Corrupt my wish

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, you just ruined your neighbor Macleod's most intimate fantasy. As a result, he writes unpronounceable epithets in your yard using Roundup and spikes your running shoes with itching powder. Oh, and he secretly switches the food order for your office meeting to the Scottish/Mexican place in Roseville. You got it - haggis tacos. There goes company morale.

I wish this jet lag didn't F me up for two weeks.

 

[John221us]

Yes, you are up a little earlier than me.
Granted, due to a virus you picked up in Asia, the jet lag hangs on for a full month.

I wish I hadn't run out eggs this morning. That sounded good.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Yes, you are up a little earlier than me.
Granted, due to a virus you picked up in Asia, the jet lag hangs on for a full month.

I wish I hadn't run out eggs this morning. That sounded good.

Granted, you passed up the run-out eggs this morning (good, because they would have made you sick.) Except that you went for MacLeod's haggis breakfast burrito instead (made you sicker.)

I wish it would freakin' warm up here already. I'm not used to this cold weather.

 

[saracelica]

Didn't we go through this already.

Granted, it warms up so much that your motorcycle tires melt to the asphalt and you can't go to work or go back inside. You are stuck to your motorcycle...when you attempt to stand up your shoes take the same beating and you're stuck. Want to try taking your shoes off? Ouch that's going to hurt when your skin starts melting.

I wish Instrument Training knowledge could be learned by willingness alone.

 

[John221us]

Didn't we go through this already.

Granted, it warms up so much that your motorcycle tires melt to the asphalt and you can't go to work or go back inside. You are stuck to your motorcycle...when you attempt to stand up your shoes take the same beating and you're stuck. Want to try taking your shoes off? Ouch that's going to hurt when your skin starts melting.

I wish Instrument Training knowledge could be learned by willingness alone.

What happened to osmosis? I now have the book, but haven't opened it, yet.

Granted, you wake up tomorrow morning and all of sudden you are "willing" to study. By some miracle, you actually start learning.

I wish someone would give me a free IFR panel upgrade for my Cherokee, so I can start my IR.

 

[saracelica]

Someone does give you a free IFR panel upgrade for your Cherokee. However the installation of it is what costs you the most. Bubba will do it for "free" but he doesn't really mean it. He doesn't want cash he wants your hot body John....all of it. Until you can lick him dry.

I wish I had lunch today. The workout wasn't the same without energy to move those weights around.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Someone does give you a free IFR panel upgrade for your Cherokee. However the installation of it is what costs you the most. Bubba will do it for "free" but he doesn't really mean it. He doesn't want cash he wants your hot body John....all of it. Until you can lick him dry.

I wish I had lunch today. The workout wasn't the same without energy to move those weights around.

Granted, you go to Sac's favorite ethic restaurant for lunch and have a big plate of boiled snail-things and a barbequed frog for lunch. Wasn't really your thing though, you are feeling pretty gnarly.

I wish meetings could occur without me.

 

[saracelica]

Meetings occur all the time with you. Ever wonder why you're on so many committees and do the grunt work? People elected you to those roles because you weren't invited and didn't object. Happens all the time in our Flying club board meetings at least.

I wish I didn't have the gnarly lunch that Sac gave me.

 

[John221us]

Meetings occur all the time with you. Ever wonder why you're on so many committees and do the grunt work? People elected you to those roles because you weren't invited and didn't object. Happens all the time in our Flying club board meetings at least.

I wish I didn't have the gnarly lunch that Sac gave me.

Granted, since you avatar depicts you as some sort of giant squid, it actually didn't seem gnarly at all, in fact you had seconds and then you became an appetizer (turns out they serve fried calamari, too) .

I wish I didn't have to go back to PA on Sunday. I am going to miss most of my son's visit.

 

[ebykowsky]

How dare you call His Noodlyness a squid!?! The Pastafarian God shall have no mercy, and sends you and your son to Pakistan, where they know nothing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You are thrown in the fire when you speak of Jesus Christ, hot dogs, and bikinis, and wish you could just be in the chilly, grey clutches of PA.

