DenverPilot ..........

Thinking of you and your family Nate.
 
Nate - we don't know each other, but my thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family.
 
Nate, my friend, I am there with you. Prayers for your dad, you and for your family. Amen.
 
He has posted that his Dad has passed. Hopefully they will be able to use his organs. Nate, our thoughts and prayers with you and Karen.
 
So very sorry. Nate, you've definitely got some prayers from New Orleans tonight.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss Nate - Thanks to your dad's generous wish, I hope that he can help bring a new life to those who may need it.
 
Sorry for your loss Nate, I'll include you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You've had a tough few months.
 
Nate, very sorry to hear this, keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.
 
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Terribly sorry for your loss Nate. Continued prayers for you and your family.
 
I just noticed that Nate's Dad was exactly one month older than me. Just damn.

Much too young to have left us. :(
 
Damn Nate, that really sucks.

You guys made the right call though.
 
Nate should take comfort that his dad was never alone. I think Providence had Nate right behind him when this happened.
 
Nate, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

John
 
Sorry for your loss, Nate.

Thoughts and prayers your way.

George
 
Nate, peace be with you during this difficult time. God bless you for choosing organ donation, its such an incredible gift.
 
My family's thoughts and prayers in your time of loss of your dad. May his memory be a blessing to all who knew him.
 
Damn. Thinking of Nate and his family :(
 
Sorry to hear that. I lost my father rather suddenly 4 years ago and it was the hardest thing I had to go through.
 
My condolences, Nate. And God bless you and your family for donating, and trying to have something positive come from your loss.
It takes a very big heart to think of the benefit of others during a time of loss and grief.
 
Nate, so sorry to hear this sad news. From one gEEk to another, you and your family are in my prayers tonight.
 
Sorry for your loss Nate. But know that his selfless donation has no doubt forever changed the lives of others, in a good way...
 
Thank you everyone for the kind words, prayers, and calls. I knew someone had posted here from FB from how many PoA family had sent notes, obviously it's been a bit of a whirlwind couple of days, and I just got to read the thread.

To keep the story short, let's just say he first "retired" at 53, was having a ball with skiing, fishing, puttering in his big garage, ham radio, and shooting, and was super-proud of Karen's interest in the shooting hobby and/or defensive firearms training, and also enjoying the heck out of the new local gun club near our house. He liked to call and schedule together or just get a single lane and we'd trade off shooters and hang out for a bit, gabbing with the store/club employees.

Karen left first to get the dog a walk, and we headed for two cars. I had received a call from work that a server up north was misbehaving and I was going to drive up there after our range time and fix it. He was going grocery shopping, errands, and back out to his house to watch the Super Bowl. He backed out, as did I and we headed the mile or so to the range.

He's in the lead on Arapahoe Road, which locals know is a large six lane or bigger at points, and has lots of traffic. The entrance to the gun club is literally on the same road as the entrance road to Centennial Airport... Peoria. You go south, you go a block and pass South Metro Fire Rescue Station 35 which has the duties of covering the airport, and another .2 mile you're in the airport. Go north, and you're a block up and over to the gun club.

One light before Peoria as we were coming up the hill, I noticed he swerved slightly and moved over into the left turn lane at a red light. I thought to myself, "Okay, he's taking the back way into the range..." and watched as the light changed and he made a left turn. There's some industrial park type buildings and a curvy two lane that would lead to the back way into the club parking lot. As he went around a couple of corners he looked like he was messing with something (the radio, or he dropped something on the floor) and leaning to the right a bit. He went out of his lane twice about half a car-width. Odd for him, he drives well and does stuff only when stopped or otherwise safe, I thought it slightly odd, but then nothing of it. At the next stop sign, however, he pulled into the left turn lane and slightly out into the intersection and stopped.

Car trouble? I thought? Odd. I moved over, put my hazards on and stopped behind him as I saw the door pop open on the Subaru. He didn't get out, however so I knew something strange was up and there's virtually no traffic on that street, so I hopped out and walked up to see what was going on. We were about 8 minutes late for meeting our friend at the range which really wasn't any problem, we weren't in any hurry.

