Funniest Aviation Story thread

[JimLAFB]

Well, there was This Little Adventure I had 3 years ago.

I know some of you will laugh.

Yes we will. Not too often we will read that many words and you kept us going.

 

[Ed Haywood]

Helicopter meat cargo stories:

Was riding on a Blackhawk in Iraq. Sitting in the door, legs hanging over the side, monkey strap on. Hocked up a big loogie and spat. Watched it go out into the slipstream a few feet, circle a few times, then reverse and smack me right in the face.

Night infil on a Chinook in Norway during an Arctic Warfare exercise. We launched from a fiord near the coast, where the snow was only a few inches deep. Made the mistake of assuming it would be the same 50 miles inland. Ran off the back ramp wearing 100 pound rucks with snowshoes strapped to the top. Dropped into 6 feet of fresh powder, 10 of us piled on top of each other, flopping around on our backs trying to get up. Took about 30 minutes to get on our feet after the helo left.

Same exercise in Norway, same Chinook, did a parachute jump on a frozen lake covered by 3 feet of snow. Awesome, softest landing ever. Except one guy did not release his risers and tried to collapse his chute. Wind picked up and drug him about 500 yards while submerged under the snow. Medics had to pick packed snow from his ears and nostrils.

 

[4RNB]

I am amazed at the experience of folks here!

Thank you for no speed checks...

 

[MauleSkinner]

Cruising at FL350 in a Citation back when FL510 was really uncommon, somebody on the freq asked what kind of airplane he was seeing on. TCAS at 51,000. “Just a minute, I’ll check.”
I keyed the mic and said, “It’s a Citation I.”
A few minutes later, the original guy came back on, “Center, did you ever find out what kind of airplane that was at 51 thou?”
Center: “yeah, did t you hear? It’s a Citation I.”
My copilot and I look at each other, laughing. He keys the mic (he did all the radio work until we changed frequency, too) and said, “I think somebody’s pulling your chain, because we’re a Citation I and we’re sucking wind at FL350.

I got the impression that the controller didn’t appreciate my brand of humor.

 

[luvflyin]

Cruising at FL350 in a Citation back when FL510 was really uncommon, somebody on the freq asked what kind of airplane he was seeing on. TCAS at 51,000. “Just a minute, I’ll check.”
I keyed the mic and said, “It’s a Citation I.”
A few minutes later, the original guy came back on, “Center, did you ever find out what kind of airplane that was at 51 thou?”
Center: “yeah, did t you hear? It’s a Citation I.”
My copilot and I look at each other, laughing. He keys the mic (he did all the radio work until we changed frequency, too) and said, “I think somebody’s pulling your chain, because we’re a Citation I and we’re sucking wind at FL350.

I got the impression that the controller didn’t appreciate my brand of humor.

Here’s another one where someone keys up the mic and just blurts something out. I’m working a departure out of LAX climbing to 13,000 which was routine for traffic descending to 14,000 on a STAR going into SNA/LGB. I called traffic on an Alaska flight to the departure who reported it in sight. But there was an American flight near enough by that it was possible that it might have been the plane he was seeing. So to be sure he had the right plane before giving visual separation and climbing him I called traffic on the American also. I got cute and said the traffic he was looking for had a picture of some Eskimo looking guy on the tail. There was a few seconds of silence and then somebody keys up and blurts out “that’s the Captains wife.” Or maybe it was girlfriend, can’t remember for sure

 

[Racerx]

Many years ago, as a new pilot living in southern Arizona, I decided it would be a good idea to take my family on a x-country trip on a summer afternoon; first mistake. My wife & young kids (8 & 2) were reluctant flyers but excited to turn a 6-hour drive into a ninety-minute flight. Everyone can picture what it was like in a C172 on a hot, summer afternoon. Wife was sitting right seat, kids asleep in the back, she asks “can I open the window?”. Not really thinking, I said “sure”; second mistake. She opens the large Cessna window and attempts to puke outside. Of course, both kids get a face full and immediately wake up, adding their own contribution. I diverted to the nearest airport and was barely able to keep it down myself. We waited for nightfall before continuing; only decent decision of the day.

That's something I ask during preflight with people I haven't flown with. Do you get motion sick? Cuz if you lose your chuckies, so am I.