RJM62
Touchdown! Greaser!
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- Jun 15, 2007
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- Upstate New York
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Geek on the Hill
It's been my observation that on the whole, men and women have different understandings of the concept of time and how it should be spent.
Men strictly compartmentalize time. The day is divided into different time periods, each of which is neatly defined and dedicated to some specific purpose. Anything that diverts or distracts a man from the assigned purpose of a block of time is considered a nuisance and an annoyance.
Women are more flexible about time. All time is for everything; and time assignments represent, at most, weak suggestions for the tasks that should be focused upon during any given block of time. Diversions and distractions are assumed -- even welcomed -- regardless of the nominal purpose of the time block during which they occur.
I believe that most men's honest answer to the question, "What do you find most annoying about women?" would have something to do with women wanting to talk about things at inopportune times such as during work time, sleep time, fixing something time, football game time, and so forth. They find it impossible to comprehend that women don't compartmentalize time the way men do. They also fail to understand the emotional importance that talking and communicating have for women. They wonder why a woman could possibly consider some particular conversation important enough to intrude upon whatever they happen to be doing because they don't grasp that for women, it is the talking itself, not just the topic of conversation, that is important.
Women, conversely, often complain that their men never want to talk. They're incapable of comprehending the male concept of time compartmentalization. They consider a man's unwillingness to talk during some time slot that's assigned to some specific purpose a rejection. Utterances such as "You love [your job, your football, that pipe you're fixing, that brain you're operating on, etc.] more than you love me" are not in the least bit uncommon when women's attempts to talk while their men are busy at some task are rejected or met with annoyance.
I attribute these differences to evolution. Until a relatively recent point in human evolution, men were hunters and warriors. Both are occupations that require great focus and stealth. Idle chatter can result in the failure of a hunt by scaring away the game, or cause you to get killed in battle by alerting the enemy to your presence. Men who managed to survive and pass on their genes, therefore, were the ones who were genetically predisposed to being able to sharply focus on the task at hand and keep their mouths shut.
Women, on the other hand, gathered fruits, nuts, and vegetables and raised children. In those vocations, communication and a sensitivity to same are assets. Babies know nothing of timing and schedules, so being sensitive to their needs and tolerant of their disruptions was a survival skill for a woman. On a group level, sharing knowledge of the whereabouts of resources was also a survival skill, and women who managed to survive and pass on their genes tended to be the ones who were most adept at communication and the most sensitive to and able to deal with interruptions.
People who manage department stores understand this. All the stuff that men tend to be interested in are placed as far away from the entrance as possible to force men to walk through the entire store in the hope that something along the way will distract them enough that the men will buy it. Men are hunters. They're focused on the task at hand. So the store treats them as a women would: They throw as many distractions in their paths as possible by forcing them to walk through the entire store just to buy a spark plug for the lawnmower.
The stuff that women tend to be interested in, on the other hand, is placed as close to the entrance as possible. Women are gatherers, so being greeted with great bounty as soon as they enter the store represents success for them. They found the fruits, nuts, and vegetables. That makes them want to explore further just to see what other resources the forest may hold. They don't need any further enticement. They're going to explore every aisle anyway.
I've also observed that these traits are chromosomally-linked and express themselves during childhood, somewhere around ages 7 to 10, which is when the hormonal precursors to puberty and adulthood actually start kicking in. When shopping for a specific item in a department store, boys in that age range already tend to make a beeline for the department that sells that item. Girls, on the other hand, tend to explore every department of the store except the one that sells the item they came for, saving that department for last. Men are hunters. Women are gatherers.
These are all generalizations, of course. There are exceptions in both genders. The characteristics are not so much innate as they were adaptive and therefore favored by evolution. There's nothing essentially "male" about hunting nor essentially "female" about gathering. But aptitude for those activities was adaptive enough for a long enough time that most men and women still have those traits.
The problem with that is twofold. Firstly, society has evolved more quickly than biology ever could; so what was once adaptive now becomes a source of mutual frustration and annoyance. Secondly, too many people refuse to accept that their are innate differences between male thinking and female thinking. They want to pretend that those differences don't exist; and therefore, when men respond like men and women respond like women, they consider those responses to be personally directed toward them rather than a manifestation of a more general, gender-linked adaptation.
Men would do well, when their women interrupt them during some task, to tell themselves, "She's interrupting me because she's a woman, and multitasking and communicating were survival skills for women for millions of years," rather than, "She's interrupting me because she insists on preventing me from finishing this task."
Likewise, women would do well, when their men seem to be ignoring them, to tell themselves, "He's ignoring me because being task-focused and ignoring distractions were survival skills for men for millions of years," rather than, "He's ignoring me because he doesn't love me."
Much pain, heartache, and frustration could be avoided if men and women accepted these differences and stopped pretending that they don't exist. The trend, however, seems to be in the exact opposite direction.
Rich
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