As I walked up, I could tell something was not right. He was looking a bit dazed and I asked, "What's up?" and didn't get much of a response at first. I asked, "You feeling sick?" , "Yeah." Then he looked like he might throw up and my thoughts were his complaint that he'd felt a little like he was coming down with the flu in the morning. Stepped back and waited for the hurl, but it didn't come... he turned a bit toward the passenger side instead, which really didn't make any sense. Training from dispatch/radio friends in EMS/Police/Fire, and First Aid started kicking in... and I heard my voice as if slightly from afar start the standard questions...

"Dad, are you with me? Where does it hurt? Are you feeling any pain?" I instinctively knew something was up. I was in Assessment mode. Hand went into my pocket and pulled the cell phone and dialed 911 digits without hitting Call, with left thumb ready to push. Whirlwind of thoughts, "What's his condition, is he pale, he's breathing, CPR is going to be a ***** upright in the seat, heart attack?, stroke?, flu?, dehydrated?...

He said, "I feel dizzy" very slowly and deliberately. "Ok dad, do you want to get in the Yukon?" No response, eyes rolling a bit. He stomped the gas pedal and raced the engine. I dove for the ignition and shut it off.

"Do you want an ambulance?" No response, and he went out... and by out, it wasn't dramatic, he literally went to sleep... chin on his chest, snoring lightly even... ****... I realized I needed EMS. Thumb hit the button.

Radio/Dispatch work kicked in...

"I need an ambulance at the corner of Peakview Avenue and ____(I forget)___. My father was driving his car erratically and I was following him, he stopped and he has lost consciousness. He was on the way to the gun range and is a concealed carry permit holder and he's armed, I will disarm him and safe the weapon, but I know I need to make you aware." The usual questions, the dispatcher asked age, health, was there a car accident, etc... and said she'd stay on the line. I know METCOM dispatch and have been there, and could imagine her triggering South Metro Fire Rescue's automated voice over the air on the EMS channel giving address, and if we were any closer to Station 35, I would have heard the Truck and the Ambulance pull out. They were there in an amazingly short time.

Back to "the patient" as my brain from training was seeing him now, assessing... Breathing labored, but strong, reached for his left wrist and checked for a pulse, talking to the dispatcher the whole time... "He's breathing, has a pulse, a few mild tremors, he may be having a seizure." It was all training... I don't know how I kept talking and assessing... as I was thinking about tilting his head back for a clearer airway, the EMT bus rolled up and spun around to block the intersection the other direction. A lady in her car had stopped sometime during this and asked if we needed help, I shook my head emphatically no and shouted that I had 911 on the line and it was my dad having some sort of medical problem, and she took over directing traffic and answering questions from passing vehicles. I think every vehicle slowed and stopped and asked out the window if everything was okay in that roughly three minutes that elapsed. Time compression. She was an angel.

The ambulance rolled up with the Truck not far behind. The lady said she was going to move her car, and that she'd be praying for us, I said "Thank you" and turned my attention back to dad, and the EMTs. The first guy out of the Ambulance as they swung around to block the intersection, I somehow gave him the full assessment and that dad was armed and I'd be willing to remove and lock up the gun but that he was leaning on it heavily. His eyes got big, as their protocol is the police have to do that, and as he said that someone bolted off the truck and shouted to him and the two other guys, "There's a weapon"... in a factual, not scared or worried voice.

In that amazing EMT way, a huge guy pushed me out of the doorway without me really even knowing it and with one look at dad, knew he wanted him on the gurney. He lifted him in one big bear hug, and placed him dead-center on the gurney in one move. Damn, that guy was good at what he did. Knowing they were still hampered by the threat of a patient doing something bad with a weapon, I said "I'll get it" and before I had walked around the end of the gurney, an EMT with gun experience had pulled it from his holster, dropped the magazine, cleared it and handed it to me barrel-down, grip toward him and the magazine removed. "Take this to your truck, lock it up, and I don't want to see it again." He knew he was doing us a huge favor... often in Colorado if an Officer removes a weapon, it's summarily confiscated and ends up sometimes being held a long time in the "system" before the rightful-owner gets it back, Concealed Permit, or none. I jogged over, opened the back door of the truck, shoved it in my gun case and locked it, and ran back to the gurney with a breathless, "Thanks." The EMT's were lifting the gurney into the Ambulance and doing their workup, fast.

