Keep your kids under control or keep them out...

[Greebo]

...Chicago cafe insists on children using "inside voices" when visiting.

Some parents bristle, but others applaud call for proper etiquitte:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/09/national/09bakery.html

CHICAGO, Nov. 8 - Bridget Dehl shushed her 21-month-old son, Gavin, then clapped a hand over his mouth to squelch his tiny screams amid the Sunday brunch bustle. When Gavin kept yelping "yeah, yeah, yeah," Ms. Dehl whisked him from his highchair and out the door.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/09/national/09bakery.html#secondParagraph
How should restaurants and coffee houses respond to parents whose children are unruly?


Right past the sign warning the cafe's customers that "children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices when coming to A Taste of Heaven," and right into a nasty spat roiling the stroller set in Chicago's changing Andersonville neighborhood.

Now I know small kids are hard to control, but you know what, by the time I was 4 I understood some basic rules, and one rule was when you were at the table, you used a quiet voice.

As a result, my parents trusted my behavior in grown up restaurants enough that they would take me to them when I was 6, and also to plays and concerts. I was bored out of my skull at that age, but I was QUIET.

Personally, I think it's about time our stores and shops started enforcing behavior codes - especially restaurants. I don't expect kids in a McDonalds to behave, but my ex-wife and I and another couple went to The Melting Pot one evening, definately NOT a kids restaurant (bar in the front, and 300 degree hot oil on the table for fondue) and there was a group there that brought 6 10 year olds there for a birthday party and they were just screaming and running around and the management did nothing. Finally a frustrated patron shouted out "SHUT UP ALREADY" (about 30 seconds ahead of me) and the outrage of the selfish parents was quickly killed by the applause of everyone else in the restaurant.

Small kids who can't control their behavior don't have a place in adult restaurants. Get a baby sitter. Your desire to have a night out doesn't give you the right to ruin everyone elses evening by bringing your unruly kids.

Or better yet - TEACH YOUR KIDS TO BEHAVE AT THE TABLE AT HOME! I have friends who have four kids - 9, 7, 5 and 2, and they are expected to behave at the table at home, and they do - yes, even the 2 year old as much as she understands it - she knows that if she acts up when eating, her high-chair gets turned around so she can't see the rest of the family.

And guess what - those kids? I'll go to a classy restaurant with them ANY DAY because they know how to behave.

So for me, my hats off to Dan McCauley, owner of A Taste of Heaven in Chicago, and every other restauranteur who insists that children of all ages behave and use their inside voices when visiting their shops.

 

[Let'sgoflying!]

Difficult to deal with in a country in which children are put on a pedestal, pandered to. The little darlings can do no wrong, you know!

 

[Missa]

Agreed! If I acted out in public when I was a child I was taken out! (and then my bottem was swatted!)

I can't believe that mothers are ****ed that they are being asked to take responsiblity for their kids behavior. If they can behave they can come in, if they can't wait till they can.

Missa

 

[SkyHog]

Agreed Chuck - my take:

The American population as a whole is afraid of what society will think of them if they punish their kids in public.

It sure didn't keep my parents from making sure I understood proper etiquette at a young age, and I won't let it stop me either. Parents need to stop caring about looking good, and instead care about how their children are raised.

Anecdote: My sister came over with her kid to my parents house. We were all having a conversation and my niece started whining about something. My sister ignored her while the conversation was going on, until my mom finally said "Kate - shut her up or take her out of the room, adults are speaking."

I was proud, but my sister was ****ed. I disagreed with her, and still do. Parents need to keep their kids under control.

 

[HPNPilot1200]

It sure didn't keep my parents from making sure I understood proper etiquette at a young age, and I won't let it stop me either. Parents need to stop caring about looking good, and instead care about how their children are raised.

Parents need to keep their kids under control.

Ditto!

I was punished for my actions and I have really learned a lot and have gained maturity through proper etiquette. It's amazing how parent's let their kids do anything.

