Someone **** on the wall today at work.

He once came to visit my office and left his "drink" on my desk.
It was actually a cup of his urine.

I found him and threw it at him.
I won that day.
 
SixPapaCharlie said:
Me
We are idiots and try to "out awkward" one another.

We happened to be in the men's room at the same time and he just faced directly at me and stared at me while he peed. It was awkward. Then I realized he was peeing on my shoes. He won that day.
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Reminds me of a college road trip late one Friday or Saturday night. We had to stop and get out - one guy found a tree and peed, I found a tree and peed, another guy found my leg and peed.

Your situation sounds "not right".
 
bartmc said:
So, I get back from lunch today and have this in my inbox.



So, my coworker was the first responder to the crime scene. He said it looked like a fecal matter Jackson Pollock painting. Said it really was a "biohazard" and not just a typical corporate America overreaction to a non issue. Another witness concurred. It appears that the perp had dropped trou and was attempting to install an ass gasket but the geyser erupted before he could get it installed.

Not sure How this happens but, I'm impressed. We have no leads on who done it.
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where do you work, GOOGLE?
 
I about died laughing at a friends house last weekend.

His 2 year old walks inside from the backyard smiling and asks for his poop treat. At the same time their golden retriever runs in with what looks like chocolate all over his head.

Well their son decided he needed to go and dropped his load on the lawn. :rofl::rofl: The dog found it a nice midday snack. :eek::no:

My friend gave his son double treats because it was so damn funny.
 
We had a employee that would destroy the ****ter every day after lunch, sometimes he made it to the toilet. We, management came up with a plan to catch him and it worked. We had Mexican food brought in for lunch, waited a half an hour and noticed one employee running to the ****ter, we caught him. Lucky for me I was senior, I didn't have to verify it.
 
Luvrv8 said:
We had a employee that would destroy the ****ter every day after lunch, sometimes he made it to the toilet. We, management came up with a plan to catch him and it worked. We had Mexican food brought in for lunch, waited a half an hour and noticed one employee running to the ****ter, we caught him. Lucky for me I was senior, I didn't have to verify it.
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And THAT'S how the chain of command works.
 
On the old carriers (CVA) the 1MC would announce the heads were closed, for blowing the tanks. There was always 1 sailor that did not understand that meant not to flush.

for you non sailors that meant the sewer tanks would be pressurized, and what ever was in the bowl would be blown out when you flushed.
 
[QUOTE

What color would crayola list that as?[/QUOTE]

Doodoo brown!
 
Tom-D said:
On the old carriers (CVA) the 1MC would announce the heads were closed, for blowing the tanks. There was always 1 sailor that did not understand that meant not to flush.

for you non sailors that meant the sewer tanks would be pressurized, and what ever was in the bowl would be blown out when you flushed.
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That's better than some work boat systems where every flush pressurized the system at the toilet and blows it to the tank. It works great, except that plumbing is typically neglected, and a Bono crap with paper clog can lead to 150PSI building up, and sometimes the joints or a rotten pipe will blow yack all over.
 
I have a friend who runs a grocery store. I stopped in one night he says come check out the security cameras. There is a guy in the produce section grabbing his ass cheek. Then he starts shaking his pant leg, and sure enough out rolls a Lincoln log right on the floor. He did this one other time before he got busted.
 
Years ago our local service guy went out to the company minivan on his way to a customer. He slid open the side door and found a big pile of **** just inside the door.

Best we could figure was the van had been unlocked and somebody stopped in during the night. Later that day, the boss's daughter confessed to using the van the night before and her dog, a really big dog, left it.
 
Henning said:
That's better than some work boat systems where every flush pressurized the system at the toilet and blows it to the tank. It works great, except that plumbing is typically neglected, and a Bono crap with paper clog can lead to 150PSI building up, and sometimes the joints or a rotten pipe will blow yack all over.
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When I was in the Navy and on aircraft carriers, you could smell (learn) which heads not to use because they had at one time had a "CHT" spill. When I was ship's company, I knew of one particular head on the USS Theodore Roosevelt that would usually have one spill per year at least. Talk about STINK! :yikes:

David
 
tree96 said:
I have a friend who runs a grocery store. I stopped in one night he says come check out the security cameras. There is a guy in the produce section grabbing his ass cheek. Then he starts shaking his pant leg, and sure enough out rolls a Lincoln log right on the floor. He did this one other time before he got busted.
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When I was in Viet Nam I watched a guy do this. He just stopped on the path and dropped his load and went his way. He was a GI by the way and we were back in base camp not in the boonies.
 
pmanton said:
When I was in Viet Nam I watched a guy do this. He just stopped on the path and dropped his load and went his way. He was a GI by the way and we were back in base camp not in the boonies.
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Visit India...it's a way of life there...
 
