Corrupt my wish

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by Sac Arrow, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. tangopapa

    tangopapa Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Granted, John and ebykowsky are baaaaack, but they've been scheming for the last 3 weeks trying to figure out how to actually corrupt your wishes, like, in real life. I don't know what they have against you, man. You're in for a $#@! storm.

    I wish I didn't have to start with a new flight instructor.
     
  2. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted, it would appear as if your spelling and my spelling match, so, I at least know how to spell your version, right?

    I wish the pot realized the kettle resides in the same glass pantry.
     
  3. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Oops.

    Granted:

    CFI: "Tangopapa, you can keep working with me dude!"

    TP: "But I like, want to get a type rating in a B737."

    CFI: "Oh. Well, okay, so, like, just figure it will take a little longer."

    I wish my legs and knees would magically recover after long, hard rides.
     
  4. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, your legs and knees magically recover. Just in time for you to get some stick time in a Velocity, but it is another hard ride for you...

    I wish the Dr. didn't just order a three week break from my running, due to a knee problem. I don't even have access to a bike here in Galax, VA.
     
  5. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted. Instead, he gave you a break in your leg and released the hounds. Better start running!

    I wish work would give me a laptop.
     
  6. livitup

    livitup Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Granted.

    [​IMG]

    I wish United would confirm my upgrade for my international flight next week, instead of waiting for the last second and making me sweat it out at the gate.
     
  7. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted,

    [​IMG]

    You have been bumped to First Class. Unfortunately, the service is worse than Coach as the forward flight attendants need to deal with an inexperienced First Officer filling in for an incapacitated Captain.

    I wish the blonde bimbo with the "manager" placard floating off her fake breast didn't come in to the cardio room call me out for not wearing a shirt during spin cycle class at the gym this morning. You don't like it fix the f****ing air conditioner. Nobody else had a problem with it. (How come you didn't tell the two chicks wearing only their sports bras to put their shirts on you stupid lezbo b**ch?"

    And THEN, you have the NERVE to give me a contrived, condescending "Have a nice day!" as I leave the gym. You don't give a F*** whether myself or anyone else has a nice day or not! Save it, baby.

    Okay I feel better. But wish still stands.
     
  8. saracelica

    saracelica Pattern Altitude

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    None of that happened in real life it was just your imagination. You drean someone would talk to you in real life but they don't...you only get *conversation* in webboards - how sad!

    I wish I had legs of steel
     
  9. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted,

    [​IMG]

    There you go. Should work nicely with your next utility table project. You could probably use them in the garage.

    I wish I knew what was going to be for dinner tonight.
     
  10. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted. You just found out your working late and the are bringing in Pizza. I guess it's sucking the cheese and pepperoni off the top for you.

    I wish I wasn't so tired still from the time change.
     
  11. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted,

    [​IMG]

    You are this "tired still" instead. Expect life to be very boring from here on out, save for the occasional photo shoot.

    I wish it wasn't going to be 108 degrees where I'm going to for a ride today.
     
  12. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    I bet I could find something like that, still in use around here. Here is the view from my hotel room:
    [​IMG]

    Granted, I found out from friends that it blew past 110 there, today. Hope you had some water to jump in. It was a pleasant 77 here in Galax.

    I wish the rain will hold off tomorrow. I am going to try to rent a bike, since the airport is in use by toy airplanes the whole weekend.
     
  13. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted,

    Rain holds out and you get your mountain bike and head for the woods. Your first clue of where you were should have been when you rode past this....

    [​IMG]

    I wish there was some leftover BBQ from last night. Ribs and omelet would rock for breakfast.
     
  14. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Hehe, banjo music will never sound the same.

    You found some left over ribs, but unfortunately, the dog had found it before you. There's no meat left on that bone. You do find some mystery meat in the back of the fridge, though. Too bad it has been in there since Thanksgiving. Looks like another trip to Mercy for you.

    I wish they had someone cooking eggs to order at this hotel. Those lumps of scrambled eggs don't look to appetizing.
     
  15. livitup

    livitup Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Granted. They hire this guy...

    [​IMG]

    He makes omelets with soul.

    [​IMG]

    Really, one of the ingredients is, literally, a soul. Too bad it's your soul. You're dead, whipped up into a nice frittata for the deliverance banjo guy.

    I wish I could take the week off work next week.
     
  16. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Well, it looks tasty, anyway. I am definitely eating out tomorrow morning.

    Granted, your boss graciously gives next week off, as well as the rest of the year and beyond. He said he would offer you a severance bonus, but they are broke and all he can afford is some McDonald's coupons.

    I wish I hadn't pushed my bike ride today. I am sore.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
     
  17. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Well,

    [​IMG]

    I wish I had something real to eat tonight.
     
  18. ajstoner21

    ajstoner21 Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted. You have something real to eat, but sadly it gave you bad food poisoning and you have to go the hospital.

    I wish I was rich enough to live off interest.
     
  19. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, your 87 year old sugar mama is interested and you are living off of her interest. Of course she does have some needs...

