Corrupt my wish

John221us said:
I am not completely familiar with the concept (not much to shovel on my sidewalk), but granted, your 1st neighbor buys a new snow blower and gets carried away and clears everyone's sidewalk on the block. Unfortunately, the snow had to go somewhere and he blew it up onto your driveway and your car.

I wish there was something good to watch on TV.
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Granted, you are watching Iris Chacon live on TV. Unfortunately, to do so requires you to be in some sort of weird time warp so you are now a ten year old. Plus, you are in the Caribbean. That in itself isn't bad except that you live in Rocklin and somehow need to get back there. After finagling with the State department, you convince them you actually are a California resident and they fly you back home. When you show up at home, neither your GF or your housekeeper will "take care of you" exactly the same way, because... you're ten years old.

When you get to work, none of your employees recognize your authority plus the labor department fines your company and shuts it down for employing an underage worker. No job for you. On the way back home, Rocklin's finest stop you and arrest you for driving without a license, and impound your car. Depressed, you head to the bar and grill, and you can't even order a beer.

I wish I didn't have drive to a field meeting somewhere in BFE Sierra mountains today.
 
Bummer for you, I get to fly to San Jose this morning (RHV) :) . Granted, the meeting has been moved to BFE Nevada, another 100 miles past Donner Summit. Have a great drive and enjoy the scenery ;)

I wish my Spider was running. It would be a great day for a convertible (for the short drive to the airport).
 
John221us said:
Bummer for you, I get to fly to San Jose this morning (RHV) :) . Granted, the meeting has been moved to BFE Nevada, another 100 miles past Donner Summit. Have a great drive and enjoy the scenery ;)

I wish my Spider was running. It would be a great day for a convertible (for the short drive to the airport).
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Granted, your Spider is running like this one. It's huge, and it eats people. And it's running after you.

I wish I could fly to my meeting today. No airports remotely close.
 
You could fly to your meeting....you just have to make sure you bring your bike with you so you can ride in on it. Except 1/2 way there the bike becomes possessed and you get thrown from it.

I wish it wasn't so slippery outside. Oh is it January in NWOhio?
 
saracelica said:
You could fly to your meeting....you just have to make sure you bring your bike with you so you can ride in on it. Except 1/2 way there the bike becomes possessed and you get thrown from it.

I wish it wasn't so slippery outside. Oh is it January in NWOhio?
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Granted, - although in January, NWOhio happened to be slippery, you fast forwarded to July in Death Valley during a heat wave. (Hint, a "heat wave" in Death Valley means RFH, like 120 in the shade.) Your rubber shoe soles melt to the asphalt and become the consistency of chewing gum. It's actually quite difficult to walk. At the airport, your Warrior's wheels have melted to the tarmac and your plane won't roll today. Eventually, your shoe soles melt completely through and you have to do the fire walk dance in to the motel. Which, is without power because of the heat wave, therefore no air conditioning.

Although soaking your clothes in water is an effective way to cool yourself down in the dry desert climate, there's no water either because there is no power. Now THAT sucks.

I wish I would have not eaten that pizza last night. Carbs are very bad for me. I'm all jacked up today.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, - although in January, NWOhio happened to be slippery, you fast forwarded to July in Death Valley during a heat wave. (Hint, a "heat wave" in Death Valley means RFH, like 120 in the shade.) Your rubber shoe soles melt to the asphalt and become the consistency of chewing gum. It's actually quite difficult to walk. At the airport, your Warrior's wheels have melted to the tarmac and your plane won't roll today. Eventually, your shoe soles melt completely through and you have to do the fire walk dance in to the motel. Which, is without power because of the heat wave, therefore no air conditioning.

Although soaking your clothes in water is an effective way to cool yourself down in the dry desert climate, there's no water either because there is no power. Now THAT sucks.

I wish I would have not eaten that pizza last night. Carbs are very bad for me. I'm all jacked up today.
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Granted, but you grabbed two slices out of the fridge this morning (you had put them there last night) and had them for breakfast. You are still jacked up.

I wish I didn't have a dentist appointment this morning.
 
John221us said:
Granted, but you grabbed two slices out of the fridge this morning (you had put them there last night) and had them for breakfast. You are still jacked up.

I wish I didn't have a dentist appointment this morning.
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Granted, it was yesterday. You were so caught up in to flying to KRHV that you totally forgot about it. When you do show up to Dr. Heinrich Mueller's office, you find he is not very happy with you.