I wish my math homework were done. I don't even have the strength to "will it done."

 

[John221us]

How dare you call His Noodlyness a squid!?! The Pastafarian God shall have no mercy, and sends you and your son to Pakistan, where they know nothing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You are thrown in the fire when you speak of Jesus Christ, hot dogs, and bikinis, and wish you could just be in the chilly, grey clutches of PA.

I wish my math homework were done. I don't even have the strength to "will it done."

Ok, I looked it up. I don't know why I wasn't familiar with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Granted, the FSM agrees to do your homework for you in exchange for your reverence. Unfortunately this does not help you learn the material adequately and you subsequently fail your mid-term.

I wish I had not mistaken the FSM for a squid.

 

[Sac Arrow]

How dare you call His Noodlyness a squid!?! The Pastafarian God shall have no mercy, and sends you and your son to Pakistan, where they know nothing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You are thrown in the fire when you speak of Jesus Christ, hot dogs, and bikinis, and wish you could just be in the chilly, grey clutches of PA.

I wish my math homework were done. I don't even have the strength to "will it done."

Granted. You are able to "Will it done". Except, as great as an actor he may be, Will Smith was never much of a math major, therefore you completely screw up your Laplace Transform and fizzle out on your vibrational mechanics class.

Feeling bad about that, he invites you to his pad in Beverly Hills and plies you with liquor and cheap women. That part in itself isn't all that bad but however the cops (hint, Eddy Murphy was a cop in Beverly Hills) bust you on some bogus charge involving equine fellatio. Ewww.

I wish I knew where I was going with this corruption. It's getting raunchy even by my standards.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Oops.

 

[John221us]

Oops.

First sheep and now horses. I think I see a trend. My wish still stands.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Help me out here. FSM.

Okay, the Freeway Service Men do not look like tentacled squid anymore, so you see them for what they are. Unfortunately, you have downed so much Crown Royal that you manage to short out the breathalyzer installed in your Spider. Not that it needs one, you won't get far anyway.

But the FSM are pious bastards. Kind of like the Pope but on the freeway. And they don't take kindly to gluttons of the liquid type.

I wish I knew what an FSM actually is.

 

[John221us]

Help me out here. FSM.

Okay, the Freeway Service Men do not look like tentacled squid anymore, so you see them for what they are. Unfortunately, you have downed so much Crown Royal that you manage to short out the breathalyzer installed in your Spider. Not that it needs one, you won't get far anyway.

But the FSM are pious bastards. Kind of like the Pope but on the freeway. And they don't take kindly to gluttons of the liquid type.

I wish I knew what an FSM actually is.

Granted, Ya gotta read the thread. Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM). Also, the Fiat is still in the shop. They just gave me another $500 of needed repairs (and I assume weeks more in the shop).

I wish I had my d**n car back. This has been great convertible weather.

 

[saracelica]

Thanks for explaining my avatar - I'm glad someone else can recognize it!

You get your damn car back but she just chugs along spewing black smoke everywhere. In California (the environmental capital of the world) Unfortunately the Environmental people are busy dealing with the Sac Arrow for his wish yesterday with the heat and so the LAPD comes along to *help* you out of your car. It's Rodney King all over again. You made the news!

I wish my employment was outsource proof.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. You work in a call center in India. 0 outsourcing.

I wish I had my parking spot last night.

 

[saracelica]

You had your parking spot but your annoying neighbor upstairs also wanted that prestine spot as well. So he did what anyone would do with a monster truck. Parked on top of your car. Good luck going anywhere.

I wish I was a teddy bear so someone would hug me as we sleep and I could feel all warm inside. Not a big "Ted" sort of teddy bear more like a "Build a bear"

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted.

I wish I were one of those.

 

[John221us]

Granted.

I wish I were one of those.

Granted, but you know where this is going.... Bubba saw that ad and just had to have one and when he is not using you in the car, he uses you for a chew toy for his Rottweiler.

I wish I didn't have a meeting this morning.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, but you know where this is going.... Bubba saw that ad and just had to have one and when he is not using you in the car, he uses you for a chew toy for his Rottweiler.

