A
Anonymous Engineer
Guest
I had a difficult period of mental health in my teenage years. I survived family poverty and childhood hunger. My father (who was emotionally and verbally abusive) forced me into joining the military at 17. I was not well-suited, but unlike other branches the Marine Corps does not discharge for failure to adapt. Things deteriorated and I ended up in the military mental health treatment "pipeline." Long story short I came out the other side with an honorable discharge for bipolar disorder and a 0% disability rating.
Now here's the thing: once I got away from both those life situations - a home life of deprivation and abuse, and military service I chose only because I felt I had no choice - once I gained control of my own life - everything changed. I was no longer depressed. I neither needed nor took any medication. I put myself through college (4 years, plus some grad school), got accepted into programs, wrote code for NASA as an intern, became an engineer (as a contractor for, ironically, the FAA). & etc.
My point is, in my opinion all of that... crap... for lack of a better word that is in my military medical record is not something inherent in myself but rather a sane person's reaction to a confluence of bad experiences and lack of agency. But - there is a lot of crap in that record. It's a book. Some of it's true; some is inaccurate. Reports of a suicide attempt are (to quote Mark Twain), "greatly exaggerated."
When you're in the military's mental health discharge pipeline you are (or were back in 2002) subject to a rotating carousel of psychiatrists who have their pet theories and every week start you on a new, different drug. Later incidents and diagnoses (all conflicting) could be blamed on a bad reaction to the previous doctor's overzealous pharmacology! (Lest you think I'm exaggerating, the doctor's diagnosis for the very thing I was discharged for notes it was brought on by an SSRI.)
To me this is all ancient history - painful history, but no bearing on my life today. Except recently I started thinking, gosh I'd really love to build an airplane in the Experimental category and go fly it, participate in my local EAA chapter, all that. My life mentor who is also a pilot, encouraged me don't just go LSA, go ahead and do flight school and become a "real" pilot and get my PPL. I had everything planned out down to calculating how much $ I'll need to save every week to pay for flight school outright in 2 years. But then I re-read the list of medical disqualifications and started reading forums like this one...
(I have also for a short time been on ADHD medication but likewise discovered I didn't really "need" it. I know that could also be a sticking point, but I anticipate the military medical record is the bigger problem. If anything I think my "issue" is Asperger's, but as an adult I can't get a diagnosis of that if I tried, so... don't ask / don't tell, right?)
I don't know whether to give up on the idea of flying, or try to fight this. I like how someone else put it in their forum post about an OCD diagnosis: how do you, "unring this bell"? And then as I understand it there's a risk/reward trade-off because if I do nothing I could build and fly a Light Sport aircraft and no one'd be the wiser, but if I try and fail to get my PPL I might also lock myself out of LSA.
The thing is I really want to build a two-seater and do the $100 hamburger thing. My dear wife (who'd never in the past expressed an interest in aviation) told me if I can't get my PPL but still build an airplane, she'll get her PPL so we can fly together. I'm touched but also fighting back tears. Building plane(s) I can't fly'd be like Red Skull in Infinity War: "I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess."
Now here's the thing: once I got away from both those life situations - a home life of deprivation and abuse, and military service I chose only because I felt I had no choice - once I gained control of my own life - everything changed. I was no longer depressed. I neither needed nor took any medication. I put myself through college (4 years, plus some grad school), got accepted into programs, wrote code for NASA as an intern, became an engineer (as a contractor for, ironically, the FAA). & etc.
My point is, in my opinion all of that... crap... for lack of a better word that is in my military medical record is not something inherent in myself but rather a sane person's reaction to a confluence of bad experiences and lack of agency. But - there is a lot of crap in that record. It's a book. Some of it's true; some is inaccurate. Reports of a suicide attempt are (to quote Mark Twain), "greatly exaggerated."
When you're in the military's mental health discharge pipeline you are (or were back in 2002) subject to a rotating carousel of psychiatrists who have their pet theories and every week start you on a new, different drug. Later incidents and diagnoses (all conflicting) could be blamed on a bad reaction to the previous doctor's overzealous pharmacology! (Lest you think I'm exaggerating, the doctor's diagnosis for the very thing I was discharged for notes it was brought on by an SSRI.)
To me this is all ancient history - painful history, but no bearing on my life today. Except recently I started thinking, gosh I'd really love to build an airplane in the Experimental category and go fly it, participate in my local EAA chapter, all that. My life mentor who is also a pilot, encouraged me don't just go LSA, go ahead and do flight school and become a "real" pilot and get my PPL. I had everything planned out down to calculating how much $ I'll need to save every week to pay for flight school outright in 2 years. But then I re-read the list of medical disqualifications and started reading forums like this one...
(I have also for a short time been on ADHD medication but likewise discovered I didn't really "need" it. I know that could also be a sticking point, but I anticipate the military medical record is the bigger problem. If anything I think my "issue" is Asperger's, but as an adult I can't get a diagnosis of that if I tried, so... don't ask / don't tell, right?)
I don't know whether to give up on the idea of flying, or try to fight this. I like how someone else put it in their forum post about an OCD diagnosis: how do you, "unring this bell"? And then as I understand it there's a risk/reward trade-off because if I do nothing I could build and fly a Light Sport aircraft and no one'd be the wiser, but if I try and fail to get my PPL I might also lock myself out of LSA.
The thing is I really want to build a two-seater and do the $100 hamburger thing. My dear wife (who'd never in the past expressed an interest in aviation) told me if I can't get my PPL but still build an airplane, she'll get her PPL so we can fly together. I'm touched but also fighting back tears. Building plane(s) I can't fly'd be like Red Skull in Infinity War: "I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess."