..now my dad being a pilot flying corprate Citations, he tells me a lot of what really goes on in the cabin with those families with ignorant parents and whinny children.

I've heard everything from gum smushed into the sidewall to putting slices of pizza in the seatback pocket. Parent's (especially those who are wealthy) have little care for others property and their arrogance is quite dispicable.

The above examples did not include ANY punishment from the parents. Some parent's even started jumping up and down and playing with their kids in the cabin that a crew had to go back and tell them to sit down. They were in IMC and in a terminal phase of flight.

 

[GaryO]

I couldn't agree more. Too many parents make no more than a token attempt to control their children in public.

On the other hand, there are also too many adults who will come down hard on parents who try to discipline their children in public. That leads to kids who know they can get away with a lot more in public than at home. I know people whose children are well behaved at home but are like wild creatures at the mall. The parents are afraid to discipline the kids in public because there are some adults (usually without children of their own) who will call any type of discipline "child abuse" (even if it is only verbal).

And that leads to kids learning that the words "child abuse" are their magic ticket to whatever they want. I have seen kids as young as 11 threaten (blackmail?) their parents with calling HRS and reporting that they are being abused. Even though the agency will find no problem, the report will remain permanently in the HRS database and the parents will always have that reported child abuse hanging over them.

 

[Brian Austin]

And that leads to kids learning that the words "child abuse" are their magic ticket to whatever they want. I have seen kids as young as 11 threaten (blackmail?) their parents with calling HRS and reporting that they are being abused. Even though the agency will find no problem, the report will remain permanently in the HRS database and the parents will always have that reported child abuse hanging over them.

Sadly, I've seen this happen. A 14-year old daughter of a friend of mine was ticked because she couldn't go to a party since she had been grounded for breaking curfew the previous weekend. She called the state's child services agency.

Huge investigation (she was claiming sexual abuse, too) that ultimately proved the father (my friend) wasn't guilty of anything. He was ostracized at work, it was in the local paper, and he was essentially pronounced guilty before the investigation had even finished. It cost him a fortune over a year.

There was almost a divorce out of it. The man refused to talk to his daughter from that point on. The day after she turned 18, she was told to leave. She didn't get it, either. Sad that it tore the family up like that. I have no idea what became of her and haven't seen him for years.

 

[gibbons]

Anecdote: My sister came over with her kid to my parents house. We were all having a conversation and my niece started whining about something. My sister ignored her while the conversation was going on, until my mom finally said "Kate - shut her up or take her out of the room, adults are speaking."

Our way of dealing with this situation when our kids were little.... if our children had something to say or ask when one of us was in a conversation with another adult, the child would put his/her hand on our leg and stand quietly. We would reach down and hold their hand until we broke the conversation and asked what the child wanted. It was their way of saying, "I want to talk to you." and our way of responding, "I know you're there and want to talk, just a minute and I'll visit with you."
This was not our idea, but it worked beautifully.

 

[Dave Siciliano]

I have a close friend that got sideways with his sixteen-year-old son. Son wouldn't come home at night, wrecked a car dad had helped him get, then a friend's car. Dad grounded him and son called to police (short version). Child Protective Services interviend and told dad to quit threatening son. Dad moved out and Mom took over.

Mom and Dad are now getting a divorce. She took the Son's side in matters. Son is now incarcrated.

When the State starts limiting parential remedies that are reasonable; and still hold parents responsible for the minor's actions--somethin ain't right!!

Dave

 

[AdamZ]

I will tell you for a fact that when I handle juvenile criminal cases 80-90% of the time the kid has weak parents. Juvy Probation when they do their evaluations like to aks what junior likes to do with his free time, they look in Juniors room and ask about his or her chores at home. YOU WOULD NOT BELEIVE how many parents don't go into thier kids rooms 'aw well its his room and we don't want to invade his privacy" never mind the pipe bomb he's buiding and hid in his closet. I remeber one set of parents when asked what junior does in the way of chores actually said to the probation officer, " Junior doesn't like to do chores So I take the trash out and I shovel the snow. HOLY CRAP!

