Corrupt my wish

Sac Arrow said:
Granted, but it's a day later and you are in Marin County. (Hint, going down rocky cliffs on skis is a very painful experience plus now your skis are shot.)

I wish I didn't have to drive to that godforsaken hell hole project site again this morning. Bad way to start a Monday.
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Granted, the car was stolen. All anyone could come up with for transportation was an old pedicab, but no driver. Good thing you have mad peddling skills.

I wish it was a three day weekend.
 
It was. Now get back to work!

I wish my parents kept the house around 65F.
 
ebykowsky said:
It was. Now get back to work!

I wish my parents kept the house around 65F.
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They will, but you have to pay for the extra power for the heater or A/C to keep it there.

I wish I could commute year round on my motorcycle.
 
DeeG said:
They will, but you have to pay for the extra power for the heater or A/C to keep it there.

I wish I could commute year round on my motorcycle.
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You sound like my mom--she says the same thing.
Anyway, your bike is now enclosed and you add two more wheels and two more seats for stability. It is perfect for those cold weather commutes and can fit the whole family! https://wiki-land.wikispaces.com/Smart+cars

I wish we could stay on daylight savings.
 
ebykowsky said:
You sound like my mom--she says the same thing.
Anyway, your bike is now enclosed and you add two more wheels and two more seats for stability. It is perfect for those cold weather commutes and can fit the whole family! https://wiki-land.wikispaces.com/Smart+cars

I wish we could stay on daylight savings.
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Ebykowsky lounges in his lawn chair, sipping a Mai Tai, munching on barbecue, wearing his Parka. It's the middle of December. "Gotta love this permanent daylight savings time. It's the middle of Winter and it's just like Summer! Well, sorta anyway."

Two men in black suits show up in Ebykowsky's back yard. "Sir you're under arrest."

"Why? Who are you?"

"We're men in black suits. You know, from the Government. Specifically the Bureau of Common Sense. You're under arrest for a violation of common sense by effecting a state of permanent daylight savings time."

"But, your own energy commission says that permanent daylight savings time results in a significant energy savings due to an extra hour of daylight at the end of the day, during the Winter months. Plus a general increase of a feeling of well being and decreased suicide attempts."

"Sir, did you hear us say we were from the energy commission? No, we are not from the energy commission. We are from the Department of Common Sense. We define common sense. Not the energy department, not the department of health and human services, not congress, not the President, not anybody else. Got it?"

"Uhh... not rea..."

"Bound and gag this perp! Sounds like he's do for some political retraining! I don't like the way YOU are thinking! NEVER question us!"

Months later......

saracelica: "Hey Eby... I know you're a fairly new pilot and all but, why are you taking the wheel pants off your Archer? You will lose a few knots of speed."

ebykowsky: "I, uh, dunno. I was just recently trained that one should be transparent, expose everything, hide nothing. So the government can freely see my wheels, so the drones can verify I've maintained tire pressure and proper brake shoes. I mean, that's common sense, right?"

Men in black, standing by, observing: "Ma'am, I'd urge you to think carefully about your answer, should you choose to respond..."

I wish truth wasn't stranger than fiction.
 
Granted. People now stop believing you when you lie to them... including Destiny, Bodacious, and Desire. They find out about one another because the lies are stranger than the truth that you're just using them, and the pimp biz goes down in flames.

I wish I had that archer with pants.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted. People now stop believing you when you lie to them... including Destiny, Bodacious, and Desire. They find out about one another because the lies are stranger than the truth that you're just using them, and the pimp biz goes down in flames.

I wish I had that archer with pants.
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Granted, Bubba, bow in hand, is all yours. His pants don't stay on long, though.

I wish I Mondays didn't suck.
 
Clark1961 said:
Granted, Mondays don't suck, they blow.

I wish solutions to the company's "challenges" will be found at the board meeting tomorrow.
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Granted, taking a queue from sequestration, half the employees are furloughed. Of course the work still needs to get done. Your schedule just filled up. So much for flying.

I wish I could work from home tomorrow.
 
