The truth of being maried w/ kids exposed....

I have 6 siblings, including a sister. When someone would ask Dad how many kids he had, he would say, "I have 6 sons, and they each have a sister." You could see them starting to do the calculation, and then they'd realize we were 7, total.

My YF and I got married too late to have kids. I was between jobs at the time, and I thought getting married then was a little risky, but it has worked out. My in-laws lost their shirts in the Great Recession, even though he was a retired B of A VP. We (mostly I) bought them a house in a Silicon Valley bedroom community. So far, that house has appreciated a lot more than any airplane I could have afforded would have.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
When Laurie and I got married I told her she didn't have to take my last name, and warned her that she would be doomed to listen to mispronunciations the rest of her life if she did.
Click to expand...

When folks ask how to pronounce your name, do you reply with ''Smith''.??
 
"No, no, no - it's spelt Raymond Luxury Yach-t, but it's pronounced 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'."
 
hindsight2020 said:
That's a false dichotomy. Just because I decided not to follow some Bible-driven version of family planning (aka let the invisible man in the sky "tell me" when to stop impregnating my wife and racking up the dependents count) doesn't mean I'm gonna short the one kid I do have the funds for the proverbial cancer treatment because that would get in the way of my airplane upgrade. Good bad or indifferent, line items affect the ledger, and dependents are no different. If I have more, there's less left over to cover. For multi-child households to get sanctimonious and assert True Scotman fallacies on single-child or no-child households goes beyond the pale for me.
Click to expand...
It’s strange you speak against sanctimony.
You attribute a lot to this post that isn’t there. No false dichotomy, no fallacy, and no reference to biblical values. Without an objective standard, his values are just as valid as yours, but you criticized his. Which interestingly enough, assumes the objective standard it appears you want to dismiss.
 
My first name is reasonably common, unisex, but can be spelled several different ways.

When I have to give my name to the fast food cashier, I use Tom. It's not my name but it's one syllable and easy for them to punch into the register. You ever have the fast food cashier ask you how to spell your name, like it friggin matters that Chick-fil-A has the spelling correct?
 
Cooter said:
It’s strange you speak against sanctimony.
You attribute a lot to this post that isn’t there. No false dichotomy, no fallacy, and no reference to biblical values. Without an objective standard, his values are just as valid as yours, but you criticized his. Which interestingly enough, assumes the objective standard it appears you want to dismiss.
Click to expand...
BTW, my kids are one of my greatest joys in this life. I wouldn’t trade that for any career or hobby. Those don’t necessarily conflict but where they do, the kids come first and it’s a privilege.
 
Cooter said:
It’s strange you speak against sanctimony.
You attribute a lot to this post that isn’t there. No false dichotomy, no fallacy, and no reference to biblical values. Without an objective standard, his values are just as valid as yours, but you criticized his. Which interestingly enough, assumes the objective standard it appears you want to dismiss.
Click to expand...

Fair point, my objection could have been stated without reference to religion. That wasnt the point of my objection. What I meant to highlight was the criticism of having one child by multi child households. Turns out the poster I referenced also has one child, so we re good. All I wanted to highlight was that the choice of not having more children in order to afford discretion in other aspects of in life doesn't imply that I would not exercise due diligence in investing on the one I do have. That's where my caution against false dichotomies stem from.

I didn't mean to attribute religious motivations to the poster. I did introduce that topic based on the objections those of multi children households have cast onto my choice to only have one child citing economic reasons. They have done so under a religious banner I don't subscribe to. I apologize for the confusion. To be clear the poster didn't inject that.
 
hindsight2020 said:
Fair point, my objection could have been stated without reference to religion. That wasnt the point of my objection. What I meant to highlight was the criticism of having one child by multi child households. Turns out the poster I referenced also has one child, so we re good. All I wanted to highlight was that the choice of not having more children in order to afford discretion in other aspects of in life doesn't imply that I would not exercise due diligence in investing on the one I do have. That's where my caution against false dichotomies stem from.

