SixPapaCharlie
May the force be with you
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- Aug 8, 2013
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Sixer
I have never seen anyone die before. I did a few hours ago and it was okay.
My grandfather was a Navy vet, fire fighter, and huge Dallas Cowboy fan so you know he was kick ass. Always ready with a quip and a punchline, and I honestly can't think of a time in 40 years when we had much serious talk. I could ask him any question and the reply would be something snappy that I wish I had thought of. His name was (ugh.. "was") George but to us, he was Papaw.
Funny stuff always happened to him. A few years back he told a story how he managed to slam his finger in his car door passed the knuckle to the point that his finger was actually stuck and he couldn't get it out. He then mentioned that his keys were looped on the finger that was stuck in the door. So there he is with a finger caught in the door and his keys on the finger. I go "how did you get into a mess like that?" My then 85 year old grandfather goes "A pretty girl walked by the parking lot I was in and I briefly forgot how a door works"
I am so glad I got to fly him a couple years ago (me, my dad, and my grandparents):
After he got out of the Navy, he went to work on some sort of magneto ignition systems (or something) on oil platforms in the gulf. He flew to work every day in a helicopter to work on these things.
These last few years he started going down hill. Stroke after stroke. Each a little worse than the prior. He would have moments of clarity here and there but frequently it would be as though he was staring through you. I lost count of the times that "We think this is it. Papaw is taking a turn for the worse" Honestly he has been so thin and frail for the last 10 years that we always worried anytime he would go to the hospital that it might be it.
For the last year though, he has been mostly in bed, wearing a diaper, and eating through a tube in his stomach. It has been very hard for him. My father (who might be a saint) got him 24 hr in home health care so he never had to not be at home and wouldn't have to live or die in a hospital.
This morning, I flew briefly and then my mom calls and says "We should start heading that direction." He has taken a turn for the worse. Ok, we drop the kids off at in laws (Just in case this is it which it surely wouldn't be. It never is)
I walked into his bedroom and lost it. My grandmother was in bed next to him and his eyes were closed, mouth gaping open and taking small breaths on a steady but slow cadence. Family started calling family and we all surrounded him and spoke to him.
My dad and uncle (his sons) held his hands and re lived all their childhood shenanigans and came clean on a lot of things they got away with as kids. It was fun and funny to hear all the crap they did as kids and now in their 60s telling their dad for the first time.
My grandfather was slowing down more and more and my dad goes "Daddy, if there is buried treasure somewhere that you know about, now would be the time to tell us" It was odd and somehow right that we were all watching him die but laughing and making jokes as though he might chime in and throw out a line. He didn't (because of the dying).
His breathing got shallow. Real shallow and long pauses between breaths. I am torn between wanting to look away and not see my grandfather die and kind of wanting him to hurry up and be free. The last year of his life had to be humiliating and just terrible.
My grandmother kept telling him "We're all here and we're all going to be OK, you can let go. No need to keep fighting"
It got real quiet and everyone filled the room. I could see a vein that had been rapidly pulsing in his neck stop moving. a couple deep breaths and a notably long exhale. That was it. No pain, no struggle, nothing scary. It was simple and sort of a sigh of relief that this man would no longer have to live like this.
Honestly I think the only thing I have ever seen die in my life are bugs and my hamster Ralph when I was 11. This was not near as traumatic as I would have imagined.
A few hours later my kids were brought over so we could talk to them. My daughter who is forever the scientist was like "Ok, so he is in heaven. I want to see his body, tell him goodbye and then go play with his cat". My son wanted to go into the room, but have him covered up just so he could say goodbye. He is sensitive and this will be a struggle for him for awhile.
We went back to the room and I am not sure the last time I saw a dead body. His appearance was different. I can't put my finger on it but he looked more like a wax museum figure than my grandfather.
I am really going to miss him and I regret not asking him more questions about his life and Navy experience. I think he would have rather been remembered how I remember him though as the guy with a punchline but I would liked to know more deeper stuff about him.
If you have aging parents / grand parents, talk to them, ask them questions, They are full of stories and history and when they are gone...
Anyway POA tonight you are my therapist. I saw something that I imagined would be incredibly traumatic. It was painful but in no way traumatic. If you happen to be having a drink tonight, feel free to raise a glass with me and if there is a Heaven, it just got a bit funnier.