    I wish I didn't have to get up early tomorrow morning.

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
     
  20. moonshine

    moonshine Line Up and Wait

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    Granted, with the undetected comet showing up tonight, there's nothing to wake up to tomorrow morning.

    I wish I had a spare alternator to replace the one that kicked the bucket today.
     
  21. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Well here you go:

    [​IMG]

    Only thing is it leaves you with about half of your useable engine horsepower. You may not be able to out drag Malcolm's Impala, but you can drown out his subwoofers any day of the week.

    I wish that tight little Asian at the gym didn't have a stupid tattoo on her back. I mean, it doesn't destroy the fantasy, but it diminishes it.
     
  22. Corpsmaide

    Corpsmaide Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted! No more tattoo.

    You meet and she reveals she has gender identity disorder and scheduled the REASSIGNMENT.

    I wish the hiring time for this federal agency was not soooo long!
     
  23. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted,

    [​IMG]

    This Federal agency will hire you on the spot. No paperwork needed even. Of course, the mortality rate for your position exceeds two digits.

    I wish I led my own private country on my own private island.
     
  24. eman1200

    eman1200 Final Approach

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    Granted. But your island is a giant rock inhabited by 1000 Midget Elvis impersonators and doesn't have a runway or supermarket.

    I wish I didn't like ketchup so much.
     
  25. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Granted,

    You give up this...

    [​IMG]

    And turn in to this...

    [​IMG]


    I wish I could focus on getting this stupid technical report done.
     
  26. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted... Focus, yes. After a few shots of Jameson, you start to focus on that hot Asian woman on the treadmill in front of you at the gym, this morning (at least the memory of her). You do occasionally think about the report, but it is just a distraction from your real focus. Maybe if you get there a little earlier tomorrow, you can... Oh wait, you need to write that report tonight.

    I wish I could buy a new Garmin 430w for under $5k.


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  27. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Dude granted, I'll sell you my 430.... Uh, used, not w, hell you can have it for free! But you have to give me that tight little sweetie. She wears this tight little blue spandex, and does this routine on the step thing, holy crap....

    I want that. Yeah. That's my wish.
     
  28. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted, you grow a pair of balls and decide that today is the day you get blue spandex girl for yourself. So, to have something in common, you buy your own blue spandex workout suit. You work out in it a few hours before she gets there, and you're really starting to get "excited" thinking about her. Well, you don't notice just how excited you are, but in that spandex wrestling outfit, she sure does! Since she really doesn't want you to get too aggressive, she remedies the situation with her magical dumbbells. Spandex girl sure ain't so hot when all you can see is the blood rushing to your eyes.

    I wish there weren't so many thunderstorms every day.
     
  29. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, there is only one thunderstorm each day, but it lasts all day.

    I wish my vacuum pump hadn't just failed on my last flight.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
     
  30. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Oh my, what a resurrection.

    Yeah well, your vacuum pump indeed continued to function, except it was the one powering your "personal enlargement system" which was still engaged when you taxied in to the FBO. The female attendant was horrified when you opened the door and called 911. Gotta admit - those things are effective. Bubba has been using one for the last ten years he's been incarcerated. He'll tell you all about it later. More of a show and tell, likely.

    I wish someone would develop an app that will represent you in a teleconference without you actually being there. You know, like, it would log in, and randomly grunt and say "uh huh" and "mm hmm" and stuff like that. Some logic that would sense the discussion and maybe select a more appropriate interjection would be nice but probably not essential.

    I hate teleconferences, almost as much as I hate meetings. Did I ever mention that? Well I do.
     
  31. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, telegrunt 1.0 was posted on sourceforge and you downloaded (absolutely free). It plugged right into Skype and you were off and running. You just enter your conference schedule and dial in info into the app and it takes care of the rest (well you do have to record a few appropriate buzz words for it to play back). The next thing you know, you are invited to a meeting with the CEO, in person.

    Questions to be answered:

    Why do you think that the project go live date is a "parking lot issue"?
    Why do you want to "circle back" on the required travel dates?
    He doesn't feel the "Synergy" you mentioned on the expense report deadline. Can you explain?
    Can you elaborate on how you are going to take the travel planning "to the next level"?

    I wish I didn't have to drive to Cupertino so early tomorrow morning.

    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
     
  32. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Questions to be answered:

    Why do you think that the project go live date is a "parking lot issue"?

    History has shown that in retrospect, this issues are insignificant. (keyphrase "parking lot issue")

    Why do you want to "circle back" on the required travel dates?

    I think it's essential that this issue be revisited. (keyphrase "circle back")

    He doesn't feel the "Synergy" you mentioned on the expense report deadline. Can you explain?

    There is a lapse in communication and understanding on this issue. (keyphrase "doesn't feel" and keyword "synergy")

    Can you elaborate on how you are going to take the travel planning "to the next level"?

    Briefly, the issues associated with this action will be identified and a plan will be developed in order to address them. (keyword "elaborate" keyphrase "to the next level.")