John221us said:
Granted, taking a queue from sequestration, half the employees are furloughed. Of course the work still needs to get done. Your schedule just filled up. So much for flying.

I wish I could work from home, Tomorrow.
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"Johnston Marleyus221, ya mon you can work from home."

"Thanks Tomorrow, ya mon I need to step up my pimping game."

(in walks the houskeeper) "Aye caramba, meester John, why you dress like Jamaican and smoke ganga weed and talk with prossitude? You go middle life crisis?"

And he wanted to work from home, sheesh.

I wish the stomach/bowel system thing didn't react with such immediate urgency when I'm here. I literally just bolted out of a meeting to run to the ****ter.
 
It doesn't react with such urgency. You are so constipated now and you wish you could use the lavatory. Maybe you'll relax enough when you get home. That is going to be one long flight home.

I wish I didn't get dragged into ebykowsky corruption!
 
Granted. You ransomed yourself with your plane. Pleased with my reaction to all the training, the Common Sense Bureau gives me the plane. I proceed to fly it over your house every day to rub it in. To get back at me, you hire Bubba to do what he may with me... but you are a few letters off in the phone book, and Bieber shows up at your door, thinking you said "come for a roll in the hay"--his hearing is really bad. After the end of the day, you still have questions about his manhood, and every 14 year old girl wants to meet you and envies you. Many of the little girls are upset though that the Biebs would go for older women, and they start a new trend because of how much they hate you. The next day, the CSB shows up to put you in a straightjacket, wondering how you could have possibly believed my fantastical story... good luck getting out!

I wish this wart on my foot would go away.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted. You ransomed yourself with your plane. Pleased with my reaction to all the training, the Common Sense Bureau gives me the plane. I proceed to fly it over your house every day to rub it in. To get back at me, you hire Bubba to do what he may with me... but you are a few letters off in the phone book, and Bieber shows up at your door, thinking you said "come for a roll in the hay"--his hearing is really bad. After the end of the day, you still have questions about his manhood, and every 14 year old girl wants to meet you and envies you. Many of the little girls are upset though that the Biebs would go for older women, and they start a new trend because of how much they hate you. The next day, the CSB shows up to put you in a straightjacket, wondering how you could have possibly believed my fantastical story... good luck getting out!

I wish this wart on my foot would go away.
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Granted, while you were distracted practicing common sense, you got your foot caught in an escalator. The wort went away, along with half the skin on your foot.

I wish car wasn't going to be in the shop yet another week (the spider).
 
Holy crap man! Get a new car already. I've never had this much trouble with a car--nor have my parents for that matter. Granted though, you pay 15k to get express service, which ends up being no more than duct tape and spit on all the broken parts.

I wish the USPS hadn't pretty much lost my package. I hope they get hit hard by the sequester.
 
Apparently there is only one guy who can work on my car and he hasn't been real available. You would think they would want to get it done. The USPS is a semi-private agency, so it is questionable that sequestration will affect them, but they have other budget issues, due to the declining popularity of thier service.

Granted, the USPS didn't pretty much lose your package, they backed over it with one of thier trucks.

I wish I hadn't had such a big breakfast. Now I am not hungry for lunch.
 
John221us said:
Granted, the USPS didn't pretty much lose your package, they backed over it with one of thier trucks.

I wish I hadn't had such a big breakfast. Now I am not hungry for lunch.
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I'm happy with that since I insured it for more than it's worth.

Granted, you had three grains of rice for breakfast and are VERY hungry for lunch. Maybe you'll have more luck begging this afternoon, but probably not since you're in Somalia.

I wish my computer were working properly.
 
ebykowsky said:
I wish my computer were working properly.
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Yer computer works properly. However, your head doesn't which makes you think that your computer doesn't work properly.

I wish that certain folks understood what a deadline means.
 
Clark1961 said:
Yer computer works properly. However, your head doesn't which makes you think that your computer doesn't work properly.

I wish that certain folks understood what a deadline means.
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Granted, but the certain folk is a Doctor who told you six months ago that you had six months to live and to keep his word to you, he's hiding in your basement with a tire iron to finish the job just so you'll meet your predicted "deadline".