I knew from way too damn much experience that fast on-scene is a bad sign. Three guys had entered the Ambulance, and one guy off the Truck had the Ambulance's laptop in hand with history questions... the usual, "age, any health issues, allergies, anything like this before?" I had enough time to get out his age and no, nothing, and maybe penicillin and the Sheriff rolled up.

"Stay here, let me talk to him" the Engine guy said, and walked over. I knew it was because the Officer had no idea what was going on other than a weapons call. He explained the situation succinctly and fast, and the Officer then walked the remaining six feet and asked me "What happened?" and "You've secured the weapon, correct? He was a Concealed Weapons permit holder?"

"Yes sir, he is and his permit is in his wallet in the ambulance, and the gun is locked in the truck there. We were on our way to the shooting range. I am not carrying. He also had a pocket knife and the EMTs are aware of it."

"Okay, I need your ID for a report but I don't need you. May I have your ID for a minute, I won't delay you for very long."

"Absolutely", handed over the ID from my wallet. He was the model of professionalism. He jogged back to his car to enter data.

The side door on the Bus opened, "We're going to go, ALT, Sky Ridge." the EMT said to the Engine guy, who immediately closed and handed the laptop through the door and turned to me and started to explain in plain english...

I interrupted, "I understand they're leaving to go to Sky Ridge... I will get his car out of the intersection and follow after I have my ID back from the Officer."

"Okay, we're going to follow him to clear traffic, and the officer will handle things here. You heard Skyridge?" "Yes, thank you." The Ambulance was already rolling, the Engine was started and he jumped on and they took off, no siren at first, but as soon as they hit Arapahoe, I heard it ... Code 10 run. Damn. I also knew he'd seen my face when the EMT said "ALT", which in our area's phrasology means, "Advanced Life-Support Transport"... I knew dad was crashing in the Ambulance and they couldn't stabilize him. My heart fell... but I knew I had to keep moving.

Met the Officer halfway from his car to the Subaru and he handed me the ID. "Thank you Officer, I understand when someone is carrying it can create a hazard for the EMTs and completely understand that they had to call you. I'll move the vehicle into that parking lot there, and then get the Yukon out of the intersection."

"You're welcome, I'm sorry we had to meet this way. I'll leave the lights on (the cruiser) until you're clear. Please drive carefully to SkyRidge."

"I will!"... as I jogged to the Subaru... EMTs had tossed the keys on the dash, moved the car, went to the Yukon, climbed in, deep breath, start, careful U-turn, seat belt, drive. Waited until I was on Arapahoe in light traffic to call Karen... knew she was out walking the dog in sweats and didn't have her phone, but should be home any minute. No answer. Didn't want to leave a voice mail. Drive... head for I-25, if no answer at home, will turn and maybe head to the hospital, but need to take the guns home and lock them up... redial... Karen answers... I tell her I just put dad in an ambulance and he was headed to SkyRidge... Either I can go there and you come and grab all the range stuff, or I'll come there and you can ride over with me... we decide I'll come to the house. Grab all the bags, jog inside, lock up the stuff, Karen fights with the now hyper dog to keep him in as we leave and we're headed south.

Into the ER, find out what room, security guard notices my pocket knife clip on my pocket... "I apologize sir, and I know you'd never do anything with it, but if you could, we have a no weapons policy, could you take that to you car?" He points at my pocket... ****...sigh... "Absolutely, I understand. I dart out the ER door to the Yukon, toss the pocket knife into the seat, and run back in. Down the hall, we get to see dad for the first time, and the ER nurse and a few folks are obviously prepping to move him... ER nurse explains they know it's not his heart, they suspect his brain, and he's headed for a CT scan. We stand clear and they roll him out. I can tell by looks on faces, this is not good. Dad's already on a ventilator.

All the usual history questions again, ER nurse explains that his systolic pressure was so high in the ambulance that it went off the scale of a normal mercury bulb cuff... 300. They had been working to stabilize his BP with drugs in the ER and had finally gotten control of it. BP can either be high because of a bleed, or for other reasons, but they suspected a stroke in the brain.

