Pilot - Social Experiment

"So Polar Bear, I heard you went on a date yesterday."

"Yeah Sac, a seal. Waste of time though, no happy ending."

"A seal? Not a female Polar Bear?"

"Sac, this is Northern California. How many female.... no, how many Polar Bears do you see in the area?"

"Mmm, good point. So what went wrong?"

"Well first of all, I found out I was getting played. This seal the whole time was chatting it up on the Internet and hooking up with LOTS of partners, besides me."

"Other seals?"

"No, oddly enough humans. Mostly older, geeky male pilots that aren't able to have relationships with actual women. Plus Internet skills are fairly rare among seals you know."

"Oh, yeah, go figure."

"Anyway you know what, that in itself is no big deal, look I like to play around too, but I about lost it when she pulled the no touch on the first date card! Sheesh baby, who do you think you are, the Virgin Mary? I ain't got time for that shee ite!"

"So what are you doing today?"

"I was going to go to a fly in, but the weather doesn't look too good. I think instead I'll troll the waters around Bodega Bay for some more seals. Maybe tonight I'll troll the nightclubs in San Francisco."

"The City? That's a lot of driving in a day, Polar Bear."

"Yeah but not too many bars outside of San Francisco are tolerant of zoo animals, let alone Polar Bears."

"True. Well, good luck with that Polar Bear!"
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Hide and seek?

How old are you?

If I was at the age of playing hide and seek, I wouldn't get friendly either!

But I'm 32 now, and this is 2011.
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Yes, hide and seek. My wife was 17 at the time and had a 9 and 10 year old brother and sister. I'd play it right now with my nephews if they wanted.

I'm 32, happily married with 1 year old daughters.
 
Just discovered this fascinating saga.

Oh, how times have changed! And yet, all things considered, not so much after all. I went to college in a Navy town, and had a perfectly wonderful time with a number of "Nasal Radiators." This being in the days when computers occupied entire climate-controlled lead-shielded wings of buildings, not pocket-sized date-finders, some men I met through elderly relatives who thought we'd enjoy each other, some I met just as part of the passing scene, and all were delightful, amazing friends, who understood my fairly strict limits, accepted that I was dating for the fun of their company, and absolutely not in the market for a spouse. Yes, I'd happily go scuba diving, sailing road-rallying, or flying with them, and no, I wouldn't spend the night. They were all high-powered, energetic, funny, daring, handsome extroverts. None of them seemed to care that they weren't the only men in my life. They didn't own me, and I had no need to own them.
Then I met a fellow in the hall at work who invited me to lunch. I took the half-second measure of the man-- hm. Oak leaves and LT bars on his uniform lapels. (MD=probably really stuck on himself, accustomed to calling the shots. eh. Looks= ok, nothing to swoon over. eh. Attitude=oddly quiet, almost hesitant. No, thanks- I've already ordered lunch.) Well, tomorrow? I felt sorry for him, and agreed. Had a perfectly wonderful hour's conversation the next day with a man who'd done all sorts of funny things. Camped on a stranger's back porch in the Bahamas? Driven a tour bus in Yellowstone? Built truck bodies one summer? Who liked to sail, scuba dive, hike, and was about to learn to fly, at least a little. We had lunch almost daily for a month before he invited me to supper, and six weeks before a kiss. Over the next year, under the guise of being my good friend, he sneakily swept me off my feet, in his quiet, diffident, funny, ever-so-decent way, of course. Good thing I didn't have a time-table for relationship progression. Or a miles-from-me standard. I went east to graduate school, he went west to sea. Eventually he quietly persuaded me to consider trading my PhD for an MRS. It seemed obvious that while there were far more dashing guys around, there were darned few who would be such a good life-time partner and maybe father for a couple or three children. (That was 40 years ago. So far, so good.)

I wish you the joy of the journey! While I cheer heartily for your good sense in avoiding control freaks and other assorted nutters, you might consider being open to a route you hadn't planned on.
 
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Amelia said:
Just discovered this fascinating saga.

. (That was 40 years ago. So far, so good.)

