Vent Thread - II

saracelica

saracelica

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saracelica
I couldn't find the other vent thread so I thought I'd do a new one.

Married into a family 3 years ago. Everyone was pretty into what they want to do so I go along with anything. The cousins (my husband is one of them) and then there are 3 other girls go in together and get the grandparents something nice. :) The last two years the cousins went in with the kids of the grandparents to buy some 3rd world country family a goat and chickens. Then the grandfather passed away. So the kids of the grandmother decided they wanted to do their own thing and told the cousins we were on our own. Fine. So last year I sugggested we do pictures (nothing fancy but 4 pictures in a frame would be nice for her - she is 91 then) Nope got vetoed they decided to go with a pandora bracelet. Great...let's all go out and get $25 or more little charm for someone in their 90's! But my husband and I went to Jared's and said "We need a Pandora charm - one of the cheaper ones" he pulled out the display and groaned we both looked for maybe 30 seconds and said "That blue one is nice" my husband agreed we went and paid for it and the sales clerk said "That was the quickest sale ever!!" :) Grandma loved it or at least says she does - I haven't seen her wear it since. This year it was decided to do another charm to "help fill it up" Fine. The kids of the mother are getting her a new microwave! The mother loves the current one (it was one that the deceased spouse and her chose) and it still works. But one of the kids (my husband's aunt) doesn't like it. So this poor lady is getting somethings she doesn't want or need! Love the holidays!
 
Sorry,it's never good when the old are treated like children. Did anyone ever think to ask the grandmother , what she might like. I'm sure a new microwave was at the top of her list.
 
She just wants us together. She likes when the great grandkids give her "drawings" :) She needs no material items...hence why I suggested a picture she can at least hang up. My grandfather always asked for a big basket of candies/chocolate. By Easter it'd be gone and I could restock him. Near the end he wasn't interested in getting anything. My parents (70's) are getting to the point of "don't buy anything for me - come visit" This year they asked for some Sanders hot fudge. :)
 
saracelica said:
She just wants us together. She likes when the great grandkids give her "drawings" :) She needs no material items...hence why I suggested a picture she can at least hang up. My grandfather always asked for a big basket of candies/chocolate. By Easter it'd be gone and I could restock him. Near the end he wasn't interested in getting anything. My parents (70's) are getting to the point of "don't buy anything for me - come visit" This year they asked for some Sanders hot fudge. :)
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All of my older relatives, and now me too, don't generally want "things". We have all the things we can stand, or if we really want something we buy it. And if somebody gives us something, we have to get rid of something else that we like to make room for it. Without exception we all want something we can eat or drink, or we want to do something together.

When somebody asks me what I want for Christmas this year, I tell them I want a Mooney or an invitation to dinner. I get a lot of invitations.
 
A good bottle of bourbon,some chocolate and a weekly phone call is more than enough.
 
My parents are 76 and 72, my sister and I usually get them something small, they have everything they ever wanted. As a family we decided years ago to just buy for the kids, now the youngest is 18, it's basically a gift card swap.:rolleyes:
I agree that most folks as they get older would prefer to spend the time with their kids and grand kids vs a new microwave.;)
saracelica said:
She just wants us together. She likes when the great grandkids give her "drawings" :) She needs no material items...hence why I suggested a picture she can at least hang up. My grandfather always asked for a big basket of candies/chocolate. By Easter it'd be gone and I could restock him. Near the end he wasn't interested in getting anything. My parents (70's) are getting to the point of "don't buy anything for me - come visit" This year they asked for some Sanders hot fudge. :)
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saracelica said:
She just wants us together. She likes when the great grandkids give her "drawings" :) She needs no material items...hence why I suggested a picture she can at least hang up. My grandfather always asked for a big basket of candies/chocolate. By Easter it'd be gone and I could restock him. Near the end he wasn't interested in getting anything. My parents (70's) are getting to the point of "don't buy anything for me - come visit" This year they asked for some Sanders hot fudge. :)
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That's pretty much where we are, we would like some thing home made rather that material things we didn't buy for ourselves because we really didn't want them.
 
Everskyward said:
I had to Google "Pandora charms". :redface:
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First ads I saw for Pandora were on the Christmas tv figure skating shows last year at dinner with friends. The hostess is a former skater and now designs costumes for skaters & dance companies. Unanimous decision at the table - ugly. Cannot believe how ugly those things are. Pandora opened a couple retail stores in Colorado this past year and I'm astonished how well the stores are doing.
 
murphey said:
Pandora opened a couple retail stores in Colorado this past year and I'm astonished how well the stores are doing.
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You mean they have whole stores dedicated to selling those things? Oh my...
 