I didn't mean to attribute religious motivations to the poster. I did introduce that topic based on the objections those of multi children households have cast onto my choice to only have one child citing economic reasons. They have done so under a religious banner I don't subscribe to. I apologize for the confusion. To be clear the poster didn't inject that.
Click to expand...
I agree most who promote a “full quiver” do so from a religious perspective, so I understand the assumption. It can be annoying.
I love my kids. My wife and I would’ve had more if we could, but it’s not for everybody. If you don’t want them, don’t have them. If you do have them, man up and raise them right. Sounds like we mostly agree, but references to logic are kind of a trigger for me.;)
 
Ted DuPuis said:
When our son was born he had to spend the first couple days in the NICU due to "an abundance of caution." Next to him was a baby born to a drug addict who had to be given methadone. At first they asked Laurie and me to leave the room when they were talking about the kid's care but once the nurses realized we weren't going to blab or cause problems they didn't ask us to leave, just spoke quietly. Still I picked up enough to figure out what was going on.

I still think about that kid. It was hard for both of us to see.
Click to expand...
J has taken care of so many drug babies, NICU can be a very heart warming and gut wrenching profession.

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ted
DaleB said:
Pretty much, yes. And we've heard it a thousand times, so it's annoying. Occasionally when it's one of the little old ladies, I'll tell them, "Yes, we did, and we enjoyed it so much we kept doing it."

We also got a lot of "Are you Catholic? No? Oh, Mormon?" Seriously.
Click to expand...

This is exactly how I feel about people asking us when we're going to ever have kids (answer: never), or thinking that the answer to any temporary boredom, burnout, or lack of purpose, however fleeting, is to fill our home with crotchfruits.

Nobody has ever said "If you don't have children, you don't understand" to me. That's because I never inquire about peoples' children in the first place, and am not trying to understand anything about them. They're uninteresting, have been done to death (literally, based on my own observations around the world), and seem to dominate (or suffocate) the lives of those I know who have them.

I'd have asked Mormon before Catholic these days, though. Unless you're brown. :D
 
Cooter said:
BTW, my kids are one of my greatest joys in this life. I wouldn’t trade that for any career or hobby. Those don’t necessarily conflict but where they do, the kids come first and it’s a privilege.
Click to expand...

Funny, those of us with kids dont need an itemized list of why we have them.

Those who dont otoh have a litany of reasons ready to go the moment someone prompts them.

schmookeeg said:
This is exactly how I feel about people asking us when we're going to ever have kids (answer: never), or thinking that the answer to any temporary boredom, burnout, or lack of purpose, however fleeting, is to fill our home with crotchfruits.

Nobody has ever said "If you don't have children, you don't understand" to me. That's because I never inquire about peoples' children in the first place, and am not trying to understand anything about them. They're uninteresting, have been done to death (literally, based on my own observations around the world), and seem to dominate (or suffocate) the lives of those I know who have them.

I'd have asked Mormon before Catholic these days, though. Unless you're brown. :D
Click to expand...
 
Fiveslide said:
My first name is reasonably common, unisex, but can be spelled several different ways.

When I have to give my name to the fast food cashier, I use Tom. It's not my name but it's one syllable and easy for them to punch into the register. You ever have the fast food cashier ask you how to spell your name, like it friggin matters that Chick-fil-A has the spelling correct?
Click to expand...
I don't care for Five as a first name. Sorry, try again. And I do not think it is all that common. LOL
 
weilke said:
Funny, those of us with kids dont need an itemized list of why we have them.

Those who dont otoh have a litany of reasons ready to go the moment someone prompts them.
Click to expand...

Probably because society tends to look at people who don't have kids funny and so they're used to defending it.

I remember when I was single the old folks in the family would ask when I was going to get married. Same thing - what's to say I would even get married? I responded with "When are you going to die?"
 
Ted DuPuis said:
Probably because society tends to look at people who don't have kids funny and so they're used to defending it.
Click to expand...

Like vegans and the godless they just can't stop until you affirm their choices.

I remember when I was single the old folks in the family would ask when I was going to get married. Same thing - what's to say I would even get married? I responded with "When are you going to die?"
Click to expand...

'Oh Auntie, I am just waiting for the right one. When I find her and get married, you will be the first to know!'
 
I guess the perspective of growing up in the '60s makes me wonder why anyone would question or even raise an eyebrow over the number of children a family had.

Parents of big families were considered brave and hardworking and seemed, out of necessity, to be more dedicated to their kids' futures.

Also, we grew up more aware of foreign languages because they were taught in school. There was no doubt how Doo-pwee was pronounced! ;)
 
I speak enough French to survive in French-speaking areas, but am not fluent by any measure. I would have thought it was "dooPWEE" rather than "DOOpwee."
 
DaleB said:
We also got a lot of "Are you Catholic? No? Oh, Mormon?" Seriously
Click to expand...
Anyone ever ask if you're Amish? I'm young and don't have a wife or kid's yet but hope to have both in the future.
 
weilke said:
Like vegans and the godless they just can't stop until you affirm their choices.
Click to expand...

