Funny things you have heard on the radio

Shawn said:
Me: "Fullerton Ground, Slylane 12345...Blah Blah Blah...ready to taxi to runup"
ATC: "Skylane 12345, this is REID HILLVIEW ground...taxi 31 Right via Zulu"
Me: "Opps, sorry...31 right via Zulu, 345"
ATC: Skylane 345, need flight following to Fullerton?
Me: "Yes please!, was it obvious where I am going?...345"
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It gets real fun when someone calls them San Jose Ground. Reid is IN San Jose, so every once in a while someone does that.

At least the runways are numbered slightly differently. SJC has 30L and 30R, RHV has 31L and 31R. Otherwise, the answer might be "Contact San Jose Ground 121.7," as that's just the next frequency from Reid Hillview Ground on some radios.
 
Lowflynjack said:
Just last week I heard one side of a conversation... in a very sarcastic tone: "Thanks man! Could you repeat that great advice for everyone to hear? You're an amazing pilot."
"
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Bet it was Henning! :D
 
More LGA hilarity, this time on 121.7, so I have a LiveATC feed for it. Sometimes it's hard to get taxiing because there are so many people on the frequency and folks are stepping all over each other to get a word in. Southwest finally gets a little snotty about it at 9:30 into this feed:

http://archive-server.liveatc.net/klga/KLGA-Gnd-Aug-22-2016-1300Z.mp3

What's funny to me are the other pilots chiming in with "WAAAAH!"
 
This happened back in the 80's at KSFB before it became ATC staffed -- was in the pattern on downwind doing touch and goes with a student when tower cleared one plane for takeoff on Rwy 18 and another for takeoff on Rwy 9 followed with "you guys be careful now!" Might not have been so bad but these are INTERSECTING runways!!!!! My student looked at me and asked if what he just heard was what the controller had said. I confirmed it was and from that point on I made sure my students were told about this and were well aware of listening to ALL transmissions extra carefully while flying at KSFB.

Another time back in the same time frame was flying into KATL in a light twin on a 6 mile final when ATC asked me to keep my speed up to the threshhold unless I wanted to become a hood ornament on the L1011 behind me! Fortunately I was going to the far end of the very long runway anyway so maintained 140 (normal would have been 100), landed long, which was my intention anyway cuz who likes to taxi at ATL for miles, and even got a thank you from the Delta L10.
 
Checking in with center one afternoon:
Me: "XYX3350, level 350"
ATC: "Good afternoon, any ride reports?"
Me: "Nope, smooth last half hour"
ATC: "Well, be advise there's Delta in front of you..."

O'Hare Ground
"Mom can I get off the merry go round?"

Over North Dakota

Me: "Good morning Center, XXX3350, level 290"

Unknown: "Good Morning to you sonny, this is [Unknown] Tower, your a bit high for me. Call me back when you want to do some touch and go's. I'm free most days"
 
Long before TFR's and when the first Bush was president, we were holding outside of Charleston, WVa waiting for Quayle to leave after he was white water rafting. USAir came on approach and was told to enter a hold for national security. They must have radioed home, because they came back in a few minutes with "Wait, we are holding for the LITTLE GUY????"
 
I've used this one a LOT during my ATC career and it has worked every single time so far. (Bat32 is a C-130)

"Bat three two contact departure."
"silence"
"Bat three two contact departure."
"silence"
"Bat three two, Simon says contact departure."
"Bat three two over to departure."
 
I call an Alaska 737 as traffic to another plane getting ready to apply visual seperation. Calls it in sight. There is another plane close enough that could have been mistaken for Alaska so I call that traffic also and tell him the one he is looking for is white and has a picture of like an Eskimo or something on the tail. He verifies thats the one he sees and I climb him. A few seconds later this, in the blind, "it's the Captains girlfriend"
 
Not really funny, but here is an exchange from Saturday as I was headed to TVY for soft field landing training. AWOS reported winds calm and since there wasn't anyone that we could see in the pattern and we were approaching from the east I announced a 45 midfield for runway 17. Someone (didn't identify with a tail #) keys in and says that they are using 35. So we look through the pattern again and still don't see anything.

