Opinions are like...

Cajun_Flyer said:
No, it's not about the money at all. And it definitely isn't about the time away from home...
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Okey doke. I've reached my depth on solving your problem. ;)

Hope he comes around some day and congrats on the solo.

Tim
 
Timbeck2 said:
Okey doke. I've reached my depth on solving your problem. ;)

Hope he comes around some day and congrats on the solo.

Tim
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I would say what I think of the husband, but no one asked my opinion, and it wouldn't be very nice to him. (Although it would probably be spot-on.)
 
Timbeck2 said:
Okey doke. I've reached my depth on solving your problem. ;)

Hope he comes around some day and congrats on the solo.

Tim
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:) No worries, you made some really good guesses! But they were far too rational and, sadly, he just isn't being rational. Besides, I'm not looking for anyone here to solve my problem. I know my problem well and determining which way to go is on my shoulders. I more just came here to vent, hear some words of support (which I REALLY need right now!) and surround myself with people who get how awesome a first solo is!
 
It's not just you, or the fact you are a woman. Most times I mention flying to friends or co-workers, there is some wise crack about a crash. I started doing things like this:

Co-worker: I'm going to a rock concert tonight!

Me: Cool, I hope terrorists don't attack the stadium and kill you.

Co-worker: What? Why would you even say something like that?!?

Me: Kind of sucks when people joke about your possible death when you talk about doing something you really enjoy, doesn't it?

Co-worker: [slow dawn of realization]

As for your husband, that really blows. My wife was concerned for my safety when I first started talking about flying, but she quickly got on board when she realized how much I love it. She now flies with me quite a bit.

Having somebody that actively sabotages your dreams is soul-sucking. A heart-to-heart about emotional support and the lack of a future for a relationship without it might be in order. Sorry you have to deal with that.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
...Besides, I'm not looking for anyone here to solve my problem... I more just came here to vent, hear some words of support...
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Oddly enough, this is the second topic of a marriage counselors advice to men. :lol:

However one final word from me: He "found" your logbook, do you want him to "find" this thread? ;) Just sayin...
 
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:rofl:

I'm a triple amputee, do my own maintenance and fly. I've had terrified men not only get in with me for a ride, but watched their wife and kids go for airplane rides (couldn't fit everyone in one load so the parent were separated and the kids flew both times).




Every day or two I hear of a deadly car accident in Nebraska. About once a year there is a small aircraft crash.
 
I must have the best wife in the world. She does not like flying in a little plane. She also gets severe motion sickness even in a car. But to quote her on why she goes flying with me: "Because he is my husband and he enjoys it". We will see how this may or may not change if/when we have kids.

Although, first I have to convince her that driving would not be the best course of action. She's a new driver and is still perfectly ok with doing an 8 hour drive vs. 3 hour flight. Some of that is my fault.. Seems like my landings automatically get worse when she's in the plane.. sigh

But, I've heard this through all my life. Generally from people that know nothing about it and, thankfully, I don't care about.

Congratulations on soloing!
 
Tell them you're a MILF......
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.....a Mother and I Like to Fly.....WHUDUPP

but seriously, people are freakin annoying. focus more on how you react to them, because you can't change e'rbody.

congrats on the solo and sorry you married a turd.

JK Mr. Cajun Flyer. sort of.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
Thank you for your response. It's true that have changed, but my intent on flying has been known to him since long before we ever even got together. I've always been obsessed with aviation. On our honeymoon, I closed my eyes on the takeoff and pretended I was the one piloting the plane. He thought I was a weirdo and, back then, it was "cute." Guess it's not so cute now that I've gotten more serious about it.
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Then it should have come as no surprise to your spouse.

Cajun_Flyer said:
The thing is, since we've been together, I've been forced to face my mortality when I bled out and stopped breathing on an operating table. Yes, that changes a person. I don't want to wait until I'm old to follow my passion because what if I don't make it til when I'm old? I want to live now and, sure, I guess that's selfish. But I'm not budging on it. I think that part bothers him the most.
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I just went into debt for the first time (other than my domicile) to get the faster airplane I've been wanting. I suspect I was feeling a touch of my own mortality. I never want to be the one to say "I wish I'd have done that".

