Corrupt my wish

Ow, that was painful. Probably should invest some stock in Depends.

Granted, Nader has another go at President in 2014. Problem is, the only thing on his agenda is defective automobiles. Which, doesn't matter anyway because the only people that can afford personal automobiles are the extremely wealthy, and Nader isn't going to go to bat for them.

I wish I had a big ole breakfast burrito in front of me, on which to chow down. I'm starved.
 
Granted, someone at your office had an extra breakfast burrito and gave it to you. What they didn't tell you was how much tobacco they used on it. You spend the next hour trying to cool down your mouth.

I wish this cold would go away already. I hate being sick.
 
Granted, the cold went away. Actually it was never a cold to begin with - it's a severe lower colon infection which has cold like symptoms. It was likely contracted the last time you were in the pen.

I wish donuts didn't just show up in the break room like right now.
 
Granted, they were personally delivered to your desk. You quickly gobble down 1/2 a dozen and go into shock from all the carbs you aren't used to eating. You spend the rest of the day at Mercy.

I wish my dog wouldn't bark so much.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, the cold went away. Actually it was never a cold to begin with - it's a severe lower colon infection which has cold like symptoms. It was likely contracted the last time you were in the pen.

I wish donuts didn't just show up in the break room like right now.
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Granted. They didn't, instead, they showed up at your desk (along with a fresh, hot peppermint mocha) and you ate the entire box to go along with the bag of tortilla chips from last night. You are eating so much crap you do not have room for things like oranges and as a result you get scurvy (or is it rickets?).

I wish I knew what the "Sac" of Sac Arrow meant.
 
John221us said:
Granted, they were personally delivered to your desk. You quickly gobble down 1/2 a dozen and go into shock from all the carbs you aren't used to eating. You spend the rest of the day at Mercy.

I wish my dog wouldn't bark so much.
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Granted, your dog doesn't bark anymore - at all - and as a result a marauding gang of boy scouts strip your entire home of all Apple products - none of which are password protected.

I wish I were hiking right now, somewhere warm.
 
Granted, you have a barkless dog. However, you get caught up in a three-way lawsuit between PETA, the National Arbor Association and yourself. PETA thinks de-barking a dog is an animal rights issue. The National Arbor Association thinks it's a tree issue. Both are in agreement, however, that they want to fleece you for everything you have.

I wish somebody would invent a way to take inert sawdust and make it taste like an apple fritter. I mean that's pretty much what they use to make those low carb tortillas.
 
woodstock said:
Granted. They didn't, instead, they showed up at your desk (along with a fresh, hot peppermint mocha) and you ate the entire box to go along with the bag of tortilla chips from last night. You are eating so much crap you do not have room for things like oranges and as a result you get scurvy (or is it rickets?).

I wish I knew what the "Sac" of Sac Arrow meant.
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Granted, you now know it's short for "Sacramento", Mr. Arrow's original home town.

My previous wish still stands.
 
They figure out how to make saw dust taste like an apple fritter. However, the Little Debbie companies buys out the company as it was too big of a threat of their "Apple Fritter" things. So they go away after only 20 minutes on the market - did you not get to try one?

I wish I had bigger coonies...There are fly in's within 100nm but I'm too scared to do them on my own, and my husband doesn't want to go.
 
saracelica said:
They figure out how to make saw dust taste like an apple fritter. However, the Little Debbie companies buys out the company as it was too big of a threat of their "Apple Fritter" things. So they go away after only 20 minutes on the market - did you not get to try one?

I wish I had bigger coonies...There are fly in's within 100nm but I'm too scared to do them on my own, and my husband doesn't want to go.
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Coonies? Granted, you grow a pair (figure of speech), hop in the plane and make the less than one hour flight. When you get there, you find that it is really a gathering of vampires and werewolves and all your fears come true.

I wish there were some flying around here, now. They all seem to be spring and summer.
 
Granted there are some fly in's around because you went to all the work to plan one. Sucker who wants to fly in the winter except vampires and werewolves.

I wish I could've got a better night sleep.
 
Granted, you could have. You just didn't, that's all. It's not like you're posting this at 2:00 a.m.; by my calculations it was 5:18 a.m. CST when you posted this. A lot later than I woke up this morning. Have an expresso drink or something, and a donut. But for god's sake don't cut the donut in half.

I wish fast food hamburgers looked as good in person as they do on the TV commericals. I had a craving for Wendy's yesterday. The patties were rather smallish and miserable looking. They must have changed since I was a kid. I remember them being pretty good.
 
Fast food hamburgers look just as good as they do on tv (through the magic of tv and your hunger levels is what makes it look differently) You see when you aren't hungry EVERYTHING looks delicous...but when you are hungry it's not nearly enough. Due to the rising cost of everything, it got alot smaller or you got bigger who is to say.

I wish people could know what I meant and not try to decipher what I say.
 
Granted - but now people can read your mind. You are perpetually anxious as a result.

