NA NA NA Family + Holidays = stress

Family is an optional and insignificant part of the equation. Holidays == Stress
 
I had all the family over for thanksgiving, so we got a reprieve for christmas this year. Just us and the kids.
 
ONE minor question in the very large process (how long to cook the turkey).
8 people with 5 answers or related questions each/20 minutes of cacophony.
On to the next question.
Or, no questions - meet you at the table at 6!
 
Yes, it has gotten to the point where nobody seems to enjoy the holidays any more. They just wish them to be over. I wish we could just throw all the weird expectations out the window and just enjoy a little time with the family (or not, if you choose to go on vacation, etc.). Time is our most precious commodity. Let people spend it how they like...
 
Moved to a Condo ,no room for the entire family,turned the duties over to the younger members. A lot less stressful,now I actually enjoy the Christmas holiday,of course a good bourbon helps.
 
We live about 375 nm from where we grew up and where most of the rest of our families are still. After 3 decades of trying 'everything', my wife and I think we have a system that works well.
1) We never travel at Christmas any more. We keep a fire going at home and make sure we are well stocked with good wine, good food and good whisky.
2) We visit with neighbors and friends on Christmas Eve afternoon and evening
3)We attend midnight mass no matter what the weather.
4) We host Christmas Day dinner at our rural home with one rule - everyone has to wear pajamas.
 
Christmas is for young children. When you've got them, it's magical. When you don't, it borders on annoying.

I am now at the awkward age where my kids are grown and grandkids aren't yet on the horizon. Worse, our son lives 1300 miles away, so he spends Christmas with his wife's family, which is just a few hundred miles away from his home.

Our daughter will spend the day with us, but we always give the staff the day off, and there are always some lonely hearts who check in on Christmas Day, so it's really just another day at the hotel.

Without little kids around, Christmas just isn't as much fun. We are hoping for grandkids!
 
We have one person in my wife's side of the family who has been known to react in extreme ways to tiny things that nobody would have even thought to worry about. This person hasn't really been bad for a few years but everyone- especially her grown-up kids are terrified she'll blow up at any moment. So everyone is on edge, afraid to truly open up, and all we watch is non-offensive children's programming(mostly Disney) despite everyone being well over 20 at this point in case some coarse language might upset someone.

So in this environment of Disney movie Christmas my dog... my wonderful wonderful lifesaver of a dog started dropping farts so rank grown adults started pulling their shirts up over their noses. We were openly talking about dog farts and pulling out air fresheners and getting an air purifier. God I love that dog.
 
I go to see my relatives in the beginning or middle of December. I didn't grow up with large holiday get-togethers anyway. Although I'm obligated to travel for work, at least it's not on the airlines. However, I dislike seeing any of the ski area airports or Teterboro on the schedule.
 
cowman said:
We have one person in my wife's side of the family who has been known to react in extreme ways to tiny things that nobody would have even thought to worry about. This person hasn't really been bad for a few years but everyone- especially her grown-up kids are terrified she'll blow up at any moment. So everyone is on edge, afraid to truly open up, and all we watch is non-offensive children's programming(mostly Disney) despite everyone being well over 20 at this point in case some coarse language might upset someone.
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I have a family member like that. After a uncalled for blowup, I sat her down and told her that she is not welcome in my house anymore. She stayed away for about 2 years and returned only recently. Behaved herself.

Sometimes you have to rid yourself of negativity.
 
I don't get the whole stress thing about family get togethers. We talk about who's going to act stupid on the way there, laugh, show up, small talk, eat, watch the stress puppies do their thing, and then laugh about them on the way home.

People choose to be stressed, most of the time.

This year is slightly different -- we just had an elderly matriarch via a marriage on Karen's side pass away yesterday, so there will be some tears at that gathering, for sure. But that's normal. Tough time for the nephews to lose their grandma.

The hardest decision of today is deciding if I'm growing the beard out for winter or if I'm shaving the half grown in beard off before heading over to church services with Karen's family and a spiral ham dinner. Definitely first world problems.
 