Cajun_Flyer said:
As for what happens now with our marriage... that one's up in the air, but, sadly, on a different flight path than my little Warrior. We'll see what time brings.
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I can only wish you the very best of luck.
 
Congrats on the solo!

I fly airplanes, hang gliders, ride motorcycles, and do other interesting activities, and, I get those same snarky comments all the time.

"Do you have a death wish"
"Hope you have lots of life insurance"
"Guess you don't care if your daughter has a father"

etc.

I think it's mostly sour grapes. Most people don't have the cajones and/or resources to participate in interesting activities, so they find ways to put you down thinking it lifts them up. Bzzzzzt! Wrong answer.

I can't really give any advice on the hubby other than he needs to sit down and really THINK about what he wants in life.
 
Ignorance breeds fear. Knowledge abolishes it.

Bob Gardner
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
...well, you know the rest.

The following comments have trickled in over the last week or so on the heels of one of my coworkers (an ex-ATCer) proudly announcing at our agency's Christmas party that I was about to do my first solo...

"But you're a mom of two kids!"

"Be careful... I mean, you have two kids to think of."

"I guess I'll be the first responder when you do your first solo."
(a comment made by a public safety official when I told him I would be doing it in his town)

"Ugh, you make me nervous. I could never do that. Please don't die."

"I better not see you on the evening news!"

"Where are you learning out of?" >tells him< "Oh, I've got buddies at the fire station there. Guess I'll know from them when you solo! haha!"

"You flew... by yourself?! Oh my. Don't you have kids? What does your husband think?"


As for what my husband thinks about all of this, well... he is the LEAST supportive person I have on it. :mad: Sucks, right? When I told him I finally reached my solo milestone, he didn't speak to me for a day and then blew up on me the next day. Sent me a dozen or so sensationalist news articles about plane crashes. He's known I've been taking lessons for months now, but we just don't talk about it due to his disapproval. I never should have made the mistake of wanting to share my good news about the solo with him.

So, I guess I'm just wondering... am I getting these kind of comments for the simple fact that I have the audacity to also be a woman and, GASP... a mother? Or do men get these kind of responses as well? It's both men and women saying these things to me. The women are the ones making all the comments about my kids, while the men are mostly making comments about me dying.

I'm at the point where I just don't want to talk about it with anyone anymore. The most dangerous thing for me in the sky right now are all of their voices telling me I can't do it, or that I'm going to die, or that I'm going to leave my kids motherless. Their voices are the only real hazard to me.

Or maybe they are right. Is it terribly selfish of me to learn how to fly while I have children? Lay it on me, if so. I've dreamt about this for 20+ years and don't want to wait another 20 to follow my passion, but maybe that's just what I have to do. :dunno:

But this is about how I feel right now - :mad2:
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Yes. It happens to men too. Wife and I have two kids. It's amazing how similar our situation is.

When I first said I wanted to do the discovery flight, it was met with "great I'll be a single mom" and "Be sure the life insurance is up to date" and even some harsher things.

When I did my first solo, it was a surprise. Instructor said, "it's time" and jumped out. I went home, happy as hell that I met such an amazing milestone. It was returned with such cold bitterness that I wanted to quit then and there. "You said it was going to take months and months!" Um, no, you never listened when I explained the process. And she is always eager to point out a plane crash or any sort of issue.

She talked about a friend of extended family that died in a small plane crash in the mountains. "He went to a flight school and was really experienced" etc etc. I pulled up the NTSB report and it turns out that cold meds and marijuana were in the toxicology report. Sorry, that's not the plane's fault. Careless, stupid person.

She has been more supportive lately. But I doubt she'll let me take the kids up. I doubt she'll ever go up. Which sucks. And just wait until the next road trip, when I choose to fly instead of driving. That's going to be a fight. But whatever.

Everyone around me gives me the same points you hear. For a while it did go to my head and sometimes it still does. Maybe it is selfish and stupid. But, I'm going to be as safe and responsible as I can be. I love it. It's something I want to do and experience. So fukc what other people say.