"Jaaahhhhn, you haf missed your appointment. Dis ist nacht gut. Sit in der chair. I vill werk on you."

"Damn, doc, that is one huge drill, what are you doing to.. Mcpcphggglffff..." Dr. Mueller shoves a large towel in your mouth.

"Be qviet! Shot upp! Dis vil hurt!" Dr. Mueller proceeds to grind your two upper incisors to the gum. By the way he doesn't believe in anesthetics. Hasn't purchased Lidocaine in years." You are writhing in incredible, intolerable pain. An hour later, Dr. Mueller has all of your teeth levelled past the nerve. After every tooth, he takes a sip of his Starbucks iced white chocolate mocha, with an extra shot of expresso. "Mmm, vyou Amerikans make gut shokolade coffee drink."

On the way back to work, you stop at Starbucks to pick up your own iced white chocolate mocha drink, with an extra shot of expresso. It did sound pretty good.

"Sir, are you sure you want this mocha to be iced? All of the roots in your teeth appear to be exposed and I thing it might be painful to drink. Plus blood is pouring out your mough. Do you need a towel or something?"

"Missy, I'm no wuss. I fly a Piper for god's sake. Just gimme the damn thing."

"Okay sir, but I warned you."

"Yeeeeeeeeooooooowwwwwwwwwww!"

I wish I could drink Starbucks iced white mocha drinks with extra shots. In addition to being overpriced, they are way high in calories and carbs.
 
You decide to splurge on the white mocha drinks in hopes that your alcohol intake will cut down and you'll go home to a nice warm house instead of the disgusting bar. However the extra shots they put in are scotch so there goes that idea. You decide to keep the hangover at bay by going to the bar ignoring the message I sent you at 6:15 this morning.

I wish people would quit asking for help and not take my answer.
 
saracelica said:
You decide to splurge on the white mocha drinks in hopes that your alcohol intake will cut down and you'll go home to a nice warm house instead of the disgusting bar. However the extra shots they put in are scotch so there goes that idea. You decide to keep the hangover at bay by going to the bar ignoring the message I sent you at 6:15 this morning.

I wish people would quit asking for help and not take my answer.
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Granted.

"sara, this is Patrick, can you help me with this issue I have?"

"Patrick, that's an inappropriate issue. Go F yourself."

....and that's our traffic report for this morning. In other news, an Ohio man, Patrick Jones, made medical headlines yesterday by successfully performing intimate relations on himself. Doctors are still unclear exactly how he performed the act, and what motivated him to do it. In sports news, the San Francisco 49ers are preparing....."

I wish people wouldn't be be in such a haste to jump to conclusions.
 
People quit jumping to Conclusions and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. Just saw a young guy force an elderly women her purse. I'm sure he's the grandson or something and will meet her at home and didn't want her to have to carry it herself.

I wish the phones wouldn't ring since I'm on Customer service duty until 3 today.
 
Granted, the ringing is in your ears, has nothing whatsoever to do with the phones. Come three o'clock, you are off CSR duty but the ringing is driving you crazy.

Afterwards, you get this call from that elderly aunt of yours, and she says "You know, the strangest thing happened today. I was shopping for ammunition today at Walmart, and I bought the last case of assault rifle ammunition. My purse weighed a TON. My grandson was there shopping for a semiautomatic handgun with a high capacity magazine, and he saw me lugging my purse. He insisted on taking it home for me. I really didn't want to burden him but he grabbed it anyway. It was so nice of him, I think I'll bake him his favorite dish with bacon in it."

I wish our breakroom was so equipped to cook bacon and eggs. (Rather, I wish we had bacon and eggs to cook - I think we actually do have a small portable electric grill in there.)
 
You receive bacon and eggs from a generous co worker. However when you are cooking them on the portable grill they catch fire. Grease and fire evidentally don't mix. The break room and the whole office is a blaze in seconds. The fire marshall figured out it was a short in the plug so you are off the hook but your bacon & eggs didn't survive. You're still out of luck.

I wish we had real mountains this side of the Mississippi that I could go hike.
 
Granted, you can go to Virginia and visit Mount Trashmore. Locals purport it to be a "real" mountain. Regardless you can hike and fish to your heart's content. It's a good thing you don't smoke - methane buildups within the underlying landfill have been claimed as potentially hazardous.