Take care.
My grandfather was a Navy vet, fire fighter, and huge Dallas Cowboy fan so you know he was kick ass. Always ready with a quip and a punchline, and I honestly can't think of a time in 40 years when we had much serious talk. I could ask him any question and the reply would be something snappy that I wish I had thought of. His name was (ugh.. "was") George but to us, he was Papaw.
Funny stuff always happened to him. A few years back he told a story how he managed to slam his finger in his car door passed the knuckle to the point that his finger was actually stuck and he couldn't get it out. He then mentioned that his keys were looped on the finger that was stuck in the door. So there he is with a finger caught in the door and his keys on the finger. I go "how did you get into a mess like that?" My then 85 year old grandfather goes "A pretty girl walked by the parking lot I was in and I briefly forgot how a door works"
I am so glad I got to fly him a couple years ago (me, my dad, and my grandparents):
After he got out of the Navy, he went to work on some sort of magneto ignition systems (or something) on oil platforms in the gulf. He flew to work every day in a helicopter to work on these things.
These last few years he started going down hill. Stroke after stroke. Each a little worse than the prior. He would have moments of clarity here and there but frequently it would be as though he was staring through you. I lost count of the times that "We think this is it. Papaw is taking a turn for the worse" Honestly he has been so thin and frail for the last 10 years that we always worried anytime he would go to the hospital that it might be it.
For the last year though, he has been mostly in bed, wearing a diaper, and eating through a tube in his stomach. It has been very hard for him. My father (who might be a saint) got him 24 hr in home health care so he never had to not be at home and wouldn't have to live or die in a hospital.
This morning, I flew briefly and then my mom calls and says "We should start heading that direction." He has taken a turn for the worse. Ok, we drop the kids off at in laws (Just in case this is it which it surely wouldn't be. It never is)
I walked into his bedroom and lost it. My grandmother was in bed next to him and his eyes were closed, mouth gaping open and taking small breaths on a steady but slow cadence. Family started calling family and we all surrounded him and spoke to him.
My dad and uncle (his sons) held his hands and re lived all their childhood shenanigans and came clean on a lot of things they got away with as kids. It was fun and funny to hear all the crap they did as kids and now in their 60s telling their dad for the first time.
My grandfather was slowing down more and more and my dad goes "Daddy, if there is buried treasure somewhere that you know about, now would be the time to tell us" It was odd and somehow right that we were all watching him die but laughing and making jokes as though he might chime in and throw out a line. He didn't (because of the dying).
His breathing got shallow. Real shallow and long pauses between breaths. I am torn between wanting to look away and not see my grandfather die and kind of wanting him to hurry up and be free. The last year of his life had to be humiliating and just terrible.
My grandmother kept telling him "We're all here and we're all going to be OK, you can let go. No need to keep fighting"
It got real quiet and everyone filled the room. I could see a vein that had been rapidly pulsing in his neck stop moving. a couple deep breaths and a notably long exhale. That was it. No pain, no struggle, nothing scary. It was simple and sort of a sigh of relief that this man would no longer have to live like this.
Honestly I think the only thing I have ever seen die in my life are bugs and my hamster Ralph when I was 11. This was not near as traumatic as I would have imagined.
A few hours later my kids were brought over so we could talk to them. My daughter who is forever the scientist was like "Ok, so he is in heaven. I want to see his body, tell him goodbye and then go play with his cat". My son wanted to go into the room, but have him covered up just so he could say goodbye. He is sensitive and this will be a struggle for him for awhile.
We went back to the room and I am not sure the last time I saw a dead body. His appearance was different. I can't put my finger on it but he looked more like a wax museum figure than my grandfather.
I am really going to miss him and I regret not asking him more questions about his life and Navy experience. I think he would have rather been remembered how I remember him though as the guy with a punchline but I would liked to know more deeper stuff about him.
If you have aging parents / grand parents, talk to them, ask them questions, They are full of stories and history and when they are gone...
Anyway POA tonight you are my therapist. I saw something that I imagined would be incredibly traumatic. It was painful but in no way traumatic. If you happen to be having a drink tonight, feel free to raise a glass with me and if there is a Heaven, it just got a bit funnier.
Take care.
