[rant]They need to make an app for that...[rant]

Discussion in 'Hangar Talk' started by Sac Arrow, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Okay like, so there I was right. The line of Precor AMT elliptical trainers was mostly full, so I pick the #2 machine, place my towel on it, and go to the locker room to stow my gym bag. When I get back, there is this stunning, gorgeous, Asian chick right there on the #3 machine. Perfect. 5' 6", thin but curvy, surgical marks still visible underneath her slightly larger than proportionate yellow sports bra. The little voice inside my head spoke. Dude that s*** is hella nice. Well she is preoccupied with texting on her phone more so than getting her cardio on. But that very act of manipulating her phone got me to thinking.

    That phone is an amazing device. All of her personal stuff is in it. Contacts, phone numbers, email addresses, her calendar, appointments, reminders, photos, all that stuff. And let's say that her phone departs her. Or she gets a new phone. All of that stuff can be transferred to the new phone in a minute. Think about HOW LONG it took to amass all that data. It's not lost. It's transferable from one phone to the next. There is an app for that.

    Okay. Think about this. What about relationships. You start out with the typical "Is that a Wen conditioner product in your hair (1)" or "Hey, I have a cute little puppy dog too, I Shih Tzu not (2)." You know, typical pickup lines. Then you go through days, weeks, even months of constant, laborious pecking, chipping, grinding, drilling and digging to get inside her psyche before you finally hit paydirt, and even then, we're talking about one out of every twenty attempts. That takes a long time and it's draining and then, at some point, she calls your bullshyte or things naturally come to an end or whatever. All that effort was lost. ALL THAT EFFORT WAS LOST! There needs to be an app for that.

    Yeah. So she's busy texting her boyfriend. See, the difference between him and me is that I'm right there beside her, and he's at home sitting on the commode trying to hide the texts from his wife. If I had the app, I'd just beam it over at her, and instantly, bam, there you go, pick up from where you left it off with the last one. No need for stupid pickup lines. No need to describe Uncle Vinny. No need to cyber stalk her so you can pretend to accidentally run in to her at work. No need to buy unnecessary canned goods so you can pretend to accidentally run in to her at the store. No need to let the air out of her tires so you can valiantly offer to inflate them in the parking lot. No need to camp out in front of her apartment in a rented van so you can track her every movement. No need to plaster your hidden basement room full of candid photos of her on the gym floor. No, you don't have to repeat your family history, or get in to your favorite foods, such as those bitter melon things fried up with eggs which white chicks can't quite replicate.

    You can proceed directly to the point where if you accidentally fart it isn't a deal killer (note that if you've progressed to the point where an intentional fart is acceptable, you're already too far along and it's over anyway.) She will immediately delete boyfriend from her contacts, add you, and you have the assurance that you will be showering at her place after the workout, have dim sum for lunch and maybe some of those stir fried bitter melon thing with egg tonight for dinner.

    Gotta be careful how you code the app though or it could end up something like this...

    Sapphire: "Who is that woman? She looks new. God, she looks heavy."
    Sac: "Never seen her before in my life. I'd estimate 4' 3" and 400 lbs."
    Sapphire: "She's pointing a cell phone at you."
    Sac: "Hey Amanda! What's up baby? We on for a flight to wine country?"

    Let me think on that.

    (1) Didn't work
    (2) Didn't work either
     
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  2. Mistake Not...

    Mistake Not... Cleared for Takeoff

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  3. ircphoenix

    ircphoenix Pattern Altitude

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    Wow. I did not see that ending coming. But it was friggin beautiful.
     
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  4. Mason

    Mason Pattern Altitude

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    A man. Duh.
     
  5. eman1200

    eman1200 Final Approach

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    I wonder if that can just be an enhancement request to the Wobble app.
     
  6. Grum.Man

    Grum.Man Pattern Altitude

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    It takes you months to hit pay dirt with a woman?? Right there is your problem ;-)
     
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  7. denverpilot

    denverpilot Taxi to Parking

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    Tinder... swipe whatever direction says "no". I don't know these things so you'll have to look it up.
     
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  8. Clark1961

    Clark1961 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    In app payment to block any attempted update....

    This stuff is easy sac, lay off the mellon drama.
     
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  9. mscard88

    mscard88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Just ask her if she wants to go for some trouser trout after? No app needed.
     
  10. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Well I will be back in that particular gym again on Saturday. I have doubts that my app will be ready by then.
     
  11. mscard88

    mscard88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Just ask, like I said. :D
     
  12. rtk11

    rtk11 Cleared for Takeoff

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    Um... you've been alone a really long time, haven't you?
     
  13. mscard88

    mscard88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Nope. Not at all. It's called humor. Well to some people it seems, but not all obviously.
     
  14. rtk11

    rtk11 Cleared for Takeoff

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    Sorry - my post was meant in sarcasm. Maybe I need to start using those emoji thing-a-ma-jigs...
     
  15. mscard88

    mscard88 Touchdown! Greaser!

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    No need to apologize. I'm a big boy. Well, not there, oh you know what I mean.
     
  16. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Oh jeez, the big girl panties are coming out...
     
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  17. SkyDog58

    SkyDog58 Ejection Handle Pulled

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    Old dog w/o new tricks
    Yeah, but you need an app to get in them.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2016
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  18. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    Nicely played.
     
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  19. Sac Arrow

    Sac Arrow Touchdown! Greaser!

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    So my dentist sent me home with this $100 electric toothbrush yesterday. The instructions rival that of an A320 flight manual, and it even has Bluetooth on it for integration with a smart phone.

    So, I guess I can sit here at work and turn it on and off, for no other reason than to f*** with the cat...
     
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