Failing that, your next best bet are the Appalation mountains, but you probably don't actually want to hike there. Well you might be okay but hubby might get snatched (Sac Arrow humming banjo tunes).

I wish I could focus more on writing my stupid report.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish I could focus more on writing my stupid report.
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Your wish is granted. You could focus more on writing your stupid report but you don't because it is, well, stupid. Of course the work reflects the author.


I wish I knew my schedule for travel next week.
 
Granted, you do, but now you wish you didn't. You are heading to Baghdad and you are riding coach.

I wish I the client I am working with communicated better.
 
John221us said:
I wish I the client I am working with communicated better.
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Granted, the client takes a few courses in business communications. Unfortunately you are still writing, "I wish I," among other silly non-sensical things.

I wish I weren't going to Baghdad (or Houston as most other folks call it).
 
Granted you're not going to Baghdad/Houston. You're going to Detroit, MI where there are no jobs and a possiblity of getting mugged is quite high. Enjoy your trip.

I wish I brought the keys to the airplane so I could get flight logs today instead of doing it tomorrow.
 
Granted, your brought several keys to your airplane, and stacked them in the baggage compartment. Unfortunately, your flying club rented some hangar space out to the DEA for a training seminar, and those dogs made a beeline right to your airplane.

"All rise, the people of the United States Government against Sarah B. Celica."

"Harrumph. Okay be seated. Mizz Celica, how do you plead to the charge of illegal possesion with intent to transport and distrubute large quantities of a controlled substance?"

"Not guilty your honor."

"Say what? I'd sure like to hear your explanation."

"Yeah, uh well, it's like this. You see my flying club was hosting this DEA training session right? Okay? Yeah, and well, I was just trying to help out."

"Uh huh. Riiiiiiiiight."

So you end up in a Federal women's correction facility, with Martha Stewart as your cell mate. Although that sounds cool at first, she absolutely drives you insane with her constant chopping of the celery and salad greens, night and day (they give her a dull knife so it takes extra long.) And you get sick and tired of hearing bad jokes about inside stock trading. And then, that one day you confront her with that spinach rizotto receipe that never really worked out and you end up fighting, and get sent to solitary confinement for the next five years.

I wish I didn't manage to somehow pack on an extra five pounds. I feel like a fat f**k.
 
Granted, instead of your preoccupation with food, you turn your focus to knitting (You read this in another thread about losing weight). Soon you are showing your work at county fairs and eventually, state level competitions. You become the preeminent force in the knitting world and it is all you can think about. You lose 15 lbs and also your flight currency. Your arrow goes neglected on the ramp.

I wish I had a fun destination for this weekend. Maybe I should head to Vegas for Superbowl Sunday.
 
Granted, you are meeting your POA buddies at KHAF this.... oh, yeah. That's the following weekend. Hmm, how to salvage the weekend. Let's... go to Vegas for the Superbowl!! Yeah! So you jump in the car Sunday morning right around 11:00 a.m. or so, and you take the 99 to the 58 to the I-15 to Vegas. Right around Bakersfield, the thought crossed your mind. "Why didn't I fly?" Oh well, you're committed. You get there at about seven p.m. Superbowl is just ending. By the time you park your car and find a sports bar that has a TV, you realize you forgot your wallet. Bummer dude.

I wish there was more time over the weekend to get stuff done I need to do.
 
Granted, the weekend is now twice as long, but you don't actually use any of it getting the stuff you need to do done. Instead, you continue to make wishes on POA, and the 4 day weekend flies by. When you get to work on Monday, you find that the work week is now going to be 10 days long instead of 5, and you've already wasted the equivalent of 2 weekends doing nothing. Your boss gets angry with the fact that you haven't gotten nearly enough done by the 8th day of the week, and promptly fires you. Now, your work week lasts as long as you can sit on unemployment, but that's not going to pay enough of the bills. You end up stealing Granny's purse off of her arm, and are delighted to find a full-auto machine gun in it. Now, you're working the streets as a pimp and putting all the would-be gangstas to shame with your incredible street smarts. Big Daddy Blood Money gets word of this, though, and has his hoodlems shut you down after a couple of weeks. You succeed in fighting off the first wave, but he doesn't mess around with the second wave, and sends 20 of his foot soldiers to take you out. By the time you're done, the Sac Arrow is spread out in about 10 different places around Oakland. The cops take your plane as evidence, and it is eventually sold on Ebay for $4000, where McDonalds buys it and incorporates it in one of their playhouses for little kids.