On the other side of it I also see kids getting bought into the juvy system for stuff my friends and I must have done a hundred times. Parents are weaker and society is also less tolerant.

 

[fgcason]

Our way of dealing with this situation when our kids were little.... if our children had something to say or ask when one of us was in a conversation with another adult, the child would put his/her hand on our leg and stand quietly. We would reach down and hold their hand until we broke the conversation and asked what the child wanted. It was their way of saying, "I want to talk to you." and our way of responding, "I know you're there and want to talk, just a minute and I'll visit with you."
This was not our idea, but it worked beautifully.

That is a really good one. When I was growing up I was on the receiving end of that routine. As a kid, you learned real quick that they wouldn't forget about you and you would get your fair turn in full. When the adult did turn to find out what you wanted, you had their complete undivided attention for what was important at the time and you never got a brush off. Even when you were just bursting to say something, you sat there quietly because you knew it worked.

At the dinner table there were established rules of conduct and we were treated as little people, not kids that just had to be there like some households appear to be run. We were treated the same as adults at the table and expected to behave appropriately with some tolerance given for age. Dinner table rules and behavior spills over into the rest of life. Start there and start early and many of the other problems will solve themselves.

What I see at the stores and in public nowadays is appauling in the extreme. I would have been picking myself off the floor if I had tried to pull even the less offensive stuff I see every time I go somewhere. When I see an unruly kid that not being hauled out of a public place even if it's just the grocery store, I'm more ashamed of the adult than I am of the kid. Child abuse my tailfeathers. IMNSHO, not disciplining them is child abuse.

 

[EdFred]

Funny story:

When they were little, two of my (older) cousins were shopping with their mom at the grocery store. They weren't being super obnoxious or anything, just stuff like "Can we get this cereal?" "Can we get this?" "Can we, can we?"

The were the only ones in that particular grocery aisle, so they weren't really bothering other patrons. Finally my aunt got tired of it, and told them that was enough and if they didn't behave they were going to get punished. So, what do the two boys do? Start yelling out loud, "No, mom, please don't beat us anymore. Please don't beat us!" etc.. The looks of the people when they came around the corner into the next aisle were as you expected.

Needless to say when they got home they DID get punished. But our whole family laughs about it today. They were actually really well behaved kids, and just loved to joke around.

 

[gibbons]

What I see at the stores and in public nowadays is appauling in the extreme. I would have been picking myself off the floor if I had tried to pull even the less offensive stuff I see every time I go somewhere. When I see an unruly kid that not being hauled out of a public place even if it's just the grocery store, I'm more ashamed of the adult than I am of the kid. Child abuse my tailfeathers. IMNSHO, not disciplining them is child abuse.

I knew we had made at least a bit of headway one day when my (then) 12 year old son and I were in a store. We watched a young boy and his mother go through the "Gimmie, buyme, takeme" routine. "Jr. don't do that." "Jr. don't do that." Over and over and over. My son looked up and me and said, "She doesn't mean it. I know it, she knows it, and he knows it." Sure enough, Jr. eventually got what he wanted. sign.

 

[flyingcheesehead]

Agreed Chuck - my take:
Anecdote: My sister came over with her kid to my parents house. We were all having a conversation and my niece started whining about something. My sister ignored her while the conversation was going on, until my mom finally said "Kate - shut her up or take her out of the room, adults are speaking."

Yes, but there are also a lot of children who simply act out to get attention. If your niece is one of them, your sister was doing the right thing and I'd be ****ed if I were her too. The problem with paying attention to the kids who act out to get attention is that they end up doing more and more outlandish things to get that attention and sooner or later "more outlandish" becomes illegal.

Parenting - The ultimate balancing act!