I wish I didn't have a meeting this morning.

As long as Bubba doesn't use me on his lap belt...

You don't have a meeting this morning. You misheard... the warden said "beating".

I wish my frigging package would get here. It has gone back and forth between Pit and MD 4 times now and is 15 days late. Darn USPS.

 

[Sac Arrow]

As long as Bubba doesn't use me on his lap belt...

You don't have a meeting this morning. You misheard... the warden said "beating".

I wish my frigging package would get here. It has gone back and forth between Pit and MD 4 times now and is 15 days late. Darn USPS.

Granted, your frigging package gets here, which (see linked definition of the word) just arrived today.

In anticipation, you lay the 5' 6" long box weighing in at 80 lbs down on the floor of your dorm, and you rip open the cardboard and foam packaging.

Absolutely, perfect. Stunning. An anatomically correct, life size, "Real Doll." Damn nearly like the real thing. You paid nearly six grand for it. But wait....

Something's wrong here. What's all of this stuff all over.... Ewww!!! somebody did their thing with this doll! It's all stretched out too! Yuck! No wonder it went back and forth between Pittsburg and Maryland several times! Good luck getting the post office to cover damages on THAT! Your six thousand dollar fake girlfriend has been VIOLATED!

(I found that through a quick Google search. I don't own one personally. They are kind of cool though, somebody put a lot of effort in to creating those.)

I wish we had one of those (dressed of course) that we could prop up in the receptionist's area. It would pay for itself in about six months. And it would get about as much done as the current receptionist we have.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, your frigging package gets here, which just arrived today.

In anticipation, you lay the 5' 6" long box weighing in at 80 lbs down on the floor of your dorm, and you rip open the cardboard and foam packaging.

Absolutely, perfect. Stunning. An anatomically correct, life size, "Real Doll". Damn nearly like the real thing. You paid nearly six grand for it. But wait....

Something's wrong here. What's all of this stuff all over.... Ewww!!! somebody did their thing with this doll! It's all stretched out too! Yuck! No wonder it went back and forth between Pittsburg and Maryland several times! Good luck getting the post office to cover damages on THAT! Your six thousand dollar fake girlfriend has been VIOLATED!

(I found that through a quick Google search. I don't own one personally. They are kind of cool though, somebody put a lot of effort in to creating those.)

I wish we had one of those (dressed of course) that we could prop up in the receptionist's area. It would pay for itself in about six months. And it would get about as much done as the current receptionist we have.

Dude. Just... wow. That's even pretty far over the line for me. Like--I thought I was bad with pointing you to a Justin Bieber chatroom with fan fictions on it, but you have thoroughly outdone me. And I do not wish to outdo your story, so I won't even attempt to do so. I'm still getting those images out of my head... I made the grave mistake of clicking on the "do you wish to enter" link. Never again!

So, anyway, you decide to browse the site for awhile and get a hot receptionist... this receptionist/doll does a much better job than your current one because she never rambles on about her day, customers like looking at her, and according to the website, she's "fully functioning". I suppose that means she answers phones and processes faxes. The receptionist does so well, in fact, that she replaces half of your office and productivity soars. The next day, you find she has ordered more dolls... but these are even better... they have the "human eyebrow hair" option selected. Before long, your office is overrun with these things, and you do everything you can to keep from touching them inappropriately. You just can't hold it in, though, and the pretty little receptionist files a sexual harassment suit after you make a dirty comment to her one day. You were the last human left in the office, but ultimately, the workspace is fully overrun by these "fully functioning" dolls. 6K down the drain.

I wish I'd never heard about that site... There are some weird people out there who like some weird things.

 

[benb172]

Granted - but it got cold again when it finished burning to the ground.

I wish my kids thought I was cool.

Granted - But to their peers, they now seem "uncool" and begin to dislike you fast.

I wish I could go flying with Liam Neeson.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted - But to their peers, they now seem "uncool" and begin to dislike you fast.

I wish I could go flying with Liam Neeson.