I wish I owned a mint 1946 Ercoupe with an unprecedented STCed 200 HP powerplant upgrade.
 
KeithASanford said:
I wish I owned a mint 1946 Ercoupe with an unprecedented STCed 200 HP powerplant upgrade.
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Granted. The Ercoupe's fuselage is made of spearmint gumdrops, the wheels are Wint'o'green Lifesavers, and the wings are Wrigley's peppermint gum. The "powerplant" is just a potted mint plant sitting where the engine should go, coated in Silicon TetraChloride. But it's quite unprecedented.

I wish I had rudder pedals for simming.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted. The Ercoupe's fuselage is made of spearmint gumdrops, the wheels are Wint'o'green Lifesavers, and the wings are Wrigley's peppermint gum. The "powerplant" is just a potted mint plant sitting where the engine should go, coated in Silicon TetraChloride. But it's quite unprecedented.

I wish I had rudder pedals for simming.
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"Ebykowsky, hey mon, this is RastajohnUS, why don't you come to the villa and enjoy the pool this afternoon."

"Sounds great! I'll be right over!"

Fifteen hours later, it was a long flight plus ground transportation:

"Meester Ekowski I am Marcia, Meester John's cleener, he ask you to take you to the pool so you do simming."

"Oh, thanks Marcia. Say, do you have any flippers?"

"No Meester Eby, I am cleener maid, not dolphin fish."

"No, no, I mean, the things you put on your feet for swimming."

"I check."

Meanwhile, a couple hours later....

"Marcia, Mon, what happened to the rudder pedals in my airplane?"

"Meester Kowsky needed the rudder pedals so he could do simming!"

I wish the front office staff was dressed like they were yesterday. Damn. I mean.... damn.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish the front office staff was dressed like they were yesterday. Damn. I mean.... damn.
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Granted. Unfortunately the post walk-of-shame funk has intensified to unimaginable levels, so now your eyes water whenever you see them or get near them blurring your view of them.

I wish I got more sleep last night...
 
kclimie said:
Granted. Unfortunately the post walk-of-shame funk has intensified to unimaginable levels, so now your eyes water whenever you see them or get near them blurring your view of them.

I wish I got more sleep last night...
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Granted, after you got your drunk on in the local pub and picked a fight with Bubba, they threw you both in a cell to cool off. You were sleeping quite well until Bubba woke up with his morning ...

I wish I could wake up and get some work done this morning.
 
Granted. But you're the work that Bubba is getting done in the morning. That wakes you up pretty nice.

I wish to catch a fish this morning.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted. But you're the work that Bubba is getting done in the morning. That wakes you up pretty nice.

I wish to catch a fish this morning.
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Granted. Shoulda found a fishing spot a little bit further away from that sewer outfall. You managed to hook a ginormous brown trout. Bon apetit.

I wish I were sipping a beer right now. Too early in the morning though.
 
Too early in the morning???? It's 19:30 where you are!!!
Anyway, you decide your barley oat cereal needs some more barley, and replace the milk with beer. The commut e to work doesn't go so well because the cops see you swerving after 3 bowls of cereal, and you end up posting a thread on POA about how much this DUI will screw up your medical.

I wish my parents would pay for all of my flying.
 
ebykowsky said:
Too early in the morning???? It's 19:30 where you are!!!
Anyway, you decide your barley oat cereal needs some more barley, and replace the milk with beer. The commut e to work doesn't go so well because the cops see you swerving after 3 bowls of cereal, and you end up posting a thread on POA about how much this DUI will screw up your medical.

I wish my parents would pay for all of my flying.
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No sir, it was 09:30 a.m. where I am. And it's pretty much impossible to get a DUI here too, at least I've never heard of it.

But anyway, granted, they pay for all of your flying. You get reimbursed gas money to "fly" to the store, "fly" to the neighbors to borrow flour, "fly" to Aunt Sally to give her some roses, e.g. "I'll buy you fly."

I wish one of the front office staff would kindly make a coffee run for me.
 
Sac Arrow said:
No sir, it was 09:30 a.m. where I am. And it's pretty much impossible to get a DUI here too, at least I've never heard of it.

