Corrupt my wish

Granted, I could have introduce goats in to the mix instead of nice, warm fluffy sheep. THAT would have resulted in an even more disturbing image. Fortunately, that offspring is still at large.

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I wish I would have brought my flight bag with me. I could have knocked out a trip down the South Bay today.
 
Bummer, what were you missing, your headset? You probably could have borrowed one from a flight school.

Granted, you have your flight bag safely tucked into the backseat of your car. Unfortunately, you're in Oakland dude and they sometimes jack cars there. Two guys with a gun jumped in at the stop light and asked you to get out. They took your car and your bag. I hope you didn't have your log book in there.

I wish I didn't have to work on an emergency server issue tonight. It is going to be a long night.
 
My airplane keys are in the flight bag.

Granted, the emergency server is fixed. It's your main file server with all your data on it that's f**ked, and you forgot that Marcia threw all your offsite backup media in the recycle bin last week.

I wish I bothered to ride the motorcycle in to work today. Traffic is f**ked.
 
Granted, and as you're lane splitting at 70 MPH, a car to your right decides to squeeze you in and you end up putting it down on the freeway. Good thing you were wearing leathers, but you still lost a bunch of skin.

I wish I hadn't been stuck indoors on a Microsoft support call all day. The weather looked great.
 
John221us said:
Granted, and as you're lane splitting at 70 MPH, a car to your right decides to squeeze you in and you end up putting it down on the freeway. Good thing you were wearing leathers, but you still lost a bunch of skin.

I wish I hadn't been stuck indoors on a Microsoft support call all day. The weather looked great.
Click to expand...

"Hello, Phizer support, how can I help you?"

"Um, these pills, aren't... getting the job done."

"What's wrong?"

"I took two of them, and... I mean... not meeting my expectations."

"Sorry, I got moved from indoor support to outdoor support. Can you describe your problem?"

"Yeah well, I had this date thing right, and... I took two of your pills, and... not happening."

"Can you send a picture?"

"Okay... click..."

"Oh. You have...a... Microsoft."

"Meaning?"

"Not sure I can help you there, buddy, we can only do so much."

(Jeez I hate Microsoft support lines indoors or out)

Okay, let me try this....

Jackie%2BGuerrido.jpg


"Oh... my.... wow. That helps a lot. Thanks!"

(I really need to keep my day job, but thank you anyway.)

I wish I cooked dinner tonight.
 
Sac Arrow said:
"Hello, Phizer support, how can I help you?"

"Um, these pills, aren't... getting the job done."

"What's wrong?"

"I took two of them, and... I mean... not meeting my expectations."

"Sorry, I got moved from indoor support to outdoor support. Can you describe your problem?"

"Yeah well, I had this date thing right, and... I took two of your pills, and... not happening."

"Can you send a picture?"

"Okay... click..."

"Oh. You have...a... Microsoft."

"Meaning?"

"Not sure I can help you there, buddy, we can only do so much."

(Jeez I hate Microsoft support lines indoors or out)

Okay, let me try this....

Jackie%2BGuerrido.jpg


"Oh... my.... wow. That helps a lot. Thanks!"

(I really need to keep my day job, but thank you anyway.)

I wish I cooked dinner tonight.
Click to expand...

Granted, though throwing left over Chinese in the Microwave bare counts as cooking. Unfortunately, it had been in the fridge too long and you find yourself on an insurance paid ride to Mercy.

I wish I could find a good book. The last two have been duds.
 
John221us said:
Granted, though throwing left over Chinese in the Microwave bare counts as cooking. Unfortunately, it had been in the fridge too long and you find yourself on an insurance paid ride to Mercy.

I wish I could find a good book. The last two have been duds.
Click to expand...

Good%20Book%20040_full.jpeg


Okay here you are, but it's a "bath house". I think Marcial frequents there if I'm not mistaken.

I wish I had some onions to throw in that omelet.
 
Sac Arrow;1141583 Okay here you are said:
Granted, you dig way in the back of the fridge (you really have to clean that thing out) and come up with some pretty knarly looking onions. Looks like another ride to mercy.