It's something so amazing that we work so hard for and care so much about. So of course it hurts when we continually get negative reactions. But everyone is different.

When it's our turn, it's our turn. Doesn't matter if it's in a plane, a car, cancer, heart attack, etc.

So I say be selfish. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy. If you stop and give up solely because of opinions and statements from others, you'll have a huge hole in your heart and will always wonder.
 
Sucks to not have the support of a spouse. Mine kind of does but I lately its been a battle.

If I was your hubby I'd be overjoyed my spouse found something they loved .Cause we are here once, got a good 40 years in the middle of our lives to maximize our experiences, so more power to anyone who wants to further themselves.
 
Tell your ignorant associates you've discovered people are transporting tons of high-explosives through their neighborhoods each day, without hazmat permits, or training, or any reporting requirements. Worse yet, they're storing the stuff in the neighborhood overnight! Sometimes they even pump it themselves, without qualified oversight. . .
 
MetalCloud said:
Yes. It happens to men too. Wife and I have two kids. It's amazing how similar our situation is.

When I first said I wanted to do the discovery flight, it was met with "great I'll be a single mom" and "Be sure the life insurance is up to date" and even some harsher things.

When I did my first solo, it was a surprise. Instructor said, "it's time" and jumped out. I went home, happy as hell that I met such an amazing milestone. It was returned with such cold bitterness that I wanted to quit then and there. "You said it was going to take months and months!" Um, no, you never listened when I explained the process. And she is always eager to point out a plane crash or any sort of issue.

She talked about a friend of extended family that died in a small plane crash in the mountains. "He went to a flight school and was really experienced" etc etc. I pulled up the NTSB report and it turns out that cold meds and marijuana were in the toxicology report. Sorry, that's not the plane's fault. Careless, stupid person.

She has been more supportive lately. But I doubt she'll let me take the kids up. I doubt she'll ever go up. Which sucks. And just wait until the next road trip, when I choose to fly instead of driving. That's going to be a fight. But whatever.

Everyone around me gives me the same points you hear. For a while it did go to my head and sometimes it still does. Maybe it is selfish and stupid. But, I'm going to be as safe and responsible as I can be. I love it. It's something I want to do and experience. So fukc what other people say.

It's something so amazing that we work so hard for and care so much about. So of course it hurts when we continually get negative reactions. But everyone is different.

When it's our turn, it's our turn. Doesn't matter if it's in a plane, a car, cancer, heart attack, etc.

So I say be selfish. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy. If you stop and give up solely because of opinions and statements from others, you'll have a huge hole in your heart and will always wonder.
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Let me know if there is any way I can help.

I kinda doubt it, but maybe a somewhat more experienced local pilot who does searches can help…or not.

My wife is indifferent. She'll fly, but would rather do just about anything else, even laundry. It helps that my kid is really into it.

You're still a student, right?

I've shown nervous people how we know the airplane is in working condition, and especially how the airplane behaves when the engine is off (well, idle), but I think your wife may be beyond that. I think the general public assumes a dead engine means you fall out of the sky, rather than the more typical 1.5 miles per thousand feet of glide.
 
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MAKG1 said:
Let me know if there is any way I can help.

I kinda doubt it, but maybe a somewhat more experienced local pilot who does searches can help…or not.

My wife is indifferent. She'll fly, but would rather do just about anything else, even laundry. It helps that my kid is really into it.

You're still a student, right?
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So cool man! I appreciate that. Thank you! Yes still a student. Hoping for PPL in Feb.
 
MetalCloud said:
It's amazing how similar our situation is.
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Wow, are stories really are quite similar (sadly)! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It really sucks to have the one person you need most to be your rock/support be so against it all.

I honestly don't buy the danger aspect of flying being what bothers my husband, either. I got into boxing a couple years back and THAT scared me. I liked it for a while... punching the heavy bag and sparring with my coach. Great way to burn off steam (and I had some steam at that time in my life). But then when I started going head-to-head with other people I found that I don't actually like getting punched in the skull... that the concept terrified me... that I like my brain between my ears and in full working order. So, I stopped. He didn't get why I wanted to quit and thought my concerns were silly.