But anyway, granted, they pay for all of your flying. You get reimbursed gas money to "fly" to the store, "fly" to the neighbors to borrow flour, "fly" to Aunt Sally to give her some roses, e.g. "I'll buy you fly."

I wish one of the front office staff would kindly make a coffee run for me.
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Cool! Sounds like they must have gotten me a helicopter then! So where in the world are you?

Granted. The finely dressed front office staff organizes the 1st annual coffee run, an event that requires you to run a 5k while holding a cup of hot coffee. After having drank a few cups already, your jittery hands spill it all over your crotch.

I wish John221us would stop smoking pot in his Bob Marley costume then posting about it anonymously on POA. He should have learned when he got busted on the AOPA forum as Cessnapilot01d.
 
ebykowsky said:
Cool! Sounds like they must have gotten me a helicopter then! So where in the world are you?

Granted. The finely dressed front office staff organizes the 1st annual coffee run, an event that requires you to run a 5k while holding a cup of hot coffee. After having drank a few cups already, your jittery hands spill it all over your crotch.

I wish John221us would stop smoking pot in his Bob Marley costume then posting about it anonymously on POA. He should have learned when he got busted on the AOPA forum as Cessnapilot01d.
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Some place in the general vicinity of the South China sea.

Granted. John221us should have realized that once the AOPA board found out he flew a Cherokee 140, he couldn't pawn himself off as Cessnapilot01d. AOPA punished him by changing his username to Cesspoolpilot01d and he didn't care for that either so he came over to the POA.

Since he couldn't dress like Bob Marley anymore, he's forced to dress like Willy Nelson. He still smokes that endo weed, but instead of playing Reggae music at party gatherings he plays Country music, which has depressing themes. You liked Rastajohn better than Willyjohn.

I wish I could dress like a Jamaican. I'd be a hit at the local bars. On second thought, no, that would probably scare the locals.
 
Granted, your rasta wig is not quite the hit you thought it would be though they start calling you Doobie Arrow at work and the front office girls speak much slower to you. You find yourself getting the munchies just wearing the wig and you put on 15 lbs eating potatoe chips.

I wish it won't be foggy tomorrow morning in San Jose, so I can fly.
 
John221us said:
Granted, your rasta wig is not quite the hit you thought it would be though they start calling you Doobie Arrow at work and the front office girls speak much slower to you. You find yourself getting the munchies just wearing the wig and you put on 15 lbs eating potatoe chips.

I wish it won't be foggy tomorrow morning in San Jose, so I can fly.
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"Mr Dubois, what do I need to do to make it not foggy tomorrow?"

"Ya mon, gather a severed goat head, bite a chicken's neck off, necrophiliate a deceased woman from the grave and bring me a bottle of Heitz Cellars Reserve Cabernet, 1992."

"You want me to bring you a goat head, chicken body, deceased woman and a bottle of wine?"

"Hell no mon just the wine, thank you."

Next day....

Phone rings.... "Mr. Dubois you said it wasn't going to be foggy today!"

"No mon, I said it wouldn't be foggy so you could fly. Where you call from?"

"Uh....Placer County jail. The whole necrophiliation thing didn't go so well."

"I rest my case mon. Pay me in full tomorrow."

I wish I could corrupt a wish today, instead of tomorrow. It's already tomorrow where I am and I'm corrupting today's wish.

Damn this airport lounge has some good **** to eat and drink.
 
Granted, today is now tomorrow, since it took me so long to post. I'm betting, that due to jet lag, you either won't be able to process this, or you will just sleep until tomorrow, which will no longer be today.

I wish that I could get my Fiat back. It was supposed to be today and now he is saying Monday (something about someone calling in sick). This is getting old.
 
Granted mon. The mechanic sends you the back of your Fiat. Good luck finding the front!

I wish I had another week of break.
 
When do you go to Italy?

Granted, while trying to drag your bass boat out of the water, you slip and break your leg, so technically you have 6 more weeks of "break".

