Corrupt my wish

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by Sac Arrow, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. saracelica

    saracelica Pattern Altitude

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    Granted a tortilla that can wrap a burrito has been created! However you love them so much you get a horrible rash all over your arms - too much corn can create an allergic reaction. You freak out and alas end up at Mercy Hospital...where they just laugh at you and tell you to quit eating an excessive amount of anything.

    Wish I could think of something productive to do tonight.
     
  2. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted, you can sit in on my teleconference for me. It's really not difficult.

    CEOman: "So, Arrow, what's your plan for increasing company revenue?"

    sara: "Um, ah, we will examine existing streams of revenue, identify new ones, and implement procedures to tap in to those new revenue streams."

    CEOman: "Uh, okay. Very well. Brinkwell, what's your plan for stepping up marketing?"

    sasha*: "Yeah, uh, we will review our current marketing strategy and level of support staffing, and develop a workplan to introduce additional markets and define a plan to adequately implement marketing to them."

    *Sasha is Brinkwell's teleconference stand in. Brinkwell is currently drinking it up at the pub with Sac Arrow.

    CEOman: "Okay, well, great. Sounds like you guys have a great handle on things out there."

    sara: "We're all over it."

    sasha: "And we're thinking outside of the box."

    Well there you go - you could probably make a living doing that.

    I wish I we had cold beer on tap in the company breakroom.
     
  3. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, it's Wednesday afternoon and you roll in a keg along with a bag of pretzels. Nothing spells party like a keg and a bag of pretzels. Wait... it is already 5:05 by the time you get there and the last car pulled away, just as you were backing in with the keg. So you give Sasha a call and have her bring along some of her friends, so you can identify new streams of revenue. Sasha gets in the swing of it, but around 1:00 am, one of the revenue streams turns you in for operating an illegal brothel and serving beer without a license. It looks like you get to share a room with Bubba again.

    I wish my plane wasn't going to be down this weekend (carb rebuild)
     
  4. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Maybe you should've gone for the factory built model Cherokee instead of the spit-and-glue option.
    Anyhow, seeing as it's only a carburetor issue and not something major like ripped fabric or a cracked storm window, you figure the plane should be good to fly... after switching a couple of hoses around and starting her up, she runs like a champ! Right after takeoff, though, the engine floods completely and shuts off. Worse yet, that thing you thought was just a dead alternator turned out to be a short circuit and the sparks it shoots out find their way to the fuel dripping from the engine... You instantly become just another one of the thousands of "flamers" in the Bay area.

    I wish work started at 0900.
     
  5. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted, but your employer is a fishing gear manufacturer in Pakistan. They start work at 0900. You start work at....

    Hope you like late nights. Plus you have to sell their latest product, the DesiRod. This becomes difficult in light of a top East Indian male porn star with the same name. Good luck with that.

    I wish I would have eaten some pre dinner before dinner dinner, I'm still hungry.
     
  6. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted, your pre dinner consists of lobster, smoked salmon, and pork cutlets, but you don't eat much since you're thinking that dinner dinner must be really good (you're at a conference or something where they serve you). Well, it's pizza. By now, most everyone is so full of lobster and caviar that they don't eat any... but you're starving, and those hot circles of dough are looking better and better.... so you eat 3 pizzas and suffer the consequences.

    I wish I could do my preseason training at home instead of getting to school 2 weeks early.
     
  7. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted, the Philadelphia Eagles descend on your house and proceed to give you a three day session of preseason training. When all's done, the damage total is all ground floor windows are broken, there is no more grass on the lawn, the refrigerator and pantry has been stripped bare, you are in the hospital with several broken ribs and a concussion, and the neighbor's dog has been violated.

    I wish POA and the Purple Board would have an auto synch feature. Some of these duplicate threads are annoying.
     
  8. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, the Purple Board decides to replicate the Corrupt thread and a few others, but since they lack the technology automatically duplicate, they decide everyone will take turns. Tomorrow is your turn. You have to monitor and replicate ten threads. Have fun.

    I wish it wasn't so d**n hot in Baton Rouge. Hot and humid. I am out of here Saturday.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
     
  9. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted, a cold snap came through, driving all the sea life away from the Gulf. No shrimp, no crab, no clams... even the fish are ****ed off so they go too. Enjoy your meals of ramen through Saturday night.

    I wish I had a portable liposuction unit in my office. I'm six pounds overweight.
     
  10. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    I just had fresh trout at Court of the Two Sisters in NOLA. I highly recommend it :)

    It is your lucky day. Your company decided to branch out into the Asian weight loss market. Since the industry seems to be fairly unregulated there (I am just speculating, I don't really know), they have asked you to teach yourself the trade, so on your next visit you can pull in some extra cash in addition to your engineering stuff. They roll in the machine and hand you a training video. Have fun.

    I think I put on a few pounds on this visit. The food is so rich, all you have to do is look at it to gain weight. I wish I had stuck with my workouts, but this humid air makes me lose all motivation.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
     
  11. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted, you stuck with your workouts... you got really into the shakeweights, and now your right arm is "jacked".

    I wish it weren't starting to get chilly again...
     
  12. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Oh, my.....

    Granted, it won't get "chilly" again, but it will get "chili." On the surface that sounds good, particularly if you like hot foods, but this is a Southwestern remake of Dante's Inferno. Except instead of being bathed in fire, you're suffocating in a sea of jalapeno and habernero sauce. In retrospect, burning by physical fire might be slightly less painful, especially to your eyes, nose and throat.