I wish I had time to do my run early, but it is looking like I won't get to it until later.
Click to expand...
 
Granted, you made a run to the liquor store this morning. Marcia kindly made you Manhattans until noon.

"Would you like massage meester John?"

"Mmmmmm. That would be nice."

In your drunken stupor, she hands her house keys to Marcial, who takes over the massage and then she takes off for the afternoon. (Hint, you got the extra special).

I wish I never would have put those POS Novarra tubes in my new bike tires. The front already went flat sitting in the garage. New tires kicked ass though. Made a noticeable difference.
 
Granted. You put literal P's of S in your tires. The ride is all mushy now and you blaze a trail of stench through the bay area.

I wish going to church counted as a class.
 
Granted, you've changed schools and you're now enrolled in Brigham Young University. Utah is a little bit different than South Carolina, and your lifestyle took a swing downward. Socializing, is... how can I say it... challenging.

crimesagainsttheworld.jpg


I wish someone would have an answer to my bicycle question.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you've changed schools and you're now enrolled in Brigham Young University. Utah is a little bit different than South Carolina, and your lifestyle took a swing downward. Socializing, is... how can I say it... challenging.

I wish someone would have an answer to my bicycle question.
Click to expand...

First of all, I can wait as long as you need me to for her.
Second, trust me... the Mormons are way more normal and have tons more sex than most CMU students (I'm in PA most of the time now anyway).
Third, Granted.http://www.pilotsofamerica.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1142854#post1142854
 
Granted you can grow a beard. However it starts getting caught in everything. It gets caught in your pants zipper and in the car door. Pretty soon it's longer then Crystal Gale could ever imagine. Your wish for hair is also for your nether region as well. So much for manscaping. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crystal_Gayle

I wish we had an astro turf lawn so we didn't have to mow it this summer.
 
Granted. But you got your garden as a package. Ever had an Astro Turf salad? Well, not so good.

I wish I could eat carbs without going in to spasms and posting angry things on POA lest moderators have to vote on whether or not I should be banned or not. Not saying they would but you never know.
 
Granted. You can now carbload for your morning bike ride and go 10 times further than before. It's not the carbs that set you off... it's the redneck in the pickup who tells you to "get off the road." Pedal faster, I think I hear banjo music! Anyway, the rant you post when you get back and find that the culprit has posted the story on poa is a bit over PG13 and promptly gets you banned.

I wish all watches had a countdown timer. I buy a friggin $120 retail Casio gshock and it doesn't have a countdown timer. Unbelievable.
 
Granted, now all watches are required to have a count down timer. Now trade on high end watches like Rolex has gone under ground. The world's watch collectors are up in arms over your wish and protestors are out in front of your house everyday. You can't leave your house, but you do find your countdown timer amusing. You find yourself timing the cat, to see if he moves in the next hour.

I wish I didn't have a three hour meeting this morning.
 
John221us said:
Granted, now all watches are required to have a count down timer. Now trade on high end watches like Rolex has gone under ground. The world's watch collectors are up in arms over your wish and protestors are out in front of your house everyday. You can't leave your house, but you do find your countdown timer amusing. You find yourself timing the cat, to see if he moves in the next hour.

I wish I didn't have a three hour meeting this morning.
Click to expand...

Granted. It's a three hour tour. A THREE HOUR TOUR..... You know where I'm going with that. I hope you packed a lot of spare clothes.

Speaking of three hour tours, why is it every time I decide to sleep in and come in AFTER rush hour, there is a BIG FREAKIN' ACCIDENT on the freeway. I wish I came in early today.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I came in early today.
Click to expand...

I don't even need to corrupt this one. It involves Marcial and the rest of his buddies in your bed early this morning. Enjoy!

I wish I could fly to TN tomorrow instead of the 10 hr drive.
 
ebykowsky said:
I don't even need to corrupt this one. It involves Marcial and the rest of his buddies in your bed early this morning. Enjoy!

I wish I could fly to TN tomorrow instead of the 10 hr drive.
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ebykowsky1200@aol.com: "I want to book a flight to Tunisia tomorrow."

booking@tunisair.TN: "Okay."

