The saga of the Juicy Couture

Sac Arrow

Sac Arrow

Touchdown! Greaser!
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
21,566
Location
Charlotte, NC
Display Name
Snorting his way across the USA
I'm telling you, I should be a detective. The kid has mad skillz. So, background, flash back to Saturday, 5/30. Someone had abandoned a pair of lacy pink panties on the side of the road. I documented the progress to date, and postulated a reason for their disposal. Timeline courtesy of Strava.

Saturday, 5/30. I'm on the tail end of a ride, approximately two miles south of the burger place, with four more to go, and something pink caught my eye on the gutter. Four lane road with landscaped median, and landscaped walkways to the sound wall on each side. I'm thinking they possibly could have been panties.

Sunday, 5/31. I get my ride in early but I still followed the same route to the north. At the location where I initially saw the anomaly, I confirmed that indeed it was a pair of pink, lacy panties, and moved on.

Monday, 6/1. Another early ride (I had a pork chop at home waiting for me, but the panties were still there.

Wednesday, 6/3. Returned from a ride. I got a salad. The panties were still there, but someone had picked them up from the gutter and placed them on the curb.

Friday, 6/5. The landscapers are parked right there, exactly where the panties were located. They were pruning, mowing and edging. The bottom line is the panties are either going to a) find a happy adopted owner, or b) get discarded in the rubbish bin.

Tuesday, 6/9. I don't believe it. The panties are still there! But the grass was freshly mowed and edged. They would have had to be moved to the side and replaced in order to complete the job. I stopped and took a photo.

Thursday, 6/11. Still there. I relayed the story to a lady gym friend of mine, who was curious to know the brand.

Today, Saturday, 6/13. I stopped to read the label. The brand was "Juicy Couture." I do not know what a Couture is, but I can infer that a juicy one must be pleasant. The reason for their demise was not apparent. No fecal stains were observed, but the presence of ant activity indicates that they might have possibly been drenched in urine. I'm going to surmise that a bladder condition was the motive for the action.

At some point, I'm sure they will go away. The label was in pretty good condition but the rest was badly oxidized by the sun exposure. I will update as conditions develop.
 
Matthew said:
Thousands of years from now an archaeologist will dig those up and have many of the same questions.
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That might depend on the cotton content.

But from the picture, I see that @Sac Arrow is rocking a 24 spoke 700c wheel. It's alloy rather than carbon so I'm guessing that he keeps up but still likes to stay a little old school. Being to the far right of the frame, it's hard to tell the tire but I'm going to guess it's 25 wide and with the sidewall all black I'll also go with it being a Bontrager. That plus the taller Presta valve also suggests he stays more on the practical side of things. The shadow is indeterminate, but I would be hard pressed to say that the disc brake caliper is anything other than hydraulic.
 
asicer said:
That might depend on the cotton content.

But from the picture, I see that @Sac Arrow is rocking a 24 spoke 700c wheel. It's alloy rather than carbon so I'm guessing that he keeps up but still likes to stay a little old school. Being to the far right of the frame, it's hard to tell the tire but I'm going to guess it's 25 wide and with the sidewall all black I'll also go with it being a Bontrager. That plus the taller Presta valve also suggests he stays more on the practical side of things. The shadow is indeterminate, but I would be hard pressed to say that the disc brake caliper is anything other than hydraulic.
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You are quite observatory. It is indeed an aluminum rim, but at the risk of alienating the POA economy bike crowd I would never submit to Bontrager. It is a DT Swiss 1800 series wheel, on my Cervelo Caledonia 22. You would think that with a 6K bike you would have a choice of wheels, but the DT Swiss is good enough that I don't feel the need to upgrade to carbon rims. And yes, in case you were wondering, those are Continental GP 5000's mounted on them.
 
Sac Arrow said:
You are quite observatory. It is indeed an aluminum rim, but at the risk of alienating the POA economy bike crowd I would never submit to Bontrager. It is a DT Swiss 1800 series wheel, on my Cervelo Caledonia 22. You would think that with a 6K bike you would have a choice of wheels, but the DT Swiss is good enough that I don't feel the need to upgrade to carbon rims. And yes, in case you were wondering, those are Continental GP 5000's mounted on them.
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Honestly, I checked out more of the bike than I did of the panties. BTW, my wife really hates the word panties.
 
Lady gym friend (hereinafter LGM) talking to a friend of hers (hereinafter FRND): See that guy on the treadmill there?
FRND: Yea
LGM: He picks panties up off the street.
FRND: What!!!
LGM: I talked him into doing it.
FRND: What!!
LGM: He saw them when he was riding his bicycle.
FRND: Oh, I was wondering what’s up with a dude wearing tights at the gym.
LGM: He said they were there again the next day. I asked him what brand they were.
FRND: Don’t tell me he…
LGM: Yup, he did it. They were Juicy Coutures.
FRND: So what did he do with them?
LGM: Well, he ‘says’ he put them back down on the street.
FRND: Hmm, look, are those panty lines on his tights
 
Hang 4 said:
Honestly, I checked out more of the bike than I did of the panties. BTW, my wife really hates the word panties.
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I mean, I hate the word panties too, when posting a serious thread that involves women’s undergarments.

We love our ladies, respect their apparel, what more can we do.
 
Imagine if you found the Juicy Couture in close proximity to what I came across when riding:
1781531993212.png
 
Okay, so far...

1. They have been moved from the curb back to the gutter. This might possibly be due to winds or animal activity. But it also means that they are now positioned for removal by the street sweeper, if the next round of landscape groundskeepers fail to complete their job.

