the previous landing...
 
Not aviation radio, just local radio stations. Things that I have misunderstood due to local dialects:

Community announcements
Schedule for the September mate-ing (Meeting) of the St. Andrews women's club - NW So Carolina.

Announcement looking for volunteers for the males on whales (meals on wheels) program - Arkansas

Local swap program - Aarkansas
Heard a guy advertising a boat dock for sale. I needed a boat dock. Didn't catch the phone number so I called the radio station and asked for and got the phone number of the guy with the boat dock. Called the guy and found out that his boat dock (bird dog) didn't meet my needs. Note that the radio station also understood "boat dock"
 
If we are going to count local radio stations, I heard this gem on my morning sports radio:

Radio guy 1: "What's your favorite horror movie?"
Radio guy 2: " Pretty Woman!"
<crickets>
Radio guy 1: "horrOR movie..."
<wait for it>
Radio guy 2:"ohhhhhh."
 
I once hear 2 guys get in a major fight on the radio.
I just wanted to call base at a different airport and these guys were yelling at each other at what was the best calm wind runway at 52F

"I have well over 500 landings at this field and I know which runway to use"
"Well you may have but I checked the ATIS at xyz field and they are landing north to south"
"You think you are hot stuff don't ya"

It went on for 2-3 minutes.
I was student pilot still. freaked me out a little.
 
Clark1961 said:
I didn't hear it but I said it. I once asked to be cleared for two landings because I had bounced on the previous landing...
Click to expand...

Next time I head into a non-towered I think I'm going to call "Podunk traffic, white Cessna turning final, touch and touch and touch and go, Podunk."
 
yesterday, after a 3 hour ground stop in MSP I called up metering his response was "Ah, Pilatus1AB welcome to the party!" His sign off was "Good luck!" lol
 
asicer said:
Next time I head into a non-towered I think I'm going to call "Podunk traffic, white Cessna turning final, touch and touch and touch and go, Podunk."
Click to expand...

More than once I personally have called out:

"Watsonville traffic, Cessna 123 turning final 2-0, bounce and go...Watsonville"

Watsonville is know for their ginormous number of strawberry fields so the local Meat Bomb pilot makes all his radio calls "Watts-berry traffic..."
 
Joshuajayg said:
Has this been started anywhere?

What are some things you have heard on the radio that made you laugh?
Click to expand...

We do a lot of training here. I've listed just a few of the things trainees and sometimes rated controllers have said.

“Hold short for arriving departures”
"Go around, insufficient wake turbulation"
On a PAR approach: “Too far left for a safe approach, if runway/approach lights not in sight proceed visually or execute missed approach”
"Barley one, ascend and maintain six thousand."
“Ice11, hold ****, hold short of the next fuel pit” Ice11 came back laughing with “Hold **** of what?’
In response to an aircraft that aborted during take-off roll. “Knife two, say reason for……abortion.”
 
Many years ago I was an FO on a commuter aircraft. One night we were trying to get in PWM before a Delta 757. The approach controller kept requesting we keep our speed up as long as possible (we were in a slower airplane). We said we will keep the speed.

Handed off to tower. The lady tower controller said "approach said you'd keep it up for me". Captain said "mam, that's my specialty".

Can't make it up.
 
Timbeck2 said:
We do a lot of training here. I've listed just a few of the things trainees and sometimes rated controllers have said.
"Barley one, ascend and maintain six thousand."
Click to expand...

Easy now... last week I said VFR ascent just letting approach know what I was up to. Of course my IMMEDIATE reaction upon releasing the transmit button was "WTF did you just say? Ascent? Since when is that a thing?"
 
Up in Kotzebue, AK, one of the FSS guys would occasionally belch on frequency. One quiet day, someone uncorked a real rumbler on the air.

Knowing who the guilty party probably was, keyed the mic and said "Wow, that one came from the toes.."

Immediately someone else came on the air saying, "No, that came from practice.."
 
Kritchlow said:
One night we were trying to get in PWM before a Delta 757.
Click to expand...

So along the Delta 757 vein, years ago we were following one into ATL. ATC kept trying to get Delta to keep their speed up, but they just kept slowing down for whatever reason. Mind you, we're a good 200nm from the airport. Exasperated, Center finally slows us even further to 250 knots to keep the spacing between us and the dips**ts in the 757. I'm flying, so my CA responds to ATC about the speed reduction, looks over at me and says:

"What the F**K is Delta doing up there???"

He forgot to release the PTT. I immediately hear on guard, "Stuck mic on xxx.xx!!!", followed by a comment on the center frequency, "Best stuck mic EVER." The controller couldn't stop chuckling for the next couple of transmissions. The Delta pilots never said a word.