No doubt, some folks are certainly very bad about it, and I think the poster above was a bit overboard.

'Oh Auntie, I am just waiting for the right one. When I find her and get married, you will be the first to know!'
Click to expand...

Or what if I just didn't want to get married? For a while I was fairly certain I wouldn't and didn't want to. No different than not having kids.

Point is, it's nobody else's business, and when people keep on asking questions "Why don't you have kids?" "When are you going to have kids?" "When're you going to get married already?" it does get tiring.
 
schmookeeg said:
This is exactly how I feel about people asking us when we're going to ever have kids (answer: never), or thinking that the answer to any temporary boredom, burnout, or lack of purpose, however fleeting, is to fill our home with crotchfruits.

Nobody has ever said "If you don't have children, you don't understand" to me. That's because I never inquire about peoples' children in the first place, and am not trying to understand anything about them. They're uninteresting, have been done to death (literally, based on my own observations around the world), and seem to dominate (or suffocate) the lives of those I know who have them.

I'd have asked Mormon before Catholic these days, though. Unless you're brown. :D
Click to expand...

I don't think I've ever heard that phrase directed at someone who didn't have children as a justification for why they were "wrong" about not wanting to have children. I've always heard it in the context of discussing someone's feelings about children before vs after they had them. Or if they were speaking to someone who was "on the fence" about having children.
 
SoonerAviator said:
I don't think I've ever heard that phrase directed at someone who didn't have children as a justification for why they were "wrong" about not wanting to have children. I've always heard it in the context of discussing someone's feelings about children before vs after they had them. Or if they were speaking to someone who was "on the fence" about having children.
Click to expand...

To be fair, I have noted that new parents (while they are being sleep deprived, covered in puke, pee, and poo, and probably internally questioning their own decisions) have a tendency to talk in excess about how much they love their kids and wouldn't trade them for anything, especially to people who have no kids of their own. Human nature is to justify your own decisions.

I suspect that most parents who claim they've never questioned their decisions aren't being honest with themselves or others. Parenting is not for everyone. Neither of my parents should have been parents.
 
weilke said:
Like vegans and the godless they just can't stop until you affirm their choices.
Click to expand...

Or like some of us, getting married late in life and wife having health issues that prevented it that we didn't nail down until our late 40's meant that we paid for 2 college educations and a whole lot of other stuff for nephews and nieces we love and enjoy. Had we found each other earlier who knows what would have happened but we live the life we're dealt and make the best of it.
 
asicer said:
I'm pretty sure my parents would have been happier if I were never born. Probably not just my parents either. :)
Click to expand...

I'm quite certain my parents would've been happier without me.
 
I pretty much sacrificed all my money, time and sanity for my kids until they completed their degrees. They turned out to be great citizens and have awesome memories from their childhoods.

That's why I now have a few spare moments to waste time yakking with fellow sympathizers on hobbyist forums. Still don't have much money, though.
 
IK04 said:
I pretty much sacrificed all my money, time and sanity for my kids until they completed their degrees. They turned out to be great citizens and have awesome memories from their childhoods.

That's why I now have a few spare moments to waste time yakking with fellow sympathizers on hobbyist forums. Still don't have much money, though.
Click to expand...
Your treasure is in your children, and your memories of raising them. Ran across a reference to Proverb 23:5 on another thread on this board.
 
Last edited:
weilke said:
Like vegans and the godless they just can't stop until you affirm their choices.

'Oh Auntie, I am just waiting for the right one. When I find her and get married, you will be the first to know!'
Click to expand...

Heh. I feel like I owe you a check for some internet psychotherapy or something. :confused:

It's an interesting subject to me, actually, (probably why I read these things to begin with) but more in the FOMO sense. "Why is everyone else into this thing that I'm not into?" -- my sister just had her first kid a few months ago, so I'm watching the process up close lately, and it's top of mind.

Similarly, and not to compare these experiences, I've attempted to enjoy Marijuana a few times now, and get zero buzz or enjoyment. I don't understand how people build entire lifestyles around the stuff.

If I'm trying to affirm anything, it's exactly what my defect is. Sorry if I came off as... over the top? I wasn't trying to shove an oar or stance in where I'm unqualified. The "I'm tired of being asked about why I have so many kids" story resonated a feeling with me.