Tunisia customs officer: "Do you have anything to declare? What's in that bag?"

ebykowky: "Just my stuff."

Sort sort sort. "What's this bag of white powder?"

"Oh, that's some baking soda, I like to gargle with it after I brush my teeth."

"Uh huh."

(Hint: North African jails are not fun places to be on drug charges. Your new roommate Ahsram Quad Al Bubba keeps you company for the next few years.)

I wish I would have stopped at the burrito place. I mean the place that does these kick ass chorizo and egg burritos. They quit making them after ten.
 
Granted you did stop there but it was after 10 and so you went ballistic on the poor worker. You saw "Falling Down" with Michael Douglas right? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106856/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 You then shoot up the place to recreate it. You join ebykowsky in the North African jail. Not really sure why but it sounded good.

I wish I had a project I could do that'd make the next week and a half go by quickly!
 
saracelica said:
Granted you did stop there but it was after 10 and so you went ballistic on the poor worker. You saw "Falling Down" with Michael Douglas right? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106856/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 You then shoot up the place to recreate it. You join ebykowsky in the North African jail. Not really sure why but it sounded good.

I wish I had a project I could do that'd make the next week and a half go by quickly!
Click to expand...

Granted, you help Skyhog with procuring crated car engines for his project car, the Nickmobile.

Skyhog: "Thanks for helping me out with this project. You know what I want to do right? Find some new, crated engines for my project car?"

saracelica: "Engines??? I HATE engines! I thought you wanted help baking a caramel custard pie!!!"

Needless to say, the next week and a half is like, really tense, but it sure goes by quickly. But you did learn about pistons and valves and crap like that, right?

How did I get extradited to Tunisia for a crime committed in the United States. Well, I wish I had time to watch all these cool movies Sara keeps talking about (yes, I have seen Falling Down.)
 
Granted, after some redneck yells get on the sidewalk while you are riding your bike, he tries to force you up there with his pickup. Next thing you know you hit the curb and do a superman onto the sidewalk, just as a guy was walking past with his pet Rottweiler (who wasn't friendly). You have six weeks of down time to get caught up on movies.

I wish I had remembered to buy the whip cream for my strawberry shortcake.
 
Granted, you have the whip and the cream for your adventures with Strawberry Shortcake this weekend. Whatever suits you bro! But Marcia no like cleenup after. She conseedering quit.

I wish I were not about to die here in this car.
 
Granted, the minivan is carjacked at your next gas stop. You and your travel mates are thrown to the curb as the van and all your luggage peal out and leave town. Looks like you are on that bus after all.

I wish it wasn't so windy. My allergies are terrible.
 
John221us said:
Granted, the minivan is carjacked at your next gas stop. You and your travel mates are thrown to the curb as the van and all your luggage peal out and leave town. Looks like you are on that bus after all.

I wish it wasn't so windy. My allergies are terrible.
Click to expand...


Granted, the air is dead still, but you're at the soccer match sitting with the University of Sapporo fans. You have absolutely no idea what you just missed out on.

5ce4bab94ebb96330d43bc4a3da8f007.jpg



I wish I had a decent hand pump for my bike tires. I mean I don't have a problem getting one but it's just another thing that takes up space in the garage.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, the air is dead still, but you're at the soccer match sitting with the University of Sapporo fans. You have absolutely no idea what you just missed out on.


I wish I had a decent hand pump for my bike tires. I mean I don't have a problem getting one but it's just another thing that takes up space in the garage.
Click to expand...

Granted, you now have room in your garage.

ady7ete2.jpg


I wish I could take the rest of the day off.
 
Granted - and you'll need it. In your attempt to obtain a suitable image for the wish corruption, you photographed your own garage burning up.

That should buff right out.

I wish someone would bring me a bag of those Tomales Bay oysters. I wouldn't mind bbq-ing them. Or just eating them raw.
 
Granted, the bag is soggy and the oysters have been there for a week now.

I wish I wasn't broken down on this boat in the lake waiting for a tow.
 
Doesn't appear to be affecting your ability to POA at all. Must have brought along your Ipad with 3G service.