A bunch coming over soon, family mostly. Gonna get interesting because son-in-law and his dad will want to watch football and my wife restricts it to Christmas music. She says they can go downstairs in the den to watch it. :sigh:
 
weilke said:
I have a family member like that. After a uncalled for blowup, I sat her down and told her that she is not welcome in my house anymore. She stayed away for about 2 years and returned only recently. Behaved herself.

Sometimes you have to rid yourself of negativity.
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I agree with the general sentiment but most of this is about history and long standing patterns of relationships, most of which I'm not directly part of because I'm only related by marriage. Everyone genuinely does love/care for each other it's just... tense and a little awkward. Also it's actually her house so... not much I can really say.

We're trying to get things moved to our house for next year and see how that goes..
 
mscard88 said:
A bunch coming over soon, family mostly. Gonna get interesting because son-in-law and his dad will want to watch football and my wife restricts it to Christmas music. She says they can go downstairs in the den to watch it. :sigh:
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LOL. At least there's two TVs. I had enough of Christmas music a couple of days ago and had 200 miles worth of driving to do throughout the day so I put on old Army Air Corps and Air Force drinking songs in the car from the iPhone. Haha.

"Calllllll out... calllllll out..... call out the GD Reserves, Reserves! Calllllll out.... calllllll out.... call out the GD Reserves!" (Sung to the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean...)

Was a nice change of pace. Haha.
 
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One thing we did for thanksgiving is to abandon the "turkey and 100 side dishes" production. For the last several years, I have done pork shoulder, ribs, and chicken for the non-pork folks in the family. Each family subset brings one or two sides, but it ends up like a summer BBQ. This takes most of the stress off the cook (me) and gets everyone out of the "big production" rut so we can actually all enjoy the day.
 
We went by a liquor store that had a on their sign "Family Holiday Survival Supplies." We thought that was pretty good!
 
Omalley1537 said:
One thing we did for thanksgiving is to abandon the "turkey and 100 side dishes" production. For the last several years, I have done pork shoulder, ribs, and chicken for the non-pork folks in the family. Each family subset brings one or two sides, but it ends up like a summer BBQ. This takes most of the stress off the cook (me) and gets everyone out of the "big production" rut so we can actually all enjoy the day.
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Good strategy!

My family is small, so we keep it simple. We go out for a nice Christmas brunch, then back to the house and drink cider/open presents while listening to Christmas music, then watch a movie or two on Netflix.

Years ago, when my mom tried to put together a traditional Christmas dinner, her stress level was off the charts ('cause everything had to be perfect) and the tension was palpable. Now, we have a great time and just enjoy one another's company.
 
denverpilot said:
LOL. At least there's two TVs. I had enough of Christmas music a couple of days ago and had 200 miles worth of driving to do throughout the day so I put on old Army Air Corps and Air Force drinking songs in the car from the iPhone. Haha.

"Calllllll out... calllllll out..... call out the GD Reserves, Reserves! Calllllll out.... calllllll out.... call out the GD Reserves!" (Sung to the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean...)

Was a nice change of pace. Haha.
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I give you credit for being different! LOL
 
Perk of living hundreds of miles from family now ... don't have to worry about dealing with the holiday stress and drama. We used to travel for Christmas, but the two kids have been a great excuse to stop.
 
The only stressful thing about it for me is the trip to Long Island on Christmas Day. I hate going Downstate for any reason. I'm even in the process of buying a used grave up here so I don't have to go Downstate to be buried. I hate it that much. That's why I moved up here. But despite my persistent lobbying, Long Island is where the gathering is.

This year I dread the trip even more than usual because I have a hunch that the security will be unusually high, which is not a bad thing in itself, but which adds annoyance to an already-annoying trip. Back in the good old days, we only had to worry about the rusty old Tappan Zee Bridge crumbling under its own weight and splashing into the Hudson. Now we have to worry about wackos and extremists threatening to blow it up.

I find myself hoping for a blizzard, which is one of the few acceptable reasons for not going. I even volunteered to stay up here and dog-sit so my parents could stay Downstate longer and wouldn't have to worry about boarding their dog. The dog and I get along quite well. We sit and talk for hours, like old friends, and have never had the slightest argument. I would be happy to dog-sit for a few days, I offered. But my parents, although old, are still blessed with enough wits that they saw through that ruse.