 

[Henning]

...Chicago cafe insists on children using "inside voices" when visiting.

Small kids who can't control their behavior don't have a place in adult restaurants. Get a baby sitter.

Or do like we do with the dog and leave them tied up outside .

 

[AirBaker]

Return of the... SPANKING!

 

[Dave Krall CFII]

Yes, but there are also a lot of children who simply act out to get attention. If your niece is one of them, your sister was doing the right thing and I'd be ****ed if I were her too. The problem with paying attention to the kids who act out to get attention is that they end up doing more and more outlandish things to get that attention and sooner or later "more outlandish" becomes illegal.

Parenting - The ultimate balancing act!

If the kid is smart enough to act out for attention then the kid is smart enough to understand the explanation that it is wrong and also smart enough to understand that repeated offenses will be punished.

However if the parent is weaker than the kid, or significantly less intelligent than the kid, we get the brats of all ages carrying that behavoir of childhood on through into adulthood and the myriad of serious problems and costs for all of us that those types bring to our society.

 

[Henning]

Return of the... SPANKING!

My feelings exactly. This whole "Time out...talk..." Dr. Spock method, it's ruined 2 generations now. Treating children as 'Small Adults' is completely ludicrous. They are treated differently under the law for a reason, and adults should treat them differently for the same reason, their brains aren't developed enough yet nor do they have the experience to understand the consequences of their actions. Spanking equals pain (typically more emotional than physical) equals an undesireable consquence for their action. Time Out and Talking doesn't convey the consequnce clearly to a child, it's more confusing. Let them know you are angry and when they do things that are out of line there are dire consequences to be faced lest they learn the lesson in a hospital or jail, or worse yet, a grave. As was said early parenting is the ultimate balancing act, and there is a line between dicipline and abuse.

 

[fgcason]

I knew we had made at least a bit of headway one day when my (then) 12 year old son and I were in a store. We watched a young boy and his mother go through the "Gimmie, buyme, takeme" routine. "Jr. don't do that." "Jr. don't do that." Over and over and over. My son looked up and me and said, "She doesn't mean it. I know it, she knows it, and he knows it." Sure enough, Jr. eventually got what he wanted. sign.

IMO you're on the right track when your kid can start analyzing situations he sees in others because he probably applies the same logic to his own behavior.

I see the whole young child behavior problem on the whole as pretty much the same situation as when people have a misbehaving dog. If you step back and observe objectively, the behavior patterns and thought processes are very very similar. They both operate on an emotional level by default until you train them to operate on a logical level. It's very seldom the dog's fault that he's misbehaving. He either doesn't know what the acceptable behavior is, or knows he can get away with whatever he does and won't be disciplined for misbehaving. Either way he eventually get's what he wants or needs which was the original goal. In their mind, no disciplinary action = acceptable behavior. It's nonexistent, poor or inconsistent training by the owner. The dog (kid also) is just doing what they know they can do because it works. If it didn't work, the wouldn't be doing it and they'd be trying another method. They're not inherently evil, they just haven't been taught not to be annoying by the accepted standards. One thing that a lot of people seem to miss is that when they're younger, the software in their heads is still being sorted out to function properly and doesn't work like full grown adults yet. You can't use adult tactics on them all the time with reliable results. Sometimes you just have to rewrite some of the code via a rolled up newspaper across their butt. Nothing wrong with that at all in the least as long as it's used properly as a behavioral reinforcement tool.

IMO, the classic screaming kid in the grocery store or getting what he wants even after being told no is a parental problem. Ignoring the kid until the screaming stops or letting them have whatever it is may solve the superficial problem immediately but it does not solve the fundamental problem that's driving the behavior. The kid is probably fine, at a young age he's thinking he's doing the right thing most of the time unless specifically told otherwise. The parent on the other hand just isn't reinforcing the fact that it's unacceptable behavior. Older kids with a problem..I'd bet the problem is traceable back to a younger age.

