Clothes shopping FAIL

Sac Arrow

Sac Arrow

Touchdown! Greaser!
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
21,565
Location
Charlotte, NC
Display Name
Snorting his way across the USA
Those who know me, know I hate shopping. With a passion. But, I've been experiencing a rash of wardrobe malfunctions lately due to the general deterioration of my athletic wear. So I decided to make an effort to rectify that.

1. Biking jerseys:

I need one or two totally agro biking jerseys. By agro I mean symbolic of screaming obscenities in Italian and running your ass over agro. (For those about to call me out on hooliganism, I'm neither conversant in Italian nor do I routinely run over people - I speak metaphorically.) So I go to a large recreation/sporting goods store and go to the biking clothing section. LOTS of jerseys to choose from. All of the agro jerseys could ONLY be had in "M" or "L". I need an "XL." Not ONE SINGLE XL in the agro pattern category. Plenty of XL present in the blah category. Why is this so? Are biking jerseys categorized such that tall people get boring ordinary colors while the short guys get agro colors so they can satisfy their short guy complexes? I think not or all the small sizes would be sold out. I see plenty of big guys wearing agro biking jerseys. I leave with a couple neon, plain, blah jerseys for no other reason than I needed a couple and the prices were good.

I mean, I see a business principle being violated here. If they stocked more popular shirts in popular sizes, they would sell more shirts. I don't get it.

2. Gym clothes:

I need some more gym shorts and tank tops. Previous store didn't have what I needed. I just want basic, economical poly or acrylic shorts and cotton tank tops. Went to Target. No tank tops, except one or two overpriced sports logo tops. Went to Wally World #1. Nada, but they did have the shorts I wanted. But, I'm not going to buy shorts if I can't buy tops too. Wally World #2. Plenty of tank tops! All of which could be had in EITHER "S" or "XXXL"! WTF. Oh, but wait, there is a row some tank tops in "XL". Yay!! Oh. No wonder nobody's bought them. They are all in GAY COLORS!!!!

Look. Marketing 101. Know you customers. Gay people don't shop at Walmart. They shop at the Gap, or Nordstroms, or Macy's. Not Walmart. Don't stock your shelves with useless items nobody will buy. People aren't even going to buy those things for their gay friends or family members because they know they will get called out for gifting clothing items bought at Walmart. And, a review of business management 101. Stock more popular items in popular sizes, and you will sell more items and make more money. Left empty handed.

I am so incredibly frustrated with the clothes shopping experience I swear to god I think I will do it all online. Amazon seems to have all of the items of clothing that I seek. I feel a little weird ordering cheap, cotton tank tops online but I don't know what else to do. I know my size. I mean, the next time I get a suit I know I need to have George Zimmer measure me up and fit it, but aside from that, I'm just going to start boycotting stores altogether.
 
You're giving Walmart business advise? Really?

And if Gay men shop at the Gap, Nordstroms, or Macy's, that's where you need to go. They know more about clothes then you :)

Also, I put these lines together:
"short guys get agro colors so they can satisfy their short guy complexes"
"Not ONE SINGLE XL in the agro pattern category"
"I see plenty of big guys wearing agro biking jerseys"
"I see a business principle being violated here. If they stocked more popular shirts in popular sizes, they would sell more shirts"

Sounds like the tall guys just bought all the shirts up, to cope with there complexes. The shorter riders must be more comfortable in there skin, so they don't need such silliness? :dunno:
 
Those of us who hate shopping order everything over the internet. The only negative is sending stuff back if I don't like it.
 
Ok - explanations:

There are no XL Italians - being Sicilian myself- I can attest to that. Loose some weight and fit into an L! :D

Mountain or Road Biking? If you are road biking read no further- because there are no XL road bikers either - its like baby squirrels - we know they exist but no one has ever seen one.

Now, on to mountain biking, something I know something about . . .

A. You never wear biking shirts on a mountain bike - sorry - its not done. What you can wear are Fila running shirts in the same fabric that Nike charges $50 for, you can get usually on sale at Kohls for anywhere from $9-19 depending on the day, the Kohls, what coupon you have and the phase of the moon. They come in red, white, blue and orange. My bike is red, so I bought white and red.

