Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice

She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”

She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?” The other answers, “I don’t know—I thought you were watching.”
 
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail.

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But apparently you can't end a sentence with a preposition.
 
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile,

- "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied,

- "No."

Surprised, Luigi reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ends and, again, Luigi smiles and asks,

- "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says,

- "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Luigi reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Luigi falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,

- "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear,

- "No, I'm Norwegian.
 
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John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Shawn. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. ‘I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.' 'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf. But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend. He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked, "Shawn, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?' ‘Yes, I do,' said Shawn. 'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?' 'Well, um, yes!,' Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.' 'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?' Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?' ‘She just died and left me everything.'
 
But you suspected something was hinky because elevator lobby call buttons are usually on the right side.
 
Capngrog said:
But you suspected something was hinky because elevator lobby call buttons are usually on the right side.
Click to expand...
Damn you. Now I'll never be able to just push the button again. I'll be thinking about what side it's on.:incazzato:
 
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:) Most elevators in halfway recent buildings are in pairs or more, with the buttons between them. Maybe so they don't have a evacuate the less mobile folks just to do routine maintenance.
 
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