Got into motorcycle riding too for a while. He was totally on board with that. Why? Because it was what HE wanted to do. I just did it to support him. Got my license and went on road trips with him on my own bike. But the whole thing made me so nervous. I trusted my riding skills, but I can't count how many times I almost got side-swiped off the road by distracted drivers on cellphones or kids speeding and not looking where they were going.

Those things... those things scared me and made me worry about my safety. But, more importantly, they didn't fill me with passion. I could have lived with/without them. Flying, on the other hand... my God. It's a part of my soul. It's a core part of who I am, who I want to be. And I feel safe, in control, free... happy.

So, I don't get it. I don't know if the real issue is that he is bothered that I have truly found my passion while he has not, or if it's something more. But I'm hitting the point where I just don't care anymore. That's a sad place to be in a marriage.

I hope your wife comes around, MC.
 
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Bill Jennings said:
I think it's mostly sour grapes. Most people don't have the cajones and/or resources to participate in interesting activities, so they find ways to put you down thinking it lifts them up. Bzzzzzt! Wrong answer.
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You hit the nail right on the head with that one! I think it's partly people's disappointment in their own decisions, or their giving in to their fears of trying new things or following their dreams. Misery loves company, as they say. If they aren't happy with their choices, how dare you be happy with yours?
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
You hit the nail right on the head with that one! I think it's partly people's disappointment in their own decisions, or their giving in to their fears of trying new things or following their dreams. Misery loves company, as they say. If they aren't happy with their choices, how dare you be happy with yours?
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I may be a little overboard on this, but could this be your husbands problem? Sounds like he may be a little under employed right now and the male ego wants to be to sole provider to the family.

I wish there was one thing I could say or do to help you get your husband on board, literally. Maybe your success in your wanting to do something you have a passion about is too much because he is not doing what he wants, or is not as successful as he wants to be at this point in life.

All I can offer is thoughts and prayers that this all works out for the both of you and your children.
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
I soloed two days before Christmas and it was amazing!! Ok, so my landings were definitely not my best and I did have to do a go-around when I came in too high once, BUT I had a blast :) Traffic was pretty thick that day... had to do a couple 360s and extend my downwind once or twice, but nothing I'm not used to. It's one of the busiest airports for traffic in New England.

Because it wasn't my most graceful flight, I decided to go up and solo again the day after Christmas just to prove I could do it better than I did the first time. I nailed every landing beautifully! :) My CFI would have been proud.
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Congratulations on your solo! It sounds like you are surrounded by a lot of very negative people and I think I understand how difficult and frustrating that can be. Don't let them cheat you out of your dream with their comments. Reason does work with some people so you just have to try to ignore their comments. When you are up in the air you are in control not them.

I hope you have a great time during your training and go all the way to your PPL.

Best wishes!
 
Zeldman said:
I may be a little overboard on this, but could this be your husbands problem? Sounds like he may be a little under employed right now and the male ego wants to be to sole provider to the family.

I wish there was one thing I could say or do to help you get your husband on board, literally. Maybe your success in your wanting to do something you have a passion about is too much because he is not doing what he wants, or is not as successful as he wants to be at this point in life.

All I can offer is thoughts and prayers that this all works out for the both of you and your children.
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Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

I don't think you are overboard at all. I think it's exactly that. I understand the male ego and this sort of thing. But, what am I supposed to do? Continue coddling him? Stop being happy so he feels better about his misery? I'm tired of baby-stepping and downplaying/hiding my accomplishments and joys. I've been there for him. At some point, I need him to be there for me as well.

Walking eggshells is exhausting.
 
My wife and I made an agreement that I wait until the Kids turn 18. Well finally starting my lessons this spring. Good for you on the solo. Hmmm...... Maybe she thought I would forget or lose interest as it was 15 years ago :no: Guess she was wrong :yes:
 
Congrats on your solo. :yes:


My wife was kinda noncommittal. But she was a very social animal, liked being around people. Fortunately, there was a very good social life at the airport, lots of cookouts, hangar flying, breakfast runs, $100 hamburger runs. Next thing she knew we were spending a lot of time involved with other pilot families and she loved it. The flying part, she could take it or leave it, but the social aspect was her cup of tea.