I wish this coffee tasted better.
 
woodstock said:
Granted - but now people can read your mind. You are perpetually anxious as a result.

I wish this coffee tasted better.
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Granted, but now everything else tastes horrible, and you are stuck with nothing but coffee to ingest for the rest of your life.

I wish it were next week already. Time's gonna drag for me.
 
saracelica said:
Fast food hamburgers look just as good as they do on tv (through the magic of tv and your hunger levels is what makes it look differently) You see when you aren't hungry EVERYTHING looks delicous...but when you are hungry it's not nearly enough. Due to the rising cost of everything, it got alot smaller or you got bigger who is to say.

I wish people could know what I meant and not try to decipher what I say.
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Granted - let's break this down. Two possible meanings:

1. "I really suck at spoken and written communications. Nobody seems to understand what I'm trying to say. I wish I could improve them."

2. "The people I'm around are such dumbasses, they can't seem to figure out the true meaning of anything I say. I wish they could improve their comprehensional skills."

Can't help you with #2 there, sister, but if #1 applies, then I would recommend being analyzing every misinterpreted communication so that you could word it better.

I wish we had one of those indoor grill-things in the office so I could just BBQ my own steaks and burgers for lunch.
 
SkyHog said:
Granted, but now everything else tastes horrible, and you are stuck with nothing but coffee to ingest for the rest of your life.

I wish it were next week already. Time's gonna drag for me.
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Oops, that's what you get when you carry on a ten minute work conversation in the middle of corruption.

Granted, it's next week already. You just lost three days of pay in the process due to the time laps.

My wish for an indoor bbq still stands.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted - let's break this down. Two possible meanings:

1. "I really suck at spoken and written communications. Nobody seems to understand what I'm trying to say. I wish I could improve them."

2. "The people I'm around are such dumbasses, they can't seem to figure out the true meaning of anything I say. I wish they could improve their comprehensional skills."

Can't help you with #2 there, sister, but if #1 applies, then I would recommend being analyzing every misinterpreted communication so that you could word it better.

I wish we had one of those indoor grill-things in the office so I could just BBQ my own steaks and burgers for lunch.
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Granted, but your office is now taken over by BBQ Bubba and he eats all of your food and farts before leaving your office. You can't get the door open and are stuck in there all afternoon.

I wish I had a pony.
 
woodstock said:
Granted, but your office is now taken over by BBQ Bubba and he eats all of your food and farts before leaving your office. You can't get the door open and are stuck in there all afternoon.

I wish I had a pony.
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Granted, you are now a little girl, and you have real issues with driving and flying since you aren't old enough to do either. Plus, your new found facination with Justin Bieber alienates you from all your POA friends and acquaintences.

P.S. ponys fart too. And they eat a lot.

I wish there was an all you can eat sashimi place. There are all you can eat sushi places but you have to eat the rice or they get mad at you.
 
There is an all you can east sashimi place just down the street - the line is all the way out the door and around the block - you did put in a reservation right? No well I believe they are taking reservations for 2015 now. Enjoy it.

I wish ponies didn't fart.
 
saracelica said:
There is an all you can east sashimi place just down the street - the line is all the way out the door and around the block - you did put in a reservation right? No well I believe they are taking reservations for 2015 now. Enjoy it.

I wish ponies didn't fart.
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Granted, they don't. Except the pony in your back yard has no way of releasing intestinal gas, and gets very cranky and irritated. After he kicks your back door in, he unloads his bowels all over your carpet and tracks it all over your house. Then he pees on your apple strudel.

I wish I didn't just eat at a crappy buffet. I feel like an irritated pony right now.

(P.S. good catch on the pluralization of pony)
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, they don't. Except the pony in your back yard has no way of releasing intestinal gas, and gets very cranky and irritated. After he kicks your back door in, he unloads his bowels all over your carpet and tracks it all over your house. Then he pees on your apple strudel.

I wish I didn't just eat at a crappy buffet. I feel like an irritated pony right now.

(P.S. good catch on the pluralization of pony)
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Granted. You didn't. Instead, you drank a ton of cheap beer at a crappy open bar, and now you are extremely hungover and can't leave the bathroom.

I wish I didn't have student debt.
 
You don't have student debt it gets replaced by the National debt (fair trade I presume) good luck paying that one off.

I wish people would realize I'm not as dumb as I look.
 
Granted - people never did. You just mistook their condescending attitude toward you as a negative interpretation of your intelligence. They never believed you were stupid, they just don't like you, that's all.

I wish I didn't have to tackle wishes like that.
 
Granted you don't have to. You have the power to click on the "X" of your internet browser and close the window and let someone else.

I wish my neighbors would take down their ugly Christmas lights. CHRISTMAS is O V E R!!!!!
 
Granted. They replace them with severed goat heads and candles in a Santoria ritual.

I wish it were time to go home now.
 