    The concept will take some thought to it, but I have some ideas. I need a programming nerd to help me with this.

    I wish I didn't have to drive to Cupertino so early tomorrow morning.

    Granted, you were so motivated by the recent coverage of the Tour de France that you decide to ride your mountain bike there instead. Not only do you show up way late to your meeting (actually you miss it) but when you visit your clients to apologize for the meeting, you're wearing sweaty, smelly, gay looking bike spandex.

    It's okay, it IS Cupertino, you know.

    I wish the Other Guy would clean the plane once in a while.
     
  33. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted, The Other Guys take your plane out and use it for some crime fighting awesomeness. After putting it down with the wheels up in a cow pasture because they took off with a broken alternator, they find that they've given your seats a courtesy wash with their own bodily fluids.

    I wish Netflix would bring back South Park.
     
  34. rottydaddy

    rottydaddy En-Route

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  35. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Let's see.... do I re-corrupt ebykowski's wish? No, I'll just make one of my own.

    I wish one of the large GA advocacy groups like AOPA or EAA would host an "Extreme Makeover" edition for my airplane. I want:

    1. New Lycoming IO 360 C1C engine. The existing one works fine, but, as long as you're at it, well....

    2. Put some Lopresti cowlings and tips and stuff on it.

    3. Strip everything down to the metal inside and out, and repaint it with some kind of nice white/blue/green pattern.

    4. Install a leather interior. Tan would be nice. Or gray.

    5. Gimmie a newer metal panel and an Aspen cluster, a WAAS 530, and an STEC autopilot w/ altitude hold.
     
  36. ebykowsky

    ebykowsky Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted, in fact, they do this every year... just donate it and hope you happen to win it back in the AOPA membership raffle.

    I wish I'd brought more for lunch.
     
  37. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    ebykowsky: "I'd like a Big Mac, small fries and a drink."

    Counter chick: "That will be seven dollars and fifty six cents."

    ebykowsky: "Hmm, you know, why don't you add a double cheeseburger to that and upsize to a large fry, if you don't mind."

    Counter chick: "Sure, no problem. Okay, that will be thirty four dollars and twenty two cents."

    ebykowsky: "What the hell? Why so much?"

    Counter chick: "According to my register display, you posted on an aviation message board that you 'wished you bought more for lunch.' Apparently it interpreted that to mean you wish you paid more for lunch."

    ebykowsky: "No, no, I just wanted a little more food. I didn't want to spend a whole lot more. Okay you know what, just cancel it, put my original order through."

    Counter chick: "No problem sir. Okay, that will be thirty dollars even."

    ebykowsky: "What?!!!"

    Counter chick: "Yeah it credited you back the incremental price of the double cheeseburger and upsized fry. Sorry, I can't control it. It's automatic."

    ebykowsky: "Oh geez! Just cancel the order! Forget it!"

    Counter chick: "Well, okay, but, your account will still be automatically debited, you might as well take the food."

    ebykowsky: "Okay then go ahead and give me the extra cheeseburger and large fries."

    Counter chick: "No problem sir. Okay the revised total is fifty four dollars and eighty cents."

    ebykowsky: "What???!!!"

    Counter chick: "Reprocessing fee."

    I wish I had a free weekend in which to do some intensive bike riding on the North Coast.
     
  38. ajstoner21

    ajstoner21 Cleared for Takeoff

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    Granted. You bring alot for lunch but your coworkers mistake it as a company sponsored lunch as a surprise from a boss, so they eat it all before you get any.

    I wish i had backed up my files on my work laptop before it crapped out on me yesterday...

    EDIT: sorry Sac, you beat me to it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2013
  39. John221us

    John221us En-Route

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    Granted, you have the bike strapped onto your car and you are somewhere north of Mendocino. All of a sudden, three of your tires blow. You get out to look and someone had spiked the road. Quickly, you unload your bike, just as a pickup truck comes barreling around a corner and a guy with a gun is hanging out the window yelling something at you. Well, it is pretty intense. You are 100 miles from anywhere with just your bike and being chased by rednecks with a gun. Have a good ride.

    I wish I had gone grocery shopping. The frozen tamale for dinner was just ok.


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  40. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Holy crap, those guys with spikes and guns in Mendocino aren't rednecks, they're dope growers. Bad people to run across in the middle of the woods.

    But anyway, yeah, granted you went grocery shopping....

    "Meester John, why you do grocery shopping?"

    "Marcia, la cena se congela tamales, no quiero tamales congelados!"

    "Why you no like frozen tamales?"

    "I just want something different, that's all."

    "Okay meester John, Marcia do her best at dinner then."

    A couple hours later....

    "Jeesus F Christ! What is this!??"

    "Eets a Marcia special, tuna fish tamales weeth spaghetti sauce, Marcia had to work with what you shop for."

    "Those other tamales still in the freezer?"

    I wish I wouldn't have eaten that burrito yesterday. I had a really bad reaction to the tortilla. I still feel all jacked up. I wish someone would develop a corn tortilla suitable for wrapping burritos. That would be righteous.