It didn't hurt that she knew my CFI and admired his thorough and safe methods.

As time went on she got more and more into it and eventually ended up getting hired as the desk lady at the FBO, even learned how to fuel aircraft.


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Cajun_Flyer said:
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

I don't think you are overboard at all. I think it's exactly that. I understand the male ego and this sort of thing. But, what am I supposed to do? Continue coddling him? Stop being happy so he feels better about his misery? I'm tired of baby-stepping and downplaying/hiding my accomplishments and joys. I've been there for him. At some point, I need him to be there for me as well.

Walking eggshells is exhausting.
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I can't really add to what has been posted but as someone who first solo'ed in 1979 at the age of 18 and was never able to finish, make sure you follow your dreams...I'm planning on taking lessons this spring to finally get my ticket.

Good luck going forward and I hope everything works out for you.

Keep flying!
 
Cajun_Flyer said:
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

I don't think you are overboard at all. I think it's exactly that. I understand the male ego and this sort of thing. But, what am I supposed to do? Continue coddling him? Stop being happy so he feels better about his misery? I'm tired of baby-stepping and downplaying/hiding my accomplishments and joys. I've been there for him. At some point, I need him to be there for me as well.

Walking eggshells is exhausting.
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I know it is. I dated a woman for 3 years that was the same way. I really hope everything turns out better for you than it did for me.

Keep flying, it can be a great stress reliever.

And keep us informed of your progress..!!!
 
Congrats on the Solo.

Nothing quite like the the feeling you get when the plane lifts off the ground for the first time with just you at the controls. :eek: It was an awesome experience. Would have been better if my wife was as excited as I was...some one to share the moment with...but unfortunately she absolutely hates me flying. I have it all on video which she won't watch. She has accepted my flying, just as she has accepted my Corvette addiction but I wouldn't exactly call it a shared love.:dunno:

My co-workers, on the other hand, can't ask enough questions and couldn't be more supportive. Right before I soloed they all listened in on LIVEACT to hear me babble to the tower. They all thought it was pretty cool.

Stick with it, don't let anyone or anything dissuade you, your a big girl now, you will never regret it.:thumbsup:
 
congrats on your solo! That's AWESOME! Way to go!

RE: marriage counseling - I've paid for a few years of counseling and I believe it was worth it - just celebrated our 30th anniversary ... 20 years of wedded bliss and 10 years of ... :) (counseling?) :) Anyway, I learned enough to know I can't give anyone advice ... sorry!

My wife hates to fly. She's a white knuckle commercial flyer, and has tried to go with me in GA a couple of times and just can't get over her fears. However, she supports me in my hobby. In fact, I flew before we got married, and laid off for way too many years while finishing my college, starting a family, starting a business, raising a family, etc etc etc... anyway, about 15 years ago she introduced me to one of her friends who's husband is a pilot, and we spent the whole afternoon talking about flying. After the picnic, I told my wife "I HAVE to get back in the air!" and she said "I know. That's why I introduced you." :)
 
actually I do want to comment on this:

Cajun_Flyer said:
.....those things scared me and made me worry about my safety. But, more importantly, they didn't fill me with passion. I could have lived with/without them. Flying, on the other hand... my God. It's a part of my soul. It's a core part of who I am, who I want to be. And I feel safe, in control, free... happy.....
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have you told him this.....in these words? the 'issue', in my mind, should be OVER if you have expressed this to him in this manner. if he still has an issue with you flying after you tell him this, then yeah, most likely some underlying marital issues that we probably couldn't help you with. but, I'm talking about physically speaking these exact words to him, not what most women typically do and NOT say what you mean but leave us to figure out wtf you're trying to say.
 
gkainz said:
congrats on your solo! That's AWESOME! Way to go!

RE: marriage counseling - I've paid for a few years of counseling and I believe it was worth it - just celebrated our 30th anniversary ... 20 years of wedded bliss and 10 years of ... :) (counseling?) :) Anyway, I learned enough to know I can't give anyone advice ... sorry!