That aspect of it bothers me, too: My parents are in good health for their age, but I think it's a bit selfish for my brothers to expect them to make that trip rather than their coming up here. I guess because my parents stay down there for a few days, they don't mind so much. I come back on the same day. That makes for a longer day, most of it spent driving.

If the WX is decent, sometimes I drive there and/or back on secondary roads. It makes the drive slightly less boring.

This is the time of the year when I consider getting a medical and a PP so I can fly there and back. But I really can't be bothered spending the money and jumping through the hoops for the medical. And frankly, FRG is no prize, either. Between that and the drive from the nearest airport to my house, it's probably faster to drive.

I really don't mind the family get-together itself. My long trip home gives me an acceptable excuse for leaving before everyone gets drunk and the arguments break out. I don't even mind the trip back very much. Getting out of the NYC Metro Area is usually a lot easier than getting into it. It's like a funnel. The congestion occurs mainly on the way in, not the way out.

Other than the trip, I don't mind the season. There are things I do that make it meaningful enough. It's just the trip that I hate.

Rich
 
I just spent 1/2 hour playing Sonic the Hedgehog with my 10yo son. He gets this pitiful expression when he has to help me to get Sonic out of one of the corners I have backed him into :(
 
RJM62 said:
The only stressful thing about it for me is the trip to Long Island on Christmas Day. I hate going Downstate for any reason. I'm even in the process of buying a used grave up here so I don't have to go Downstate to be buried. I hate it that much. That's why I moved up here. But despite my persistent lobbying, Long Island is where the gathering is.

This year I dread the trip even more than usual because I have a hunch that the security will be unusually high, which is not a bad thing in itself, but which adds annoyance to an already-annoying trip. Back in the good old days, we only had to worry about the rusty old Tappan Zee Bridge crumbling under its own weight and splashing into the Hudson. Now we have to worry about wackos and extremists threatening to blow it up.

I find myself hoping for a blizzard, which is one of the few acceptable reasons for not going. I even volunteered to stay up here and dog-sit so my parents could stay Downstate longer and wouldn't have to worry about boarding their dog. The dog and I get along quite well. We sit and talk for hours, like old friends, and have never had the slightest argument. I would be happy to dog-sit for a few days, I offered. But my parents, although old, are still blessed with enough wits that they saw through that ruse.

That aspect of it bothers me, too: My parents are in good health for their age, but I think it's a bit selfish for my brothers to expect them to make that trip rather than their coming up here. I guess because my parents stay down there for a few days, they don't mind so much. I come back on the same day. That makes for a longer day, most of it spent driving.

If the WX is decent, sometimes I drive there and/or back on secondary roads. It makes the drive slightly less boring.

This is the time of the year when I consider getting a medical and a PP so I can fly there and back. But I really can't be bothered spending the money and jumping through the hoops for the medical. And frankly, FRG is no prize, either. Between that and the drive from the nearest airport to my house, it's probably faster to drive.

I really don't mind the family get-together itself. My long trip home gives me an acceptable excuse for leaving before everyone gets drunk and the arguments break out. I don't even mind the trip back very much. Getting out of the NYC Metro Area is usually a lot easier than getting into it. It's like a funnel. The congestion occurs mainly on the way in, not the way out.

Other than the trip, I don't mind the season. There are things I do that make it meaningful enough. It's just the trip that I hate.