I wish I didn't have to run today.
 
Granted, running is off the training program for today. Instead, coach decides you are going to do some crawl training, in the partially frozen mud. Not frozen enough to be solid, but liquid enough to get you very muddy and extremely cold. Oh and by the way, you tear your best set of athletic sweats to shreds on the barbed wire because you couldn't get low enough. Tore through your back too.

I wish there was a motorcycle repair shop right next to my office.
 
Sac Arrow said:
I wish there was a motorcycle repair shop right next to my office.
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Granted, you are now a Sub sandwich artist at the SUBWAY next to the Harley shop making $8.00 per hour plus non-exisistent tips.
I wish my baby was out of paint shop.
 
Granted, baby spent the last twelve hours at the "Paint Shop", the tattoo parlor down the street, and she has tattoos all over everyplace, including lots of places nobody else should ever see.

I wish the workweek convention could change to a two day workweek, with a five day weekend. Monday, Tuesday, Saturday, Sunday, Chariday, Selenaday, Jenniday.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, baby spent the last twelve hours at the "Paint Shop", the tattoo parlor down the street, and she has tattoos all over everyplace, including lots of places nobody else should ever see.

I wish the workweek convention could change to a two day workweek, with a five day weekend. Monday, Tuesday, Saturday, Sunday, Chariday, Selenaday, Jenniday.
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Granted, the two day work week is now a standard, but your pay is cut accordingly. Now you have to get by on 40% of your previous income. Looks like you can't afford Charity, Selena or Jenni. You decide you need to supplement your income, but word on the street travels fast and the local Crip gang thinks you are stepping in their territory. Soon you find your self ducking bullets on a drive by. After you take one in the shoulder, you decide you need to head to safer ground and hop a freight car for the east. You are now an itinerant bum, begging on corners for your next bottle of Boones Farm.

I wish I would hear back from the shop on how much my differential is going to cost to fix.
 
John221us said:
Granted, the two day work week is now a standard, but your pay is cut accordingly. Now you have to get by on 40% of your previous income. Looks like you can't afford Charity, Selena or Jenni. You decide you need to supplement your income, but word on the street travels fast and the local Crip gang thinks you are stepping in their territory. Soon you find your self ducking bullets on a drive by. After you take one in the shoulder, you decide you need to head to safer ground and hop a freight car for the east. You are now an itinerant bum, begging on corners for your next bottle of Boones Farm.

I wish I would hear back from the shop on how much my differential is going to cost to fix.
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Boone's Farm. Like, really.

Granted, they quote you a bill of $12,580. Actually they already did the work and are demanding money. They couldn't find a Spider rear differential anyplace so they instead opted for a rear axle off a Fiat truck. In order to make that work they had to do some custom fabrication, and modification to your car. The rear quarter panels are cut way back to allow clearance for the inside tires plus they had to install air brakes. Your Spider resembles a large farm tractor now. And, it goes roughly as fast.

I wish I had enough time left in the day to drive home and swap the car for the motorcycle.
 
Granted, your next appointment cancels and you head home. The only thing is that you forgot that your housekeeper put the bike under a truck and you can't ride it. What a waste of time.

I wish I could start my weekend now.
 
Granted, Like most PoA posters you too have now been fired so your weekend can start as soon as you pack up your stuff. Enjoy your time off.

I wish I didn't live as far from my home airport. (That 30 minute drive is a PITA sometimes)
 
Granted, you move in to that old farm house at the end of the runway. You know, the one that the club has been bugging airport management to tear down because it's a takeoff hazard.

Maybe a week later you're sitting in your favorite recliner, drinking hot chocolate and trolling POA threads when you hear this extremely loud "THWACK!" Looking out the window, you realize that somebody decided to, for whatever reason, attempt to land an A380 at your home field.

Technically, insurance would have covered the loss of your house if any shreds of it or its occupants still remained.

I wish I could beat John out the door and start my weekend. Right now.
 
I am not sure why I fired myself, but maybe it was because I wanted to get my weekend going.

Granted, they shutdown your home drome. You now have to travel an hour to find a good field.

I wish I had another charger for my cell phone. I seem to have lost my travel one.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, you move in to that old farm house at the end of the runway. You know, the one that the club has been bugging airport management to tear down because it's a takeoff hazard.