I wish you the joy of the journey! While I cheer heartily for your good sense in avoiding control freaks and other assorted nutters, you might consider being open to a route you hadn't planned on.
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Great saga!
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
( 1 ) Will NOT live with a woman before getting married, no matter how high the rents and how long the distance

( 2 ) Willl NOT get "friendly" with a woman before marriage. This is a sin.
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Bob Noel said:
Are those actually considered negatives?
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While I wouldn't want to start a religious argument in Kim's thread, Ill throw my $0.02 in on these two points.

For point 1...... I think its very important that two people live with each other before marriage. Some traits, habbits, etc. can only be experienced when living together. If you can't stand a persons habits of leaving their dirty laundry out, dishes on the counter, toilet seat up........ how are you going to stay married for life. Living together is part of getting to know someone.

If you only saw half an airplane.... would you buy it?

For point 2...... Since Im not religious, I take the biological stance with this one. If you're not sexually compatible...... what's the point of being mates. The only way you'll know this, is if you try out partners and understand who is compatible with you. While a long term relationship can't be built on sex...... its a another portion of what life is.

If you could only look at an airplane and not fly it until after purchase...... would you buy it?
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Also, he said he checked a box that said "Christian" and that he would only date girls who matched that criteria. I told him I was Catholic . . . and that I wished he'd put more religious stuff in his profile instead of talking about animals. If this stuff is that important to him he should scream it from the mountaintops in my opinion. What good does it do to meet me in a bar, have a beer, and then drop all this heavy stuff???

Misled in Mill Valley,

Kimberly (Yes Kim is fine)
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I agree with you. For someone so serious about religion, he should have said more in his profile. Perhaps he's would of those annoying street preachers trying to change everyone or they'll go to hell.
 
On both questions, it's a matter of being entitled to your opinions, and your standards, and being obliged to be true to your beliefs. The vet obviously had his standards, and I wouldn't fault him for being up-front about them. If his standards and hers are incompatible, so be it. The problem is in deciding what one's immutable standards are in advance. Many fondly-held convictions are subject to change with sufficient mutual respect and caring. If it's a 'die, heretic scum' religious issue, it may be insurmountable, not subject to compromise- though I know one faithful Roman Catholic who attends his own Saturday Mass, and then goes to the Other Church with his adored wife on Sunday morning. Many others attend religious services solo, having no need to control the other spouse's faith. Leaving the toilet seat up or down? One of life's little lessons is learning to pick the battles. Some things aren't worth squabbling over.

As for not buying an airplane without flying it, lots of people do that-- they're called home-builders. They read the reviews, analyze their own needs and the characteristics of the aircraft in question, trust their instincts, build carefully, and have faith that compatibility will come with practice and skill. Those who fly with insufficient finesse and good judgment may crash and burn, regardless of how much practice they get. It's not necessarily the airplane's fault.

The flip side of that glib little philosophy was a common warning back when the-world-was-new-and-all: Why buy a cow when milk's free?
The statistics when I last bothered to check, indicated that people who lived together before marriage were more likely to divorce than those who didn't, but I believe arranged marriages are more likely to succeed, too, which goes to show you that statistics aren't everything.
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Oh and I asked him why he had not brought all this up.
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Aren't you a little puzzled that you joined a service that you paid for and they paired you up with someone who's life view is so far from your own? I'm thinking one or both of you misrepresented yourself on the service or conversely, it's a stinko service. You can go meet random people on the internet that'll get "friendly" with you all day long. The service is to not waste too much of your time with the losers. No?
 
TripleZ said:
For point 1...... I think its very important that two people live with each other before marriage.
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Statistics would prove you to be wrong on your thoughts and couples who lived together prior to marriage are more likely to divorce..
 
One other thought about computer dating: Isn't it odd to expect to know so much about a person before you've even laid eyes on him? Isn't discovery part of the fun? Oh, my aching gray hair!!