Rich
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Yeah, I'm done with the holiday travel to the Island as well; last Christmas I said that was the last time. I spend more in tolls than gas; gotta fund those fat MTA pensions. When traffic is stopped it's maddening; when it's flowing it's like driving in the Grand Prix on the Belt Parkway. Except the other participants are either rank amateurs, drunks, playing with their phones, or genuinely out to kill someone. They also drive like they have a Formula One and not the minivan they have in reality. I'd fly but FRG tower sucks, and then I'd have to drive the Southern State to the destination. Not what I consider fun.
 
paflyer said:
Yeah, I'm done with the holiday travel to the Island as well; last Christmas I said that was the last time. I spend more in tolls than gas; gotta fund those fat MTA pensions. When traffic is stopped it's maddening; when it's flowing it's like driving in the Grand Prix on the Belt Parkway. Except the other participants are either rank amateurs, drunks, playing with their phones, or genuinely out to kill someone. They also drive like they have a Formula One and not the minivan they have in reality. I'd fly but FRG tower sucks, and then I'd have to drive the Southern State to the destination. Not what I consider fun.
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It's pretty much a nightmare. Robert Moses fell out of favor before he got to build his bridge over the Sound, which would have prevented a lot of the problems getting into and out of The Island. Every time I have to go down there, I wish he'd managed to pull off that one last project.

Rich
 
RJM62 said:
It's pretty much a nightmare. Robert Moses fell out of favor before he got to build his bridge over the Sound, which would have prevented a lot of the problems getting into and out of The Island. Every time I have to go down there, I wish he'd managed to pull off that one last project.

Rich
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True, Bobby Mo wouldn't be able to get anything done today.
 
mscard88 said:
A "used" grave? Sounds morbid, never heard that before Rich. :confused::)
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Yeah, the family that owns it moved the body formerly occupying it to a plot at another cemetery. Why, I can't imagine. I doubt the dead guy cared very much. But "new" graves are getting harder to come by. The attrition rate among the dead is extremely low. So I figure a "used" grave is just as good.

Rich
 
I sort of wish I could fast forward from November 1 to March 1 every year. Although Amazon has greatly reduced my shopping stress.
 
RJM62 said:
Yeah, the family that owns it moved the body formerly occupying it to a plot at another cemetery. Why, I can't imagine. I doubt the dead guy cared very much. But "new" graves are getting harder to come by. The attrition rate among the dead is extremely low. So I figure a "used" grave is just as good.

Rich
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Most of my Mom's family has those above ground crypt thingies. From what I understand, the non-dead buy and sell those thing all the time just like buying and selling homes. You even get a deed to the "property." I am not interested in my casket and body being exposed over time as the building slowly decays and returns to nature. Just put me in the ground and let me go back that way. I have seen stories of the companies that have owned those places goign out of business and then no one takes them over and takes care of things.

Locally there is a cemetery that has been getting vandalized over the past year and a half. People have done over 1.5 mil in damage to grave stones and markers in the older part. Most likely there aren't any relatives of the deceased to pay for the restoration so no one will.

David
 
Sac Arrow said:
I sort of wish I could fast forward from November 1 to March 1 every year. Although Amazon has greatly reduced my shopping stress.
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No joke! Amazon has been a stress reliever this year. But I boned-up and wasn't as efficient as I could have been. Next year, I am shopping, having THEM wrap and deliver directly to destination. I am going to plan a cruise to be out of town over the holidays.

flhrci said:
Most of my Mom's family has those above ground crypt thingies. From what I understand, the non-dead buy and sell those thing all the time just like buying and selling homes. You even get a deed to the "property."
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Eeesh... in SoCal, there's a property battle going on for burial plots. My mom and dad bought enough plots for the grandparents, and ended up getting enough plots for at least my generation and possibly my child's. But the amount of offers that come pouring in to sell those plots is staggering. I understand the crypts are at a premium because of the limited inventory. Maybe it'd be easier if we all went the way of Soylent Green... :eek::p
 
20161224_221657.jpg My ace mechanic keeps jumping my chit about getting this heart transplant done.......fml where's my whiskey.

marvel clambake everybody!
 
flhrci said:
Locally there is a cemetery that has been getting vandalized over the past year and a half. People have done over 1.5 mil in damage to grave stones and markers in the older part. Most likely there aren't any relatives of the deceased to pay for the restoration so no one will.
David
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Tibetan Sky Burial. Just sayin....

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial
 
Holidays have been relatively stress-free this year, for a change. We hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas, but kept the meals simple. That helped a lot. I also did more of the cooking, which took pressure off my wife.

Happy wife = happy life! lol
 
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