    I wish I worked for the NSA. Then I could get the straight scoop on that hot little Korean chick at the gym.
     
  13. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, you got a job with the NSA, but cleaning the toilets doesn't get you any closer to that scoop; well maybe a scoop, but not the straight scoop.

    I wish it wasn't going to rain all weekend (in Salem, OR). I wanted to get a flight in. Now I am killing time in a strange town and am stuck indoors.
     
  14. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    SALEM, OR (AP NEWSWIRE)

    A California man is being held without bail for the murder of Jack Time in the town of Strange, Oregon. Sheriff's deputies reported that he appeared to be distraught over the amount of rainfall in the region. His crime was discovered through a tipoff from an NSA security search. John 221US apparently confessed to the crime on an Internet message board. According to NSA spokesman Jamaal Desnow Edwards, "Yeah, Mr. 221US, he caught by doing a search on 'Japanese Face Sitting Parlors'. We cracking down on that through cooperations with the Human Trafficking Department, turns out he a purp to a murder too."

    I wish I could bill these wish corruptions out at like a really high rate.
     
  15. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted,
    You write a bill to increase the rate of wish corruption. Unfortunately, your congressman misunderstands your intentions and believes that you are trying to out the Make a Wish foundation for corruption and he starts a congressional investigation instead. Your name gets associated with this witch hunt and you can't show your face in public. Many wishes fail to be granted, due to having to redirect funds to cover legal defense fees.

    I wish I wasn't stuck on site waiting for a cabling contractor tonight.
     
  16. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Well the NSA was at my school recruiting computer science majors last week and giving out free speaker-coolers. I'd be hesitant to work for them, but to each his own.
    Anyhow, Lil Wayne was planning on coming in and "making it rain" on you as if you were a stripper... could a probably picked up enough cash to get a brand new panel and an engine overhaul for the Piper, but alas, you're stuck in a LilWayneless town with low ceilings and no fun money.

    I wish I had a parachute and an industrial fan to strap to my back.
     
  17. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Awwwwww... forgot about the refresh button.
     
  18. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted, works great until your 100 foot cord runs out. You land in Aunt Sally's wedding cake. Not only is she ****ed at you for destroying her fifth marriage reception, you ingest much of it and get a sugar high, leading you to do some crazy stunting on an exercise bicycle at the University gym. They send you to the school clinic and give you a mis diagnosis of ADHT.

    Oops, now you have to pull Dr. Bruce out of the Russian Vodka appreciation class and get him to pull some strings for you.

    I wish that three quarter pounds worth of chicken strips I just ate were actually made of chicken. I feel gnarly.
     
  19. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted. While chillin' with John221 waiting for the cable contractor and munching on your tofu chicken strips, you get an idea! "Man, I'd bet there's some real chickens around here!"
    "Let's go find em'" says John. "I'm tired of waiting for the cable contractor."
    Sac: "Awesome! I'm feelin' like... really gnarly bro! Let's do this on skateboards!"
    So, off you trek, to find some real chicken strips.
    John: "Hey, over there... that guy on the corner looks like he might know where the chicken is!"
    Sac: "Gnarly bro, let's ask him."
    John: "Hey man, you know where we can get a chicken? We're trying to turn it into some strips."
    D'marcus: "Hey, you sure you want a whole chicken?"
    Sac: "Yeah. We've got the money, and we're really tired of the crappy stuff we've got back at the hotel... We want to make sure we're getting the real stuff!"
    D'marcus: "Well, you two crackers done come to the right place, then... Come on in."
    You both enter a sketchy room with a threadbare carpet, several "women of the night" laying around, and the druglord sitting in an armchair in the corner.
    John: "Um, so, where are the chickens?"
    D'marcus: "Shut the hell up and speak when spoken to, (insert unkind interjection here)!"
    Sac: "Hey man, we don't want any trouble. We were just feelin' gnarly and wanted some pure, organic chicken."
    Druglord: "I got cho' chicken right here. You just gotta pay up!"
    Sac: "How much? I've got twenty bucks."
    D'marcus and the druglord begin to laugh uncontrollably.
    Druglord: "What are you talkin' about? You want a whole chicken? That's gonna cost you. And now that yo' here, you gotta pay up irregardless of whatcha buy. If you wanna' get outta here, you gotta give me Twenty Kay!"
    John: "Sac, what the hell did you get me in to?!?!"
    So, you guys pay up and get out of that dungeon with your whole chicken. Upon leaving, the cops standing outside put you in cuffs, take the evidence, and put you in with Bubba. Good luck getting a recert after this fiasco.

    I wish I had a solid block of free time this weekend rather than a few things to do evenly spread out that pretty much ruin my chances of flying or fishing.
     
  20. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    "Hey roomie, what the hell is this thing sitting on top of my tackle box and flight bag?"

    "It's a solid block of free time!"

    "It won't budge. I can't move it! I want to go flying or fishing!"

    "Why don't you do both?"

    "Huh?"

    "Yeah, go fly fishing! Your gear is all spinning stuff anyway! Here, use my Grampa's bamboo fly fishing rig!"

    "Coolio."

    Later on that evening....

    "How did fly fishing go?"

    "Not so well. I only got a couple. I'm not sure what these are."

    "Eww... Those are, are... brown trout! Yuck! Ewwww! Where did you go?"

    "The internet said I should find a stream. Only one I could find was on fourth avenue."

    "That's a sewer overflow!"

    I wish I could find a store that stocks that damned part for my barbecue grill that rusted out.