Reminds me a bit of a Marine fighter-jock who was a dear friend: He used to shake his head sadly at the minimalist bathing attire on the beach we frequented. When I expressed my surprise at his prudery, he leered, "Unwrapping's half the fun." Took him days to get the sand out of his ears.
 
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Amelia said:
One other thought about computer dating: Isn't it odd to expect to know so much about a person before you've even laid eyes on him? Isn't discovery part of the fun? Oh, my aching gray hair!!

Reminds me a bit of a Marine fighter-jock who was a dear friend: He used to shake his head sadly at the minimalist bathing attire on the beach we frequented. When I expressed my surprise at his prudery, he leered, "Unwrapping's half the fun." Took him days to get the sand out of his ears.
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No. Most charge around $50 or more per month, some want hundreds in advance. I am not on match dot com now, but they used to have a six month guarantee that you'll find someone - pay them six months up front, follow the rules, and if you don't find a boyfriend they give you six months for free at the end of your six months.

So you are paying for them to tell you things about people. You are paying for the ability to say to the computer "I don't want to see anyone over the age of 40" or "I don't want anyone who has kids or has been previously married because I think marriage is forever" or whatever.

Sand in his ears? Your stories are awesome!
 
Amelia said:
Just discovered this fascinating saga.

Oh, how times have changed! And yet, all things considered, not so much after all. I went to college in a Navy town, and had a perfectly wonderful time with a number of "Nasal Radiators." This being in the days when computers occupied entire climate-controlled lead-shielded wings of buildings, not pocket-sized date-finders, some men I met through elderly relatives who thought we'd enjoy each other, some I met just as part of the passing scene, and all were delightful, amazing friends, who understood my fairly strict limits, accepted that I was dating for the fun of their company, and absolutely not in the market for a spouse. Yes, I'd happily go scuba diving, sailing road-rallying, or flying with them, and no, I wouldn't spend the night. They were all high-powered, energetic, funny, daring, handsome extroverts. None of them seemed to care that they weren't the only men in my life. They didn't own me, and I had no need to own them.
Then I met a fellow in the hall at work who invited me to lunch. I took the half-second measure of the man-- hm. Oak leaves and LT bars on his uniform lapels. (MD=probably really stuck on himself, accustomed to calling the shots. eh. Looks= ok, nothing to swoon over. eh. Attitude=oddly quiet, almost hesitant. No, thanks- I've already ordered lunch.) Well, tomorrow? I felt sorry for him, and agreed. Had a perfectly wonderful hour's conversation the next day with a man who'd done all sorts of funny things. Camped on a stranger's back porch in the Bahamas? Driven a tour bus in Yellowstone? Built truck bodies one summer? Who liked to sail, scuba dive, hike, and was about to learn to fly, at least a little. We had lunch almost daily for a month before he invited me to supper, and six weeks before a kiss. Over the next year, under the guise of being my good friend, he sneakily swept me off my feet, in his quiet, diffident, funny, ever-so-decent way, of course. Good thing I didn't have a time-table for relationship progression. Or a miles-from-me standard. I went east to graduate school, he went west to sea. Eventually he quietly persuaded me to consider trading my PhD for an MRS. It seemed obvious that while there were far more dashing guys around, there were darned few who would be such a good life-time partner and maybe father for a couple or three children. (That was 40 years ago. So far, so good.)

I wish you the joy of the journey! While I cheer heartily for your good sense in avoiding control freaks and other assorted nutters, you might consider being open to a route you hadn't planned on.
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What a wonderful story. Thank you so much for sharing. Sounds like a lot of fun . . . .
 
TripleZ said:
For point 1...... I think its very important that two people live with each other before marriage. Some traits, habbits, etc. can only be experienced when living together. If you can't stand a persons habits of leaving their dirty laundry out, dishes on the counter, toilet seat up........ how are you going to stay married for life. Living together is part of getting to know someone.
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As long as we are giving our opinion, I agree with this wholeheartedly.

As far as religion goes, I know couples who have different religions or different levels of religious beliefs. I think this can work as long as each party respects the other's opinion and doesn't put pressure for change on their partner. The same would go for political beliefs. However if both parties are dead set on opposite sides it can be difficult.
 