Woaaaaah! You're about 50 pages off on that one!

Anyway, granted. Liam Neeson (Schindler) puts you on his list, and you flee (or fly) from Nazi control. You are caught, though, and thrown into a concentration camp where Der Bubbaschneister is your guard. He pays you lots of attention.

My wish still stands.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Dude. Just... wow. That's even pretty far over the line for me. Like--I thought I was bad with pointing you to a Justin Bieber chatroom with fan fictions on it, but you have thoroughly outdone me. And I do not wish to outdo your story, so I won't even attempt to do so. I'm still getting those images out of my head... I made the grave mistake of clicking on the "do you wish to enter" link. Never again!

So, anyway, you decide to browse the site for awhile and get a hot receptionist... this receptionist/doll does a much better job than your current one because she never rambles on about her day, customers like looking at her, and according to the website, she's "fully functioning". I suppose that means she answers phones and processes faxes. The receptionist does so well, in fact, that she replaces half of your office and productivity soars. The next day, you find she has ordered more dolls... but these are even better... they have the "human eyebrow hair" option selected. Before long, your office is overrun with these things, and you do everything you can to keep from touching them inappropriately. You just can't hold it in, though, and the pretty little receptionist files a sexual harassment suit after you make a dirty comment to her one day. You were the last human left in the office, but ultimately, the workspace is fully overrun by these "fully functioning" dolls. 6K down the drain.

I wish I'd never heard about that site... There are some weird people out there who like some weird things.

Those man-dolls are freakin' hilarious! And you know it isn't chicks that are buying them either.

Okay granted, you never heard about that site. You become.... Wally Cleaver. Suddenly, your color vision disappears, and the whole world appears in black and white (by the way, that just DQ'd you for a flight medical, good going) and your closet is filled with dorky plaid shirts and loose pants.

There is this really hot chick in the girls dorm that you are really hot for. Well, I mean hot in relative terms, she wears long plaid dresses and ties her hair in a bun and wears thick black rimmed glasses, but, she has the girl-part things and smells good too so you still effect a state of pursuit. But, in six years of syndication, has Wally, or even any of his friends, EVER got lucky? Don't waste your time, pal.

Oh, it's time for dinner. The cafeteria. Man, you are craving a big ole burrito with some salsa and chips but nooooo, you're getting a slice of overcooked beef, mashed potatoes and brussel sprouts. Every single day. Lunch and dinner.

What to do, what to do, what to do. Let's call Vinny. You reach in your pocket for your....huh? Oh, the black thing sitting on the desk with the rotary dialer. What's the probability that Vinny is nearby his own black thing sitting on his desk with a rotary dialer? Probably pretty good because neither one of you gets out much nor do any of you have much fun.

I wish I would have waited a couple hours to eat lunch. I had to feed the need. I freakin' devoured a big assed double cheeseburger in like one bite. Whomp. Now I need another one.

 

[ebykowsky]

Those man-dolls are freakin' hilarious! And you know it isn't chicks that are buying them either.

Okay granted, you never heard about that site. You become.... Wally Cleaver. Suddenly, your color vision disappears, and the whole world appears in black and white (by the way, that just DQ'd you for a flight medical, good going) and your closet is filled with dorky plaid shirts and loose pants.

There is this really hot chick in the girls dorm that you are really hot for. Well, I mean hot in relative terms, she wears long plaid dresses and ties her hair in a bun and wears thick black rimmed glasses, but, she has the girl-part things and smells good too so you still effect a state of pursuit. But, in six years of syndication, has Wally, or even any of his friends, EVER got lucky? Don't waste your time, pal.

Oh, it's time for dinner. The cafeteria. Man, you are craving a big ole burrito with some salsa and chips but nooooo, you're getting a slice of overcooked beef, mashed potatoes and brussel sprouts. Every single day. Lunch and dinner.

What to do, what to do, what to do. Let's call Vinny. You reach in your pocket for your....huh? Oh, the black thing sitting on the desk with the rotary dialer. What's the probability that Vinny is nearby his own black thing sitting on his desk with a rotary dialer? Probably pretty good because neither one of you gets out much nor do any of you have much fun.

