Stupid things I say to controllers

Discussion in 'Flight Following' started by GreatLakesFlying, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. GreatLakesFlying

    GreatLakesFlying Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Occasionally, and very rarely, of course, I catch myself saying totally stupid things to ATC.

    Like earlier today when I was practicing touch and goes at KDPA after the tower cleared me for the option on runway 20L, while several other aircraft were been sequenced in and out of 20R.

    Flying Ace: DuPage Tower, Diamond 866US, would like to remain in the pattern.
    Tower: ... roger.
    Flying Ace: Left traffic for 866US?
    Tower: ... um ... affirmative.
    ...
    Flying Ace, 4 minutes later, to himself: d'oh!

    So, what're some of your ATC blunders that you'd like to share?
     
  2. bobmrg

    bobmrg En-Route

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    There are no flying blunders. There is no such thing as "proper phraseology," since AIM 4-2-1(b) pretty much says "Anything goes." There is commonly accepted phraseology, of course, and that is what CFIs push.

    Bob
     
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  3. Ryanb

    Ryanb Final Approach PoA Supporter

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    No big deal at all.

    Rule of thumb in a situation like that, is that if the controller doesn’t specifically say ‘make right closed traffic’ than just assume he or she wants a standard left pattern. Never hurts to double check though!
     
  4. eman1200

    eman1200 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    tower: moonanza69 switch to departure and have a safe flight
    eman: you too, thanks. I mean, yeah, see ya.
     
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  5. Ryanb

    Ryanb Final Approach PoA Supporter

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    I thought ATC knew you by ‘coke-hauler’ ?
     
  6. eman1200

    eman1200 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    ssshhhhhhhh
     
  7. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    I've heard an AAL Captain Bob give the entire 90-second "welcome to the flight" spiel on center frequency.
     
  8. Jmcmanna

    Jmcmanna Pre-takeoff checklist

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    I’m a controller, and have said stupid things on my end of the mic. But I have heard things, too...
    My favorite was a biz jet going into LOT. “Hey, Approach, do you have a frequency to cancel on the ground?”
    Me: negative, but I have a phone number you can use
    Jet: roger, we’ll take that number...and does it work all the way to the ground?
    Me: uhh, affirmative, it’s a landline phone...
    Jet: ahh, roger. Cancel IFR
     
  9. SkyDog58

    SkyDog58 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    DPA is used to hearing stupid things.


    I used to fly out of there.
     
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  10. mscard88

    mscard88 Ejection Handle Pulled

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    I did that once. The controller wasn’t amused, but my Capt was laughing his arse off. Bastard.
     
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  11. Velocity173

    Velocity173 Final Approach

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    Sometimes we have a brain fart on both sides of the mic. One time on approach I was trying to ask a VFR his equipment suffix so I could have data type him in. During the middle of the transmission I just completely drew a blank. “Cessna 345, say your...your transponder, your ah...transponder thing.” My monitor was laughing. “Ha! you said thingy! It’s called equipment suffix.”

    I never said “thingy” though. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. ;)
     
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  12. AggieMike88

    AggieMike88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Now offering reverse discounts.
    On a very old BBS system I haunted many, many, many years ago, there was a "toggle" button to switch a message between public and private. Normal stuff until some wise acre started the verbal meme of "toggling your privates"
     
  13. hawk25u

    hawk25u Pre-Flight

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    I think just about every airline pilot has done that one time or the other. If it is relatively slow the comments over the radio afterward can be interesting...
     
  14. Radar Contact

    Radar Contact Cleared for Takeoff

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    Nothing too big. Of recent, not remembering the name of the dang FBO when the last two controllers just asked me a couple minutes ago.... "umm...the one that's not signature".
     
  15. PaulS

    PaulS Final Approach

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    Soooo, today I flawlessly reported my position and asked for FF to my destination airport ( about 30 miles out)..... my destination airport's ground controller responded that I was on his frequency and to switch to 124.4, I forgot to switch radios, dumbass.
     
  16. GreatLakesFlying

    GreatLakesFlying Pre-takeoff checklist

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    You're trying to make me feel better about it, aren't you? Thanks :)

    Did I mention that I was landing on the left parallel runway? With traffic in and out the right one?

    I looked towards the tower and I could see the controller's eyes rolling: did this guy just ask to confirm left traffic while flying next to an active parallel runway to his right? :D
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2018
  17. Ghery

    Ghery Final Approach

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    I don't remember what I said, but I'm sure the controllers at KOLM are still laughing in the tower from my first time on the radio. That was in 2000. It didn't make any difference that my CFI and I were both Extra class hams, the lingo is different and it sure tripped me up.
     
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  18. GreatLakesFlying

    GreatLakesFlying Pre-takeoff checklist

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    On one occasion I have responded to a controller with a QSL. Another time, instead of "say again please?", I blurted out a "QRZ?". Once I came close to ask to QSY to approach but I managed to say the right thing. And to my amazement, I have yet to say 73 prior to switching frequency nor have I given a controller my FCC callsign. Yet.
     
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  19. Ryanb

    Ryanb Final Approach PoA Supporter

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    What are you?? Crazy????