Everskyward said:
As long as we are giving our opinion, I agree with this wholeheartedly.

As far as religion goes, I know couples who have different religions or different levels of religious beliefs. I think this can work as long as each party respects the other's opinion and doesn't put pressure for change on their partner. The same would go for political beliefs. However if both parties are dead set on opposite sides it can be difficult.
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On the other hand, my wife and I met and started dating just five months before we were married. Heck, we hadn't even laid EYES on each other before that. Much less laid anything else on each other (if you get my drift).

That was thirty years ago. Thirty years of a great marriage, three wonderful, accomplished kids, and a WHOLE lot of romance later . . . we're still going strong.

Heck, if we'd lived together before we got married, she probably NEVER would have married me (the whole toilet lid thing, know what I mean)?
 
Geico266 said:
So moral standards for life and relationships are controlling? Seems to me if Kim (Kim, can we call you Kim?) is looking for a moral man that would not cheat and be a loyal husband this man should be given a chance.

Oh I get it, its the religion thing. Yep, that is a deal killer. :mad2:

I though Kim was looking for a serious relationship?
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Yes, Kim is looking for a serious relationship which hopefully ends in marriage. Kim is unsure about children but suspects that is because she has not found a good father figure / good husband.

Finding a husband who does not want kids would be nearly impossible since most people who don't want kids can just live together and not be married.
 
Rndmtrvlr said:
Heck, if we'd lived together before we got married, she probably NEVER would have married me (the whole toilet lid thing, know what I mean)?
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:rofl: Nice story.

Full disclosure is that I'm the last one who should be giving relationship advice, especially to someone who is looking to get married. :redface:
 
TripleZ said:
While I wouldn't want to start a religious argument in Kim's thread, Ill throw my $0.02 in on these two points.

For point 1...... I think its very important that two people live with each other before marriage. Some traits, habbits, etc. can only be experienced when living together. If you can't stand a persons habits of leaving their dirty laundry out, dishes on the counter, toilet seat up........ how are you going to stay married for life. Living together is part of getting to know someone.

If you only saw half an airplane.... would you buy it?

For point 2...... Since Im not religious, I take the biological stance with this one. If you're not sexually compatible...... what's the point of being mates. The only way you'll know this, is if you try out partners and understand who is compatible with you. While a long term relationship can't be built on sex...... its a another portion of what life is.

If you could only look at an airplane and not fly it until after purchase...... would you buy it?
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I agree with you and this is very well written.

However, if a guy was insistent that we don't live together I would be open to that . . . perhaps.
 
Everskyward said:
:rofl: Nice story.

Full disclosure is that I'm the last one who should be giving relationship advice, especially to someone who is looking to get married. :redface:
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You know, relationships are complex enough that one person's advice is as worthwhile as any other, no matter what the experience of the advisor! :lol:
 
BellyUpFish said:
Yes, hide and seek. My wife was 17 at the time and had a 9 and 10 year old brother and sister. I'd play it right now with my nephews if they wanted.

I'm 32, happily married with 1 year old daughters.
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It is very different to meet a girl in your teens and marry her later . . . than it is to be in my situation.

Growing up in a large city like San Francisco, being involved in several serious long term relationships (counted in years not months), at least 2 of which could have ended in marriage (and yes I lived with both of them) . . . dating online . . . meeting lots of "interesting" people - on first dates - who:

Peed in front of me

Threw up in front of me

Lied to me

Stood me up

Showed photos that did not look like them

Hid a relationship from me

Stole my stuff

Got too friendly


Well, let's just say it is a whole bunch of "live and learn". Lots of things I say on here are based on my colorful background and experiences.

I'm surprised I still try to keep a positive attitude and smile on my dates!
 
PittsDriver said:
Aren't you a little puzzled that you joined a service that you paid for and they paired you up with someone who's life view is so far from your own? I'm thinking one or both of you misrepresented yourself on the service or conversely, it's a stinko service. You can go meet random people on the internet that'll get "friendly" with you all day long. The service is to not waste too much of your time with the losers. No?
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No. Not at all. You can't be "unhappy" about one failed first date. He was a REALLY nice guy, I mean just in terms of good conversation, etc. There have been worse men on eHarmony.