My take on the actual problem anyway...

My aunt says raising kids properly is more psychological warfare than anything else once they're old enough to reason for themselves.

 

[Henning]

I knew we had made at least a bit of headway one day when my (then) 12 year old son and I were in a store. We watched a young boy and his mother go through the "Gimmie, buyme, takeme" routine. "Jr. don't do that." "Jr. don't do that." Over and over and over. My son looked up and me and said, "She doesn't mean it. I know it, she knows it, and he knows it." Sure enough, Jr. eventually got what he wanted. sign.

Not having children of my own, I spent a good bit of time with my neices and nephews. They finally had me figured out, if I was going to say yes, I'd say it right off the bat, one no was the same as a hundred nos, it never changed except to "Look, it ain't gonna happen, so you might as well save the effort". But then I always had the reliever excuse of "your mom/dad/granny would kill me if I did that". They never did throw tantrums or fits with me though because they liked to go flying and I was the only one who could do that.

 

[gibbons]

I see the whole young child behavior problem on the whole as pretty much the same situation as when people have a misbehaving dog.

Nobody seems to like dog analogies when it comes to kids, but I think you're spot on.

When we first got our Lab, years ago, my daughter told her, "Sit!" No joy. "Sit!" "Sit!" "Sit!" Eventually she gave up and started to walk away. I called her back and asked if she really wanted the dog to sit. She said she did. "Then MAKE her sit. Your entire life revolves around making sure she knows you're in charge. Don't you dare walk away until she does what you ask her to do." She finally got the dog to sit and I explained, "That's what it's like when I tell you to do something. I will not back down until it's done. That's how you know I'm in charge." She seemed to understand.

Then she turned 14 and everything changed. sigh - again.

 

[Dave Krall CFII]

IMO you're on the right track when your kid can start analyzing situations he sees in others because he probably applies the same logic to his own behavior.

I see the whole young child behavior problem on the whole as pretty much the same situation as when people have a misbehaving dog. If you step back and observe objectively, the behavior patterns and thought processes are very very similar. They both operate on an emotional level by default until you train them to operate on a logical level. It's very seldom the dog's fault that he's misbehaving. He either doesn't know what the acceptable behavior is, or knows he can get away with whatever he does and won't be disciplined for misbehaving. Either way he eventually get's what he wants or needs which was the original goal. In their mind, no disciplinary action = acceptable behavior. It's nonexistent, poor or inconsistent training by the owner. The dog (kid also) is just doing what they know they can do because it works. If it didn't work, the wouldn't be doing it and they'd be trying another method. They're not inherently evil, they just haven't been taught not to be annoying by the accepted standards. One thing that a lot of people seem to miss is that when they're younger, the software in their heads is still being sorted out to function properly and doesn't work like full grown adults yet. You can't use adult tactics on them all the time with reliable results. Sometimes you just have to rewrite some of the code via a rolled up newspaper across their butt. Nothing wrong with that at all in the least as long as it's used properly as a behavioral reinforcement tool.

IMO, the classic screaming kid in the grocery store or getting what he wants even after being told no is a parental problem. Ignoring the kid until the screaming stops or letting them have whatever it is may solve the superficial problem immediately but it does not solve the fundamental problem that's driving the behavior. The kid is probably fine, at a young age he's thinking he's doing the right thing most of the time unless specifically told otherwise. The parent on the other hand just isn't reinforcing the fact that it's unacceptable behavior. Older kids with a problem..I'd bet the problem is traceable back to a younger age.

My take on the actual problem anyway...

My aunt says raising kids properly is more psychological warfare than anything else once they're old enough to reason for themselves.

Right on for both species.

Did a lot of dog training in college to make a few bucks and found no problems training dogs but LOTS of problems with both training and consistency in their owners !

 

[fgcason]

Nobody seems to like dog analogies when it comes to kids, but I think you're spot on.

