Caution - they walk among us! [N/A]

[gkainz]

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal
of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!I don't think this
is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman, KS.
______________________________________________________

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked
the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City!
____________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask"

Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

_______________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.I was crossing with a coworker of mine.She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
_________________________________________ _________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why
her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
____________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car we were told the keys had been locked in it. We
went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"

His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!

_______________________________________________________

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE

 

[etsisk]

We're just doomed, really. Doomed. sigh.

 

[mikea]

Many of not all of those came from Scott Adams' Dilbert DNRC list tales of InDUHViduals minus the attribution as who was where which somebody added.

Another one was the airline gate counter agent who said the flight from L.A. to New York would be 1 hour less time than the flight from New York to L.A. because L.A. was closer to New York than New York was to L.A.

On my recent trip to California I noted immediately that everybody in California gives distance by time so she may have actually believed that.

As I unload at the hotel I asked the van driver, "How far is the convention hall?"

"Just three minutes that way." (walking a 1/4 mile)

 

[tonycondon]

i dunno mike, just about everyone i have ever met has given distance in units of time. in aviation you just have to add the type of aircraft.

how far away is cedar rapids?
2 hours in a J3
15 minutes in a citation
etc.

 

[mikea]

i dunno mike, just about everyone i have ever met has given distance in units of time. in aviation you just have to add the type of aircraft.

how far away is cedar rapids?
2 hours in a J3
15 minutes in a citation
etc.

We don't think that way, but that could explain why I'm always another hour behind where I thought I would be.

I mean they think of every distance as time. If you ask how far it is, they say, "What time?'

When I give directions I say, "2 blocks west, turn left, 3 blocks south" not "It's 10 minutes."

 

[tonycondon]

well if they want directions, i do like you say. but if they want to know how far it is, i say "2.5 hours east on highway 30"

 

[flyingcheesehead]

We don't think that way, but that could explain why I'm always another hour behind where I thought I would be.

Mike, the distance-as-time thing doesn't work for you, because you live in Chicago. "A half hour" could be thirty-five miles or three blocks.

Seriously, I-94 from the Wisconsin line to the Indiana line (or for you Chicagoans, the Tri-State to the Edens to the Kennedy to the Dan Ryan to the Bishop Ford to the Kingery ) is 78 miles and has taken me anywhere from an hour ten to eight hours.

 

[Henning]

well if they want directions, i do like you say. but if they want to know how far it is, i say "2.5 hours east on highway 30"

There's another "Official" measurement of distance as well, Cigarettes. West Texas is surveyed in Cigarettes.

 

[Capt Kirk]

i
2 hours in a J3
15 minutes in a citation
etc.

Tony,

Don't you have those backwards?

:<)

Len

 

[Dave Krall CFII]

Time references to distance are usually qualified by "in good traffic" or it is understood, over in these parts.

 

[Richard]

Or when my wife changed to a new Dr. The receptionist asks for her name. "Kathy, with a K."

From then on any correspondence was addressed to Kathy Withakay. True story.

They're taking the jobs smart people won't do.

 

[gkainz]

They're taking the jobs smart people won't do.

I get the question "one 'G' or 2" in response to my first name a lot. I get mostly blank stares when I respond with "Two... one on each end." or "Two, because you can't spell 'Greg' with just one 'G'."

 

[ScottM]

Mike, the distance-as-time thing doesn't work for you, because you live in Chicago. "A half hour" could be thirty-five miles or three blocks.

So true!!

I live NW of Chicago (35 miles to be exact) and I worked for a time in New Berlin, WI. It was 73 miles from my house to my office near Milwaukee. It would take me 1:15 each way. I then moved my office to Rolling Meadow and that was 16 miles from my house and my drive took me 1:25 each way. SIGH!

 

[Ghery]

There's another "Official" measurement of distance as well, Cigarettes. West Texas is surveyed in Cigarettes.

Yeah, and yard work is measured in "beers". As in "How many will it take to do this job?"

 

[etsisk]

Mike, the distance-as-time thing doesn't work for you, because you live in Chicago. "A half hour" could be thirty-five miles or three blocks.

I used to live in Chicago and honestly, it took me 45 minutes to go someplace. Now, I could go ANYplace in 45 minutes, but anyplace I went, it took 45 minutes. Strangest thing you ever saw! (ok, actually in New Town was where you were likely to see the strangest things you ever saw, but still...)

 

[silver-eagle]

Yeah, and yard work is measured in "beers". As in "How many will it take to do this job?"

back in the day, distance was measured by beers too. I had a friend who swore it was a 6 pack to drive to my house. Dude, I said, you live next door!

 

[JRitt]

back in the day, distance was measured by beers too. I had a friend who swore it was a 6 pack to drive to my house. Dude, I said, you live next door!

Did you have to line them up so he could find his way?

 

[Richard]

Truly, back in the day it was thought there was something wrong with you if you didn't have a 6 pack in the cab.

 

[Henning]

Truly, back in the day it was thought there was something wrong with you if you didn't have a 6 pack in the cab.

I remember back in the 70's and early 80's "Hey, we got enough beer for this trip?" Every drive of more than a 1/2 hr duration had a cooler with beer to consume along the way, and if you ran out, you pulled into the gas station and got more. Heck, back then the beer cost for a trip to the lake was higher than the gas cost.

 

[Graueradler]

My wife and her sister are German born. When they are together, they speak, you guessed it, German. Once, when they were in a K-Mart check out line, the cashier exclaimed "Do you'all really understand each other when you talk like that?"

 

[mikea]

I used to live in Chicago and honestly, it took me 45 minutes to go someplace. Now, I could go ANYplace in 45 minutes, but anyplace I went, it took 45 minutes. Strangest thing you ever saw! (ok, actually in New Town was where you were likely to see the strangest things you ever saw, but still...)

It's not called New Town anymore. I grew up there. The northern edge is Boys Town. Yeah. That's where I walked the streets as kid and was a patrol boy.

The traffic in town (everywhere, really) is horribly bad now. When I had a flight at Midway I left the NW burbs at 6 AM for a 10:30AM flight intending to stop by my place in Chicago first. It took 2 hours to get home in solid street traffic everywhere I turned. I didn't get launched to the airport from home until 8:30 and knew that there was no way I'd make it on the roads so I dragged myself and my stuff to the CTA. In spite of the usual CTA traffic jams (modern technology means they can't get half as many trains through as they did in 1890) I made the plane. I didn't have any nails left when I got there.

They keep building townhouses and condos and developments and they keep closing streets. It takes me an hour and a half to 2 hours to get to my airport and 30 minutes of that is just getting to the expressway.

 

[etsisk]

Hate to hear that it's getting ... difficult. I really liked Chicago. A lot. Great pizza, good blues, good jazz... I really liked it there. Cold, yet cool.