Corrupt my wish

You find a rock solid alibi for skipping work and you go flying. However, you have an engine failure on takeoff and you don't have a good place to put her down, damn concrete jungle. We go to your funeral sorry about that...now go to work.

I wish my co workers wouldn't talk so much.
 
saracelica said:
You find a rock solid alibi for skipping work and you go flying. However, you have an engine failure on takeoff and you don't have a good place to put her down, damn concrete jungle. We go to your funeral sorry about that...now go to work.

I wish my co workers wouldn't talk so much.
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Granted. They stop talking, and replace their verbal chatter with fart games. You flee the office to get away from the horrid stench and are fired for delinquency. Furthermore, your company, upon learning you initiated a massive fart session by making a corruptable wish, sues you for lost productivity and upholstry cleaning bills.

I wish I could do Alioli's in The City for lunch on my way to San Jose. I guess it's technically not quite on the way, but I'm craving seafood. Oooh, Foreflight says KHAF is VFR right now! Scratch that, I wish I could go to Half Moon Bay instead! Woo hoo!
 
You're not going to San Jose, remember yesterday you got transported to Detroit Michigan. There is no Aliolis in the City in Detroit. Sorry.

I wish people would submit invoices correctly the first time!
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. They stop talking, and replace their verbal chatter with fart games. You flee the office to get away from the horrid stench and are fired for delinquency. Furthermore, your company, upon learning you initiated a massive fart session by making a corruptable wish, sues you for lost productivity and upholstry cleaning bills.

I wish I could do Alioli's in The City for lunch on my way to San Jose. I guess it's technically not quite on the way, but I'm craving seafood. Oooh, Foreflight says KHAF is VFR right now! Scratch that, I wish I could go to Half Moon Bay instead! Woo hoo!
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Granted, You fly into HAF for lunch and then hop over to RHV and rent a car from Nice Air. Of course your appointment was for 11 AM and you miss it. Your company is pi**ed that you missed it and you are thrown to the street, forced to stand at a freeway exit with a sign.

I wish I could cancel all my meetings today and focus on getting actual work done.
 
Granted, they all submit invoices correctly, the first time. To San Jose. Oh, but you're in Ohio. Bummer.

I wish I had one of those Starship Enterprise teleporters. That would be so hella cool. I could teleport myself to meetings, to Hawaii, in and out of bank vaults and women's dressing rooms, woo hoo!
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, they all submit invoices correctly, the first time. To San Jose. Oh, but you're in Ohio. Bummer.

I wish I had one of those Starship Enterprise teleporters. That would be so hella cool. I could teleport myself to meetings, to Hawaii, in and out of bank vaults and women's dressing rooms, woo hoo!
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Granted, you are teleported to the womens locker room for Los Angeles Sparks WNBA team. Before you could get your communicator to your mouth to say "Beam me up Scotty", they slam you against the wall and proceed to take turns beating on you (most of them have you by at least a foot).

I really wish I could cancel all my meetings and get some work done.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you are teleported to the womens locker room for Los Angeles Sparks WNBA team. Before you could get your communicator to your mouth to say "Beam me up Scotty", they slam you against the wall and proceed to take turns beating on you (most of them have you by at least a foot).

I really wish I could cancel all my meetings and get some work done.
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Granted, all your meetings are cancelled and you got some work done. Boob job, penectomy, rear implants, hormone treatment and now you are Jane221us.

I wish my stupid coworker would show up on time so we can make our meeting.
 
Granted, she showed up in time but her worker husband cornered her in the bathroom and so she was late for your meeting.

I wish other pilots weren't so picky on web boards.
 
saracelica said:
Granted, she showed up in time but her worker husband cornered her in the bathroom and so she was late for your meeting.

I wish other pilots weren't so picky on web boards.
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Granted, they now choose to only pick on you.

I wish sara wouldn't have given my co-worker a gender change.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, they now choose to only pick on you.

I wish sara wouldn't have given my co-worker a gender change.
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Granted, but he still has a crush on you.

I wish it were easier to get DirecTV to come out and fix my box.
 
John221us said:
Granted, but he still has a crush on you.

I wish it were easier to get DirecTV to come out and fix my box.
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Granted, but now YOU got a gender change operation. It went badly, so they had to come back out to fix your box!


I wish it were Miller Time now.
 
Granted but it tastes like Cherry Kool Aid.

I wish I didn't have that 4th slice of Pizza! Blech!
 
saracelica said:
Granted but it tastes like Cherry Kool Aid.

I wish I didn't have that 4th slice of Pizza! Blech!
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Granted, you skipped it and it's out of sequence. But you did eat slices #5 through 12 and you even forgot to strip the anchovies and raw eel off the seafood pizza. Now you REALLY feel gnarly.