Well, people can think what they want. They don't have to agree with me if they don't want to. However I have observed the behavior of dogs and kids as well as doing some disciplining of both. When it comes to young kids and dogs, they're different species however they're both animal. The behavior and learning patterns are pretty much the same with minor allowances for species differences. I'm just calling it like I see it.

When we first got our Lab {clip}

Exactly.

No kid involved but interesting disciplinary story:
I knew someone that had a german shepard. That dog was king of the house and he ran it how he saw fit. He was notorious at clamping onto your arm and dragging you across the living room to show you he's in charge. He wouldn't hurt you, just pull you around like a bully. The first time I visited, I was warned just before going inside what was going to happen. I said if that happens the rules were about to change. She didn't believe me. We went in and sure enough that dog came over, clamped onto my arm and started to pull. I just stood there. He realized I wasn't playing his game properly and he looked up at me with a mouth full of arm and kept pulling. I wasn't going anywhere and stared him down. Just at the moment I saw a flicker of doubt in his eyes, I said "NO!" and punched him right in the nose. Later on he considered trying again then realized he had better things to do. I explained the discipline thing to the girl that owned him. Dogs can do simple math: NO! + continued behavior = sore nose. A week or so later she caught up with me and said he hasn't tried to pull her or anyone else around the house in days though the first couple days resulted in a nose full of fist on a regular basis. Same basic concept works on kids though popping them on the other end is their species related reprogramming input interface.

 

[Anthony]

I watch my peers and some older Baby Boomers with their kids, many of which are grown up now and lost. This generation has to be the least strict and most permissive of any parents. I think we've done a great disservice to an entire generation of kids that now think the world owes them something and anything goes.

 

[Michael]

and this my friends is why cats are better than kids.
Of course my kids are perfect so i dont have any experiences to add to your little discussion.

 

[Anthony]

and this my friends is why cats are better than kids.

Better for what?

 

[Michael]

Better for what?

Well, Batting balls of yarn around on the floor for one.

 

[GMascelli]

Wow...some interesting stuff!

Let me start out by saying my daughter is now 19 and lives with her mother.....Ryan was fine until the first day she cut a class (9th grade) The funny part is, well not really funny but you get the idea, is that she sat in the bathroom and then went to the very next class. I got a call at work and went to pick her up. She took one look and I saw tears and she never would shed a tear. I took her and her 1 day suspension to work with me the next day. I made the decision to vist the field office for one of my projects. With daughter in tow I had her pack her lunch and off we went. After walking the project, I went into the field office and had her clean it, top to bottom. Then the contractors field office, top to bottom. At lunch she sat and ate by herself and I went out only to return with fast food. She asked why I didnt bring her anything good and I told her the labor force stays unless they can drive back and forth, besides I said you only have 30 minutes and your times up so get back to work. I then had her sweep the parking lot with a push broom. She was ticked but I told her cut school and blow off class and this is what you will be doing for the rest of your days.

Last July she came to visit, one of the first things out of her mouth was that she planned on attending a college in NY. I just laughed inside and thought it all made sense. She came by the house to let me know that I was really tough on her and she didnt like it but wanted to tell me face to face. I asked for an example and she didnt have any, I gave her the cut class work all day example and she just smiled. That was worth anything bad she had to say....I knew in my heart she understood, weather she would admit to it or not..........

sorry for the rant.......but just needed to share that. Kids do understand and I know as she gets older and understands more we will mend fences.....until then...life moves forward.

 

[HPNFlyGirl]

Gary,

She will thank you for it one day. I am very glad my parents were strick with me. I make sure and tell them how thankful I am that they were that way. If I did anything wrong, my parents knew about it before I got home, and was grounded before I came in the door.

Seems like if parents are too strict on their kids, thier kids will rebel against them. If the parents are too laid back, the kids will do whatever they want, act how they want, and just be total hooligans for the most part. If anyone knows where the happy medium, if there is such thing, please let me know.