Cfi: whoever said they're using 35, are you in the pattern?

Mystery guy: No I'm south west of the field climbing to (altitude) for a parachute drop. (There is a jump school that operates out if TVY)

(Me not sure what to do looks at instructor, he tells me to continue for 17)

Me: Skyhawk 776 turning base 17....

Jump plane: I just told you I was using 35.

Cfi: Well, while you're climbing to drop off jumpers we'll be landing on 17.

Jump plane: (angrily) Well I guess when I land on 35 we'll just run into each other.

Cfi to me: that A-hole thinks he owns this place.

We did a touch and go, then looped around and enter the pattern for 35 and did a bunch of soft field landings and takeoffs.
 
korben88 said:
Not really funny, but here is an exchange from Saturday as I was headed to TVY for soft field landing training. AWOS reported winds calm and since there wasn't anyone that we could see in the pattern and we were approaching from the east I announced a 45 midfield for runway 17. Someone (didn't identify with a tail #) keys in and says that they are using 35. So we look through the pattern again and still don't see anything.

Cfi: whoever said they're using 35, are you in the pattern?

Mystery guy: No I'm south west of the field climbing to (altitude) for a parachute drop. (There is a jump school that operates out if TVY)

(Me not sure what to do looks at instructor, he tells me to continue for 17)

Me: Skyhawk 776 turning base 17....

Jump plane: I just told you I was using 35.

Cfi: Well, while you're climbing to drop off jumpers we'll be landing on 17.

Jump plane: (angrily) Well I guess when I land on 35 we'll just run into each other.

Cfi to me: that A-hole thinks he owns this place.

We did a touch and go, then looped around and enter the pattern for 35 and did a bunch of soft field landings and takeoffs.
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Me: "Jump Plane - did you file a reservation with FAA for exclusive use of 35 while you're up there dropping meat bombs?"
 
gkainz said:
Me: "Jump Plane - did you file a reservation with FAA for exclusive use of 35 while you're up there dropping meat bombs?"
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Jump plane, "You non-commercial pukes have no right to question my airmanship! I'll beta blast you into the next sectional!"
 
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Just last night I heard someone say they would be landing on runway 15 Left. There's only the one runway at the airport.

I also heard someone say they were "taking runway 15". I thought about this thread and I almost responded, "Well, don't take it too far because I may need it later".
 
During a frantic call for field artillery fire on a REFORGER training exercise in Germany as our position was about to be overrun:

"Adjust fire, grid XXXX XXXX, troops in the open, ICBM in effect!"
 
Stingray Don said:
Just last night I heard someone say they would be landing on runway 15 Left. There's only the one runway at the airport.

I also heard someone say they were "taking runway 15". I thought about this thread and I almost responded, "Well, don't take it too far because I may need it later".
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I may land on 32R when I have big tires.
 
A few years ago I was flying into Cedar Rapids in the middle of a winter storm. The winds were around 280-290 in the 50-55 knot range . I was cleared for the ILS 27, and just switched over to the tower when I heard them ask the plane in front of me if he could land and hold short 31. He laughed and said in this wind he could land and hold short 27.
 
Tower: Archer hold short runway 31, landing traffic is an MD80
Archer: Hold short runway 31 for landing traffic
Tower: Archer, sorry the traffic is an Airbus
Airbus: Don't worry, we get that all the time.

Airline was Allegiant so I think the controllers are always used to them being MD80's.
 
Not funny, so much as shocking...

I was flying along listening to music once when I heard, "Put down the gun! Man, put down the f****ing gun!". (Or words to that effect - it was a long time ago).

Got my attention. A hijack in progress? ATC facility under siege? What???

Took a minute, but I had an Eminem album on my iPod and what I heard was one of the little "bridges" he would put between songs.

Whew!
 
FastEddieB said:
Not funny, so much as shocking...

I was flying along listening to music once when I heard, "Put down the gun! Man, put down the f****ing gun!". (Or words to that effect - it was a long time ago).

Got my attention. A hijack in progress? ATC facility under siege? What???

