Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Well, since it appears to be an air rifle, I don't think there will be much of a kick. Now, hand her a 30.06......
 
Yeah I guess I missed it to at 4:48, but did see a hot chick (w/ boobies), well, until she opened her mouth. :eek:
 
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Half Fast said:
Well, since it appears to be an air rifle, I don't think there will be much of a kick. Now, hand her a 30.06......
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I figured since her finger isn't in the trigger guard, she was just using the scope to look at something.
 
Today, My wife said to me,


"Honey, get off your ass and fix that gutter downspout!
And, I want it done before the end of the day!"

Well, as you all know, at my age, and most of my friends, are retired and do have the time to address such "Honey do's"….

So, I invited some of my buddies over to help with the project.

One is a sheet metal worker.

One is a Iron Worker so he came with his welder.

One brought beer and Nachos.

One brought a grill and burgers.

Took us about 6 hours, and 30-40 beers, but we got it done just as we finished off the last of the beer and burgers.

As usual, the wife is still not happy !!

Can't understand, cause all us guys love it!

Personally, I cannot wait for it to rain.

Downspout.jpg
 
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Broken gif?
IjSc886.gif


https://i.imgur.com/IjSc886.gif
 
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The Vicar's Salary

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Mike Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the area, stands up and proclaims:

'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new BMW every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, 'If the Vicar will stay on here I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,

'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her:

'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Screw him!'
 
A new supermarket opened near my house. They feature 4D experience while shopping to bring you closer to nature.

There is an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and you smell fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg fridge, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying with bacon.

The bakery department features the smell of freshly baked bread and cakes.

I quickly learned to stay out of the toilet paper aisle.
 
ATC humor....
 

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Comedy is comedy even when it is political. there is some pretty funny stuff being poked at the election these days, sad part is, most is true.
 
Tom-D said:
Comedy is comedy even when it is political. there is some pretty funny stuff being poked at the election these days, sad part is, most is true.
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There's a difference between political comedy and political commentary disguised as comedy. You know it when you see it.
 
Think it's time we start a safe space thread. Nothing will be posted other than pictures of flowers and ocean waves so people have somewhere to Go when they are offended by some big bad words strung together in the form of a joke.
 
A husband runs his wife over with his car, who's fault is it?


His. He shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
 
Chrysler Corp is introducing a new feature on all new 2017 vehicles. Heated and cooled rear bumpers.

So you don't burn or freeze your hands when pushing it after a breakdown in extreme heat and cold.
 
90% of all Fords built since 2002 are still on the road.

The other 10% made it safely home.


(Fill in your own least-favorite manufacturer.)
 
I knew a guy in high school who got sent to the office for that. Sounded like his azz was drilling a hole in the seat. Class broke up laughing. Teacher was not impressed.
 
Norman said:
I knew a guy in high school who got sent to the office for that. Sounded like his azz was drilling a hole in the seat. Class broke up laughing. Teacher was not impressed.
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Yeah just got that in a text. Told the sender if that's true I'm in better shape than I thought as I'm a farting machine. :)
 
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