One of the Onion writers just HAS to be a pilot!
A few give-aways that it wasn't a pilot (like runway F). I'd say either romantically involved with a pilot, or more likely used to be romantically involved with a pilot.
Chris
Maybe that was the point of the joke--that he wouldn't wait in queue for everyone, so hopped out onto a taxiway (F), and took off from there. You gotta admit, makes sense within the story.
Kind of reminds me of my grandpa... He didn't really know what a medical was and refused to get a BFR. He would go as far as to say how the FAA did not have authority to regulate his farm equipment (Stearman).