Took a minute, but I had an Eminem album on my iPod and what I heard was one of the little "bridges" he would put between songs.

Whew!
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Similarly... All the artists that put sirens in tracks... Start looking for the emergency equipment and slowing down... And then realize it's coming from the stereo...
 
Sac Arrow said:
During a frantic call for field artillery fire on a REFORGER training exercise in Germany as our position was about to be overrun:

"Adjust fire, grid XXXX XXXX, troops in the open, ICBM in effect!"
Click to expand...


hTraKpS.gif
 
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Sac Arrow said:
During a frantic call for field artillery fire on a REFORGER training exercise in Germany as our position was about to be overrun:

"Adjust fire, grid XXXX XXXX, troops in the open, ICBM in effect!"
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"Fire the FPF would be much easier to request...even an 11Bang or 13F should be able to do that. :)

I cannot being to tell you all the stupid stuff I've heard on the Fire Support or Command nets in the Army. :rolleyes:
 
N3368K said:
"Fire the FPF would be much easier to request...even an 11Bang or 13F should be able to do that. :)

I cannot being to tell you all the stupid stuff I've heard on the Fire Support or Command nets in the Army. :rolleyes:
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True enough! If only our FO hadn't been "whacked..."
 
Landed at Tulsa Riverside a few weeks ago. Had a chopper following me in on final. We were going to the same FBO and we arrived there at the same time. Ground just basically told us to watch out for each other. As it turns out, we would need to cross each other's paths to get where we were going, and we both just stopped, looking at each other. We sat there for a good 30 seconds, each of us waving at each other to proceed, like two cars might do at an intersection. Ground control said nothing, but we were the only two moving aircraft on the field at the time, so I knew they were watching. Finally, I just keyed up and said, "it's all yours helicopter, I'll wait." He thanked me and proceeded to park. Immediately after, the ground controller chimed in, chuckling, and said "Man, we were up here taking bets on you guys." We all laughed. I replied, "well, did you win?" He said, "Nope, thanks a lot 23Y. Good day."
 
Two weeks ago I heard the following while I was taxiing to my space.

Ground: Bugsmasher 123 say parking.
BS123: We're unfamiliar and we'd like progressive to the restaurant.
Ground: *pause* Uh sir, we don't have a restaurant on the airport.
BS123: *pause* Then we'd like to taxi back to the active.

Now some of the old timers can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure my airport has not had a restaurant in any of its 70 years of existence. Kind of a weird thing to not check before you land somewhere.
 
ircphoenix said:
Two weeks ago I heard the following while I was taxiing to my space.

Ground: Bugsmasher 123 say parking.
BS123: We're unfamiliar and we'd like progressive to the restaurant.
Ground: *pause* Uh sir, we don't have a restaurant on the airport.
BS123: *pause* Then we'd like to taxi back to the active.

Now some of the old timers can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure my airport has not had a restaurant in any of its 70 years of existence. Kind of a weird thing to not check before you land somewhere.
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Ground should have given them progressive taxi to the Applebee's a few blocks away. :p
 
ircphoenix said:
"Turn right at the next taxiway, continue straight to Pacific Coast Highway, turn right...."
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I got something similar at my home drone one day. Winds were howling and I had already done one go around in which atc told me to continue 1 mile before turning crosswind. I was razzled so I went ahead and turned crosswind, to which atc yells that's the shortest mile I've ever seen. I apologized profusely tried to make a joke saying I was on metric system. Anyway, I was able to land the second try but was way long and missed two taxiways. Tower was finally like ok, skyhawk 123 take exit 6 off the interstate follow the signs up the hill you'll see an airport on your left. We'll be here waiting on you.
 
A few years back I was flying a charter into KPAE just north of Seattle. For those who aren't familiar it's a large airport because Boeing has a factory there. It can be very busy at times.

I flew in from Eastern Washington where it's hot & dry.

As I was cleared to land the tower commented that they had seen some coyotes mid field so to exercise caution. I immediately said "did you really say coyotes?" The controlled said "Affirmative coyotes...a desert rat like you ought to know what a coyote is".

I answered with a simple "Roger".
 
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