Maybe a week later you're sitting in your favorite recliner, drinking hot chocolate and trolling POA threads when you hear this extremely loud "THWACK!" Looking out the window, you realize that somebody decided to, for whatever reason, attempt to land an A380 at your home field.

Technically, insurance would have covered the loss of your house if any shreds of it or its occupants still remained.

I wish I could beat John out the door and start my weekend. Right now.
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Granted, you beat me out the door, but you find two flat tires on your car. You are going to waiting awhile for AAA.

My wish still stands.
 
John221us said:
Granted, you beat me out the door, but you find two flat tires on your car. You are going to waiting awhile for AAA.

My wish still stands.
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Granted, you head out the door, jump in the Spider, and tractor home at 10 mph. Your housemaid surprises you with a Corona.

"But I wanted a damn Bud Light! It's Superbowl weekend!"

She is agast. "Mee ster John you no appreciate me!" and she storms out the door.

Ring.... ring.... ring.... "John Two Two One speaking"
"Hello John. This is.... Kimberly!"
"Oh, hi Kimberly. What's up?"
"I was hoping you would fly down to Petaluma to help me celebrate my birthday!"
"I uh, kind of had other... plans. I'll see you next weekend, right?"
"You have a girlfriend don't you."
"Um.... um.... No, no not at all."
"And I thought you had a housekeeper."
"Not no more."

Anyway, this whole weekend thing slowly becomes one big drag and you wish you could just sleep through it, wake up at work and be normal again.

I wish I could turn this damn thread in to a marketable soap opera manuscript aimed at uneducated Foreign audiences.
 
Granted, you format the thread into a script and start marketing it to some less than reputable producers. They make it clear that they need more skin and bedroom action to work with it. You go back to the thread and try to veer it in the direction you need, but end up getting kicked of of PoA.

I wish I had something to BBQ tonight.
 
Granted, you score some of those rubber chickens and throw them on the grill.

I wish someone would give me some bbq. I'm starved.
 
Granted, but since you have 5 lbs to drop, I am handing off my BBQ rubber chickens to you.

I wish I had some fresh corn on the cob to go with the BBQ.
 
Granted, Bubba shows up for your barbeque. He eats all of your brisket, all of your ribs, half the hamburgers, and then he bends your good buddy from high school over the picnic table and has his way with him. Then he's done.

There's your corn on the cob....

I wish I wouldn't spend all this time corrupting wishes.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, Bubba shows up for your barbeque. He eats all of your brisket, all of your ribs, half the hamburgers, and then he bends your good buddy from high school over the picnic table and has his way with him. Then he's done.

There's your corn on the cob....

I wish I wouldn't spend all this time corrupting wishes.
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How was your ride? Do you ride in Oakland or Sac?

Granted, we gave you a break, but now everyone found something else to read, since this thread was no longer current.

I wish I had a vacation coming up in the next month.
 
You do have a vacation coming up...remember you fired yourself from the company. Your life is a vacation. (With no job and whatnot)

I wish I had the motivation to clean the house today.
 
Granted, you just found out that your in laws are coming for the Super Bowl (hubby forgot to mention it). You only have a few hours to pull it together and your other half headed to the golf course. Have fun.

I wish I had my convertible back from the shop today. It is great weather for it.
 
"ding-dong!" Hey, John, it's Fred from down at the shop.
"One sec, I'm coming" You open the door to find your mechanic standing with grease all over his hands.
"John, I'm terribly sorry to inform you, but we lost her."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your convertible. She's gone."
"I'm still not getting this... I dropped the car off a week ago and now you're saying she's still not ready?!?"
"No, John. You're not understanding me. She's totaled. We did everything we could to fix her, but the entire engine block melted down, and neither of our insurances will cover this."
"Fred--I dropped her off to get a scratch painted! You must have the wrong guy."
"No--we were painting the scratch when we heard a crunch coming from your engine. We opened it up to investigate, and when my worker put his hand in, the engine turned on and chopped it right up. His hand got severed, clogged up the oil line, and your engine had a massive meltdown right in front of us. Turns out the crunching was just Bill eating chips over in the corner. I'm terribly sorry, and the least I could do was to tow the rest of your car back to your driveway for you."
You walk out the door to find the back half of your car hanging from the tow's winch.
"F@#$@#%$@##!"
"John, it's OK. At least you'll be able to buy a new one. Now, we've just got to talk about your plane." :eek:

I wish both teams would lose the super bowl tonight.
 
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