Not that I have kids other than 2 dogs and 2 degus (aka rats) but they for the most part are really good, and have manners.

 

[gkainz]

What do you get when you don't discipline your kids? Did anyone catch any of the series on tv a while ago called "Cattle Drive"? Pretty much most of the worst behaviour out of pretty much the most spoiled kids on the planet ...

 

[DeeG]

I get to deal with this almost every day. The officers/deputies are all in agreement that parents need to be PARENTS and that law enforcement is not going to raise your child for you. Just yesterday i get a 911 call from an upset mom who wanted her 16 year old son (who was on probation) taken to jail because he was refusing to get in the car. Every time I attempted to say that this is not a law enforcement problem , she just got louder and louder and cried more and more, basically blaming us for her problems. I finally had to yell at her "ARE YOU GOING TO LISTEN TO ME OR NOT??? WE WILL NOT TAKE YOU SON TO JAIL BECAUSE HE WON'T CLEAN HIS ROOM OR GET IN THE CAR. THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM."

Then she gets all upset that I yelled at her. Well, geezzz...it was the only way to get you to shut up! No wonder her kid was so out of control.

 

[Ghery]

My kids (now 29 and 25) watch misbehavior with amusement because they both know (and have noted) that they would never have gotten away with such when they were little. Yes, my wife and I are baby boomers, but we were raised with an expectation of proper behavior and we raised our kids the same way. Somehow I suspect our kids will raise their kids the same way. Of course, our daughter's in-laws and we will be doing our best to spoil her kids (when she has some), but then that's what grandchildren are for.

I have little patience for parents who inflict their children on me in an inappropriate setting - like a retaurant a few cuts above MacDonalds. Either make them behave, or take them out. Three cheers for that restaurant owner in Chicago.

 

[jesse]

I was one where my parents let me get away with whatever I wanted. I think I got lucky and ended up not doing anything REALLY stupid... but... At this point in my life sometimes I wish my parents would have been a little more strict and not let me make some choices that I made..Some of them I don't even bother to try to explain to a person anymore. It's easier to lie......

One thing I don't understand is this.. If I lost my drivers license when I was under 18 I couldn't get another duplicate without a parent coming with to sign.

I did my entire private pilots license without even mentioning it to my mom. My mom was always on me about how I could possibly not have any money left when I was working 40 hours a week....Thought I was blowing it on who knows what.

 

[The rogue]

I work in a retail store, and we see the same kind of thing about once a week. The paretn comes in to buy, turfs the kids to the play area, and they proceed to act like a pack of wild dingoes for an hour. Since it's a commission type of a deal and our corporate policy is "the customer is always right" there is nothing I can do, even when three kids are screaming at the top of their lungs and I am screaming at one of my crews trying to get some info..... I really wish this type of parent would figure it out. If my dogs acted like that in public, they would probably be in the pound and I would get to pay a $75 fine. But kids can do whatever they want.

The first time one of the "little darlings" takes a poo on my floor, the gloves are coming off though!!!!!

--Matt

 

[SkyHog]

I was one where my parents let me get away with whatever I wanted. I think I got lucky and ended up not doing anything REALLY stupid... but... At this point in my life sometimes I wish my parents would have been a little more strict and not let me make some choices that I made..Some of them I don't even bother to try to explain to a person anymore. It's easier to lie......

One thing I don't understand is this.. If I lost my drivers license when I was under 18 I couldn't get another duplicate without a parent coming with to sign.

I did my entire private pilots license without even mentioning it to my mom. My mom was always on me about how I could possibly not have any money left when I was working 40 hours a week....Thought I was blowing it on who knows what.

Hey - I hear ya. There were actually a few years when I got older, my mom started working, and my parents started getting older (too old to be raising a teen, IMHO), that they lost control of me in my mid teens. They'd set a curfew of 9pm, and I'd come home at 10.