    :D
     
  20. vman

    vman Pre-takeoff checklist

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    i once said ready for take off, clear for the option
     
  21. Unit74

    Unit74 En-Route

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    "CQ... CQ....CQ Kilo Oscar Lima Mike, this is November Bugsmasher One Thousand over. "


    Yea... I heard it. :ohsnap:
     
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  22. kath

    kath Line Up and Wait

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    I remember being a student pilot, filing a VFR flight plan with Flight Service over the phone for the very first time. It's worth noting that I'm a high-functioning introvert, who gets nervous talking to strangers over the phone.
    Me: "Hi, I'd like to file a VFR flight plan."
    FS: "OK. What's your tail number?"
    Me: <I tell him.>
    FS: "What type of aircraft?"
    Me: "Cessna 152"
    FS: "What's your equipment suffix?"
    I draw a complete blank, and do not have the little table of all the letters nearby. There's a long pause as panic sets in. I decide to just take a wild guess, and basically pulled a random letter out of my brain and told that to the guy. Probably some fancy RNAV thing.
    The guy replies, his voice laced with what felt like mockery:
    FS: "In a 152? I don't think so."
     
  23. unsafervguy

    unsafervguy Cleared for Takeoff

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    ive never done that, and i will never do it again!
     
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  24. Unit74

    Unit74 En-Route

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    I like your style..... Let em know who is really in charge, my man.... Thats what ts aaalllllll about!
     
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  25. vman

    vman Pre-takeoff checklist

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    atc was used to student pilots mucking about, with a few flight schools on site..
     
  26. Jamie Kirk

    Jamie Kirk Pre-takeoff checklist

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    Brackett tower, Commander 1434 Juliet holding short at 26 Left for a left closed traffic straight out departure.

    Commander 1434 Juliet, Brackett Tower, please don’t drink before you fly.
     
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  27. Salty

    Salty En-Route

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    Yesterday I Heard a guy ask a very busy controller for FF to Leesburg, after providing a position report of 15 miles north of leesburg.

    Controller was nicer about it than I would have been and provided him with tower freq.
     
  28. Half Fast

    Half Fast En-Route

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    I’d guess he was talking to Jax, if he was north of KLEE. Jax is usually very cooperative and great about FF.

    The Leesburg tower guys are very patient and helpful. I flew there quite a bit when I was training out of Apopka. They handle a lot of students and, traffic permitting, they’ll work with the instructor to toss stuff at the trainee. Call for extended downwinds, call your base, switch you back & forth between left and right traffic, ask for a 360 for spacing, call for a go-around, etc.

    Once when my CFI had me working on xwind landings, the tower had me doing figure 8s around their two runways so I had a different wind direction each time.
     
  29. Zeldman

    Zeldman Final Approach

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    Of course this thread would not be complete without....

    [​IMG]
     
  30. mscard88

    mscard88 Ejection Handle Pulled

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    Speaking of Far Side. My fav, still have this card, somewhere.

    7EDDE946-CFC0-47AA-A9AF-DB7FCF808F95.jpeg
     
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  31. MacFlier

    MacFlier Pre-Flight

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    Been there done that. But I asked for forgiveness by adding the suffix "student pilot sorry"...
     
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  32. charheep

    charheep Line Up and Wait

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    Hey I resemble that quote. I got my PPL out of DPA. Apologies to all the controllers there..
     
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  33. Matthew K

    Matthew K Line Up and Wait

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    Not stupid per se, but unintentional mispronunciation ;):

    Tower: Where are you parking today?
    Me: Sh*tair
    *moment of awkward silence*
    *controllers literally start laughing on frequency*
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2018
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  34. jsstevens

    jsstevens En-Route

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    Only on his revenue flights.
     
  35. Grum.Man

    Grum.Man Pattern Altitude

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    I once responded to a tower request with "10-4". That was it..... I think I just threw the throttle to the wall to get as far away as possible as quickly as possible haha.
     
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  36. sarangan

    sarangan Pre-takeoff checklist

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    I have forgotten the name of my destination airport. When asking for flight following, center says "say destination", and I had to reply with "standby please".
     
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  37. Half Fast

    Half Fast En-Route

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    LOL!

    Yeah, habits will do that do you. My best one was, "QRM, Jax. Say again for 123AB please."
     
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  38. Hang 4

    Hang 4 Pre-takeoff checklist

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    I need to get a pair of gloves with a big R and L printed on the back. Tower "right turn approved", Me "right turn approved", Tower "why are you turning left?"
     
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  39. texasclouds

    texasclouds Pre-takeoff checklist

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    First real solo for me where my instructor stayed in the office and said go for it. I had rented a different plane and I couldn't remember how to squawk the G1000, I sat there looking around for about 5 minutes then found the XPDR button. I entered the number then asked tower if my squawk code showed up. He repeated the code to me. I said no, is it working. He says "No, son. You have to be in the air for it to work". Ok, thank you sir.
     
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  40. Unit74

    Unit74 En-Route

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    Montana 1 was his coding.... He likes to keep it LowPro, ya know........