I wish I had some of that Italian combination pizza. I need something to get that foul Cherry Kool Aid taste out of my mouth.
 
Granted Italian combo pizza will be delivered "soon" but the driver hurled some chew juice on it and he had a heck of a cold sore so the pizza wasn't as good as you hoped. Hope you feel better.

I wish there was something on tv tonight to watch.
 
saracelica said:
Granted Italian combo pizza will be delivered "soon" but the driver hurled some chew juice on it and he had a heck of a cold sore so the pizza wasn't as good as you hoped. Hope you feel better.

I wish there was something on tv tonight to watch.
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Granted, the news crew is having a field day covering the fire that took out your house. Fortunately, no one was home, but the dog now has a bald spot on his rear.

I wish my A&P would call with good news for once.
 
saracelica said:
Granted Italian combo pizza will be delivered "soon" but the driver hurled some chew juice on it and he had a heck of a cold sore so the pizza wasn't as good as you hoped. Hope you feel better.

I wish there was something on tv tonight to watch.
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Granted, Direct TV gets it's signals crossed with Radio Televisio Argentina and you are treated to some prime midget-on-donkey love scenes. Too bad you neither understand Spanish, nor Donkey. Nor could you possibly read the midget's lips when they are engulfed in something that resembles Wilt Chamberlain's forearm.

I wish I could get my work done so I can get out of here.
 
Granted your A&P will call with good news - Coffee is on sale this week. Not sure how you got to have your own A&P supermarket though. Sac you get your work done but unfortunately there are alot of typos in it so you have to stay late tomorrow to fix it.

I wish I knew what "Direct TV" was...I'm a pilot who has money for anything other then basic antanae channels?!
 
saracelica said:
Granted your A&P will call with good news - Coffee is on sale this week. Not sure how you got to have your own A&P supermarket though. Sac you get your work done but unfortunately there are alot of typos in it so you have to stay late tomorrow to fix it.

I wish I knew what "Direct TV" was...I'm a pilot who has money for anything other then basic antanae channels?!
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Granted, it is a way of throwing away about 3 hours of AV gas a month for something you don't need.

I wish I had an easier to type password for work (at least the remote one I am using).
 
John221us said:
Granted, it is a way of throwing away about 3 hours of AV gas a month for something you don't need.

I wish I had an easier to type password for work (at least the remote one I am using).
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Granted. Even you know better than that one. The fat fingered Russian dude has hacked you, emptied your bank accounts and redirected your streaming goat porn account. At least you won't suffer from YDS (yellow dee-oock syndrome) next time you eat Cheetos.

I wish I had a bag of Cheetos right now.
 
Granted, you have a bag of Cheetos, but they told you not to eat before your gender change operation and your vomiting during surgery totally distracted the surgeon... Now you are a eunuch.

I wish I could get into the book I am reading more.
 
Granted, you love the book and you keep reading it through the night. Now you don't want to get up for work in the morning and you sleep through the employee meeting and get "elected" to do the projects NO ONE else wanted.

I wish shampoo could replenish itself. So I don't have to buy it again. So expensive!
 
OK, your expensive shampoo replenishes itself so you never have to buy another bottle. But it now also replenishes hair and yours grows in places women were never meant to have it. Ugh.

I love Christmas, but it's a lot of work. I wish my Christmas cards were done, the house decorated, and the gift shopping done and wrapped.
 
Granted, Christmas chores are done. But you became like the Grinch (green and all) and you just can't wait to take it all down. Just wait to see how they put those darn lights on the roof. Relatives aren't talking to you anymore the "genie" put bad stuff in the cards that made them all mad at you.

Wish there was no rush hour traffic and I could just cruise right on through without some idiot in front of me.
 
saracelica said:
Granted, Christmas chores are done. But you became like the Grinch (green and all) and you just can't wait to take it all down. Just wait to see how they put those darn lights on the roof. Relatives aren't talking to you anymore the "genie" put bad stuff in the cards that made them all mad at you.

Wish there was no rush hour traffic and I could just cruise right on through without some idiot in front of me.
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Granted, but you need a flying car. Unfortunately, UC Davis professors aren't as smart as UC Berkeley professors, and your Moller Skycar goes haywire and spins out of control in to a nightclub, taking out an entire Chippendale's lineup. The gay community, outraged over the loss of twelve of their own, pickets your house and work place, and takes residence on your lawn, wearing leather studded Speedos.

I wish that Mexican place that does those yummy chorizo breakfast burritos was open. I'm hella starved.
 
I wish that Mexican place that does those yummy chorizo breakfast burritos was open. I'm hella starved.
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They just re-opened. The owner is a serial killer and has a fresh kill so he can make that "chorizo" you like so much.