I estimate I will need to meet no more than 10 - 20 people before a good one comes along. This is simply because I am taking it seriously.

Also, what I have not mentioned is that in "real life" there may be some things happening too. Those people will never be written about on here since they know me and might figure out that all they need to do is read the forums!
 
Update:

When texting tonight's bachelor number one about the details (tonight will be our second date - we met 9 days ago), I mentioned that I *might* go flying if the weather clears up. I told him that just in case something happened to me and I couldn't show up for the comedy club tonight.

He texted this:

"Ha! If I miss you tonight, I'll bring flowers to the afterlife."


So - he is trying. Fingers crossed about tonight. On second and third dates is when I make the "decision" as to whether or not to continue / break up. If I continue past three, I stop seeing other people. I don't make the man do that - but it is something I like to do. When we're ready, we'll have "the talk" about whether or not he is seeing other girls. Usually that talk just happens on its own anyways and I don't even have to bring it up.
 
BellyUpFish said:
Statistics would prove you to be wrong on your thoughts and couples who lived together prior to marriage are more likely to divorce..
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<edit> Never mind, I was going to respond, but decided that neither one of us will ever convince the other. I'll just say that while I don't agree with your beliefs, that's NOT the same as saying that they're wrong. They're just not what I believe in.
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Update:

When texting tonight's bachelor number one about the details (tonight will be our second date - we met 9 days ago), I mentioned that I *might* go flying if the weather clears up. I told him that just in case something happened to me and I couldn't show up for the comedy club tonight.

He texted this:

"Ha! If I miss you tonight, I'll bring flowers to the afterlife."


So - he is trying. Fingers crossed about tonight. On second and third dates is when I make the "decision" as to whether or not to continue / break up. If I continue past three, I stop seeing other people. I don't make the man do that - but it is something I like to do. When we're ready, we'll have "the talk" about whether or not he is seeing other girls. Usually that talk just happens on its own anyways and I don't even have to bring it up.
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As long as that's a "statistic" DESCRIBING your behavior, and not a rule PRESCRIBING your behavior, great.

I just have an allergic reaction to "rules" when it comes to dating, other than my basic rule "don't hurt someone else if you don't have to".
 
Oh, yuck, Kimberly!! No wonder you're a fan of rigorous pre-screening. It never occurred to me, but I guess the Navy did a lot of mine. If I'd dated any of those creeps, I'd have made up my mind very early on, to be the crazy old spinster cat-lady instead. And just think of all the interesting years I'd have missed out on. I love your part of the world, lived on the beach just a few hours south of there when my husband completed his hitch in the Navy and resumed his Residency training. We had a ball. But a lot of the natives were undeniably peculiar! Apparently still are. Maybe even more so. The whole cultural me-first philosophy we found there-and-then, got old, and so with credentials in hand, Himself was eager to 'go home.' I found myself quite willing to move to a small Ohio town where that funny smell was from cows rather than from the neighbor's cheap weed, where people looked after their neighbors, and nobody called it 'nosy.' Took some real getting-used-to, especially the winters, but it turned out to be a decent place to raise good kids.
 
TMetzinger said:
I just have an allergic reaction to "rules" when it comes to dating, other than my basic rule "don't hurt someone else if you don't have to".
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I have the don't date anyone you work with rule, especially if you work together in an airplane. BTDT.
 
kimberlyanne546 said:
Yes, Kim is looking for a serious relationship which hopefully ends in marriage. Kim is unsure about children but suspects that is because she has not found a good father figure / good husband.

Finding a husband who does not want kids would be nearly impossible since most people who don't want kids can just live together and not be married.
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If you are serious about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with you are going about it a little strange for my tastes. You have already thrown out several good contenders based on childish / adolescent ideals. I am not trying to be harsh, but the reality is pretty glaring, to me anyway. You are not looking at the individual, you are looking to play games and play the field. You did not just start looking with this "social experiment" thread.