20 minutes later, I was pacing in and out of the waiting room (we could have stayed in his empty ER room, but I can't do that...) with a coffee and the ER nurse comes looking for us... somehow he doesn't see me and he doesn't recognize Karen. No big deal, Karen sees him and points me toward the ER rooms saying she saw him and he was probably looking for us...

In the room, the ER nurse is calm and watching BP by himself and fiddling with the automated drug delivery pump... I can tell by the lack of activity and the demeanor of the ER nurse, this is probably over. He says the neurosurgeon was paged and is finishing up another case and will be over to explain, but the prognosis is not good. I knew already.

Another 15-20 minutes and the Doc arrives. In the meantime, the EMTs and Engine guys have come in and shook hands and I thanked them again for their fast and professional service and we chatted a bit about Station 35 and the aviation connection with the Crash Fire Rescue truck and the airport, and their looks on their faces also told the story... they knew they "couldn't save this one"... it was just obvious...

Doc sized us up, asked a few detailed questions like that started with "What happened?", and "Did he have a seizure or anything at the scene?" and after he heard Karen was a nurse, he laid it out plain and simple in his first real status sentence, "Your father has a non-survivable brain injury. He is bleeding into his brain stem, and I tell you this plainly because I just came from a surgery where we were able to fix a similar injury but different than your father's, and if there were any way I could operate, he would already be in the OR with me. It's up to you if you'd like to see the images, I can show you or not, it's your decision, but I am telling you now, clearly, there is nothing I can do, and I would if I could."

We decided to see them, and he showed us a massive blowout from nearly halfway up his skull in the CT slices, to well down into his neck, his entire brain stem was full of blood.

"There is no rush, he's comfortable as possible and if there's family or anyone you'd like to contact to come see him, he's not likely to pass away before they can get here." I thanked him for his time, and sighed and talked to Karen... a ham radio buddy of dad's showed up, and we updated him. He had called and I had already shared that the prognosis wasn't good and he drove over.

The ER nurse said there was a hold-up in ICU, and dad would be moved there shortly. I called the few folks who needed to know and his ex-wife said she would come over. The move to ICU took a while, she arrived and saw him, we talked, and grieving had started. ER Nurse asked if he was an organ donor, and I said yes... he wanted to if it were possible. Organ Bank called, move to ICU, a whirlwind of papers, nice folks in both ICU and the organ donation assessor, they paged a special nurse and explained some wild Colorado laws about someone in his state, not technically brain dead, but not expected to survive, and how they have very strict rules about harvesting organs from a technically "alive" patient... a need to bring in a special nurse to do an evaluation of how strong his body was and how long he would survive off of life-support (a patient must die within 60 minutes of life-support removal in Colorado, or organs can not be harvested, which made a test of how strong the person is when not on life-support, necessary for ten minutes, and we could either be there or not...) etc.

In the end, he was too old to donate liver, smoking made heart and lungs not a good fit, and originally they thought kidneys could be used, but after talking through some more of his total-non-history medically and looking over his BP in the Bus, they realized the chances of damaged kidneys were high, and they said thank you for contacting us, and waiting, and there's nothing they would need until after death. Tissues, eyes, and anything else any of their sister agencies asked for, and we gave our consent.

We knew he was gone in the ER. Life-support at this point was simply to save organs if they were needed, and we sat with him a bit, talked to him just in case there was any brain comprehension going on, said our goodbyes, and requested the ventilator be removed. There was a lot more than all of the above, but ... none of it pleasant nor on the direct story timeline.

We let dad go shortly before 9PM and stayed with him as his body (ironically, given all the worry about how long it would take) slowly let go and the shell of his body faded. We had done all we could to keep firm to his wishes. No machines, no heroics, donate what you can, and they used the usual pain and paralytic drugs to keep him comfortable.