B. Shorts - mountain biking shorts- not the fairy little tight things road bikers faux around in - mountain bikers are studs, road bikers look like Lance . . . . just the name Lance . . . . 'nuff said. Plus, mountain bikers will stop and help each other, road bikers would ride past someone on the side of the road and laugh at them.

C. Gym clothes - see the aforementioned Fila shirts - they actually look nice. Go buy some UnderArmor underwear and then just throw some running shorts over them - contrasting colors can be nice - so white with red., black on black, never wear white underarmors with other colors on top- it looks stoopid.

Just go buy the stuff at Kohls - decent selection, name brands - do NOT buy your gym clothes at Walmart . . . please.
 
Mafoo said:
You're giving Walmart business advise? Really?

And if Gay men shop at the Gap, Nordstroms, or Macy's, that's where you need to go. They know more about clothes then you :)

Also, I put these lines together:
"short guys get agro colors so they can satisfy their short guy complexes"
"Not ONE SINGLE XL in the agro pattern category"
"I see plenty of big guys wearing agro biking jerseys"
"I see a business principle being violated here. If they stocked more popular shirts in popular sizes, they would sell more shirts"

Sounds like the tall guys just bought all the shirts up, to cope with there complexes. The shorter riders must be more comfortable in there skin, so they don't need such silliness? :dunno:
Click to expand...

Possibly - if you read carefully you will see that I discounted my own theory.

Also, it isn't my intent to alienate either short dudes or gay dudes. Anyone that fits either category and feels alienated, get over it.

comanchepilot said:
Ok - explanations:

There are no XL Italians - being Sicilian myself- I can attest to that. Loose some weight and fit into an L! :D

Mountain or Road Biking? If you are road biking read no further- because there are no XL road bikers either - its like baby squirrels - we know they exist but no one has ever seen one.

Now, on to mountain biking, something I know something about . . .

A. You never wear biking shirts on a mountain bike - sorry - its not done. What you can wear are Fila running shirts in the same fabric that Nike charges $50 for, you can get usually on sale at Kohls for anywhere from $9-19 depending on the day, the Kohls, what coupon you have and the phase of the moon. They come in red, white, blue and orange. My bike is red, so I bought white and red.

B. Shorts - mountain biking shorts- not the fairy little tight things road bikers faux around in - mountain bikers are studs, road bikers look like Lance . . . . just the name Lance . . . . 'nuff said. Plus, mountain bikers will stop and help each other, road bikers would ride past someone on the side of the road and laugh at them.

C. Gym clothes - see the aforementioned Fila shirts - they actually look nice. Go buy some UnderArmor underwear and then just throw some running shorts over them - contrasting colors can be nice - so white with red., black on black, never wear white underarmors with other colors on top- it looks stoopid.

Just go buy the stuff at Kohls - decent selection, name brands - do NOT buy your gym clothes at Walmart . . . please.
Click to expand...

Sigh, I tried on a "L" but it was just too small in the shoulders and neck. But I do, however, rock spandex and bike shirts on BOTH mountain bikes and road bikes. We are allowed to do that here in California. And I'm not just a ride-it-all-on-the-road mountain biker either, I do agro single track on a regular basis.

I forgot to mention Kohls. Kohls failed me too. Also I don't do the multiple layer thing with gym clothes. You know, like the women that wear loose shorts over their tight spandex so you neither check out their ass, or look up their shorts.
 
hope you could see that was tongue in cheek . . .except for the Kohls remark . . .
 
Do guys really use the word "tops"?

But, I'm not going to buy shorts if I can't buy tops too.
Click to expand...

Ooooooh kaaaaaay. Better head to the Gap, Nordstroms, or Macys.
 
I could not imagine buying workout clothes from Nordstrom or Macy's or even Gap. I'd buy them at like Dick's or somewhere like that. Heck, go to TJ Maxx or Ross if you just have to have a name brand. No need to spend big bucks. You're gonna sweat in them and get them all grimy, anyway. In fact, I don't even care what they look like. I'll probably use them when I work on the car, too, so they will be extra grimy. I look like a total dork in my running clothes, but who cares? I'm not out there picking up chicks running. I'm out there running. I smell bad.
 
