Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Hawker800 said:
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They need an advertising person, too. Forgot to include any contact info.
 
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
 
The word “diputseromneve” may look ridiculous…

But backwards, it’s …
 
EdFred said:
Do people not know how to knock? I mean it's on a building right?
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Is that the building that's hiring? Or is that merely a sign that gets hired out to numerous businesses?

I see lots of billboards in farmers' fields, but I doubt the farmer is offering to repair your computer or to sue someone for you. Would you knock on a farmer's door and ask to see Rock City because he had that painted on his barn roof?
 
Half Fast said:
Is that the building that's hiring? Or is that merely a sign that gets hired out to numerous businesses?

I see lots of billboards in farmers' fields, but I doubt the farmer is offering to repair your computer or to sue someone for you. Would you knock on a farmer's door and ask to see Rock City because he had that painted on his barn roof?
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Looks like its on a building to me. I'd knock on the front door.
 
I used to have a boss that only gave vague hints about contact information in job ads. He figured if the person wanted the job enough, and if they had any initiative at all, they would figure out who the ad was for.
 
From the Bob and Tom Show: “Ace Cosby Joke of the Day”

What does toast wear to bed?








Jammies!
 
A Red Fox joke I heard on XM radio this morning:

What’s the difference between a peeping Tom and a pick pocket?



The picket pocket snatches watches.
 
My daughter and her family came to visit. Oldest grandson (age 4) saw my motorcycle on the way through the garage and got excited about it. He showed me his “motorcycle” (he brought his bicycle along), and how it starts with a pretend key, all that cute little boy stuff.
He asked, “is this your gas tank?”
“Yes.”
“This runs on gas?”
“Yes.”
“Mine runs on diesel.”
:lol:
 
I have a female relative who took 4 pregnancy tests all on one day. She called me to tell me the news and then asked how is she going to be able to take care of 4 kids?
 
AggieMike88 said:
Which is also known as the Pie Rates of the Caribbean
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The famous American statesman, William Penn had two old aunts, named Natalie and Ellie, who were well known for baking great pies.

But, alas they got greedy and raised the prices, up and up, until...

Soon all the people in Quakertown were complaining about "the pie rates of Penn's aunts".
 
Patricia Wac was the teller on duty at the bank when a frog came in asking for a loan.

She told him, "we don't give loans to frogs."

He informed her that his father was none other than Mick Jagger.

She didn't care and insisted that the bank would not loan money to a frog.

"OK ... look at this" said the frog as he handed her a small porcelain elephant.

"I don't understand" she said.

"You need to ask your manager" he told her. She then took the little elephant to the manager's office and explained the frog's story to her.

The manager said, "it's a nick-knack Patty Wac, give the frog a loan, his old man was a rolling stone."

:eek:
 
Daleandee said:
Patricia Wac was the teller on duty at the bank when a frog came in asking for a loan.

She told him, "we don't give loans to frogs."

He informed her that his father was none other than Mick Jagger.

She didn't care and insisted that the bank would not loan money to a frog.

"OK ... look at this" said the frog as he handed her a small porcelain elephant.

"I don't understand" she said.

"You need to ask your manager" he told her. She then took the little elephant to the manager's office and explained the frog's story to her.

The manager said, "it's a nick-knack Patty Wac, give the frog a loan, his old man was a rolling stone."

:eek:
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Seems like a bad risk, since

Papa was a Rollin’Stone
…
And when he died,
All he left them was a loan.
 
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We're doing those now? Ok.....

So one of King Arthur's men is out and about during a terrible storm. His horse develops a limp, so he's walking in the rain. He finds a farm, and asks for some help.

The farmer has sympathy for the poor fellow, but he doesn't have a horse to lend him. In desperation, the soldier asks about the Great Dane in the back of the farmhouse. Farmer says "I'm sorry, I can't let a knight out on a dog like this."
 
There is a story about a geneticist who made a copy of himself. But something went wrong with the brain area and all the copy would do was swear and cuss.

Rather than suffer embarrassment amongst his peers for this mistake, he drugged the poor thing, drove out to lovers leap, and pushed it over the cliff.

Three days later, the body was found and the scientist was arrested. The newspaper headline was

LOCAL SCIENTIST ARRESTED FOR MAKING OBSCENE CLONE FALL
 
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.

They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.

The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.

Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...

Only this time there were two people on the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said,

"Do anything you want to me, but my wife is on the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
 
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