I wish I would have waited a couple hours to eat lunch. I had to feed the need. I freakin' devoured a big assed double cheeseburger in like one bite. Whomp. Now I need another one.

The worst is the she-male ones... like seriously!?! Also don't talk bad about plaid. That's our school's official color and mascot. Yeah, our mascot is the plaid cloth. And a female in long plaid dresses and big glasses is the best anyone can do here anyway.

So you wait 2 hrs for lunch and eat 2 cheeseburgers. Your stomach hurts from that and you puke on your new receptionist. You have to undress her to clean her off, and now people know what kind of weird stuff you're into.

I wish I were at Sun n' Fun right now.

 

[ebykowsky]

Also, for the record, it's probably best we steer away from being too vulgar... you know, all the little kids and women and such. Wouldn't want this extremely useful thread to get locked or SZ'd.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Also, for the record, it's probably best we steer away from being too vulgar... you know, all the little kids and women and such. Wouldn't want this extremely useful thread to get locked or SZ'd.

Granted, for the record, the Wish Corruption Thread is officially vested with the following guidelines:

1. Excessive vulgarity shall be avoided.
2. In the case of simultaneous posts, the last post shall be corrupted.
3. Compliance with the general POA guidelines and terms shall be effected.
4. At least a minimal effort to avoid corruption posting when drinking shall be made.

I wish I could find a beneficial use for these newly bound editorial superpowers.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted, for the record, the Wish Corruption Thread is officially vested with the following guidelines:

1. Excessive vulgarity shall be avoided.
2. In the case of simultaneous posts, the last post shall be corrupted.
3. Compliance with the general POA guidelines and terms shall be effected.
4. At least a minimal effort to avoid corruption posting when drinking shall be made.

I wish I could find a beneficial use for these newly bound editorial superpowers.

That's a negative on #4. While I don't drink, something tells me some of your best corruptions occur while inebriated. So, as long as you can abide by #1 and 3 while drinking, I see no problem with this. And I feel as though #2 should be changed to the first post shall be corrupted... since they were the "early bird"

Granted. You use your amazing editorial skills to make this thread sticky, and put this rules post first in the thread... but then the mods see it and shut you down for hacking in and making yourself an admin. You are forever banned from POA.

I guess Sun n' Fun wish stands.

 

[Sac Arrow]

That's a negative on #4. While I don't drink, something tells me some of your best corruptions occur while inebriated. So, as long as you can abide by #1 and 3 while drinking, I see no problem with this. And I feel as though #2 should be changed to the first post shall be corrupted... since they were the "early bird"

Granted. You use your amazing editorial skills to make this thread sticky, and put this rules post first in the thread... but then the mods see it and shut you down for hacking in and making yourself an admin. You are forever banned from POA.

I guess Sun n' Fun wish stands.

I think just for the sake of orderliness, it's easier to deal with last wish made, but I'm open to hearing opinions either way. Perhaps John, sara and others following might chime in.

Granted, you are at Sun n' Fun. Except, you are the only one there, because Sun n' Fun occurs in April, not March. No cool aeroplanes, no free crap, no hot dog stands. Oh well.

I wish I had time to do both a long bike ride AND fly to Columbia for a Norcal POA event this upcoming Saturday.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted. You do a long bike ride to Texas, then fly the remainder of the way to Columbia SC--no, not the Cali one. This is where the BUBBA intersection is... it's also less than 50NM from the COLON intersection. You can connect the dots...

I wish I'd already finished soccer practice and written my paper so I could flight sim a bit tonight.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted. You do a long bike ride to Texas, then fly the remainder of the way to Columbia SC--no, not the Cali one. This is where the BUBBA intersection is... it's also less than 50NM from the COLON intersection. You can connect the dots...

I wish I'd already finished soccer practice and written my paper so I could flight sim a bit tonight.

"Mr. Dubois, can you make that happen?"

"Ya mon, you know what is involved, white tablecloth, goat heads, candles, beads... but just one thing mon."