Workout clothes? That'd be Carhartts, right?:D
 
comanchepilot said:
. . . .

Mountain or Road Biking? If you are road biking read no further- because there are no XL road bikers either - its like baby squirrels - we know they exist but no one has ever seen one.

. . . .
Click to expand...

feeding_baby_squirrel.jpg
 
Sac Arrow said:
T

I need one or two totally agro biking jerseys. By agro I mean symbolic of screaming obscenities in Italian and running your ass over agro. (For those about to call me out on hooliganism, I'm neither conversant in Italian nor do I routinely run over people - I speak metaphorically.) So I go to a large recreation/sporting goods store and go to the biking clothing section. LOTS of jerseys to choose from. All of the agro jerseys could ONLY be had in "M" or "L". I need an "XL." Not ONE SINGLE XL in the agro pattern category.
Click to expand...

All the other lard asses with emotional insecurity problems beat you to them...:rofl:
 
Can you please post an image of a sample "agro" jersey that you need in your size XL.

I do not understand what would constitute agro in this situation.
 
Henning said:
Why is that a requirement? What part of paying to advertise others products is appealing to you?
Click to expand...

I'm speaking in terms of patterns and colors!

bartmc said:
Why don't you enter a race and get one?
Click to expand...

I don't think the required doping agents are on the FAA list of approved medications.

nddons said:
Looks like Italian NASCAR. :rofl:
Click to expand...

Sort of their version of it.

Anyway, SUCCESS!!!!!!!!

I tried one last ditch effort to find my tank tops and shorts ("outfits") at a Kmart. Yes, there is actually one still left in California. Maybe two, I don't know. I didn't exactly get the tank tops ("tops") I wanted, but close enough. They weren't on the racks, rather, they were the packaged variety similar to undershirts but they were tank tops and they were colored in a few different and heterosexual colors. And they had some Everlast shorts at a decent price even. I was making punching motions and singing the Rocky theme song all the way back to the office!

Yo Adriaaaaaannnnn, I wuuuuv yoooo!
 
Nordstrom's Rack, across from the Galeria has a good selection of athletic wear at good prices. I mostly buy running gear, but the prices are probably 60 or 70% off of retail in some cases.
 
All right. So, check this out.

1. Lunch time

I decide to go shopping at lunch time (that's the light meal in the middle of the day for you people in the Midwest). A co worker of mine forwarded me a coupon for "Sports Mart".

I endure hellish traffic that includes being behind not one but two tandem double gravel trucks going someplace where they have no business being on these inner city streets. After five light cycles I make it through.

2. Get there

I find the damn "Sports Mart". This place is bigger than the Boeing airplane factory in Seattle. Looks promising. I find their men's section. Huge. They have absolutely no faggy bike spandex! I look for like 30 minutes. Nobody around to help me.

3. Found faggy spandex

So I found some Nike "Combat Zone" spandex underwear. No, I can't wear underwear on the bike. No. Bad form. But, there was one single hanger with a piece of faggy bike spandex complete with draw string! Yay! And after bugging checkout dude to unlock the fitting room I found it fit! Yay! But it was $50. Nay!

4. The Gods talking to you dude

Well, the whole reason I was at that godforsaken place anyway is because my co worker forwarded me a half off coupon for one item, and I had the presence of mind to print it out. That means I only have to spend $25 plus change to exhibit my circumcised junk and cut thighs on the bike trail. So I figure I better do it.

5. Unsympathetic receptionist gives me crap

So I walk in to the office with my spandex shorts in hand and she says "what the hell is that? Are those spandex shorts? Those are so nineties!"

Baby, look. I just want plain spandex biking shorts. Not the padded crap you get for a hundred bucks a pop. I scored a pair okay. Be happy and supportive of me. This is something I've been trying to accomplish for weeks.

Sheesh.
 
Do real men go "shopping"? :-)
 
I meant shopping in a figurative sense. I went to buy clothes.
 
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