Sac Arrow
Touchdown! Greaser!
- Joined
- May 11, 2010
- Messages
- 20,393
- Location
- Charlotte, NC
- Display Name
Display name:
Snorting his way across the USA
All right, I'm only one of two occupants of this hotel, and I'm the only Westerner here. Westerners don't stay in this place. It's not a bad hotel, it's just in an area where Westerners don't go.
Well here is the door across from my room. Somebody went to the trouble of putting this sign up, in English. "Happy Honeymoon" with anime pics of two little Asian people. I had to think on this one. Why post this?
1. Note to hotel staff to stay out of here.
Yeah but, they have "do not disturb" signs available to hang on the door. It works whether you're sick, hung over, or the uh, the the other thing. You know. Why get specific.
I don't think so either. There has to be a little more to this story.
2. American we think you're a perv.
Here you go you nasty little boy, now you KNOW what's going on in the room across from you. Come out in the hallway. Put your ear against the door. We don't care. In fact, grab your manliness and smack one out if you want. Show's on us. Cheers.
Nice try, but let me put it in these terms. I like looking at motorcycle, and I like riding motorcycles, but I don't ride beeotch with another dude. Not my thing.
3. We're pervs, and we know an American is across from our room.
And we get off on that. We know, that you know, that we know, that we get an extra special kick when you see our sign, come across the hallway to put your ear against the wall, and maybe even smack one out. Yeah I know she's visualizing some bronze Westerner with ripped pectorals, taught biceps and legs that resemble a Trex on diuretics, but I'm okay with that. It gets her extra excited. I have to pay the price for it hahaha.
Fair enough. I'll leave that to your secret little fantasy. Enjoy.
4. The hotel staff put this sign up.
Look, this is our hotel. We're anal about keeping it up. You dare set a shoe on our varnished wooden floors and we'll report to the local police that you're instigating a governmental takeover plus you are about to post naked pictures of the President-General on Facebook. We hate cleaning your toilet. We really, really really hate it when you foul our linen with your, your, um, you know what I'm talking about. We want to make you feel VERY uncomfortable and oh by the way there is an American staying in the room accross from you and he has ripped pectorals and taught biceps, plus the maids like the way his ass flexes as he walks up the steps.
A very good possibility. These dudes are devious. I wish they would have more chicks on staff with dudes but like whatever.
5. This isn't actually my new wife.
In fact, it isn't my wife at all. This is a deflection tactic. Westerners can get away with stowing a ho in the room but the local police do passport and shoe checks at the lobby and count the bodies in the rooms, and give us locals crap about that. a) I'm just coming right out and saying what's going on, and b) hopefully the local cops will see it in English and assume I'm a Brit or an Aussie or something like that. Anyway, I hope the deflection tactic works because I paid well over prevailing rate to stay here.
I can see it, I can see it. Very clever. Will it work? Probably not. Good try.
6. This isn't actually a girl.
This works in Thailand but this isn't Thailand. Look, I'm not "lying", the anime pictures are ambiguous. And he is, you know, passable. And we're PLANNING on going to the States, like Massachusetts or someplace like that and sealing the deal at a later time. We hope that by proclaiming our... relationship with each other, that you guys won't check him out too closely and discover the real deal. And we know, that you know, that not that there is anything wrong with that. We're just trying to save you from an awkward position.
Hey look, not my thing no but that's fine. Knock yourselves out, I'm not one to judge. We see it back home. We see it in Thailand. It's all good.
7. Don't leave an unattended laptop in your room.
Yeah we've been going through it. We hacked your password on day one. We know all your dirty little secrets, and we know that if we bait you by putting a sign on the only other occupied room, you're going to post about it on some sort of pilot website. Maybe even two of them. And we want to see if you've figured it out. Obviously, if we're reading this we know we've been counter hacked. Time to up the ante, Yanko.
Yeah, that explains why my Windows desktop is all f'd up every time I leave it while I'm at the bar. The Russians should hire you guys. Oh wait a minute. The Russians do hire you guys. Nevermind.
8. There's nobody actually in this room.
Yeah, sorry, it's another deflection tactic. You see, we know that you're the only other occupant in this hotel save for the staff. And we know, that if either you, or the staff hear our screams of passion, there is NOBODY else to blame it on. It can't be you, because you're normally passed out drunk from about 8 or 9 pm when you get back until you wake up, so it has to be us. So what we DID, is we put that sign on the room across from you to direct your attention to that room. We're actually upstairs, in an unmarked room.
Slick, but I'm not buying it. Plus you're overly paranoid. The fact of the matter is, unless you're tearing it up between the hours of 6:30 to 7:30 am when I''m actually in the room and sober, I won't hear you anyway. So save your effort.
9. This is a police sting.
We don't know exactly why you're here. Well not us but the police. They think you might be here for some sort of subversive activity, and they want to bait you in to smacking one off in front of the hallway surveillance camera just so they have some dirt on you in case they uncover a plot to discredit the President-General or other high ranking officials. Sorry to have to do this to you mate but if we don't, the police will audit the passport/shoe/body count with EXTRA scrutiny.
You know, I gotta tell you. There have been these people following me right. Every time I turn around, it's like there are the same people behind me. I think this could be a possibility. I need to watch my ass. I know they're watching mine.
10. This hotel is a movie set.
Well it's not actually a movie set, and there is a general lack of film crews and sound equipment to make it credible, but we want to put that out as a hint, in order to justify charging you higher rates. We don't know if that actually works with you guys, but the locals will pay a dollar more for the added prestige.