It is time to go home. Just get up and leave. Granted your boss was ****ed and he went and told the cute blond that she was fired because he wanted you to be able to work the next day.

I wish I knew when my last day on Earth is.
 
Granted, you just picked a date and went with it.

I wish reports could write themselves.
 
Granted, but now they are living with you and sponging off you. Somehow it doesn't feel the same.

I wish I could kick this cold already.
 
Granted you kicked the cold and when you did you took your friends up on the offer to go ice skating. You instantly fell on your butt and got a concussion you are now in a coma in the hospital. Be more careful next time.

I wish I knew what I was having for lunch.
 
Granted. Remember your neighbors, that conducted that Santaria ritual using severed goat heads a few days ago? Well, they're done with them and that's what you're having for lunch. Try to get the flies off them before you put them in the fridge.

I wish our organization could expand in to the health club business, and I could be reassigned as the Chief Spin Cycle Instructor. That would be hella cool, barking orders to rows of spandex clad women as they grind and moan against their stationary bike seats. Pulsating, gyrating.... Mmmmm...... OMFG I don't know how the spin instructor dudes can take it. They would have to be gay or something. Wait, that wouldn't work, there are spandex clad dudes that go to the classes too.
 
Granted, unfortunately this gym is located near Sun City and caters to the senior crowd.

I wish I could play hookie and go flying today.
 
Granted, you decide to fly to Sun City and attend a session of the Sac Spin Masters stationary cycle class. Except I won't be there - I've recruited local talent to lead the classes. The inside of the spin room is made up to resemble the inside of a pyramid. Fitting, because all the attendees resemble unwrapped mummies wearing speedos and thongs - over Depends. After class is over, they pull you in to a three way in the steam room.

I wish I didn't have a lunch appointment today. I'm craving a breakfast burrito.
 
Great visual... It is your lucky day, as soon as you hook up with your client, he expresses a similar craving for breakfast burritos and you guys start looking for a place that serves them after 11:00. Unfortunately all you could find was Uncle Manny's roadside drive up and it looks like the hygienics are questionable. They end up carting both of you off to Mercy in the back of an ambulance.

I wish I could work from home the rest of the day.
 
Granted, but the Latina cleaning lady at the office has been feeling under the weather the last couple days, plus, the monthly thing didn't happen when it should have, and she went out and got this test kit thing and... well, you weren't in the office so she had to come to your house to confront you about the situation. The whole thing didn't go over well with the GF. (P.S. she looks exactly like Arnold's former housekeeper, ewwww)

Ugh, that was an uncomfortable scenario to pen. Death, dismemberment and gay violation is a more pleasant thought. Anyway, I wish it wasn't going to rain this weekend.
 
Sac Arrow said:
Granted, but the Latina cleaning lady at the office has been feeling under the weather the last couple days, plus, the monthly thing didn't happen when it should have, and she went out and got this test kit thing and... well, you weren't in the office so she had to come to your house to confront you about the situation. The whole thing didn't go over well with the GF. (P.S. she looks exactly like Arnold's former housekeeper, ewwww)

Ugh, that was an uncomfortable scenario to pen. Death, dismemberment and gay violation is a more pleasant thought. Anyway, I wish it wasn't going to rain this weekend.
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Granted, it isn't going to rain this weekend. It will, however, rain for 40 days and 40 nights straight - but only within a 1km radius of wherever you may be.

I wish it were 5 PM.
 
woodstock said:
Granted, it isn't going to rain this weekend. It will, however, rain for 40 days and 40 nights straight - but only within a 1km radius of wherever you may be.

I wish it were 5 PM.
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It is, somewhere over the Atlantic just short of England. Too bad you aren't wearing any personal floatation. Except it wouldn't do you any good anyway, with no survival suit.

I wish it were Miller Time right now.
 
Sac Arrow said:
It is, somewhere over the Atlantic just short of England. Too bad you aren't wearing any personal floatation. Except it wouldn't do you any good anyway, with no survival suit.

I wish it were Miller Time right now.
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Granted, it is..... somewhere over the Atlantic just short of England. Too bad you aren't wearing any personal floatation, etc. etc. etc.

I wish I could be in two places at once.
 
John221us said:
Granted, it is..... somewhere over the Atlantic just short of England. Too bad you aren't wearing any personal floatation, etc. etc. etc.

I wish I could be in two places at once.
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All right Woodstock, time to invest in that survival raft. Stock it with some single malt scotch, a good Napa Valley Zinfandel, and whatever you want to drink. And maybe some munchies too. And an ELT or a radio or something would also probably be a good idea. And a couple blankets.

Okay, granted, Scotty accidentally tripped the main breaker just as you were being teleported from your house to some moon on Saturn. In the process, your upper torso ends up in Borneo, and your lower torso ends up in Zambia. (Hint - headhunters like oral pleasurement before their meal and Zulu Warriors like to do that Deliverance thing)

I wish I actually did own a teleporter.
 
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