Lets make Friday 'Joke Day'!

fd8f6cf201befbf29247b3892fe1704b.jpg
 
Half Fast said:
In recent years, I agree.

But back in the days of Chevy Chase and Steve Martin and Gilda Radner and Bill Murray and other early members SNL was hysterical.
Click to expand...

you might have just been more stoned back then.

just about any will ferrell skit including all the jeopardy skits are riots.
 
SNL has always had a few funny moments. Problem is; you have to watch the whole thing waiting for them.
 
What's the difference between a proctologist and a gynecologist ?

the way the tilt the chair.
 
They say the worst day fishing is better than the best day working? I call bull on that. I’ve seen the Alaskan fishing show, Deadliest Catch. I have never had a day at work where my office building was sinking into 32 degree water and I had 30 seconds to don an exposure suit or die while watching my co workers die before my eyes...
 
bflynn said:
They say the worst day fishing is better than the best day working? I call bull on that. I’ve seen the Alaskan fishing show, Deadliest Catch. I have never had a day at work where my office building was sinking into 32 degree water and I had 30 seconds to don an exposure suit or die while watching my co workers die before my eyes...
Click to expand...
So you prefer a slow death?
 
What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?









The way they taste!
 
bflynn said:
They say the worst day fishing is better than the best day working? I call bull on that. I’ve seen the Alaskan fishing show, Deadliest Catch. I have never had a day at work where my office building was sinking into 32 degree water and I had 30 seconds to don an exposure suit or die while watching my co workers die before my eyes...
Click to expand...

You're missing the point--those guys are working! It's how they earn their living.

"Fishing" is a hopefully fun, relaxing day on the lake, river, stream, creek, tidal flat, estuary, pier or ocean of your choice, whether fishing from land or from a boat, pier or bridge. It doesn't matter if you bring them home to eat or catch-and-release.
 
HOW TO WRITE GOOD



1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what YOU know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. Be more or less specific.
15. Understatement is always best.
16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
18. The passive voice is to be avoided.
19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
21. Who needs rhetorical questions?
22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
 
The Ambidextrous Woman Golfer

*A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One transfers to another city and they're lost without him.*

A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?"

No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot. Finally, one man says. "Okay, but we start at6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay". She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant, and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

*The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner.*

They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

*The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.*

*This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"*
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."

"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."

The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"

*She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."*
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top