I wish I could speak every language in the world.
 
GreggSRT8 said:
They just re-opened. The owner is a serial killer and has a fresh kill so he can make that "chorizo" you like so much.


I wish I could speak every language in the world.
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Granted, but that's all you can speak. You quickly find that repeating "Every language in the world", no matter where you go, yields you nothing. Well, except at Dr. Dre's recording studio, where he records sound clip of you saying "Every language in the world" for his next album. Unfortunately, as a newly minted big name rapper, you gain more notoriety than you have protection and you get taken out by Ice Cube's enforcement unit in a drive by.

I wish today were Friday.
 
Granted it's Friday. Too bad that report due on Thursday didn't get done since you jumped right over that time period. Your boss is mad as a wet cat. So now you have to work all weekend to get in the boss' good graces again.

I wish Sac wouldn't take every wish quite so literal!
 
Immelmann said:
Granted; SAC is now drinking heavily to start thinking outside the box and not being so literal.


I wish your wife would quit calling me at home.
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Sara's wife (I didn't realize she started batting for the other team, but whatever, I'm not a hater) floods you with texts and emails to your work, and you are fired for inappropriate communications.

I wish Santa would lose some weight off of his big fat ass.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Sara's wife (I didn't realize she started batting for the other team, but whatever, I'm not a hater) floods you with texts and emails to your work, and you are fired for inappropriate communications.

I wish Santa would lose some weight off of his big fat ass.
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Granted, Santa becomes a spokesman for Jenny Craig. Children all over the world are disillusioned and even some adults throw themselves off of bridges and buildings. Santa slims down to the FAA 170 lbs. and now he only needs 6 reindeer to pull his sleigh, leaving two, including Rudolph out of work.

I wish I could go to Cabo this weekend and escape the rain.
 
John221us said:
Granted, Santa becomes a spokesman for Jenny Craig. Children all over the world are disillusioned and even some adults throw themselves off of bridges and buildings. Santa slims down to the FAA 170 lbs. and now he only needs 6 reindeer to pull his sleigh, leaving two, including Rudolph out of work.

I wish I could go to Cabo this weekend and escape the rain.
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Granted, but for whatever reason, they don't let you in to the walled tourist compound, and you are kidnapped by a Mexican street gang. They were going to harvest your organs, but realize that the organ market has been cornered by suicidal Santa worshipers. So instead they sell you to Nairobian game preserve as lion feed.

I wish the menus of these new startup franchise burger joints would state the size of their burgers. I need to know whether to expect three ounce, quarter pound or one third pound patties. It affects how many burgers I order.
 
Granted the menus show the size of their burgers but the scale they used was in Grams and so it was totally useless information. So you order what you think is alot and it's the size of a pea. Bon Appetit!

I wish people would be dedicated to the job they have now and not worry about what they are going to do "next"
 
saracelica said:
Granted the menus show the size of their burgers but the scale they used was in Grams and so it was totally useless information. So you order what you think is alot and it's the size of a pea. Bon Appetit!

I wish people would be dedicated to the job they have now and not worry about what they are going to do "next"
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Granted, but the job they have now is to annoy you, and that's all they are focusing on.


I wish I could get another hit of that double cheeseburger I had for breakfast. It was hella good.
 
Granted, the clerk misunderstood you and hit you in the face with his fist holding the double cheeseburger.

I wish I had enough money to go gamble in real life and not just the facebook games.
 
Granted, you have enough money to gamble in real life. For about a week, then you have to sell your car, your house, your dog and put your husband to work on the street as a male prostitute.

I wish someone would clean up all these soggy leaves all over the place here.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you have enough money to gamble in real life. For about a week, then you have to sell your car, your house, your dog and put your husband to work on the street as a male prostitute.

I wish someone would clean up all these soggy leaves all over the place here.
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Granted, someone cleaned them up from all over the place and dumped them on your lawn. Have fun.

I wish this stupid bluetooth headset I just bought would work as advertised.
 
John221us said:
Granted, someone cleaned them up from all over the place and dumped them on your lawn. Have fun.

I wish this stupid bluetooth headset I just bought would work as advertised.
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Granted - it does, reread the fine print in the advertisement. It's a dental coloring device.

I wish I had a week off.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted - it does, reread the fine print in the advertisement. It's a dental coloring device.

I wish I had a week off.
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Granted, you do and many more weeks to follow. Your company just downsized you out.

I wish I didn't have colored teeth.
 
Granted. You now have no teeth.

I wish gasoline would drop to a reasonable price.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. You now have no teeth.

I wish gasoline would drop to a reasonable price.
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Granted, it is priced reasonably, compared to what they charge in Europe. :hairraise:

I wish my work was done today.
 
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