They'd ground me, but since they both worked, they couldn't enforce it, so I'd come home the next night at 10, and this continued for a while. Time came around where I came home at 9:30 and they simply said "Well, you're home early."

There were other things too, but I don't feel like blasting my parents. Instead, I look at it as mistakes they made that I don't plan on making when I have kids. The first 12-13 years of my life, my parents were very strict, and I think thats the way a child should be raised. It was a need for money that drove my mom to have to work, and that's what caused the lack of control IMHO.

I get to deal with this almost every day. The officers/deputies are all in agreement that parents need to be PARENTS and that law enforcement is not going to raise your child for you. Just yesterday i get a 911 call from an upset mom who wanted her 16 year old son (who was on probation) taken to jail because he was refusing to get in the car. Every time I attempted to say that this is not a law enforcement problem , she just got louder and louder and cried more and more, basically blaming us for her problems. I finally had to yell at her "ARE YOU GOING TO LISTEN TO ME OR NOT??? WE WILL NOT TAKE YOU SON TO JAIL BECAUSE HE WON'T CLEAN HIS ROOM OR GET IN THE CAR. THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM."

Then she gets all upset that I yelled at her. Well, geezzz...it was the only way to get you to shut up! No wonder her kid was so out of control.

Should have threatened to arrest the mother for negligence in parenting, or made up a law she was breaking by calling you. That would have shut her up.

 

[GaryO]

They'd set a curfew of 9pm, and I'd come home at 10.

I never did give either of my kids a curfew, or a bedtime either for that matter. What I did do, starting when they were about 4, was give them a time they had to be up in the morning. And I expected them to be up at that time without me (or Carol) having to call them and strictly enforced it.

We let them set their own bedtime but they very seldom stayed up (or out) late.

 

[jesse]

We let them set their own bedtime but they very seldom stayed up (or out) late.

Oh wow. someone needs to teach me that. I never had any type of curfew either.. I'd be up on time for work always, but I was usually running on about 3 hours of sleep.


To this day I find myself about every night still up at 3am when I need to get up at 5:30 am to be to work by 7am....One of these days I'll get some sense and go to bed.

 

[AirBaker]

Hey - I hear ya. There were actually a few years when I got older, my mom started working, and my parents started getting older (too old to be raising a teen, IMHO), that they lost control of me in my mid teens. They'd set a curfew of 9pm, and I'd come home at 10.

I never had a 'curfew', but I wasn't allowed to be out all night either. My parents travelled a lot, so I threw a few parties and figured I could be out all night. I distinctly remember the night I was caught, coming home at 5 am... I was out with a friend and a few girls. There was just 2 of us left out late that night, when the girl's mom never thought to look outside to see we were in the driveway. So the phone chain started to search for the 2 of us. The girls mom called my friends parents. They called my grandmother in search of my parents number. Grandma called my aunt and uncle wondering what to do. The aunt and uncle called my parents. Each awakened party called various police departments, highway patrol, etc. in search of a crash or jailed teenager or two. I was a block away from my house on the drive home thinking "I'd never get caught." I was home for 5 minutes when the phone rang....

Grounded for 2 weeks, but the embarrassment of waking up just about every family member and friend made sure I wouldn't do that again.

 

[flyingcheesehead]

Grounded for 2 weeks, but the embarrassment of waking up just about every family member and friend made sure I wouldn't do that again.

Heh... That reminded me of when I was a senior in high school. I was starting to, you know, do what seniors do - Exercise independence. I had a girlfriend that I spent many late nights with. I was usually given a reasonable curfew like midnight or so, but I still wanted to spend more time with her. After I'd been late a couple of times and my parents were asleep already and I didn't get in trouble, I once stayed out until 3 AM.

I got back home, quietly let myself in, crept to my bedroom thinking that I was off scot-free. I opened my bedroom door and flipped on the light, and... My dad was sleeping in my bed. Busted!