It is incomprehensible to me now that this same man who preached caution and safety and made it his life’s MISSION should now go down that same dark path. How could he? Did he not think that maybe his life held value for all the people around him who counted on him to be a voice of sanity??
Well, I've always been a fatalist, and the answer from a fatalistic point of view is "He couldn't not do it". While our lives may hold value to those around us, that does not trump the value it has to us, nor does that even slightly influence the fact that we will die. Why did he do this particular thing? Probably because he wanted to, and in my book, that ain't all that bad of a way to go. With very few exceptions, none of us knows the time or even circumstances of our death, yet we all know we will die, even if we hold that thought in the abstract. I've had several friends and colleagues die. Watched one crash in the field next to me, and I knew he was dead. He however loved his job, he had more fun at it than anyone I know (and was good at it) and he always pushed it harder to get more acres per hour. One day he pulled a turn too tight. I was sad, but I never felt bad for him. His death was quick I'm sure, and he had the opportunity to love life, and he took it and ran with it.
We often get angry with those that die and leave us, but it's a selfish anger and we get over it, hopefully realizing, that one day, it'll be us and I know I wouldn't want a buch of p-ed off people when I die (most people will probably rejoyce.
). Rather than focussing on what you have lost from this persons death, concentrate on what you have gained from their life, and every now and then head to the airport around sunset, face west, have a drink and think about them. In the end, that's all you can do.
All we really have in life is our memories, actually, they define our lives and set the stage for how we react to things. What do you want your memories to be?