I'll go back to planes now, where I belong. :D
 
schmookeeg said:
It's an interesting subject to me, actually, (probably why I read these things to begin with) but more in the FOMO sense. "Why is everyone else into this thing that I'm not into?" -- my sister just had her first kid a few months ago, so I'm watching the process up close lately, and it's top of mind.
Click to expand...
FOMO, has to look that up as I’d never heard of it.

Kids are a sacrifice, I don’t think anyone would tell you different. There’s no doubt you give something up, even bad parenting requires a lot of work. So the question is why giving up your own interest for the benefit of others brings satisfaction to some but not to all.
 
My son is the greatest gift anyone ever gave me save my Mom. Wouldn't trade him for all the "freedom" that being childless supposedly carries. Now if I could just get him to call me. Or even answer his cell. That I pay for.

 
Ted DuPuis said:
Or what if I just didn't want to get married? For a while I was fairly certain I wouldn't and didn't want to. No different than not having kids.

Point is, it's nobody else's business, and when people keep on asking questions "Why don't you have kids?" "When are you going to have kids?" "When're you going to get married already?" it does get tiring.
Click to expand...

The scenario involved elderly relatives. The answer remains the same whatever the nosey question. All delivered with a smile. A couple of my mom's 'permanent bachelor' cousins kept giving that answer. We are talking folks born in the 1920s. Only after they were gone, we came across the traces of their alternate life in the West Village ;-)

If anyone who is not in the elderly relative category , the answer is 'none o your forking business' with the degree of rudeness adjusted to how close the person is to your boss.
 
Last edited:
weilke said:
The scenario involved elderly relatives. The answer remains the same whatever the nosey question. If anyone who is not in the elderly relative category , the answer is 'nons o your forking business' with the degree of rudeness adjusted to how close the person is to your boss.
Click to expand...

As you may have guessed, I don't much care for my extended family, and never have. Once my mom dies, I find it unlikely I will ever talk to them again.

Edit: It's also worth noting that the truly old ones for whom death was imminent didn't ask and thus didn't get the response (and they were generally nicer anyway so I wouldn't have said that), it was mostly the nosy middle aged folks who I had issues with. But when I was 20, they were old to me, and calling them such often did a good job of making them shut up. :)
 
Last edited:
FormerHangie said:
Never had an atheist or a vegan knock on my door and try to convert me. Can't say the same about Jehovah's Witnesses or LDS church missionaries.
Click to expand...

There may be regional differences, but I have never had a problem getting them to move on to my neighbors house. He is a seventh day Adventist missionary and managed to snag some of their souls :)

The rabid vegans and atheists are a bigger problem if you encounter them, however transiently , in your social circle.
 
Ted DuPuis said:
I remember when I was single the old folks in the family would ask when I was going to get married. Same thing - what's to say I would even get married? I responded with "When are you going to die?"
Click to expand...

Funny thing, most of my older relatives who asked me when I was getting married had already passed away before I got married.

I wanted to get married starting in my late 20s but every American girl I ever met turned nuts or crazy sometime during the romance, or demanded I change to suit their wants. None of that worked for me so I had to marry someone from out of the country. Actually at 50 I had decided that meeting and dating women from all over the world was pretty exciting and I would never get married. Then I met the girl that became my wife and after 9 days we decided that we should get married. Of course it took a year to get her here and get married but after 9 years we are still going strong.!!
 
Zeldman said:
Funny thing, most of my older relatives who asked me when I was getting married had already passed away before I got married.

I wanted to get married starting in my late 20s but every American girl I ever met turned nuts or crazy sometime during the romance, or demanded I change to suit their wants. None of that worked for me so I had to marry someone from out of the country. Actually at 50 I had decided that meeting and dating women from all over the world was pretty exciting and I would never get married. Then I met the girl that became my wife and after 9 days we decided that we should get married. Of course it took a year to get her here and get married but after 9 years we are still going strong.!!
Click to expand...

All depends on the attitudes of the people going in. My aunt's brother-in-law knew my aunt's sister for 2 weeks before proposing, they got married shortly thereafter, and were married for 50 years.
 
Neither my wife nor I ever wanted kids, and I got the snip-snip a few years ago to prevent any mistakes. I always make the joke that I will die cold and alone, and someone responded once and said there are plenty of people with kids that die cold and alone. I understand why people want kids, and people with kids understand why we don't want them. My niece and nephew are getting everything once we pass to the great litter box in the sky, and I remind them all the time they have to be nice to us or else they are out of the will. So far it seems to be working.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top