2. Despite that the context strongly suggests a Couture might possibly be a euphemism for the love canal, it is actually a French term that means 'high fashion' and is a protected brand class in France. The company, Juicy Couture, was founded in LA in 1997 with a whole line of clothing and accessories, with their lingerie line bridging the gap between Victoria's Secret and Fredericks of Hollywood, pushing towards the latter on the sleaze scale.

3. They were almost certainly thrown out of the passenger side window of a passing car. Demographics suggests that the donor is a Caucasian female, in the age bracket of late teens to mid twenties. The previously performed manual examination did not detect hair evidence that could have confirmed that to be the case.

4. Although it is technically possible to identify the owner through genetic genealogy, the time and expense is not viable for a $500 maximum littering fine. However, DNA evidence is likely significantly degraded from exposure by now.
 
Today I was out hiking and came across this along the trail, about a mile from the nearest road. Not near a likely campsite or any other spot that would suddenly inspire one to let it all hang out. I didn't attempt to identify the brand but I suspect it's not "juicy couture".

1781555573076.jpeg
 
Dana said:
Today I was out hiking and came across this along the trail, about a mile from the nearest road. Not near a likely campsite or any other spot that would suddenly inspire one to let it all hang out. I didn't attempt to identify the brand but I suspect it's not "juicy couture".

View attachment 152734
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I'm going to take a stab at this and suggest Adidas.
 
Well, it was a good run. I noticed that the bike lane and curb was clean and sweeper marks were present, thus ending the saga of Juicy. Juicy was a pair of panties, that were abandoned. Discarded. Unloved. Unwanted. The fate is likely decay in the county landfill.

Juicy, yesterday my life was filled with raaain
Juicy, you smiled at me and really eased the paaaain
Now the dark days are done and the bright days are here
My Juicy one shines so sincere
Juicy one so true, I love youuuuuuuuuuuu
 
If there's ever been a good argument that it's critical to have at least one solid hobby before retiring, this thread is it. :)
 
Sac Arrow said:
Well, it was a good run. I noticed that the bike lane and curb was clean and sweeper marks were present, thus ending the saga of Juicy. Juicy was a pair of panties, that were abandoned. Discarded. Unloved. Unwanted. The fate is likely decay in the county landfill.

Juicy, yesterday my life was filled with raaain
Juicy, you smiled at me and really eased the paaaain
Now the dark days are done and the bright days are here
My Juicy one shines so sincere
Juicy one so true, I love youuuuuuuuuuuu
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For those wondering where that came from…

 
nauga said:
I think more than a few of us have heard that Bloodhound Gang song.

Nauga,
and the bad touch
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"Put your hand in my pants and I Bet you'll feel nuts"
As a young man I thought this was the greatest line ever. I actually think it still might be.
 
Dana said:
Today I was out hiking and came across this along the trail, about a mile from the nearest road. Not near a likely campsite or any other spot that would suddenly inspire one to let it all hang out. I didn't attempt to identify the brand but I suspect it's not "juicy couture".

View attachment 152734
Click to expand...


How close were you riding to @Sac Arrow?
There's a chance you guys are missing a body in a ditch nearby.

"On this episode of CSI, aloof cyclists were so mesmerized by women's undergarments that they rode passed Mrs. Guthrie's body for weeks and losing out on the million dollar reward."
 
SixPapaCharlie said:
"Put your hand in my pants and I Bet you'll feel nuts"
As a young man I thought this was the greatest line ever. I actually think it still might be.
Click to expand...

One of my favorite lines is from TNT:

“So lock up your daughter
Lock up your wife
Lock up your back door
And run for your life”

And a totally different type of band:

“The ocean is a desert with it's life underground
And a perfect disguise above”
 
Sac Arrow said:
Juicy, yesterday my life was filled with raaain
Juicy, you smiled at me and really eased the paaaain
Now the dark days are done and the bright days are here
My Juicy one shines so sincere
Juicy one so true, I love youuuuuuuuuuuu
Click to expand...

Keep it classy:
"Juicy in the sky with diamonds"
 
SixPapaCharlie said:
How close were you riding to @Sac Arrow?
There's a chance you guys are missing a body in a ditch nearby.

"On this episode of CSI, aloof cyclists were so mesmerized by women's undergarments that they rode passed Mrs. Guthrie's body for weeks and losing out on the million dollar reward."
Click to expand...
Now think about it for a second - let's say I did report that body in the ditch. How's that going to play out?

Detective: "Okay Mr. Arrow, let's go over this again. You are the one that discovered Mrs. Guthrie's body, right?"

Sac: "Well, actually, I discovered panties on the side of the road. It then occurred to me that there might be a body in a ditch nearby associated with them, and that is when I discovered Ms. Guthrie's unclad body."

FBI Profiler: "See, it starts with panties. They are a gateway drug. First at adolescence, it's the Sears Catalog. Then it progresses to actual panties. And from there, to storefront mannequins. And then finally, it culminates with real women. Mr. Arrow demonstrates the full circle progression. I mean, what can I say, he fits the profile. And he's a cyclist."

Detective: "A cyclist?"

FBI Profiler: "Yes, many of his type use cycling as a means of encountering roadside undergarments. That and hikers. Why, recently, we had a hiker that had found a sports bra. Just hiking, huh? Likely story."

Sac: "So, about that million dollar reward?"

Alan Jackson: "About that, just sign it over to me. I'm probably going to use all of it in your defense."

Sac: "But you're a country music star?"

Alan Jackson: "Oh. So you were looking for the other guy. My bad. It's five o'clock somewhere...."

Sac: "Guys! I didn't do it!"

FBI Profiler: "The chance that Mr. Arrow is innocent, is about as likely as a middle aged IT professional starting a career as an airline pilot."

(Interrogation room erupts in laughter)
 
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