Time. Give the gift of time. Visit them at Christmas, visit them as often as you can.

Mom's been gone 3.5 years now, and Dad a little over a year. The holidays have lost a lot of meaning for me in some ways. Give the gift of time, I wish I had given more. You won't regret it.
 
Bill Jennings said:
Time. Give the gift of time. Visit them at Christmas, visit them as often as you can.

Mom's been gone 3.5 years now, and Dad a little over a year. The holidays have lost a lot of meaning for me in some ways. Give the gift of time, I wish I had given more. You won't regret it.
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Amen!
 
Bill Jennings said:
Time. Give the gift of time. Visit them at Christmas, visit them as often as you can.

Mom's been gone 3.5 years now, and Dad a little over a year. The holidays have lost a lot of meaning for me in some ways. Give the gift of time, I wish I had given more. You won't regret it.
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This, times a thousand.

I deeply, profoundly, wish I had recognized this before my folks were gone.

And, as I am in the process of moving from a larger home into a smaller one, I understand what they meant when they said, "I don't need anything for Christmas!"
 
SCCutler said:
I deeply, profoundly, wish I had recognized this before my folks were gone.

And, as I am in the process of moving from a larger home into a smaller one, I understand what they meant when they said, "I don't need anything for Christmas!"
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I didn't recognize this when Mom was sick, but did the last year for Dad. I went back as often as I could. That meant using most of my vacation, that meant not flying much as I was using Delta and US Airways, they can hold a schedule. Glad that I did, wish I could have done more.

Like you, we are going smaller, building a house downtown. I will be trading a 40-50min each way commute to the 'burbs for a 3mi bicycle ride and being able to walk to over 30 restaurants and bars. We will have to significantly de-cruft, and I am looking forward to it!

After spending 2 weeks going thru my parents place, I don't wish that upon our daughter.
 
I'm happy to say that's one of the things we've been pretty good at as a family. My brother and I always stopped by to see our parents once a week or so, almost every day when mom was sick. Now we meet dad for breakfast every 2 weeks for a couple of hours on Saturday morning. And we always get together on December 24, the whole family, at dad's farm and spend the day talking and eating and finally part ways around midnight. It's our favorite day of the year.

Sorry, this was supposed to be a rant thread. Sara, if you're asking for advice, which I know you're not, but here goes anyway...go with the flow on the gifts. A few years from now you won't even remember being miffed.
 
Gerhardt said:
I'm happy to say that's one of the things we've been pretty good at as a family. My brother and I always stopped by to see our parents once a week or so, almost every day when mom was sick. Now we meet dad for breakfast every 2 weeks for a couple of hours on Saturday morning.
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Good on ya! For me, things were complicated by the 650mi distance between us.
 
Bill Jennings said:
Time. Give the gift of time. Visit them at Christmas, visit them as often as you can.

Mom's been gone 3.5 years now, and Dad a little over a year. The holidays have lost a lot of meaning for me in some ways. Give the gift of time, I wish I had given more. You won't regret it.
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To foot stomp this. It's highly unlikely you'll regret spending time with your Mom and Dad.

There are a few things I regret doing, but spending time helping Mom and Dad is not one of them.
 
I like this conversation I think I got people talking/thinking for once!

I am going with the flow but I did just want to vent. My in-laws are a whole different breed then my family. MY family is about seeing each other and his is material items.
 
I'm having a bit of a hard time following this:

1. Grandma wanted some goats and chickens.

2. Instead Grandma got a Pandora bracelet, but she is okay with it.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I'm having a bit of a hard time following this:

1. Grandma wanted some goats and chickens.

2. Instead Grandma got a Pandora bracelet, but she is okay with it.
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All female family dynamics stuff. We don't want any part of it.
 
saracelica said:
My parents (70's) are getting to the point of "don't buy anything for me - come visit" This year they asked for some Sanders hot fudge. :)
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We're not that old, but I know exactly where your parents are coming from. My wife was asking me last night what I wanted for Christmas and I couldn't come up with a single thing. I have a small number of items for her. Now, our kids? They'll do alright, especially our daughter for two reasons. One - she's insanely easy to shop for. Two (and most important) - she's expecting twins in July and you can imagine where that is leading. :D:D:D:D
 
Good point Mr Thorpe. They are a bunch of criers and huggers. When the grandpa died (in the hospice bed) I was grateful that one of them had a small baby I could hold so that the parents could hug each other. I only cried when the pastor read about grandparents...but it was for my own grandfather who passed the year prior.

I went to Jared's and said "What's the cheapest Pandora bead you have" I have one now that cost me $25. I'm happy with it.
 
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