My wife hates to fly. She's a white knuckle commercial flyer, and has tried to go with me in GA a couple of times and just can't get over her fears. However, she supports me in my hobby. In fact, I flew before we got married, and laid off for way too many years while finishing my college, starting a family, starting a business, raising a family, etc etc etc... anyway, about 15 years ago she introduced me to one of her friends who's husband is a pilot, and we spent the whole afternoon talking about flying. After the picnic, I told my wife "I HAVE to get back in the air!" and she said "I know. That's why I introduced you." :)
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That's great...my wife tried to do the same thing for me about 10 years ago, she knew I still had the bug and one of her patients (she is a Dental Hygienist) was a CFI and owned his own plane...she booked me an hour with him and wanted me to take the plunge but I couldn't pull the trigger because I was concerned about the money drain...I should have listened to her ;)
 
eman1200 said:
actually I do want to comment on this:



have you told him this.....in these words? the 'issue', in my mind, should be OVER if you have expressed this to him in this manner. if he still has an issue with you flying after you tell him this, then yeah, most likely some underlying marital issues that we probably couldn't help you with. but, I'm talking about physically speaking these exact words to him, not what most women typically do and NOT say what you mean but leave us to figure out wtf you're trying to say.
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Oh, I got past the "mind reading" expectation with men a long time ago. You don't get much more straight up than me, I'm afraid. Life too short to not be clear on your needs.

So, the other night - after his big "explosion" on the solo flight thing, I really just went full on heart-to-heart. I sat down, looked at him square on and told him not to speak until I was done. That I needed to say what I was about to say. I spoke calmly, rationally and straight from my soul... and I said exactly what I said in that post above, and then some. When I was done, he just sat there. No response, no acknowledgement, no offer to work out a compromise. I just shook my head and walked away.

About 15 minutes later was when all of the emails from him came flooding in regarding plane crashes. The next morning, I found his wedding ring in a drawer.
 
96gs917 said:
My co-workers, on the other hand, can't ask enough questions and couldn't be more supportive. Right before I soloed they all listened in on LIVEACT to hear me babble to the tower. They all thought it was pretty cool.
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To clarify, while some of my coworkers are definitely making stupid comments, many are very supportive. When they knew I was likely going to do my solo one day, they tried listening to Live ATC to hear me too :) It made me feel awesome knowing that they were doing that back at the bunker (my office is about 50 feet underground). Sadly it turned out that our firewall blocked them from being able to listen in, but thinking that they were listening helped me to feel less alone in the cockpit that day.

So there are lots of good folks there. Just a few nay-sayers who like to rain on parades.
 
I have no words that are nice for family members who can't support other's dreams.

Bob -- if only your platitude about knowledge were true. Plenty of people terrified of things they absolutely know won't ever happen to them...

Glad you can vent here online amongst like-minded folks.
 
Sorry to hear about the relationship. Congrats on the solo!

I have kids and wonder myself the same things that others have said - am I being selfish? What if something happens to me? But at what point do I just give up and just work, eat, and breathe? I want to live, laugh, and love! So I make sure to be as careful and conservative as I can within the dangers of getting off the ground.

Marriage can be a pain (to put it mildly). But it's a series of compromises, not just one, if we want to stay married. I am guessing there are other issues (not with you necessarily). Another relationship, jealousy, etc. It's not the flying. Find out what it is, if you want to, and work on it, if you think the relationship and kids are worth it (which the kids are).

Don't give up either if you can help it. Put yourself 20 years in the future and figure out what you'll regret if you had a chance to look back or hit rewind.
 
I guess that I am pretty lucky. While my wife is not overly enthusiastic about flying herself, she does seem to enjoy it when she flies with me and we have had some fun trips together. One thing that I really love about her is how she seems to beam with pride when she tells people that I am a pilot. She even invited a couple she knew to fly with us.

Also, I have not ever had any coworkers or friends question it in a negative way. Most seem intrigued and even a bit envious of the fact that I am a pilot. I am a bit surprised that you and others on here have had the reactions from friends and family that you have. I think it is very sad as well.

Congratulations on the solo and best wishes for your continued flying. Do not let anyone sway you from continuing. Your husband and friends will either come around or they won't. It is their problem to overcome, not yours. Good luck.
 
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