We're still in shock, but we've all agreed, close family and friends alike, that if there was a way to go, he'd want it quick, on a good day seeing his son and daughter-in-law, playing with a new pup, and going shooting. He passed on a day filled with his favorite things and went with no pain and barely knowing what hit him. He probably saved someone else by having the presence of mind to get off the main road when he did and had even set his parking brake as he stopped. After telling the Doc this, he just shook his head in amazement and said it was such a big blowout he deserved credit for doing that. Most folks this happens to end up slamming the gas pedal and careening into oncoming traffic, injring others as well as trauma to themselves. He said it took a huge amount of willpower to shake it off long enough to not only get out of traffic, but to drive a couple of blocks, stop the car, and set the e-brake and still have a few words left when I got to him.

I'm doing okay with it. It's just like my dad to have done that, and with no one ever really knowing what a stroke victim can or can't process when the hemispherical brain survived and the brain stem is affected, we told him what happened, what he did, that he was a good dad, and we were with him, but the Doc had told us he wouldn't survive. If there's anything you think you hadn't told us yet, that's okay... we knew he loved us and he was a good dad. No one can really tell if he heard any of it or not, but we wanted him to know if he could hear us.

Far too soon, he was only 61. He would turn 62 in March. After long discussions with friends and family, we realized there were some signs, but we all missed them, and he wouldn't have gone to a Doctor anyway.

We're not going to focus on them, but we now know they were there, especially when he cancelled his season ski pass... and we had all noticed a slower walk, more deliberate, and not as stable as he once was. We suspect he may have already had at least one TIA or mini-stroke prior to the big one. We also suspect he may have been hypertensive for some time, untreated.

It reminds me of the comments here of our own Doc Bruce, who says DO NOT MESS AROUND with your blood pressure. If it's high, get treated. Do not run this risk. It will kill you or mess you up, and no FAA medical is worth it. Take care of your health first, flying second.

And that's why I shared that there were signs, to tell folks to take care of it. Dizzyness from time to time, "flu-like" symptoms" more often than should have been normal, discarding a lifelong athletic hobby suddenly, tripping mildly on stairs, etc.

IF YOU SUSPECT OR KNOW YOU HAVE CONSISTENTLY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, GET TREATMENT!!!, my friends... do not screw around with high blood pressure. It will take your brain and kill whatever part is nearest the weakest blood vessel. Best case, is what my dad had... worst case is ... well, I'm grateful dad didn't have to go through that.

Love you all, thanks again so much for the kind support. Karen also sends her love. We are relatively peaceful, shocked, and sad.

Dad HATED funerals. I don't think he ever attended one after his grandfather died when he was a small boy just old enough to remember things. He had told us of his desires including a party, on his dime... two rules, he always said, besides that it was a celebration and not a memorial service or funeral...

1. Open bar.
2. A sign above the door as you enter that says, "Remember, you'll only hear 1/2 of the story here today." :)

Again, thanks everyone. Will post "party" information when we have it.

He was a good dad, and later in life, a great friend. Intensely self-sufficient, and intensely loyal to family and friends. I will miss him dearly, and I'm sure the hardest times will be when I realize "He should be here for this", or "Boy, I'd love his advice on THIS one."

Thanks again, PoA "family".
 
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My sincerest condolences to you. You did an amazing job with the whole situation. I lost my dad 9 years ago in a car accident and know exactly what you're going through and know how difficult it is to do what you did through the whole event. Your last sentence is more prophetic than you know. There were times after my dad's death that I had actually dialed his phone number to talk to him about a hockey game the night before or tell him a story about something. The phone would actually be ringing before I'd realize he was gone and wasn't going to pick up. I'll pray for grace and peace as you adjust to life without him here.
 
Wow, Nate, just wow. What an incredibly well written and detailed story. Good for you, for getting it down. I was only in my 20's when I lost my Dad to cancer. What I have left of the last few weeks/days/hours are memories, and they fade over time...

Sons have a special bond with their dads, and it's going to be a rough road ahead for you, but as time passes, it becomes less pain, and more ... I don't know what to call it except "not pain".

My Father never got to meet my Son, and there have been plenty of times when I wish he could help me get through some parenting challenge, or be present for some parenting triumph, but as time goes on, you realize that even if you can't talk to him, he's still there with you - he's shaped you, and he lives on through you.

I don't know if any of that made sense or not... I guess I'm still muddling through it 12 years later.
 
Again, Nate sorry for your loss.

You tell the details very well. I feel like I was right there with you.

Sounds like your gaining your peace with it.
 
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