Sac Arrow: "Why are you POA'ing right now, you're out on a boat!"

ebykowsky: "Boat's broken down."

Sac Arrow: (performs brief Santaria ritual) "Okay it's fixed now."

ebykowsky: "Aw man, now I have to do a boat ride and fish and stuff, I can't POA anymore!"

Sac Arrow: "Well, dude, you did wish...."

I wish I was out on a boat right now, drinking a cold one, fishing pole hanging over the side, transom mounted bbq fired up to throw the fish on...
 
Sac Arrow said:
Doesn't appear to be affecting your ability to POA at all. Must have brought along your Ipad with 3G service.

Sac Arrow: "Why are you POA'ing right now, you're out on a boat!"

ebykowsky: "Boat's broken down."

Sac Arrow: (performs brief Santaria ritual) "Okay it's fixed now."

ebykowsky: "Aw man, now I have to do a boat ride and fish and stuff, I can't POA anymore!"

Sac Arrow: "Well, dude, you did wish...."

I wish I was out on a boat right now, drinking a cold one, fishing pole hanging over the side, transom mounted bbq fired up to throw the fish on...
Click to expand...

Enjoy:

9ygesehe.jpg


I wish I didn't have to fix my own lunch.
 
Granted:

"Marcia, this lunch is broken."

"I feex it for you, Meester John."

An hour later.....

"Oh my god, Marcia, what did you do to this sandwich?"

"Eet had hole in it. Marcia find hole repair kit from you bicycle tool box."

"Ease up on the rubber cement next time, jeez."

I wish I could leave for lunch right now.
 
Granted, but your leaves for lunch are maple and pine, not lettuce. Enjoy the leafy salad with some sap, and you'll be good to go.

I wish this futon didn't have someone else's blood and mustard stains on the sheets.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted, but your leaves for lunch are maple and pine, not lettuce. Enjoy the leafy salad with some sap, and you'll be good to go.

I wish this futon didn't have someone else's blood and mustard stains on the sheets.
Click to expand...

Granted, it is not blood, but is another bodily discharge that resembles blood. The yellow stains, well lets just say it is pretty kinky stuff.

I wish I had some better snacks in the house.
 
John221us said:
Granted, it is not blood, but is another bodily discharge that resembles blood. The yellow stains, well lets just say it is pretty kinky stuff.

I wish I had some better snacks in the house.
Click to expand...

Oh dude, you like have some WAY BETTER snacks in the house!

way_better_snacks_black_bean_tortilla_chips.jpg


'Cept.... the combination of beans and flax really jacks up your stomach, and during the interview for a major competitive IT contract, you blast out a really loud one, wasting a $20K proposal and interview prep effort.

I wish my lunch people wanted to go to the lunch place I wanted to go, not to the lunch place they wanted to go.
 
Granted, everyone succumbs to your pleas and goes Mongolian with you, but the guy ahead of you piles on the heat and they don't clean the grill before they throw yours on. Your stomach is jacked the rest of the day.

I wish my son hadn't overheated his car. How hard is it to check coolant?
 
Granted, he overheated the Spider. That's another 6month shop visit.

I wish we had an eligible boat to fish this tournament in.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted, he overheated the Spider. That's another 6month shop visit.

I wish we had an eligible boat to fish this tournament in.
Click to expand...

Granted, you manage to hook a tournament compliant boat submerged on the bottom of the lake. Just broke some $pensive tackle in the process. No matter anyway, as the judges disqualify you for incorrect use of the English language (rule #73, ending a sentence with a preposition.)

I wish I lived closer to where I work.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you manage to hook a tournament compliant boat submerged on the bottom of the lake. Just broke some $pensive tackle in the process. No matter anyway, as the judges disqualify you for incorrect use of the English language (rule #73, ending a sentence with a preposition.)

I wish I lived closer to where I work.
Click to expand...

So, Ebykowski; I gotta ask. Why would you drive 10 hours each way to a tournament that you are not eligible to compete in? Just curious.

Granted, but you work in Oakland. 'Nuff said.

I wish I had been more productive today. Too many people calling with questions.
 
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