I have raised 3 very successful, very beautiful (like yourself), college educated, married, women. Knock on wood, all seem very happily married to men I am proud to call my sons. None of them are perfect, certainly not me, being married is work not a panacea. It is a partnership, not a fantasy.

Why are there so many divorces? I think you are on tthe right track to find out.
 
Geico266 said:
If you are serious about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with you are going about it a little strange for my tastes. You have already thrown out several good contenders based on childish / adolescent ideals. I am not trying to be harsh, but the reality is pretty glaring, to me anyway. You are not looking at the individual, you are looking to play games and play the field. You did not just start looking with this "social experiment" thread.

I have raised 3 very successful, very beautiful (like yourself), college educated, married, women. Knock on wood, all seem very happily married to men I am proud to call my sons. None of them are perfect, certainly not me, being married is work not a panacea. It is a partnership, not a fantasy.

Why are there so many divorces? I think you are on tthe right track to find out.
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Good contenders? An ex-drug dealer is a good contender? I didn't tell you everything about each one you know.
 
Geico266 said:
If you are serious about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with you are going about it a little strange for my tastes. You have already thrown out several good contenders based on childish / adolescent ideals. I am not trying to be harsh, but the reality is pretty glaring, to me anyway. You are not looking at the individual, you are looking to play games and play the field. You did not just start looking with this "social experiment" thread.

I have raised 3 very successful, very beautiful (like yourself), college educated, married, women. Knock on wood, all seem very happily married to men I am proud to call my sons. None of them are perfect, certainly not me, being married is work not a panacea. It is a partnership, not a fantasy.

Why are there so many divorces? I think you are on tthe right track to find out.
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Your tastes are not my tastes. Why do I need to go about this your way? I have someone who would like to get married - my guess is you want me to marry him and settle down. He was / is a good person, with a house and a lifelong career and a wonderful loving extended family who accepted me as a family member. Perhaps what I need has been right there all along. Maybe you are right - it is "work" and I didn't see that and left him because it became "work" instead of "fun". Perhaps I was being childish and didn't know what I had until I left and met all these interesting people who don't even compare to him.
 
woodstock said:
If you're finding the losers online, might be a good reason to start looking offline again.
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I am going to for now. I called eHarmony and canceled - or almost did - I have 3 days so I'm just gonna send my email address to any remaining matches and then shut down my profile and leave for good.

There may be a few stragglers or perhaps more than a few but I am starting to like "real life" better. I've heard of some groups (sports, activities) that meet up weekly and that might be a better idea.
 
Anecdotal data point: I found the woman who would become my wife on match dot com.

kimberlyanne546 said:
I am not on match dot com now, but they used to have a six month guarantee that you'll find someone - pay them six months up front, follow the rules, and if you don't find a boyfriend they give you six months for free at the end of your six months.
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kimberlyanne546 said:
Your tastes are not my tastes. Why do I need to go about this your way? I have someone who would like to get married - my guess is you want me to marry him and settle down. He was / is a good person, with a house and a lifelong career and a wonderful loving extended family who accepted me as a family member. Perhaps what I need has been right there all along. Maybe you are right - it is "work" and I didn't see that and left him because it became "work" instead of "fun". Perhaps I was being childish and didn't know what I had until I left and met all these interesting people who don't even compare to him.
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Don't you see the big picture here Kim? Of course my tastes are not yours but, no matter how much things change, the more they remain the same. Marriage is a commitment, work, trust, respect, admiration, overlooking leaving the toothpaste cap off, it is compatability, and the ability to forgive EVERYDAY! Unless you put yourself in second place and your spouse in first place you should NEVER get married.

I think your "social experiment" has determined what you are looking for may have been right infront of you all the time. Give "domentic dude" a call and put him on your short list.

Good luck Kim, I mean that.
 
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Geico266 said:
Don't you see the big picture here Kim? Of course my tastes are not yours but, no matter how much things change, the more they remain the same.