Guys, guys, guys. No, please don't bother. This ain't Hollywood so don't try to sell it as such. In fact, this place makes Calcutta look like Beverly Hills, no offense.
Well here is the door across from my room. Somebody went to the trouble of putting this sign up, in English. "Happy Honeymoon" with anime pics of two little Asian people. I had to think on this one. Why post this?
1. Note to hotel staff to stay out of here.
Yeah but, they have "do not disturb" signs available to hang on the door. It works whether you're sick, hung over, or the uh, the the other thing. You know. Why get specific.
I don't think so either. There has to be a little more to this story.
2. American we think you're a perv.
Here you go you nasty little boy, now you KNOW what's going on in the room across from you. Come out in the hallway. Put your ear against the door. We don't care. In fact, grab your manliness and smack one out if you want. Show's on us. Cheers.
Nice try, but let me put it in these terms. I like looking at motorcycle, and I like riding motorcycles, but I don't ride beeotch with another dude. Not my thing.
3. We're pervs, and we know an American is across from our room.
And we get off on that. We know, that you know, that we know, that we get an extra special kick when you see our sign, come across the hallway to put your ear against the wall, and maybe even smack one out. Yeah I know she's visualizing some bronze Westerner with ripped pectorals, taught biceps and legs that resemble a Trex on diuretics, but I'm okay with that. It gets her extra excited. I have to pay the price for it hahaha.
Fair enough. I'll leave that to your secret little fantasy. Enjoy.
4. The hotel staff put this sign up.
Look, this is our hotel. We're anal about keeping it up. You dare set a shoe on our varnished wooden floors and we'll report to the local police that you're instigating a governmental takeover plus you are about to post naked pictures of the President-General on Facebook. We hate cleaning your toilet. We really, really really hate it when you foul our linen with your, your, um, you know what I'm talking about. We want to make you feel VERY uncomfortable and oh by the way there is an American staying in the room accross from you and he has ripped pectorals and taught biceps, plus the maids like the way his ass flexes as he walks up the steps.
A very good possibility. These dudes are devious. I wish they would have more chicks on staff with dudes but like whatever.
5. This isn't actually my new wife.
In fact, it isn't my wife at all. This is a deflection tactic. Westerners can get away with stowing a ho in the room but the local police do passport and shoe checks at the lobby and count the bodies in the rooms, and give us locals crap about that. a) I'm just coming right out and saying what's going on, and b) hopefully the local cops will see it in English and assume I'm a Brit or an Aussie or something like that. Anyway, I hope the deflection tactic works because I paid well over prevailing rate to stay here.
I can see it, I can see it. Very clever. Will it work? Probably not. Good try.
6. This isn't actually a girl.
This works in Thailand but this isn't Thailand. Look, I'm not "lying", the anime pictures are ambiguous. And he is, you know, passable. And we're PLANNING on going to the States, like Massachusetts or someplace like that and sealing the deal at a later time. We hope that by proclaiming our... relationship with each other, that you guys won't check him out too closely and discover the real deal. And we know, that you know, that not that there is anything wrong with that. We're just trying to save you from an awkward position.
Hey look, not my thing no but that's fine. Knock yourselves out, I'm not one to judge. We see it back home. We see it in Thailand. It's all good.
7. Don't leave an unattended laptop in your room.
Yeah we've been going through it. We hacked your password on day one. We know all your dirty little secrets, and we know that if we bait you by putting a sign on the only other occupied room, you're going to post about it on some sort of pilot website. Maybe even two of them. And we want to see if you've figured it out. Obviously, if we're reading this we know we've been counter hacked. Time to up the ante, Yanko.
Yeah, that explains why my Windows desktop is all f'd up every time I leave it while I'm at the bar. The Russians should hire you guys. Oh wait a minute. The Russians do hire you guys. Nevermind.
8. There's nobody actually in this room.
Yeah, sorry, it's another deflection tactic. You see, we know that you're the only other occupant in this hotel save for the staff. And we know, that if either you, or the staff hear our screams of passion, there is NOBODY else to blame it on. It can't be you, because you're normally passed out drunk from about 8 or 9 pm when you get back until you wake up, so it has to be us. So what we DID, is we put that sign on the room across from you to direct your attention to that room. We're actually upstairs, in an unmarked room.
Slick, but I'm not buying it. Plus you're overly paranoid. The fact of the matter is, unless you're tearing it up between the hours of 6:30 to 7:30 am when I''m actually in the room and sober, I won't hear you anyway. So save your effort.
9. This is a police sting.
We don't know exactly why you're here. Well not us but the police. They think you might be here for some sort of subversive activity, and they want to bait you in to smacking one off in front of the hallway surveillance camera just so they have some dirt on you in case they uncover a plot to discredit the President-General or other high ranking officials. Sorry to have to do this to you mate but if we don't, the police will audit the passport/shoe/body count with EXTRA scrutiny.
You know, I gotta tell you. There have been these people following me right. Every time I turn around, it's like there are the same people behind me. I think this could be a possibility. I need to watch my ass. I know they're watching mine.
10. This hotel is a movie set.
Well it's not actually a movie set, and there is a general lack of film crews and sound equipment to make it credible, but we want to put that out as a hint, in order to justify charging you higher rates. We don't know if that actually works with you guys, but the locals will pay a dollar more for the added prestige.
Guys, guys, guys. No, please don't bother. This ain't Hollywood so don't try to sell it as such. In fact, this place makes Calcutta look like Beverly Hills, no offense.
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