I wish flying my son home for break didn't land on the day of my Flyin to Columbia. Oh well, just more flying that day, bummer ;)
 
We head to Italy mid to late May. My dad was even nice enough to lend me enough miles for a 1st class upgrade :)

Granted; your son decides he doesn't want a break after he hears what your idea of a break is. His legs remain safely at college along with the rest of his body, but he decides not to come home again.

I wish my parents would pick me up from college in a family airplane.
 
ebykowsky said:
We head to Italy mid to late May. My dad was even nice enough to lend me enough miles for a 1st class upgrade :)

Granted; your son decides he doesn't want a break after he hears what your idea of a break is. His legs remain safely at college along with the rest of his body, but he decides not to come home again.

I wish my parents would pick me up from college in a family airplane.
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"Son, we pick you up in aeroplane familia! Prepare to lose a small finger in the exchange"

"But, I'm eybykowski, familia."

"Eybykowski not good Italiano name"

"Soooooo"

"Sever penis! Not procreate! Drink much wine and..."

Ah forget it. Have a good time dude. Don't worry about those stuck up Italians. John will take care of them.

I wish I could have stayed an extra week. This food sucks here. Imma turn in to WF Fields eating this crap.
 
Granted, you drink a little too much at the pub and start a fight, so they throw you in the tank with Bubbasan for a week.

I wish I could go to Maui next week.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you drink a little too much at the pub and start a fight, so they throw you in the tank with Bubbasan for a week.

I wish I could go to Maui next week.
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Call center service somewhere deep within Mumbai, India....

"Good... Afternoon to you sir, Starcrest travel agency, Ken-neth speaking, how may ve helvp you?"

"Uh, yeah, I'd like to book a week's stay in Maui."

"Are you very certain, sir?"

"Yes, I'm sure." (Maybe that should have been your first clue?)

"Okay, veddy well. Let me get some informations please...."

Three days later....

"Where the hell am I? This don't look like no Maui to me!"

"You are in Mali, passport and visa please."

You hand him a credit card. "I didn't bring my passport."

"What's this? Are you trying to bribe a North African official?"

"Well you said..."

"Are you French? You look French!"

"No, I'm just your average white guy from America!"

"Seize him!" Congratulations, you just earned a six month stay in Mali interred as a political prisoner. Even Bubba would cringe at some of the things they do to you.

I wish Starbucks was open now. I need some coffee.
 
Granted; you overdose on caffeine be 7 in the morning and pass out on the floor of Starbucks after having several YouTube worthy videos taken of you doing wild stuff. They all go viral before you come out of the caffeine induced coma.

I wish it were shorter than a 9 hour drive back to college.
 
ebykowsky said:
Granted; you overdose on caffeine be 7 in the morning and pass out on the floor of Starbucks after having several YouTube worthy videos taken of you doing wild stuff. They all go viral before you come out of the caffeine induced coma.

I wish it were shorter than a 9 hour drive back to college.
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Granted. "It" is now four inches at maximum extension. You earn the nickname "stubbie" in your dorm complex.

I wish St Patrick's day didn't fall on a Sunday this year. This is hella awkward. Although, truth be told, I avoid bars like the plague on St. Paddy's day anyhow - homie don't do intense crowds and DUI patrols.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted. "It" is now four inches at maximum extension. You earn the nickname "stubbie" in your dorm complex.

I wish St Patrick's day didn't fall on a Sunday this year. This is hella awkward. Although, truth be told, I avoid bars like the plague on St. Paddy's day anyhow - homie don't do intense crowds and DUI patrols.
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You could always ride your bicycle. Oh wait, they give DUIs for that too around here.

Granted, scientists at the last minute to move the calendar back a day to account for a previous discrepancy in calculating leap year. Businesses lose billions of dollars in lost revenue and because it was your wish, you become a pariah and can't leave your house and the only food you can get delivered is pizza. Because of the lack of exercise and your new diet, you soon become so obese that you are bed ridden and require a full time nurse, but no, she does not provide you any favors. She hates her job and can't wait to leave at the end of the day. Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

I wish there weren't a bunch of sheep blocking my running trail (the bring them in to shorten the weeds).
 
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