I think your "social experiment" has determined what you are looking for may have been right infront of you all the time. Give "domentic dude" a call and put him on your short list.

Good luck Kim, I mean that.
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Thanks, I know you mean well.

I've been giving it a lot of thought. He may have been right all along.
 
Nothing wrong with playing the field-- so long as you admit cheerfully that that's what you're doing. Kissing frogs, looking for prince. Great fun! The difficulty is letting go of fantasy if long-term reality is what you're looking for. I have a favorite, brilliant, beautiful, amazingly-accomplished, totally-wonderful California relative who has been through three husbands, six live-ins, and I've lost count of the World'sMostWonderfulNewBoyfriends. In a few months or a couple of years, the excitement of discovery begins to dim a bit, the best-behavior slips, the imperfections begin to grate, she gets critical, yesterday's socks are still on the bathroom floor, he didn't call to say he'd be late, she's disappointed, offers ultimatums, and predictably enough, the love of yesterday's life is soon shown the door. I've liked every single one of the men in her life. She has high standards and good taste. But unfortunately, her men have all been afflicted with human failings, and she's not putting up with that. She doesn't appear to ever feel the need to look the other way, to mutter in frustration under her breath and get over it, much less to resort to anything as uncivilized as a shouting match, just "It's over." Life is sometimes messy in my world, but hers is always neat as a pin. She insists on it. I'm hoping her latest computer lover has all of what she insists on and none of what drives her crazy-- he seems delightful-- but that's not where my $2 bet is. The Amish where we lived used to say, "Kissin' wears out. Cookin' don't." There may be something to that.
 
Amelia said:
. I have a favorite, brilliant, beautiful, amazingly-accomplished, totally-wonderful California relative who has been through three husbands, six live-ins, and I've lost count of the World'sMostWonderfulNewBoyfriends. QUOTE]


Hmmmm.. She sounds like a real winner..:no::no::no::nonod::rolleyes2:.

Funny you mention it was all the guys fault in each breakup.... :yikes:
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Amelia said:
Nothing wrong with playing the field-- so long as you admit cheerfully that that's what you're doing. Kissing frogs, looking for prince. Great fun! The difficulty is letting go of fantasy if long-term reality is what you're looking for. I have a favorite, brilliant, beautiful, amazingly-accomplished, totally-wonderful California relative who has been through three husbands, six live-ins, and I've lost count of the World'sMostWonderfulNewBoyfriends. In a few months or a couple of years, the excitement of discovery begins to dim a bit, the best-behavior slips, the imperfections begin to grate, she gets critical, yesterday's socks are still on the bathroom floor, he didn't call to say he'd be late, she's disappointed, offers ultimatums, and predictably enough, the love of yesterday's life is soon shown the door. I've liked every single one of the men in her life. She has high standards and good taste. But unfortunately, her men have all been afflicted with human failings, and she's not putting up with that. She doesn't appear to ever feel the need to look the other way, to mutter in frustration under her breath and get over it, much less to resort to anything as uncivilized as a shouting match, just "It's over." Life is sometimes messy in my world, but hers is always neat as a pin. She insists on it. I'm hoping her latest computer lover has all of what she insists on and none of what drives her crazy-- he seems delightful-- but that's not where my $2 bet is. The Amish where we lived used to say, "Kissin' wears out. Cookin' don't." There may be something to that.
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Very well said, and an exceptional example of what I was trying to say. A perfect example of the Hotel Kalifornia lifestyle.

Kim, the fantisy is what will cause your relationship failures, not the man involved.
 
N801BH said:
Amelia said:
. I have a favorite, brilliant, beautiful, amazingly-accomplished, totally-wonderful California relative who has been through three husbands, six live-ins, and I've lost count of the World'sMostWonderfulNewBoyfriends. QUOTE]


Hmmmm.. She sounds like a real winner..:no::no::no::nonod::rolleyes2:.

Funny you mention it was all the guys fault in each breakup.... :yikes:
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I'm pretty sure she meant than as a sarcastic statement.
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