In college we went into the dorm bathroom, and saw a stall that we could not believe. It looked like someone stood at the door of the stall, dropped trau, bent over, and fired away. It was on the sides, the floor, and all up the back wall. I can't imagine how much pain that dude had to have been in with all that pressure built-up.
 
Things can get to a point where they just aren't funny:

I watched a guy running to the bathroom, physically trying to hold it in with one hand on his ass and the other frantically waving in front to clear people out of the way.

There was a time I was on a commuter train (Philadelphia maybe?) and some guy was begging the conductor to let him deal with his ostomy bag.

Another time I was flying into DFW, maybe on SWA, and we had been on one of those flights were turb was enough they wanted everyone to stay buckled up. As I walked past the agent desk I saw two folks with their 10-12 yo grandson asking where they could buy some dry pants for him. Kid just couldn't hold it in any longer.
 
Well. Looks like we have a full on conspiracy. Signs went up at work today saying to look out for suspicious activity. Everyone has been briefed during staff meetings. We have a serial shifter on our hands. This morning someone smeared **** on the walls. Last Thursday they filled the toilet wi th newspapers then **** on top of that.

The sign is hilarious but I'm forbidden from taking photos at work.
 
Was it the sports page? Or do you think he was showing his disagreement with an editorial?
 
bartmc said:
Well. Looks like we have a full on conspiracy. Signs went up at work today saying to look out for suspicious activity. Everyone has been briefed during staff meetings. We have a serial shifter on our hands. This morning someone smeared **** on the walls. Last Thursday they filled the toilet wi th newspapers then **** on top of that.

The sign is hilarious but I'm forbidden from taking photos at work.
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Video != photos
 
bartmc said:
Well. Looks like we have a full on conspiracy. Signs went up at work today saying to look out for suspicious activity. Everyone has been briefed during staff meetings. We have a serial shifter on our hands. This morning someone smeared **** on the walls. Last Thursday they filled the toilet wi th newspapers then **** on top of that.

The sign is hilarious but I'm forbidden from taking photos at work.
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Seriously?:rofl: Well, I guess if any company gets big enough, you get a nut job. Just hope he keeps it to poo flinging and doesn't go full postal.
 
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Unmonitored bathroom cam on 2 hr loop should suffice to catch the person.
 
Electronic swipe cards on the bathroom doors. Crap checks every hour. Then you can narrow it down a lot.
 
Henning said:
Seriously?:rofl: Well, I guess if any company gets big enough, you get a nut job. Just hope he keeps it to poo flinging and doesn't go full postal.
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13,000 people on campus each day. You'd be surprised what goes on.... or maybe you wouldn't.
 
tree96 said:
I have a friend who runs a grocery store. I stopped in one night he says come check out the security cameras. There is a guy in the produce section grabbing his ass cheek. Then he starts shaking his pant leg, and sure enough out rolls a Lincoln log right on the floor. He did this one other time before he got busted.
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That's nothing. A guy was arrested for taking a late night stroll down the produce isle p****ing on everything.
 
EdFred said:
Electronic swipe cards on the bathroom doors. Crap checks every hour. Then you can narrow it down a lot.
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Might as well have a built-in drug test at the urinal too. (especially for congress)
 
I used to work in a small village in Alaska. We didn't have walls around the outhouse..... And the seat was made of wood....with splinters. That's when you find out who your friends really are....:lol::lol::lol:
 
Zeldman said:
I used to work in a small village in Alaska. We didn't have walls around the outhouse..... And the seat was made of wood....with splinters. That's when you find out who your friends really are....:lol::lol::lol:
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Out in the villages I crapped on the ramps as much as possible. Especially in Tuluksak.
 
The world is his toilet, Spike. The world is his toilet.
 
I guess it's also one way to mark your territory. Did you stick a little Texas flag in it, too?
 
bartmc said:
So, I get back from lunch today and have this in my inbox.



So, my coworker was the first responder to the crime scene. He said it looked like a fecal matter Jackson Pollock painting. Said it really was a "biohazard" and not just a typical corporate America overreaction to a non issue. Another witness concurred. It appears that the perp had dropped trou and was attempting to install an ass gasket but the geyser erupted before he could get it installed.

Not sure How this happens but, I'm impressed. We have no leads on who done it.
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THANKS FOR THE LAUGH!!!!!
 
SCCutler said:
Why?

Inquiring minds and all that...
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Well, Tuluksak is the village where everyone has seen Bigfoot. They saw a lot of Bigfoot crap at the airport, too.

Besides, if you gotta go you're gonna be crapping in a bucket in half the villages out there anyways.
 
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