"What is that?"

"You wish you 'wrote' the paper, not 'written' it."

"I'm pretty sure 'written' is acceptable in standard English Mr. Dubois."

"Very bad idea to question me mon."

Your paper is finished. Your soccer practice is finished. Good luck playing the flight simulator with goat hooves. Mr. Dubois has thought of some creative things to do with that ebykowsky doll that he normally just sticks pins in.

I wish I rode the bike (motorcycle) in to work instead of the car. Traffic is hella bad today for some reason.

 

[saracelica]

You did ride the motorcycle but some goober made a turn to fast and rammed into it and so you were left without the motorcycle (how you ever got it removed from the melting pavement from the heat wish I'll never know!) and so since you were able to turn back time (probably due to a prior wish some 30 pages ago) you drove the car this morning to avoid having to call the little green lizard to get it fixed.

I wish my instructor didn't leave and kept helping with my IR learning...if you know what I mean.

 

[John221us]

You did ride the motorcycle but some goober made a turn to fast and rammed into it and so you were left without the motorcycle (how you ever got it removed from the melting pavement from the heat wish I'll never know!) and so since you were able to turn back time (probably due to a prior wish some 30 pages ago) you drove the car this morning to avoid having to call the little green lizard to get it fixed.

I wish my instructor didn't leave and kept helping with my IR learning...if you know what I mean.

Granted, your instructor decides to follow you home and move in. Your husband isn't real happy with the arrangement, though, but he is still helping with your IR learning.

I wish I had left work 10 minutes ago. Why am I still here.

 

[Sac Arrow]

Granted, your instructor decides to follow you home and move in. Your husband isn't real happy with the arrangement, though, but he is still helping with your IR learning.

I wish I had left work 10 minutes ago. Why am I still here.

Granted, you did, but you would have still been there because:

a) Saracelica being corrupted in unimaginable and unthinkable ways. I shudder and have cold sweat on that. I mean, do what you want to do, but don't elaborate.

b) Marcia, cleening maid, is still cleening your house. You, have these... thoughts.... I mean do what you want to do, but don't elaborate.

c) Pizza Hut is giving out a special because they heard KSAC is closing their tower. Not your home airport (I mention it to keep local interest) but you are starving and you want to engorge yourself with.... I mean, do what you want to do, but don't elaborate.

I wish I could eat a damn pizza. I'm kind of taking a fancy to cleening maid too, by the way. I'll bet she's hot when she bends over to vacuum under the sofa.

 

[John221us]

Granted, you did, but you would have still been there because:

a) Saracelica being corrupted in unimaginable and unthinkable ways. I shudder and have cold sweat on that. I mean, do what you want to do, but don't elaborate.

b) Marcia, cleening maid, is still cleening your house. You, have these... thoughts.... I mean do what you want to do, but don't elaborate.

c) Pizza Hut is giving out a special because they heard KSAC is closing their tower. Not your home airport (I mention it to keep local interest) but you are starving and you want to engorge yourself with.... I mean, do what you want to do, but don't elaborate.

I wish I could eat a damn pizza. I'm kind of taking a fancy to cleening maid too, by the way. I'll bet she's hot when she bends over to vacuum under the sofa.

So, it is not just closing the tower, but they announced a Taiwanese flight school would be training 100 students there in the near future (actually affects the whole area).

So, you eat a d**n pizza made from coconut bread crust. Can't have that dairy stuff either, so it has almond cheese. Yeah, not quite the same.

I wish my plane had more horsepower.

 

[ebykowsky]

Granted.

I wish my bag would unpack itself.

 

[Sac Arrow]

I wish my bag would unpack itself.

Granted, but it's your lunch bag. And it's unpacking itself because a rat got in to it.

You still have a few Cheetos left, and most of your ham sandwich. Enjoy.

I wish I was in control of the food at this stupid lunch meeting today. I KNOW dude will probably order pizza. I can't eat pizza. There's like half a dozen good restaurants within walking distance of his office, I don't know why we don't just have the meeting there at one of them.