I thought we might get a call about it later - Delta pilots aren't known for having a sense of humor - but we didn't hear anything. :)
 
Working arrival years ago, one of local F-18 squadrons had a back seater that had a stuck mic. He was enlisted on a fam flight so I guess he didn't get a very good brief on how to work the ICS. The pilot warned me about his passenger and appoligized for the inconvenience. Wasn't a problem, I could hear them chit chatting but it didn't tie up the freq. I gave tower a heads up before switching them and then monitored their freq. Went like this:

"Ok SGT Smith, this is called the overhead, get ready for some G."

"Yes sir....(grunting sound) holy $$$hhhhiiiit!"
 
Non-aircraft: we had a guy charged with numerous felonies, and the judge handed down a lengthy sentence but gave him the lunch hour to get his affairs in order. Shockingly (...) he failed to report back for his trip to jail. A 1 million dollar warrant was issued. A few weeks later some of my peers caught up with him and got on the air to confirm the warrant. Before dispatch could reply, another officer keyed his mic with a recording of Dr Evil's "1 million dollars" line...

Aircraft: while practicing solo prior to my check ride, I was cleared for landing and subsequently directed to exit at taxiway whatever. As I overshot my approach and proceeded to show everyone what a noob landing looks like, ATC gets back on and says "Skyhawk (n-whatever)", whenever you get done with what you're doing there, please exit."
 
Omalley1537 said:
As I overshot my approach and proceeded to show everyone what a noob landing looks like, ATC gets back on and says "Skyhawk (n-whatever)", whenever you get done with what you're doing there, please exit."
Click to expand...

I heard a similar interaction while working line service at the local airport. I watched an instructor in a DA20 land the aircraft in the first thousand feet and the do a semi-fast taxi all the way down the remaining 7000 feet of runway. There is nothing at the far end of the runway, just a mile long taxi back to the FBO. The tower was perturbed because they had a line of small jets on approach. They told the instructor, "I have no idea what you are doing down there but whenever you feel like it, GET OFF MY RUNWAY."
 
I was on the CTAF for my home drome and a guy kept trying to call up Indianapolis International. Other pilots tried to tell him he was on the wrong freq but he just kept making the calls. This went on for nearly an hour. Then he tries to call up a different international airport still on the same CTAF. I don't think he ever did figure it out.

Had someone else on CTAF with a stuck mic that was going through his landing checklist in excruciating detail along with a full narrative. Once he was done, someone piped in with, "wow, that was thorough!"
 
About a month ago I was listening to the tower at my home drome and a pilot contacted tower to ask the controller if she heard a glider contact the tower....she said she didn't but about 5 minutes later the glider pilot did make another call asking what tower was reading for his altitude he was about 25NM away out of K3B3.
 
Napa ground: "Arrow 3SA, follow the Dornier to runway one eight right."
Me: "Uh, all I see on the ramp is a big jet looking thing."
Napa ground: "Arrow 3SA, follow the big jet looking thing to runway one eight right."
 
NHWannabe said:
About a month ago I was listening to the tower at my home drome and a pilot contacted tower to ask the controller if she heard a glider contact the tower....she said she didn't but about 5 minutes later the glider pilot did make another call asking what tower was reading for his altitude he was about 25NM away out of K3B3.
Click to expand...

??? Guess I don't get it.
 
Me: "Fullerton Ground, Slylane 12345...Blah Blah Blah...ready to taxi to runup"
ATC: "Skylane 12345, this is REID HILLVIEW ground...taxi 31 Right via Zulu"
Me: "Opps, sorry...31 right via Zulu, 345"
ATC: Skylane 345, need flight following to Fullerton?
Me: "Yes please!, was it obvious where I am going?...345"
 
NHWannabe said:
Was kind of surprised that a glider from a field 25NM away was calling the tower at an airport he wasn't landing at.
Click to expand...

Yeah but it was just to get a mode C check. Could've called approach I suppose but if tower wasn't busy and if they have radar, they can provide it.
 
Just last week I heard one side of a conversation... in a very sarcastic tone: "Thanks man! Could you repeat that great advice for everyone to hear? You're an amazing pilot."
"
 
There was some weather that passed through the northeast on Sunday, and it created a complete mess at LGA. The ground controller working the sequencing frequency (121.85) was friggin' hilarious. I think LiveATC only has a feed for 121.7, otherwise I would have dug through it and posted some of his gems. I'm paraphrasing, but some of the better ones:

"Guys, I am *completely* out of room on this airport. I need you all to pull up as close to the guy in front of you as you can. Close enough that you'll need to buy him dinner later."

"United, again I have no idea how long it's going to be. Tell you what, I'll just make a wild guess. Seven minutes. <pause> Or maybe two hours."

"Delta - come on, pick it up. Move, move, MOVE!"

"Welcome to the party!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top